S. B. Haynes

The Suck Knob Goes To 11 On This One

Revisado: 03-27-24

If you are looking for a less-than-harrowing tale about killer........

........barnacles -- yes, you read it correctly -- barnacles, written by someone who has obviously zero experience fishing, and has likely never experienced any physical pain in their lifetime -- or has an embarrassingly low pain tolerance -- then this just might be the perfect short story / novella.

This feels like someone attempted to re-create Lovecraftian fiction using little character development, a slow, thin plot, and the least threatening oceanic creatures imaginable.

Seriously, were sea horses already taken?

I tapped out on this one with 32 minutes left and frankly don't care to find out what happened to the characters in this snoozer.

Save your money, your credit, and your time. If you are looking for a comparable experience, I suggest going out into your yard, pulling some weeds, and watching in rapt attention as you wait for them to re-grow.

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This started out really well and then......meh

Revisado: 11-02-21

This is an entertaining listen. It's better than most television and I really wanted more for it.

It really drags toward the end, and while things wrap up reasonably well, I just can't get past the whining.

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meh

Revisado: 04-04-21

meh -- previous novels were solid with decent character development. This one just.....drags....and drags....and drags.

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Soft Core Written By Middle School Student

Revisado: 01-22-21

At times, like Soft Core, written by a middle school student....written for those that think like one.

The concept is interesting enough, but the puerile humor and predictable dialogue really weight it down. The sex scenes really don't add to the story and seem superfluous.

Imagine a novel written by the comic book guy on The Simpsons.

Pass.

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Painfully Puerile

Revisado: 01-14-21

The narrator reads like a really bad text to voice video on Youtube. Honestly, she's awful.

The stories feel like a poorly-edited collection of work from middle and high school students.

Save your time.

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If you are older than 10 yrs, pass on this title.

Revisado: 05-18-20

This is terrible.

Frankly, it's the book equivalent of the movie Rock N Roll High School Forever -- where Corey Feldman plays a tough guy who tries to act like Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse, but dresses...and dances like Michael Jackson in Bad -- it's that kind of terrible.

It's just dumb and pointless. you will want the hours you spend listenening to it back.

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Horrible

Revisado: 08-02-19

I stopped listening to this title after 5 minutes.

It is, hands down, the worst audio book I've ever heard.

The performance is weak and rushed. It seems that Baldwin knows it's crap and just wants to get through it as quickly as possible.

The humor is aimed at those who have not yet completed, or matured beyond, the 5th grade.

Do not waste your time.

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Painfully Boring

Revisado: 04-17-19

I suffered through 7 chapters of this snoozer.

...Time to quit before I waste any more time on it.

I'm beginning to understand why the "original" titles are free.

Meh.

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If stupid endings bother you at all, avoid this

Revisado: 03-08-19

spoiler alert:

Shamiylan's The Village has a masterful ending compared to this tripe.

Honestly? A kid's cartoon theme song reverses genetic mutations that create superhuman sociopaths?

Garbage.

Even if it's free, you have better things to do with your time.

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EXCEPTIONAL

Revisado: 12-17-18

Lately, I've split my Audible time between King, Koontz, Joe Hill, Lee Child, Mark Greaney, Sanderson, Weeks, Ludlum, and Marisha Pessl's Night Film -- which if you have not yet heard or read this genre bending hybrid of horror and thriller, I strongly encourage you to put it on your list.

This said, I enjoy Sci-fi and Fantasy novels, but they are not usually my first choice. I have to say that this is the best I've heard in a long, long, time.

The plot is compelling, and the universally relatable characters are deeply complex. I could not wait to get back into the car to see what happened next, while smiling in appreciation of how the story is told.

The narrator does a great service to the story throughout as he captures the voice and the spirit of the heroes, villains, and supporting cast.

A particular high point, for me, was his portrayal of a rural sheep herder who seemed to be channeling Brad Pitt's Pikey character Mickey from the movie Snatch. Brilliant.

I bought this book as a daily deal and rolled the dice as I had not heard of this author. I am glad I did, and encourage you to enjoy it as well.

I'm starting the second book in this series today.

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