OYENTE

Dustin K Voss

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Hard to listen because its great

Total
5 out of 5 stars
Ejecución
5 out of 5 stars
Historia
5 out of 5 stars

Revisado: 10-24-24

Parts of this were so hard to listen to as the person in the partnership being left. Certainly validated my feelings of crisis as our separation is mostly a surprise to me, and this registeres 9/10 on the scale of loss/grief. The book lays out a process that can be done by oneself or with your ex-partner to get through the turmoil of uncoupling. All the while offering a positive vision for the future. The author includes so much up-to-date scholarship about the emotions one might feel during uncoupling that you end up having to face up against the hard truths of your relationship. That's a good thing. I've listened a couple of times.

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A few useful ideas, but overall out of date

Total
2 out of 5 stars
Ejecución
3 out of 5 stars
Historia
1 out of 5 stars

Revisado: 10-24-24

I'm the one being left. My Ex recommended. This book, written in 1982, has a few useful ideas: The idea of a "death contract" or "gridlock" that solidfies imbalanced or harmful dynamics in a marriage and for a partnership to persist, must be renegotiated, The difficulty of reconicling conflicting feelings ideas within onseself and how that makes us feel crazy, and the potential role of short relationships to move through the emotional stages of divorce, which the author takes (and renames) from Soren Kierkegaards' 3 stags of life: aesthetic, ethical, religous.

All that said, It is based more on interviews of the author and less on what I'd characterize as high value research, it'll make it seem that everyone in relationships cheats. And it will justify this behavior in every single instance. A better listen, in my opinion, is Conscious Uncoupling by Katherine Woodward Thomas.

I should say that my ex appreciated the book. Its allowed her to be more self-compassionate through "crazy time." And it could help anyone looking towards their next relationship after a divorce. But if you're still trying to process feelings of divorce, I would recommend it alongside other, more updated texts, such as Conscious Uncoupling.

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