Side effects of a supernatural parasite may include the following: dry mouth, memory loss, auditory hallucinations, and the awakening of dormant magical powers likely to attract negative attention from your local secret society.

Charlie Allison is a positive guy—and ambitious. At just twenty-two, he is the sole proprietor of Lost Coast Excursions. He drives, he guides, he even schedules the tours. But lately, he’s had to adjust to a growing customer base with an uncanny interest in an old regional flood. Strange, but life is good. Online reviews are solid. And business is booming.

Until a tourist forces Charlie to eat a cheese danish at gunpoint.

He wakes up in a hotel room with a crying woman, a missing day, and a problem he could never imagine. Every time he gets more than a few steps away from the crying woman, he experiences excruciating pain. According to her, they’re bonded. Magically. And unless they find the right cure—fast—they’re stuck with each other for life.

But that’s just the beginning.

Because the danish wasn’t just a danish. It was a test. And the people who orchestrated that test are already several moves ahead.

Strange Totems is a darkly comic, mind-warping, genre-bending adventure full of bizarre rituals, magical pheromones, scheming cults, and generational conspiracies—all set against the weird and wild backdrop of Northern California.

For fans of Douglas Adams, Welcome to Night Vale, and Jeff VanderMeer’s Southern Reach Trilogy.