What decides the direction of your family? Today starts a two-part series on defining your family values and how you can make decisions based on the things that are most important to you.

You’ll Learn:

• How my husband responded when I asked him (out of the blue) about his biggest personal value
• How to figure out your family’s core values
• Some of our family values and what they look like in real life
• An example of a simply family value statement

The goal with this exercise is to find 5-8 core values that you’ll share as a family and as a couple in your parenting.

🎁As a special gift to my listeners, I’m also giving you a FREE Defining Your Family Values worksheet. Click here to get yours now.

---------------------------------------------

Parenting can be really, really confusing.

Maybe you’ve wondered…

What am I supposed to do here?

Do I let my kid go to this birthday party?

Do I let them quit the sports team?

Do I let them not go to our religious service?

Do I let them blow off steam by swearing?

These are hard questions to figure out, and it’s easy to find yourself making decisions based on what your kids want, how you feel in the moment, or how your children feel in the moment.

Your family values can serve as a guide when you’re answering the tough questions of parenting. You can look at your values and decide…

Is this aligned with the things that are important to us?

Is this decision going to help us get our kids closer to our values and where we wanna take our family?

Or is this decision going to undermine our family values?

Values are defined as a person's principles or standards of behavior. So, you're figuring out what is important to you, how you want to show up and act in the world, and then putting words to those values.

This is a very simple thing, AND it requires a lot of thinking and self-reflection. If you don’t have the capacity to dive into this right now, that’s okay. Come back to it when you’re ready.

Some times that I feel are natural times to talk about values are:

• The beginning of a new calendar year
• The beginning of the school year
• Around a birthday
• Around a day of grieving
• Religious holidays

The change of seasons can also be an invitation to look at your intentions for the coming season, how you want to show up, and what you want your kids to work on.

The goal with this exercise is to find 5-8 core values that you’ll share as a family and as a couple in your parenting.

Start with yourself. Before you think about your family as a whole, look at your life as an individual. What is important for you as a person?

Looking at what's important to you and what bothers you about other people or yourself is going to be a big clue about what you value as a person. When you get angry about a behavior, what value is that rubbing up against?

I give you a ton of examples to get you started in the free Family Values worksheet.

Discuss values with your co-parent (if you have one). Encourage them to do their own individual reflection, and then come together to talk about it. Take turns talking about your values and asking each other questions about what that means to the other person and how it shows up for them.

Identify shared...

My son recently sent me a text with a big question about how to live an intentional life. As moms, we’re all trying to figure out how to make the most of this experience. How to balance all of the different stressors and demands while also enjoying the process.

You’ll Learn:

• The big question my son asked me (and what I told him)
• Some of the goals and feelings I’ve chased over the years.
• How to figure out what you want (so you can actually get it)
• Why you may not be following through on what you want (and how to overcome those hurdles)
• The time I got jealous and climbed Half Dome

In this episode I’m sharing his question, my response, and how to embrace intentional living and motherhood.

----------------------------------------

This is the text I received at 2:11 am…

Hey. This is a pretty random text, but I've been really wondering - How do you live every day to its fullest without wishing you had done something? In life, we only get to live every day once, and I can't seem to grasp how to make each day the best it could be, because regardless of what I do, there's always some alternative thing I could think of that I should have done.

I really just wanna make the most of my college years, because they're flying by. Before I know it, I'm gonna be 21… As someone who's lived through college and has a pretty fulfilling life, it seems to me, I'd love to hear your thoughts about this. ..It also just seems so hard to stay rooted living in the present and feeling gratitude for what you have.

Wow.

I’ve talked to a few moms about this same thing recently. There are so many things that we feel like we should do, but yet we might be missing out on the richness of the moment and living life to the fullest.

The key to making the most of each day is intention - understanding what you want, how to get it, and bringing yourself back to the present moment over and over again.

There are four ways I’ve cultivated more intention in my own life. These are all things you can do right now to start feeling better about the way you spend your days.

Work toward a goal. To me, living intentionally means having really specific goals. When I have a goal, it gives me clarity about what I'm supposed to be doing each day. I like to know what I want and where I'm going. I’ve noticed that if I don't know what I'm working toward in my life, I end up in a restless no man's (or no woman's) land, this mindless haze of nothingness.

Some of my goals over the years have been to be a really present and loving mother. To have a good marriage. To have a strong body. A beautiful home. A meaningful career. To make money. To travel. To have good friends. To be honest with myself and others. To be helpful to others. To grow as a person - especially in feeling less insecure. To have fun.

Having a goal, meaning, and purpose helps me to structure my days.

You don’t need to think of yourself as a super ambitious person (I’m not). Intention doesn’t have to be big. But it requires that you look at what you want, and how you can make it happen. And sometimes you have to ask yourself really hard questions to figure it out.

Chase a feeling. In addition to my goals, I’m also really intentional about how I want to feel in my life. The most common feelings that I chase are joy, fun, and lightness (though I love seriousness, too). For a long time, I had a lot of anxiety, so I was chasing calm. Now, from that calm place, I want to feel joy.

I also want to feel proud of myself and my work. I want to feel grateful. So I work a lot on my mindset - practicing thoughts that...

Today, I've invited my friend and fellow coach, Jennifer Delliquadri, to come talk with me about midlife, post-motherhood, and being a woman at this time in our lives.

You’ll Learn:

• Why it’s natural for transformation to be messy
• Times when Jennifer and I have experienced dissatisfaction in our own lives, and some of the shifts we made
• Pandemic challenges we’re still working through when it comes to community and friendships
• Two ways to get in touch with what you truly want in your life (that you can start right now)

Often, when you feel dissatisfied with something in your life, that first step looks like saying, “I don’t know what it’s gonna look like yet, but I need to find a different way.”

------------------------------------------

Jennifer is a life coach who has worked primarily with teens and her parents, but she has has recently shifted into coaching women in midlife. The change was driven by her own “midlife wake-up call” and the method that she has used to transform her identity at different stages of life. She is also a mom of 2 and the host of the Subtle Shifts podcast.

For many of us, this shift away from day-to-day parenting into more of a consulting role with our kids marks that transition to midlife.

I am currently in a stage of life where I’ve pretty much retired from parenting. I’ve raised my kids. They are no longer living at home. I’m not thinking about what they’re going to eat or doing their laundry.

These days, I’m pretty free, and my kids are doing pretty well. There’s a lot of open-ended excitement, but it’s also a bit overwhelming.

Jennifer talks about why this happens. “For so long, we haven't had that freedom. And so it can feel unsettling, like something must be wrong if I have so much time or I'm not used to having this time, and I don't know what to do with it.”

I have also noticed that there is a gap in models. You may not really have a concept of what it looks like to be a woman post-child rearing and pre-grandmothering. Most of our models of womanhood revolve around caregiving.

So if we see caregiving as our role and purpose, and then we don’t have anyone to care for, what value do we have to give?

Maybe you carved out all this time for other people, and now that it’s just you, you feel a little lost.

If you’re feeling isolated, maybe thinking that you’re missing something or have done something wrong, know that you are not alone. There are so many of us who feel this way.

Jennifer shared a story about her own midlife confusion. She says, “there was a point where I was on vacation - I was in Hawaii with my family, and, you know, it's beautiful. And I was getting ready to turn 50 and, like, excited about that and proud about that. But at the same time, I have this kind of feeling like, ‘what the fuck?’”

She was postmenopausal, her body didn’t feel like her body anymore, and she just generally didn’t feel like herself. She felt like there was nothing to look forward to or be excited about anymore. And with her kids getting older, she was just going to fade away.

She had everything she ever wanted in her life - a husband she loves, great kids, a business she enjoys and is proud of. She was on a trip in a beautiful place, and she still felt like shit.

She says, “I could hear things that people say like, ‘Oh, this is where the magic begins,’ or, ‘This is when you finally have time to focus on yourself.’ But I'm like, I don't even know what that means for me. What do you mean focus on myself?”

She decided to take action, starting with dialing in her nutrition and exercise. She started going to therapy. Finding areas where she...

If you have kids under the age of 7, you’re going to love this episode! I’ve invited Kelsey Cook, founder of Learning with Kelsey, to share easy ways to entertain little kids.

You’ll Learn:

• Why you don’t have to be involved in everything your kid does
• How to feel more playful and fun as a mom
• 4 ways to encourage play (and make it easy)
• My hide-and-seek hack for when you need a quiet moment🤫

We’re talking about how to get into a playful mentality as a parent and how to entertain your kids in a way that feels easy and good to you.

-----------------------------------------

These are the kinds of activities you want to have in your toolbox to keep your kids occupied (and happy!) when you’re taking care of a baby, getting up early, making lunches - or when you just need a break.

Kelsey Cook is a certified teacher, entrepreneur, mom, and advocate for early childhood learning. With a degree in Early Childhood and Elementary Education, she spent six years teaching before launching Learning with Kelsey, a subscription box company designed to help parents engage their young children in meaningful, hands-on learning.

As a mother of four, Kelsey understands the challenges of early education at home and created her boxes to simplify the process while strengthening parent-child connections. Kelsey says, “The years before kindergarten are so hard and so special because you are your kid's teacher. You're with them. But then also you feel this pressure of, ‘how can I get them ready [to start school], because there's nobody else getting them ready?’”

What started as a small passion project has grown into a nationwide resource, helping families in all 50 states prepare their children for lifelong learning.

These activities are super fast and easy, and they’re created for KIDS, so it’s not totally necessary for you to be right there doing it with them. As much as they are about engagement and learning for your child, they’re also a coping strategy for you. Parenting little kids is exhausting. It’s very physical and takes a ton of energy.

Think about one of those mornings when your kid wakes up early. You still just want a little time to get dressed and have a cup of coffee, but your kiddo needs engagement. They are ready to go!

As moms, it’s easy to feel guilt about pretty much everything. Simple activities like the ones Kelsey creates allow your kids to learn while being entertained (without screens), so you don’t have to feel guilty about taking a moment for yourself. It’s a total win-win!

One of my favorite ideas Kelsey shared is creating “morning starts” for her kids. These are simple activities that she sets up the night before (in just a couple of minutes) so that they have something to do when they get up in the morning. She recommends using an activity that kids have done before so they can do it independently.

Of course, these activities also provide an opportunity to connect with your child when you want to. And connection breeds compliance. Spending that one-on-one time and giving them your attention leads to better behavior. Your kid behaves better when they feel really loved, seen, and supported by you.

Plus, they get a little dopamine kick when they succeed at a challenge or solve a problem.

Kelsey and I agree that any activity Mom can lead from the couch is a winner! Here are some of our favorites:

• Freeze Dance - Put on some music and let your kid show off their moves. When the music stops, they freeze in place!
• Statue - Challenge your kid to pose like statue of different animals or objects that you call out
• Easter egg hunt...

Today, I’ve invited occupational therapist Alisha Grogan on the podcast to share simple sensory activities for kids to help them become calmer and more regulated.

You’ll Learn:

• What’s actually happening when you think your kid is manipulating you
• 3 “hidden” senses that we all have
• The 2 main types of sensory sensitivities
• LOTS of simple strategies you can try to help soothe your child’s senses (including some that we used with our own neurodivergent kids)

If you’re parenting a kid who struggles with sensory issues, picky eating, or big feelings, you don’t want to miss this conversation!

----------------------------------------------

Alisha Grogan is a licensed occupational therapist and founder of Your Kid’s Table. She has over 19 years experience with expertise in sensory processing and feeding development in babies, toddlers, and children. She’s also a mom of three kids between the ages of 10 and 15. She uses her OT background as well as her experience as a mom of ADHD and anxious kiddos to provide resources to parents around sensory processing, picky eating, emotional regulation, and executive functioning.

One of Alisha’s favorite things to say is, “All behavior is communication.” And if you’ve been in my world for a while, you’re already pretty familiar with this concept.

So often, I hear parents say that their child is manipulating them. But in reality, they are trying to communicate an unmet need. They’re trying to manipulate the environment or circumstances to get their needs met, and they’re using the best strategy they have at that time. As parents, we can see this as information, get out of criticism, and look for ways to guide our kids through the overwhelm they’re experiencing.

Unfortunately, many of the behaviors that can help kids regulate their nervous systems aren’t considered “acceptable” in our culture and society. Maybe stomping their feet, banging on something, or hiding under a blanket helps them get back into their body and feel more calm, but depending on where they are at the time, these behaviors might not be “allowed”.

As moms of neurodivergent kids, Alisha and I both see the special gifts our children bring to the world, and have often felt frustrated when others fail to recognize them.

I believe that in many cases, the label of “neurodivergence” is based on what works best in our society - with the way we structure time, school, technology, noise, etc. We've created a pretty messy environment that then requires a lot of order as a society to keep it together.

But not every kid is built to sit quietly in their seat all day long. And what we'd label “neurodivergent” is actually a very vital and important part of our species that just doesn't quite fit in this society that we've created.

Alisha shares that her oldest son has been labeled gifted, while her middle son has ADHD. She says, “This system was created for my oldest son and the way his brain works. And it continues to propel and push him forward while it continues to edge out my son that is creative and spontaneous and has all of these other really wonderful gifts.”

It’s easy for parents to feel overwhelmed when their kid gets a diagnosis of ADHD, sensory issues, or autism. It is challenging, but we can also choose to see the beauty of it. These kids aren’t broken. It’s just a mismatch. A missed opportunity in our culture to let those types of brains flourish.

But there might be hope on the horizon. Alisha says that she’s seen “some exciting stuff coming out with schools being set up in different ways, like...

Jill and Mary of Girls Mentorship are back! We’re continuing our conversation and talking about specific tools and strategies for supporting and raising teen and tween girls. (If you missed part 1, be sure to check it out.) And even though Jill and Mary focus their work on girls, these are great tips no matter the gender of your child.

You’ll Learn:

• The pitfalls of labeling all negative interactions as "bullying"
• Times when your daughter might need extra support
• 4 tips for raising teen & tween girls
• Simple talking points for digital safety & responsibility

Join us as we dive into which situations might require a little extra support for your daughter, strategies for supporting your teen or tween girl, and other resources that can help.

-----------------------------------------

A lot of people are resistant to needing help outside of the household. It truly takes a village, and it is okay to have a community of people to raise your children. It doesn't need to be one person at a time, and getting support doesn't say anything negative about your parenting. In fact, seeking out services shows that you care about your child’s wellbeing and success - not just on paper, but in life.

It’s normal to notice changes in your kid in the teen and tween years. They’re going to spend more time in their room. They might roll their eyes or slam the door a little more. These things are somewhat expected. So how do you know when you and your daughter might need a little extra help?

Jill says that transitional periods are often when parents seek out their coaching and mentoring services. For example, the jump from elementary to middle school or middle school to high school. During these times, parents often want to make sure their kids have the skills to handle themselves in these new environments.

And Mary adds that these transitions are even more challenging when there’s friend drama involved (also super common at this age). We’re talking cattiness, gossip, backstabbing, being left out, etc.

She says, “As parents, we expect our kids to understand how to navigate social situations or what to do at certain chapters of their life, and that's simply not true. We have to be able to teach them these things for them to be able to understand and know them. On the other side of that, we have to give them space to practice and not jump in to try to solve.”

A certain amount of conflict is a normal part of life. Arguments with friends, make-ups, break-ups, and even name-calling are a part of growing up. These situations give our kids a chance to learn how to work through conflict in a healthy way.

Finally, parents seek out Mary and Jill’s support when they are in an emergency situation - their child is severely depressed, maybe even having suicidal ideations - and nothing else has worked.

Friendship issues, disordered eating, conflict, isolation, or pulling back from activities they used to love are all issues that Mary and Jill see a lot of in their coaching practice and programs. Their ultimate goal? To help girls become the brightest, most authentic versions of themselves.

Things like self-awareness, conflict resolution, and emotional health are all skills that can be learned. And learning them at a young age sets girls up for better experiences now and as an adult.

In our society, we’ve lost places where kids are mentored and get the opportunity to learn and practice these skills. Schools are not equipped to do this work (nor should they)....

Why do women in mid-life give less f*cks? It's all about the estrogen crash.

On this episode Darlynn and her friend Jennifer Delliquadri talk all about how estrogen plays a role in why moms are biologically wired to worry about their kids and the profound shift that happens when our estrogen crashes.

Plus, you'll hear how Darlynn spiraled deep into a "I'm not good enough" self-worth crisis and how she used Radical Self Love to get herself out.

Today on the podcast, I’m joined by Jill and Mary, founders of Girls Mentorship. We’re diving into what teen and tween girls need and what they’re going through at this stage of life.

You’ll Learn:

• What makes teen & tween girls so awesome!
• Benefits and pitfalls of greater emotional awareness in this generation of kids
• How small shifts can make a big difference in identity and self-esteem
• 5 ways to support the tween or teen girls in your life

Listen in for tools to start helping your teen or tween daughter with her confidence, self-esteem, and emotional health.

--------------------------------------

Today on the podcast, I’m joined by Jill and Mary, founders of Girls Mentorship. We had so much to talk about, we had to make it two episodes so you could get ALL the goodness out of our conversation. In this episode, we’re diving into what teen and tween girls need and what they’re going through at this stage of life. Next week, you’ll learn what you, as a parent, can do to support them.

Jill and Mary are the founders of Girls Mentorship. They say, “Everywhere we looked, we saw girls struggling—grappling with confidence issues, battling negative self-talk, wrestling with poor self-image, and navigating the tricky waters of anxiety and depression. It hit close to home. Hadn’t we been in those exact same shoes 20 years ago?”

Girls were STILL missing the vital tools to rise about these challenges. So Jill and Mary decided to become the guides they wished they’d had - offering young girls the skills and support to build confidence, resilience, and self-worth. They now teach life and personal development skills to tween and teen girls so that they can become the brightest, most authentic versions of themselves.

With all the conversation about kids and anxiety and how much girls are struggling, it’s easy to forget about the beauty of this age.

Mary shares that girls this age speak their mind. They’re curious. They make you question things, and you get to learn from their questions, too. They’re experiencing all the firsts, and it’s really fun to walk that path with them and see their eyes get really big when they understand a concept for the first time or realize that they're not alone in what they're struggling with.

Jill says they’re also hilarious, creative, and talented. They have access to so much information that if they’re curious about something, they will just go and seek it out.

And with a lot more awareness of mental health in today’s culture, these girls are genuinely curious about it. When they experience anxiety or other feelings, they now have words to articulate and express themselves, which leads to really rich conversations.

Mary says that when you’re talking about girls ages 10 through the teen years, the distinction between tween and teen isn’t all that big. She says, “the conversation doesn't really change much, neither does what the girls in particular are struggling with.” The differences come up in their maturity level, experiences, and what topics they’ve been exposed to.

No matter how old your kids are, you know that each stage comes with it’s own unique challenges. Two that we see come up most often are generational differences in the ways we talk about and deal with emotions and how the way we define success for ourselves can trickle down to our kids…whether we want it to or not.

Expressing Emotion - The Generation Gap

We all agree that we’ve seen a shift in the way people express emotions from our parents’ generations to now.

Gen X parents wanted to act like everything was fine. Stuff the feelings down, and pull yourself up by your bootstraps.

Now the...