Ever looked at a band and thought, "Yeah, I'd ruin that with my presence"? Well, so have we. This week on Beat Motel, Andrew is joined once again by the mighty Oli as they dive headfirst into the chaotic world of bands they wish they'd been in.

From the sleek, suited swagger of Interpol to the beer-soaked riff factories of Gentleman's Pistols, we ramble through a weird and wonderful landscape of musical desires. Expect tales of porn ties, Led Zeppelin’s airborne fireplaces, and discovering why having a drum machine made from bits of a broken toaster is the height of musical cool.

We also reflect on the importance of looking like a band, the magic of weird basslines, and why being in a band is just clinging to your mates while pretending it's not all a colossal waste of time. Plus, we settle the age-old debate: Would you rather play Glastonbury or the Steamboat in Ipswich?

Buckle up. It’s a trip.

### Riffs of the week

#### Oli's Riff

- Faraquet - Cut Self Not

#### Andrew's Riff

- Patristic - Catechesis

### Oli's track choices

1. Young Marble Giants - Eating Noddemix

2. Interpol - Heinrich Manevour

3. Led Zepellin - No Quarter

4. Beach Boys - Little Pad

### Andrew's track choices

1. Axes - Junior

2. Gentlemans Pistols-Comfortably Crazy

3. Prolapse - Headless in a beat motel

4. Blur - Won't do it

Email us - beatmotel@lawsie.com

In this ear-bleeding episode of Beat Motel, Andrew is joined once again by Dan Callis for a deep dive into the heavy, the noisy, and the downright daft corners of modern metal and punk. If you're here for thoughtful analysis, jog on. This is a celebration of volume, riffs, and the bands that make you question your own taste.

Starting off with tech issues and a healthy dollop of despair at podcasting platforms, our lads quickly launch into a barrage of riffs. Callis brings the chaos with the likes of Big Ass Truck (yes, that’s a real band and no, they’re not subtle), while Andrew goes full nostalgic riff nerd with Pelican.

They dish out praise (and some sass) for local legends Dude Smell, debate whether Babymetal is genius or Eurovision in disguise, and unleash rage at the fascist-flirting metalheads of yore. There's a surprise orchestral metal pick from Callis (are we feeling okay?), a hilarious tale involving Lamb of God’s Randy Blythe getting locked out, and general beef with Google, Spotify, and algorithmic inshitification.

Tracks from Teeth, Stray from the Path, The Haunted, and Ironstone also make an appearance in what is possibly the least coherent but most entertaining playlist you’ll encounter this month.

If you like your podcasts raw, sarcastic, and filled with two blokes yelling about blast beats and gig etiquette, you’re in for a treat.

### Riffs of the week

#### Callis's Riff

- Bring me the horizon - Wonderwall

#### Andrew's Riff

- Dudesmell - Fatal Attraction

### Calliss track choices

1. Big Ass Truck - Big Ass Truck

2. Teeth - Blue and cold

3. Ironstone - Forgive me anew

4. Stray from the path - Fuck them all to hell

### Andrew's track choices

1. Pelican - Gulch

2. Sylosis/Heriot - The Path

3. The Haunted - Warhead

4. Purified in blood - Primal pulse thunder

Email us - beatmotel@lawsie.com

This week on Beat Motel, Andrew is joined by the ever-eloquent Dr. Sam to unpack the joys, horrors, and outright weirdness of musicians who make sweet music and even sweeter love together. Things get rolling with a heated debate about whether soup is a drink, a meal, or just a gateway to genital injury. Seriously.

From Tom Waits’ transformation at the hands of Kathleen Brennan to the relentless Yoko Ono bashing that both Andrew and Sam righteously defend, this episode is a heady blend of irreverent insight and musical deep cuts. We also plunge into the murky waters of band names that make you cringe (hello, Mum Jeans), and wax lyrical about the magic - and occasional monstrosity - of musical power couples.

Expect shoutouts to Fleetwood Mac’s inter-band bonking, Linda McCartney's immovable sausages, and some righteous love for Man On Man (yes, Roddy Bottom and Joey Holeman are real names). We also throw in rants about Giraffe (not the animal), bad reggae breakdowns in Bond themes, and a stunningly middle-aged moan about fusion food restaurants.

Riffs of the week

Dr Sam's Riff

Cypress Hill with the London Symphony Orchestra - When The Shit Goes Down (1:30)

Andrew's Riff

Prince Daddy & The Hyena - Thrashville 2/3 (ft. Kississippi) (1:54)

Dr Sam's track choices

Tom Waits - No One Knows When I'm Gone (0:10)

Yoko Ono - Give Me Something (opening)

Man on Man - Showgirls (0:40)

Year of the Knife - Your Control (1:30)

Andrew's track choices

The Kinks - Big Sky (0:56)

Wings - Live and Let Die (0:45)

Sonic Youth - 100% (1:53)

Fleetwood Mac - The Chain (3:02)

Email us - beatmotel@lawsie.com