Zechariah’s Final Purge: Stabbings, False Prophets, and a Holy Bloodbath

📝 Episode Summary:

Welcome to the most stab-happy, prophet-purging, guilt-soaked chapter yet—Zechariah 13. This episode dives straight into the divine mayhem where God allegedly opens a “fountain of cleansing” but immediately follows it up with a kill order on prophets, false or otherwise. Because nothing says forgiveness like stabbing your own kid for dreaming too loud.

Our hosts break down the bizarre logic of a God who says, “No more prophets, and if your kid has a vision—stab ‘em.” Naturally, we explore the implications of outlawing divine visions while still clinging to a book full of them. Is this theology or just a celestial cancel culture? Plus, we get a good laugh at the idea of parents going full slasher-flick because little Timmy accidentally prophesied in his sleep.

Also featured: awkward God porn metaphors, prophetic shame spirals, a garment of hair (??), and a not-so-fun remnant that gets “refined” via fire because trauma builds character, apparently. If you've ever wondered what would happen if Fox News, a confused medieval prophet, and a sadistic deity walked into a bar—this chapter's your answer.

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📌 Topics Covered:

• “God opens a fountain of purity, then asks you to shank your kid”
• “Zechariah out of a job? No more prophets allowed!”
• “False prophecy = family stabbing time”
• “Garment of hair? We prefer our cults polyester, thanks”
• “Two-thirds die, the rest get fire-tested—cool, cool”
• “Divine trauma as character building, Old Testament style”
• “Fox News parenting meets biblical horror show”
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💬 Best Quote from the Episode:

“Could you imagine your mom going, ‘I can’t believe you had that vision—get over here so I can stab you’?”

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