In this episode, I talk about the role of identity in how we relate to change, communication, and each other. I share how identity is not something we are born with, but something shaped over time through the beliefs we inherit, the values we are taught, and the behaviors that are modeled to us. When we understand identity as something constructed, we begin to see why people often resist change. It is not always about the change itself. It is about the fear of losing who we think we are.

I walk through the developmental stages of identity formation and explain how belonging becomes a central part of our survival brain. When our place in a group feels uncertain, the nervous system reacts as if it is unsafe. That reaction impacts how we communicate and how we show up in conversations. I share examples of what happens when our identities are challenged and how these moments often trigger defensiveness, avoidance, or resistance.

Key Takeaways:

What Is Identity? – We aren’t born knowing who we are. From childhood, we absorb beliefs, values, and behaviors from our families, schools, and communities. Over time, these shape our sense of identity.

Our Identity Makes Us Feel Safe

Even if we built it without realizing, identity gives us stability. It helps us know who we are, where we belong, and what we stand for. That’s why any threat to it can feel dangerous.

Identity and Belonging

Our sense of self and belonging is tied to the groups we are a part of. In the past, being part of a group was essential for survival, as straying from the pack could be dangerous. This need for belonging is still deeply rooted in us today.

Threat to Identity = Threat to Security

When someone's identity is challenged, it feels like a threat to their security and place in the world. The brain reacts to this threat as it would to physical danger, which can lead to defensive behaviors and resistance to change.

Helpful Resources (Questions for Reflection):

• Where in my life do I feel a threat to my identity or role?

• What am I afraid of losing or not receiving?

• How can my identity grow to include something new while honoring where I have come from?
• What support or development do I need to feel grounded in this growth?

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Hosted by: Dr. Maiysha Clairborne

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