Episodios

  • 489-Harshness to Beautiful Kindness: Marriage Encouragement with Rhonda Stoppe

    489-Harshness to Beautiful Kindness: Marriage Encouragement with Rhonda Stoppe
    Jun 27 2025
    Marriage is one of the greatest blessings — and one of the greatest refining processes — we can experience. But if we're honest, many of us carry regrets when it comes to how we've treated our spouse, how we've handled conflict, or the words we've spoken in frustration. We don't always recognize how often harshness sneaks into our marriage, chipping away at intimacy, connection, and joy. But here's the good news: God's love can heal, restore, and transform even the most regret-filled moments in your relationship. In a recent conversation with author and speaker Rhonda Stoppe, we unpacked the profound truth of living with "no regrets" in marriage — and the practical steps to get there. You Can Break Free From the Regrets Holding You Back Let’s be honest — we’ve all made mistakes in marriage, in parenting, in life. Those regrets? They can paralyze us. Rhonda reminded us that regret is often a weapon the enemy uses to keep us from becoming the women God designed us to be. But here’s the truth — God’s love washes those regrets away. Philippians tells us to “forget what lies behind and strain toward what lies ahead.” Even Paul had to lay his past down — his role in Stephen's death, his persecution of believers — yet God still used him powerfully. The same is true for you. Whether your regrets stem from the way you've treated your spouse, parenting mistakes, or deep wounds from your own upbringing, you are not disqualified from God's call on your life. The Destructive Power of Harshness in Marriage Rhonda unpacked something so practical yet so convicting: how often our inner thoughts turn harsh long before words ever leave our mouth. Ever had the entire argument with your husband in your head before he even walked through the door? I’ve been there! You play out the "you always" or "you never" narrative and boom — your harsh words fly the second he steps inside. But as Rhonda beautifully reminded us, love "believes all things" (1 Corinthians 13). That means believing the best about our spouse — assuming good intentions — not assigning negative motives. Harshness can destroy intimacy faster than almost anything else. It pushes our husband away emotionally. It makes our home a place he — and even our children — dread coming back to. The Courage to Repent: Humility Over Pride This hit me hard. Rhonda shared how pride keeps so many people from growth. It’s painful to look back and realize we’ve done things wrong for so long. But friend, God already knows it all — and still loves you. When we confess, repent, and humble ourselves before Him, He transforms us from the inside out. David's story is such an example. After his sin with Bathsheba, he didn’t make excuses. He repented with a broken, contrite heart — and God restored him. If harshness, selfishness, or regret has gripped your heart, your story isn’t over. God offers freedom, but it starts with humility. Are You a Harsh Spouse? How to Recognize & Change Harshness is sneaky. Many of us don't even recognize when it's become part of our communication. Rhonda described it as trying to control or hurt with your words to get your way — whether out of fear, frustration, or habit. Here are some signs of harshness in marriage: You regularly raise your voice or speak with a biting tone. Your family feels like they have to walk on eggshells around you. You replay your spouse's flaws in your mind more than their strengths. You assume negative motives for your spouse's actions. If that’s you — take heart! You can change. It starts with repentance, inviting God's Spirit to wash over you, and intentionally building new habits. Building a No-Regrets Marriage: Practical Next Steps Rhonda didn’t just leave us with conviction — she gave such hopeful steps forward: Get in the Word Daily God's Word renews your mind. Listen to scripture, write it out, feast on His promises like daily bread. Find Godly Community You need women around you who love Jesus and will speak truth in love — especially older, wise women. (#OldLadiesKnowStuff — I love that!) Choose to Believe the Best Make it a practice to assume good about your spouse. Remember how you did that when you were dating? Let’s bring that mindset back! Apologize & Repair If your harshness has caused damage — humbly ask for forgiveness. Your vulnerability can open doors for healing, even if it takes time. Cling to God's Love First Your happiness isn’t dependent on your husband's actions — it's rooted in how deeply you believe God's love for you. The Legacy You Build Starts Today I adored Rhonda's reminder that the home we build today — with love, forgiveness, humility — shapes our children's future marriages and their walk with God. You don’t want to look back with regret because of harshness or pride. But even if that's part of your story, God's grace offers a reset, starting today. We are rooting for you! May God's kind heart move your own ...
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    1 h y 2 m
  • 488-Wives, Pleasure Is An Important Part of Life (Really!)

    488-Wives, Pleasure Is An Important Part of Life (Really!)
    Jun 20 2025
    Wives, Pleasure Is An Important Part of Life (Really!) If you're a wife who feels like physical intimacy just isn’t for you... this post is for you. Maybe you’ve been hurt in the past. Maybe sex feels awkward, or painful, or even meaningless. Maybe it seems like something only he wants, and you just go along with it. If any of that resonates, I want you to know: you're not broken. You're not alone. And there is hope. When Sex Feels Disappointing or Painful in Marriage When I first got married, I was so excited. I had saved myself for marriage and imagined physical intimacy would be beautiful and bonding. But what I experienced instead was disappointment. It was physically painful, emotionally awkward, and deeply confusing. I felt ashamed, fat, insecure, and unprepared. My marriage at that time eventually ended in divorce. There was no biblical reason—I just couldn’t take the strife and anxiety anymore. I was devastated. I had followed what I believed was the right path, and yet my marriage still crumbled. And then, I drifted. I walked away from God's design, from purity, and into promiscuity. But God is a Redeemer. In time, He gently brought me back. I met a kind, respectful man, and with him, God showed me what healthy, healing intimacy could look like. And it has been a journey—one filled with slow growth, freedom, and true pleasure. Understanding God’s Design for Sexual Pleasure in Marriage Let’s be honest—many wives could take or leave sex. Some even hate it. And yet, God designed physical intimacy to be good—not just for your husband, but for you. You may have grown up in purity culture, where sex was labeled “bad,” “shameful,” or “off-limits.” Then suddenly, you get married and are expected to flip a switch and enjoy it. That’s confusing, to say the least! But what if we started thinking of pleasure the way God does? What if we saw it as a gift? You enjoy a clean house, right? You feel at peace, relaxed, energized. That’s pleasure. So why is it so hard to believe that sexual pleasure could be just as valid, just as worthy, just as holy? Why Christian Wives Should Value Pleasure in Intimacy God didn’t create intimacy only for reproduction or duty. He created it for joy, connection, healing, and pleasure. Even Song of Solomon celebrates sensuality—touch, smell, taste, sight, and sound. Pleasure is part of God’s design. It doesn’t have to end in orgasm or even intercourse to be sacred. A simple act like cuddling, stripping down just to rest in your husband’s arms, or a gentle caress can be deeply meaningful. An moment where you focus on intimacy without the pressure of a “goal.” It’s healing. It’s freeing. How to Begin Enjoying Intimacy Again—Even If You Feel Broken You don’t have to leap from disinterest to passion overnight. What if you started with just an inch in the direction of intimacy? A kiss. A caress. A flirty smile. That’s it. Then maybe next time, a little more. Intimacy doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It’s a dance. A progression. A fluid rhythm between two people who are learning how to love and be loved. Biblical Boundaries for Sex—and the Freedom Within Them I’ve seen it time and again—wives who once hated sex now pursue it with confidence and joy. Not because they’ve become someone they’re not, but because they’ve allowed God to rewrite their story. You don’t have to live stuck in shame, apathy, or duty. You were made for more. You were made for joy. You were made to receive pleasure—and not just physical pleasure, but the peace and playfulness that come from deep connection. You can laugh, relax, and actually look forward to physical intimacy. Even if you’re post-menopausal. Even if you’ve been through trauma. Even if you feel like you’re the one who’s “just not into it.” God can change it. He’s done it in me. He’s done it in hundreds of wives I’ve coached. And He can do it in you. With love & hope, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - For more information on the Connection Sessions mentioned in the podcast, check out Delight Your Marriage: Connection Sessions. PPS - To learn more about our research on Biblical boundaries in marital intimacy, please visit Delight Your Marriage: Boundaries in Sex. PPPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "So much of my prayer time was trying to pray for my hubs and me and us in our marriage and lamenting over the state of our marriage...it was so hard for me to engage in intimacy with my husband...Most times I just had to turn off my heart and pray and power through, which only served to make me even more avoidant of it...[Now,] I don't feel like I need a brick wall to protect my heart from my husband...Intimacy feels like a safe place...It's not intimacy's 'for him', it's ALWAYS intimacy for 'us'."
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    28 m
  • 487-He Died to Himself and She Decided Intimacy Needed to Change: Rebekah's Story

    487-He Died to Himself and She Decided Intimacy Needed to Change: Rebekah's Story
    Jun 13 2025
    He Died to Himself and She Decided Intimacy Needed to Change: Rebekah's Story Rebekah didn’t sign up for marriage coaching. She wasn’t looking for help. In fact, when her husband first discovered us, she politely declined any involvement. He had found the podcast and was quietly listening, learning, and applying. She wasn’t ready. But he didn’t push. He didn’t demand. He just loved her. And that—his sacrificial, consistent, Christlike love—is what eventually opened her heart. When the Husband Leads and Goes First “He died to himself,” Rebekah said, describing her husband Noah’s transformation. “He was willing to love me even if I didn’t love him back.” It didn’t happen overnight. Noah committed to the Men’s Program during Rebekah’s pregnancy, often implementing everything he learned from recordings because he was unable to attend the live Group Coaching Calls due to work. He walked out the truth. And over time, Rebekah noticed. “I felt deeply that he was doing that for me,” she shared. “And that softened my heart.” Being Intimidated by Intimacy Rebekah’s journey around intimacy was painful. It was often physically painful. She didn’t enjoy it. She felt shy around it and blushed when the topic came up. She felt disconnected—from herself, from her husband, even from her own body. She also knew what was at stake. “Intimacy was already hard… but with kids, it could disappear completely,” she said. “I didn’t want that. For me. Or for our son.” She began to see how her challenges weren’t just affecting her—it was impacting her family. And when she realized how her own view of her body and sexuality could shape her child’s experience, she knew something needed to change. God Opened the Door for A Change of Heart in Intimacy “I had already been recommending DYM to others,” she laughed. “But I hadn’t done it myself. And I realized… maybe this was my turn.” What she discovered wasn’t just practical help. It was healing. Learning to Feel Safe One of Rebekah’s breakthroughs came in understanding safety—not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. Through the program, she learned how to identify when her body was in fight-or-flight mode—and how to speak truth over herself: “My husband loves me. I’m safe. This is how he expresses love.” By renewing her mind with Scripture and applying our tools, she started to relax, receive, and even enjoy intimacy! And the community of women around her helped normalize what once felt foreign. Learning Healthy Boundaries—and Becoming a Daughter One coaching call stood out above the rest. The topic was boundaries—not as walls, but as the way we act like we truly are children of God. “I realized I wasn’t treating myself like I was God’s daughter,” Rebekah said, her voice trembling with tears. “And I needed to stop crossing boundaries in my own mind.” That moment launched a new season in her life—one where she no longer withheld emotionally, physically, or spiritually. Instead, she began living like someone deeply loved and worth loving. Becoming More Confident in Intimacy, Growing in Emotional Maturity, and More Here’s what she now walks in: Confidence in intimacy with her husband Emotional maturity and responsibility Joy rooted in Christ not circumstances A transformed mindset aligned with truth A deeper value for marriage than ever before She even said, “Going into this, I didn’t value marriage like I do now. But I believe God can save any marriage. He did it for mine.” Final Thoughts for If You Feel It's All Too Much... We know what it's like to feel like your marriage is hopeless. Like intimacy will never change. It will remain painful. It will remain disconnected. It will remain joyless. We also know how it feels to be unsure of a program like this. "Will it really work for me?" "Are the testimonies actually true?" "I see it worked for them, but my marriage is different. We are too far gone." Let us encourage you today: Your marriage is not too far gone. Yes, these testimonies, Rebekah's included, are true. And, by the grace of God, it does work and change marriages. Your intimacy does not have to remain joyless and painful and disconnected. It can be joyful, enjoyable, and connected. Let's end with a prayer: Heavenly Father, you know this one. You know who needed to hear this message and who needed to read these words. Father, would you bless them in their marriage. Would you bring them the healing they've been longing for. Would you give them divine patience, mercy, and grace for their spouses and divine ideas on how to love them well. Would you give them the inspiration and encouragement they need and remind them how deeply loved they are by you. In your holy name, we pray, Amen. With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you want to know more about the Women's Program that Rebekah mentioned, that helped her go from ...
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    42 m
  • 486-How a Strong Identity Defeats Shame: Interview With Pastor Drew Hyun

    486-How a Strong Identity Defeats Shame: Interview With Pastor Drew Hyun
    Jun 6 2025
    How a Strong Identity Defeats Shame: Interview With Pastor Drew Hyun Maybe you're a leader in your church, a high achiever at work, or a dedicated family man—but deep inside, you feel the sting of shame. Maybe it's from mistakes in your past, struggles in your present, or simply the pressure of not living up to what you think you should be. Here’s the good news: you don’t have to carry it anymore. Pastor Drew Hyun—lead pastor of Hope Church NYC and executive director of Emotionally Healthy Discipleship—shares how God’s love offers a radical solution. Not just theologically, but practically. In this powerful teaching, originally given to our men's community, Drew walks us through how to eradicate shame through our identity in Christ. These truths brought tears to the eyes of many men in our program—and it’s easy to see why. Because when you truly grasp how deeply you’re loved by God, everything changes. The Root of Shame: Why Our Identity Feels So Fragile Pastor Drew’s upbringing was marked by harsh parenting, deep wounds, and religious hypocrisy. His father—who eventually became a well-known pastor and author—was emotionally and physically abusive at home, even as he preached about how to raise a godly family. Drew grew up trying to reconcile this contradiction, and his early life was shaped by a relentless drive to succeed, perform, and hide his struggles. Whether you’ve experienced something similar or not, many of us understand that tension: performing on the outside while hiding pain on the inside. And when we can’t live up to the image we’ve created—shame creeps in. But here's the turning point: our identity doesn’t come from performance or other people's approval. It comes from Christ alone. Emotional Health Is Spiritual Maturity As Pastor Drew shared with us, "You cannot be spiritually mature while remaining emotionally immature.” It doesn’t matter how impressive your resume is, how many sermons you’ve heard, or how many Bible verses you know—if your wife experiences you as unloving, cold, or critical, then something is broken. Spiritual growth isn’t just what you do in public. It’s who you are in private—especially with those closest to you. The call to emotional health is not just self-help. It’s a discipleship issue—and a doorway to freedom. Public Life vs. Private Life Social media, church culture, and cultural expectations often tempt us to present a polished version of ourselves. But that disconnect between our public image and private reality breeds shame. Drew shares how discovering integrity—being whole and consistent, not perfect—transformed his life. He uses this beautiful definition of humility, rooted in the Latin word humus (meaning grounded): “Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It’s thinking of yourself less.” When you’re grounded in God’s love, you no longer need to perform. You can walk in truth, freedom, and consistency—the marks of a mature man of God. Overcoming Shame Through Christ-Centered Identity Shame loses its power when you know who you are in Jesus. Culture tells you to look inside yourself or to please your family and community. But both of those paths eventually fail. Only God's love is unchanging. Here’s a mantra Pastor Drew repeats often: "In Jesus, I am fully loved, fully accepted. Nothing to hide. Nothing to prove. Nothing to fear." That’s your anchor when insecurity hits. That’s your firm footing when shame comes knocking. When you remember this truth, you can stop hiding and start living. What It Means to Be a Bold Yet Humble Christian Leader So what does healthy Christian leadership look like? It’s not puffed-up pride. And it’s not self-defeating shame. It’s humble boldness—a leadership style rooted in identity, not insecurity. Drew points to Jesus as our ultimate model. He is both Lion and Lamb—powerful and gentle, bold and self-sacrificing. When your worth is secure in Christ: You don’t feel inferior to anyone. You don’t feel superior to anyone. You can love boldly and lead without fear. As Drew puts it, “I don’t need to perform. I just need to show up as my honest self—and be a conduit of God’s love.” Why Your Marriage Is a Miracle in the Making Your marriage isn’t just for your happiness—it’s a sign and wonder to the world. Ephesians 5 calls marriage a “mega mystery” that reflects the love between Christ and His Church. That means your pursuit of your wife—emotionally, physically, spiritually—is a living picture of Jesus' relentless, selfless love. Even if things feel strained right now, even if your wife is distant or hurting—your love still matters. Your kindness. Your self-control. Your forgiveness. Your joyful pursuit. They point to the God who never gives up on us. Final Thoughts: You Are Deeply Loved—Right Now You might feel like you’ve failed too much or that your shame disqualifies you from being a great husband. But ...
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    51 m
  • 485-Strength from Suffering

    485-Strength from Suffering
    May 30 2025
    Strength from Suffering Let me start with this: the enemy wants you to believe that when hard things happen, you're done for. You’re weaker. You’re broken. That you can’t be used by God anymore. But that’s a lie. The truth is—God uses the hard things. He doesn’t waste our pain. In fact, Scripture tells us over and over again that it’s through trials that our faith, character, and hope are built. The God Who Sees You and Knows You Psalm 139 is one of my favorite passages because it’s such a clear reminder: God knows everything about you. He knows your name. He knows what you’re up against. He even knows the number of hairs on your head. Not only is God all-knowing and omnipresent—but He is with you in your heartache. He understands the depths of your pain. He is not far off. When You're Facing Trouble-Lean in, Don't Run In our home, we’ve gone through a season of back-to-back trials. Maybe you’re there too. But here’s what I’ve learned: running from pain doesn’t produce growth—leaning into it does. Jesus promised us in John 16:33 that there would be trouble in this world. But He also promised us His peace. Not peace like the world gives—but peace in the midst of chaos. Endurance is Grown in the Fire I want you to really let this truth soak in: “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials… for you know that the testing of your faith produces endurance.” – James 1:2–4 Another translation puts it this way: “Consider it an opportunity for great joy.” – NLT It’s not automatic joy—it’s an opportunity. A choice. A lens to see your situation through. That’s why we need Scripture deep inside us—it reframes the pain. What Doesn't Kill You... Can Sanctify You Yes, this is hard. But what if you started saying: “This is hard—and I love a challenge”? God allows us to struggle so we can grow the muscles we need—just like a good father teaching a child to walk. He doesn't always swoop in. Instead, He gives us space to build spiritual endurance. And when endurance grows? Character grows. Hope grows. That’s Romans 5. And hope, the Bible says, does not disappoint. The Danger of Distraction in a Culture that Numbs One of the biggest traps we face in hard seasons is distraction. Social media. TV. Scrolling. Escaping. But that doesn’t heal. It delays. It numbs. If we want to grow in God’s strength, we must lean in. Let the Scripture simmer in our hearts. Let the pain teach us. What is the Gift in This Situation? When things are hard, ask yourself: “What is the gift in this?” Even if your spouse is rejecting you over and over again… what if this is the exact thing God is using to grow your spiritual resilience? I tell my boys all the time, “You’re learning perseverance right now.” And maybe, so are you. You Can Grow in Love–Even When Marriage is Hard Whether or not your spouse is loving you well right now, you can still choose to lean in. You can still love. Still serve. Did you know that your brain actually releases happy chemicals when you serve someone else? That means if you’re hurting—serving someone can literally make you feel better. Final Thoughts You have a choice today. You can become bitter, cynical, disappointed in God—or you can say: “God, I trust You. There’s something here I can’t see yet—but I know You’re good.” We don’t get to tell God what He should’ve done. But we do get to trust that He’s a good Father. And when we do that... We find His peace, His presence, and His purpose—even in the midst of pain. We are rooting for you. We know God has good things for you. And whatever is going on right now that seems to much to bear, know that God will, He WILL, use it for good. With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you're interested in healing your marriage and learning more about our programs, check out our FREE Masterclasses: Women's Masterclass & Men's Masterclass PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: “Biggest struggles were with being unhappy, feeling hopeless about a positive future with him, not feeling accepted or seen, feeling like all he needed from me was physical intimacy and admiration but didn't care to know me or care about me. I felt unhappy and hopeless... (After Delighted Wife), I have had many celebratory moments! We are having more fun together, more intimacy in our sharing, much better physical intimacy...Now I enjoy spending time with him, look forward to dates and vacations, and we laugh and work things out together. I believe we are a great team! It's a miracle that we enjoy and like each other again."
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    21 m
  • 484-Love Jesus More Than Your Pain: Jennifer's Story

    484-Love Jesus More Than Your Pain: Jennifer's Story
    May 23 2025
    Sometimes, God answers your prayers in a way you don’t expect. That’s how Jennifer’s journey began. She and her husband had been married for 30 years, with three beautiful daughters. On the outside, everything seemed steady—but inside, Jennifer was silently struggling. Depression, anxiety, deep wounds from trauma, and the weight of parenting adult children had left her feeling exhausted and emotionally distant from her husband. She was in a dark place. But God. Her husband was the first to find Delight Your Marriage. Quietly, he joined our men's program. At first, he didn’t even tell Jennifer. She just started to notice something changing. A peace in him. A gentleness. A stronger connection to God. Moved by what she saw, Jennifer said yes to his invitation to explore the women’s program. What followed was a spiritual discipleship journey that would not only transform her marriage—it would transform her heart. How Christian Marriage Coaching Transformed Her Heart One line within the program touched Jennifer’s heart: “I needed to love Jesus more than my pain.” It wasn’t even directed at her during the call, but something about it resonated so deeply with her. She realized that in her grief and disconnection, she had allowed pain to take a front seat in her heart. But Jesus wanted her whole heart. She confronted lies she had believed about herself, her marriage, and her role as a mother and wife—and let God’s truth replace them. She allowed God to break the chains of shame and fear, and instead chose freedom and forgiveness. Emotional and Physical Intimacy in Marriage Restored One of the most beautiful outcomes of Jennifer’s story is the transformation in her intimacy with her husband! “It wasn’t about frequency,” she said. “It was about connection. And now we’re truly connecting—emotionally, spiritually, physically. We’re more vulnerable, more united, and more in love.” That emotional and spiritual shift opened a door to true intimacy—something both of them had longed for but never fully accessed. And it all started when she began to let God love her—and let herself believe it. How Christian Marriage Help Can Impact Parenting Jennifer is a mother to three adult daughters. And though parenting adults has its own challenges, her healing began to spill over into her family life. With newfound clarity on how women are designed by God to be loved—safe, known, and whole-heartedly cherished—Jennifer began to understand how to mother her adult daughters in a way that honors their hearts. She started recognizing what they needed emotionally, just like she had discovered in herself. Even though parenting adult children can be complicated and painful, she now walks in hope—not shame. God is restoring what was broken. Handling Conflict in Marriage Without Spiraling Jennifer and her husband also found a new way to approach emotional triggers. They call it “spiraling.” This emotional awareness and God-centered communication brought a new peace to their marriage. They don’t fight the way they used to. Now, they support each other through those low moments and move forward with unity. A Message to the Wife Who Feels Hopeless in Her Marriage When I asked Jennifer what she’d say to a woman in the same spot she once was, her answer was so honest and full of faith: “There’s hope in Jesus. Be brave. Even if your husband is the problem, you can still change your heart—and it can change your marriage.” She continued: “This program has figured out how to help you out of crisis. Even if you’re emotionally shut down, even if you feel like things can’t get better—they absolutely can. God is in the business of healing, and He uses this process to restore hearts and homes.” The Power of a Women’s Christian Coaching Community Jennifer also found healing through the community of women she met through the program. “It was such a gift to talk about things we never could talk about with friends—especially around sex and intimacy. The support, the prayer, the connection... it’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. Women need this.” She felt seen, supported, and strengthened by walking this journey with other women in a safe, faith-filled environment. Christian Marriage Healing: A Beautiful New Chapter Today, Jennifer says her marriage is more joyful, more tender, and more united than ever before. They’ve always been best friends—but now they’re more emotionally connected, spiritually aligned, and fully present for one another. “There’s nothing I can’t share with him now,” she said. “God gave us a beautiful marriage—but now we’re living it with freedom, honesty, and deep love.” Final Thoughts We are so thankful for work that God did in this marriage and the way it not only impacted Jennifer and her spouse, but their children and future generations. He truly is a God of redemption. With love, The DYM Team PS - If you're ...
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    49 m
  • 483-The Truth About Female Desire: Interview with Dr. Juli Slattery

    483-The Truth About Female Desire: Interview with Dr. Juli Slattery
    May 16 2025
    If you’re a wife who loves God and loves your husband, but you’re wondering… Why don’t I want sex? Why does my husband want it more than I do? Am I broken for not desiring intimacy? …you’re in the right place. We want to remind you that you are not broken. You’re not alone. And God isn’t disappointed in you. In this conversation, we sit down with the incredible Dr. Juli Slattery—clinical psychologist, author of 14 books, and founder of Authentic Intimacy—to talk about real struggles Christian wives face around intimacy, low desire, and how to walk toward healing with God’s help. What Causes Low Sex Drive in Christian Wives? This is one of the most common issues I hear from women: “My husband wants it more. I feel bad. I don’t know why I don’t want it. Help.” Dr. Slattery shares that many wives don’t have a lower drive—just a different kind. Men typically have what’s called an initiating drive, while women often have a responsive drive. That means she doesn’t feel desire until after closeness begins. That’s normal! But sometimes, low desire is more complex. Some deeper causes may include: Past sexual trauma (even from within marriage) Body image issues and insecurity Pain during sex or hormonal changes (like menopause) A lack of emotional safety or unresolved conflict Shame from upbringing or purity culture Misunderstandings about what sex is really for Often, it’s not one thing—it’s several. That’s why this isn’t a quick fix. It’s a journey of healing and understanding. And most importantly—it’s not your fault. What Does God Say About Sex in Marriage? We often assume a great sex life just means “compatibility.” But as Juli beautifully shared: “Great sex isn’t about compatibility. It’s about growing in unselfish love.” And that’s biblical. God designed marriage and sexual intimacy to reflect His covenant love: faithful, intimate, sacrificial, and joy-filled. When we chase after that picture—His heart for sex—it brings healing, safety, and even delight. Here are the 4 pillars of covenant sex that Juli teaches: Faithfulness – Can your spouse trust you emotionally and physically? Intimate Fellowship – Are you open with each other in heart and spirit? Sacrificial Love – Are you serving each other instead of demanding? Passionate Celebration – Is sex a space for joy and rejoicing? “I Want to Want Sex… But I Don’t.” What Should I Do? If that’s your heart cry, there’s hope. Juli and I walked through several gentle, practical steps to help you move forward: 1. Pray—Every Day Invite God into this part of your life. Juli prayed for months before even telling her husband. God cares. He will meet you here. 2. Start with What You Do Want Maybe you don’t want intercourse—but you’d like to cuddle. Or feel safe naked. Or be able to enjoy touch again. That’s a great start. 3. Change the Inner Narrative Rather than thinking, “I have to,” begin gently rehearsing, “I want to enjoy closeness. I want to connect with the man I love.” 4. Use Physical Support Tools like organic lubricants, non-intercourse intimacy, or vibrators (with agreement) can be helpful. Give yourself permission to explore. 5. Communicate with Your Husband If he’s safe, loving, and kind—invite him into this healing journey with you. Let him support your heart, not just seek pleasure. But Isn’t It Selfish to Focus So Much on Sex? That’s a valid concern—especially for Christians. But here’s what Juli shared that really struck me: “God designed sex to bless both husband and wife. This isn’t just about serving him—it’s about your healing, too.” Sex is not just physical. It’s emotional. Spiritual. It touches the most tender parts of our story. If you’re avoiding it completely, it might be time to gently ask: What wounds need healing? What lies am I believing? This is not about becoming a sex expert—it’s about becoming whole. A Christian Wife’s Invitation to Intimacy Whether you’ve been married 3 years or 30, God’s not done with this part of your journey. Even if sex has been painful, shame-filled, or complicated… He can redeem it. Even if you feel distant, numb, or uninterested… He can awaken new joy. You’re not “less than.” You’re not “too late.” You’re not “too much.” You’re beloved. And intimacy can become a gift again. Resources to Help You Begin If today’s blog stirred something in you, we'd like to encourage you to take one step forward. God meets us there. Listen in: Full Episode with Juli Slattery available here and on your favorite podcast streaming service Explore: Juli’s Ministry – Authentic Intimacy New Book (July 1): Surrendered Sexuality: How Knowing Jesus Changes Everything For more information on our Coaching Programs: DelightYourMarriage.com Final Thoughts You're not alone. God is in this with you. Let Him lead. And let Him love you in this part of your...
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    1 h y 4 m
  • 482-Loving Your Spouse Well When You Feel Down

    482-Loving Your Spouse Well When You Feel Down
    May 9 2025
    Loving Well When You Feel Down Even the strongest marriages go through hard seasons. Whether you're facing emotional burnout, stress, or feeling spiritually distant, it's easy to feel like you have nothing left to give in your relationship. So how do you love your spouse when you feel depleted? This post is your quick “reset”—a reminder of what really matters in marriage and how to keep moving forward, even when your heart feels heavy. Why Your Marriage Matters in God’s Eyes Jesus gave us two commandments that anchor everything else: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Love your neighbor as yourself. And your closest neighbor? It’s your spouse. Your marriage is a reflection of how you walk out our love for God. Even when it’s hard. What to Do When You Feel Emotionally Empty in Marriage We all go through tough seasons. Illness Financial stress Parenting challenges Mental health struggles It’s in these moments that we have to boil it down to the essentials. When you're empty, don’t try to fix everything. Just focus on God’s call to love—simply and sincerely. Here’s what that looks like: Essentials for a Husband: Love Her as Christ Loves the Church What does that mean, practically? Make her feel safe. Don’t push, pressure, or demand. Be her steady place. Make her feel known. Ask her about her heart. Get curious about her thoughts, not just her to-do list. Make her feel cherished. Hold her. Smile at her. Take her on a walk. Celebrate her quietly and tenderly. These don’t require a perfect mood. They require intentionality. And the reward is deeper connection—even in the middle of life’s mess. Essentials for a Wife: Respect, Admiration, and Wholehearted Intimacy This can feel especially hard when you’re drained. But again, focus on the essentials: Use respectful words. Even if you’re not in the best place emotionally, try phrases like “Thank you for working so hard,” or “I admire how you handled that.” Don’t argue or snap. Let kindness guard your tongue, even when emotions are high. Offer intimacy with a full heart. This isn’t about obligation. It’s about loving your husband in a way he receives love—with joy and generosity, even if you don’t initially feel it. When You're Struggling—Love Anyway This is the path Jesus modeled for us. We don’t love our spouse because they deserve it. We love them because Jesus asks us to love—sacrificially, tenderly, in the way the other feels loved. When you’re struggling and all you can do is offer “just the essentials,” that’s enough. God sees your heart. And He blesses your obedience. Final Thoughts Next time you feel like you can’t give anything more—come back to this. Read it again. Pray again. Take just one small action. Unity is still possible. Even when you are down. With love, The DYM Team PS - If you're ready to take the next step in healing your marriage, we would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightym.com/cc PPS - Here is (another) quote from a recent graduate: "We argued constantly! Literally almost daily. The constant arguing was mentally and physically exhausting! It felt impossible to have peace or joy if my husband was around. It was affecting me so deeply that I was struggling with intense fatigue...[After Delighted Wife], we can actually enjoy each other, we can actually focus on other things. I am not experiencing such intense fatigue all the time and am feeling like I can start getting back to being a productive human. My devotional and prayer time are spent seeking God, seeking Him in the scriptures, trying to catch His heat through His word rather than lamenting and focusing on all the bad. "
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