Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship, or like you knew something was off but didn't know what to do about it? Maybe you've had a vague awareness that you're somehow suffering (and so is she), but again, you didn't know how to even start to go about addressing it.

A lot of people know the term "codependence" but aren't clear on what it actually means in a concrete way, or what to do about it if it does fit. For example, how do you know if you're codependent or your spouse is? Can one person "be" codependent while the other is not?

Here we go right into what codependent dynamics are, and aren't -- and how to grow into independence and ultimately interdependence.

In Jason's words of his own experience: "It was years of trying as hard as I could to make things better but never being good enough to matter how hard I tried." And, "That rescuer is filled with needing to be needed. That’s where it began for me."

If your love relationships have always confusing, unfulfilling, or just not quite right -- or if you've often felt like you were just taking care of your partner (she wasn't able to take care of herself), this will likely be helpful to you.

The men we work long for MORE, and I also want to say direct: That's available. You don't have to stay stuck. Growth is always possible.

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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• “As long as my partner was approving of me, there was a sense of, ‘I’m OK.’”
• “There was a fear — if I’m not with her, I’ll be alone.”
• “We’re deeply entwined with each other where there’s almost no agency or independence.”
• “While the relationship was ‘safe’, we were both suffering deeply inside.”

Did you have healthy boundaries modeled for you when you were growing up? Do you feel like you know how to set healthy boundaries with your folks?

If not, then some of these things may apply:

• You felt like (or continue to feel like) you need to take care of your mom or dad
• You don't really feel free to live your life as you'd like because you know this might "hurt" one or both of your parents
• While growing up and/or when you're home these days, you have to walk on eggshells so as not to upset them
• You feel that their emotional wellbeing is somehow your responsibility (As one man on the panel put it, "As long as I please them, they won’t be emotionally unstable.)
• You've heard terms like 'enmeshment' or 'emotional neglect' and thought, "Hmmm, that might apply to me."
• You just have an intuitive sense that you need to set some boundaries with one or both of your parents.

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In this panel discussion, four men share their raw, authentic and vulnerable truths around boundaries they've needed to set with their mothers, fathers, or both. We also hit on some highlights around Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), since many emotionally immature parents have BPD patterns.

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• “The real hammer came down when my mom figured it out.”
• “I just remember the house being filled with almost like an emotional toxic gas.”
• “She said, ‘You’re gonna tell me NO?’ — and I’m 32 years old and trembling.”
• “I was at the mercy of conditional love.”
• “I needed to claim my sense of self.”
• “Before I got sober, I couldn’t even conceptualize what boundaries were.”
• “I don’t have a mother; I have a 60-year-old child.”
• “My role was: ‘I am responsible for healing my mom’s depression and sadness.’”
• “The two most important women in my life — my mother and my partner — are now at odds with each other.”
• “So I told my parents: 'The next time we have a conversation about my relationship with my woman, she will be there in the room with us.'”
• “I have true confidence now. I know what I need, and this is what I need from you.”
• “No one has the remote control to my emotions; they get the manual.”
• “I started to realize how much my autonomy was impacted, disrupted, and denied.”
• “When I set that boundary with my parents, my partner was just thrilled, and proud and happy.”
• “It was like no matter what I did, she was always going to be right... there was no space for me to exist.”
• “There is no capacity for this person to see where she has hurt others.”
• “As I pulled back more and more, the neediness ramped up and up and up.”
• “Mom, I’m sorry — I can’t have a relationship with you right now.”
• “There’s a part of me that just wanted to be the ‘good boy.’”
• “I’ve been no contact with my mom for six years, and honestly it’s been a relief.”
• “I started to come to myself from a place of compassion rather than from a place of shame.”
• “I really did make every effort possible for us to have a healthy relationship.”
• “If you’re feeling stuck, that’s the perfect time to reach out for help.”
• “You are not alone.”

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• Dear Men 354: What's it like treating Borderline Personality Disorder?
• Dear Men 345: The 4 male 'types' that partner with women with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
• Dear Men 128: Feel like you're walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

When Jason was in his mid-20s, he was stuck. He numbed out with porn much of the time, had never had sex, and struggled with dating and love relationship.

Even outside of dating, it felt like something was missing in his life ... like he just wasn't completely alive. He knew he wanted something different, but didn't know how to get there.

Then he attended one of his first personal growth events -- a men's workshop. When the attention was place on him, within twenty minutes a mentor had him on the floor (in a good way).

He got to a place during that workshop that he hadn't gotten to in three full years of talk therapy. It was transformative, uplifting, and revolutionary to his nervous system. He released energy that had been stuck within him for decades. In a way, it set him up for the life he actually wanted to lead.

If you've ever wanted MORE, you're not alone. You don't have to stay stuck. You can have the breakthrough you've been waiting for.

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Want to go deeper than the podcast? We're ready to work with you! To see if there's a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. https://evolutionary.men/apply/

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This year it's Thurs Aug 28th through Mon Sept 1st in Northern California (about 2 hours from SF). For more info, go to evolutionary.men/retreat. We'd love to see you there.