Attachment styles are our emotional blueprint, formed in our childhood, for the way we give and receive love, and for our ability (or inability) to feel safe and emotionally close to others. There are four primary attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized. Each of these attachment styles is very clearly explained by Dr. Marnee Firestone, a licensed psychologist in Boca Raton, Florida, who provides individual therapy, family and parenting therapy, and conducts a variety of evaluations, including neuropsychological evaluations.

1. Secure Attachment--this is the most healthy and balanced attachment style. The person is emotionally available for intimacy, as well as independence, without feeling fearful or guilty. They tend to be calm and well balanced. A person with secure attachment most likely received consistent love, validation and nurturing as a child.

2. Anxious attachment--someone with this attachment style has a deep fear of abandonment. They seek constant love and reassurance. They can be overly smothering. They panic easily and they feel overly responsible for everyone and everything. They feel a personal sense of failure if their child is struggling, and tend to micromanage their children. A person with anxious attachment style was most likely given inconsistent love and care. Their emotional needs were sometimes tended to, and other times rejected or dismissed.

3.Avoidant attachment--someone with avoidant attachment seeks to escape conflicts or arguments in the relationship. They are scared to show emotion or affection because they are scared of being rejected or neglected. They tend to withdraw from both intimacy and arguments for fear of not being accepted by their spouse. A person with avoidant attachment most likely did not have their emotional needs met. They were either ignored from expressing their feelings or discouraged from showing emotion. They did not have a place to safely express themselves, be heard, and be shown love and affection.

4. Disorganized attachment--someone with disorganized attachment has a push/pull dynamic. They intensely crave closeness, but once someone gets close, they immediately push them away because real intimacy is scary for them. They are highly emotional, have a heightened fear of abandonment (possibly to an extreme), and they are very reactive. They have difficulty self-soothing, and they tend to attract chaos in relationships. Disorganized attachment develops as the result of trauma in childhood.

Dr. Marnee explains how each of these attachment styles shows up in marriage and parenting. She assures us that attachment style is not set in stone for life. You can change your attachment style by becoming aware of what your attachment style is, and working to emotionally regulate yourself so that you can think clearly and respond appropriately to the people and situations in your life.

If you would like Dr. Marnee's free e-book on 4 Tips To Reduce Anxiety in Your Teen, please email me at: atrebbetzins@gmail.com

For families interested in Dr. Marnee's program, it is called Break the Anxiety Cycle. https://breakanxietycycle.com/

Dr. Marnee Firestone & Tamar Opp enheimer, LCSW, help parents of anxious teens by teaching them effective and practical strategies that are proven to support teens in building confidence, empowering them to pursue their goals, and ultimately bringing a sense of calm to stressed households. As we approach summer, many parents of anxious teens are searching for ways to reset and prepare their families for a better school year ahead. Break the Anxiety Cycle is a structured, parent-based program created to help families disrupt the patterns that unintentionally reinforce anxiety. Rather than placing the full burden on the teen, this program empowers parents with tools to create real change at home—reducing reactivity, rebuilding connection, and promoting resilience. This summer window—about 12 weeks—is an ideal time for families to slow down, reset dynamics, and implement new strategies without the pressure of daily school stress.


Vera Kessler (host of America's Top Rebbetzins) is a certified life coach. She specializes in transformational life coaching and accountability coaching. She is also a motivational speaker. Vera's mission is to help women get out of survival mode and start thriving. She works with women who are committed to stepping into their own self-worth and creating the life they want to live--one that is full of joy, empowerment, meaning, and purpose.
To learn more, visit:
https://innerlifecoachingwithvera.com/