Joshua

Almost, but not quite, great

Revisado: 08-04-10

I loved this book for the first three-quarters. The conclusion left me seriously debating whether to continue the series. The writing is usually excellent, with only occasional descents into the ponderous dialect of High Fantasy. The world-building is superb and the characters are largely compelling (and Michael Page does a brilliant job of evoking them). For what I understand is an early effort, this is brilliant work. Unfortunately, Redick suffers from excessive ambition. His conspiracies are so elaborate and many-layered that he loses narrative control. At many points, he resorts to "round-table exposition" where a bunch of characters dump information on one another, to explain all the elements that were not coming clear in the normal course of events. For a while, I excused this, since Redick generally shows great creativity in narration (journals, newspaper articles, letters, letters intercepted, in addition to the usual 3rd-person narration). And conspirators need to conspire! But as we approach the ending, these info-dumps come fast and furious, sometimes in the middle of otherwise tense situations. I could feel the author frantically grasping loose threads, reminding of us of plot elements left forgotten for hundreds of pages. For the last hour, I got confused repeatedly and I still don't think I quite understand the thinking of the arch-villain at the end. I wish the editor had told Redick this was a great draft, but that it needed radical revision. Keep the length, but simplify the plot-lines to something more manageable. Then use the extra words to expand the narration. Show more; tell less. Let readers have "aha!" moments as they put things together. Make sure no important element is left forgotten too long. With another draft, this book would have been truly great. Still, I gladly finished it. When Redick sticks to his storytelling, he tells a cracking tale. I loved his characters and his world. I hope his next volume benefits from more experience.

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