Episodios

  • Cancer Chronicles: Post LAR surgery, ostomies, and the anxiety of going home

    Cancer Chronicles: Post LAR surgery, ostomies, and the anxiety of going home
    May 25 2025

    First things first. I am deeply grateful for all of the support. I want to list each of you by name, but my brain will inevitably leave someone out. So…Thank you so much to those who participated in the chat while I was in the hospital:)Thank you to everyone who sent things from the wish list.Thank you to those who have shown up at my house to help.Thank you to those who are caring for my animal companions.Thank you to those who have venmo’d, zelle’d or handed me complimentary yums.Thank you to those who have emailed or commented on posts.Thank you to those who have prayed and sent good thoughts.Thank you.Thank you.Thank you.Now on to the episode!

    This episode was recorded on my second or third night at the hospital after my LAR- rectal resection with an ileostomy loop. It’s very raw and goes into details about the surgery, after-effects of surgery, learning how to use an ostomy bag, and the anxiety of going home. I don’t even remember what I said, but I knew that it needed to be recorded. I am not including show notes here. It’s short- have a listen or check out the transcript. *For some reason, my transcript AI cannot figure out how to spell my name, and I don’t have the oomph to correct it.

    Love gifts are still welcome- and will be for quite some time. So keep on sending them along if you are inspired:)venmo: jenni-tooleyZelle: jennitooley@gmail.com

    You are loved!Jenni



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    12 m
  • Cancer Chronicles S4:E3: 7-day countdown

    Cancer Chronicles S4:E3: 7-day countdown
    May 2 2025

    Hello! Hello!I’m here! I’m alive! Robots are going to chop up my rectum in 7 days! Please send love, send sanity, send whatever you like! (venmo: @jenni-tooley zelle: jennitooley@gmail.com)

    Thank you so much to Brian and Steven for sending some love$, to Vicki & Melvin for animal help, to Dalton for puzzle hours, Belen for bevvies, and my mom and dad, just cuz:)

    Reminder: Transcript available:)As you know, my goal is to keep these podcast posts manageable and as simple as possible, so here we go!

    Rectal surgery in 7 days? What’s a girl to do? Get her s**t together- and avoid everyone else’s!

    Getting s**t together deets:

    * navigate disability denials, talk to lawyers, fill out paper work, fill out more paperwork, write and notarize your will, advance directive, and power of attorney, get lab test, figure out how to communicate with friends and family during surgery and hospital stays, get stuck with some more needles, eat everything I can get my hands on that I won’t be able to eat for awhile, more paperwork, go to the pharmacy, restock the kitchen with low fiber high protein bland food, find an outlet that has good pudding, try to get ahold of nurses who should have already called you to share information with you, fill out some more paperwork, set up Google Calendars, attempt to avoid governmental systemic thinking that is confusing and really wants to reward you not for healing and positivity but negativity and victimhood.

    Whew! Was that simple enough for you?

    Thank god I’ve spent my life learning how to thrive in chaos.

    More to come…love you!Jenni

    Help feed the rectal robots. Become a paid subscriber:)



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    21 m
  • Cancer-Free! Still Surgery Bound☹️

    Cancer-Free! Still Surgery Bound☹️
    Apr 24 2025

    Here we are with exciting news for Cancer Chronicles, S4 Ep2. I’m cancer-free! Whoop whoop! Get out your pom-poms! Cue the Sousa marching band! Pop open a…wait, what’s that you say? I still have to get surgery?Grrrr. Argh.

    This is one of those moments where I must pause and celebrate this milestone* even if the journey must go on.

    Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I appreciate and love each and every person, place, and thing that has gotten me here today!

    Now, let’s talk about the rest of it. You can listen to the episode or read the transcript at www.jennitooley.com if you’re not already there:)

    Here’s this episode’s breakdown:

    * I thought if we shrunk the tumor down to nothing, we would be done. I was wrong.

    * The reason why I’m choosing to have rectal resection surgery even though I don’t want to.

    * Colon lips: To poop or not to poop.

    * How “Bless it or block it” helps me make decisions and keeps me moving in the “right” direction.

    * We’re coming up on a year now since diagnosis. Surgeries will take another 4 months or so.

    * Staying present, healthy, and as joyful as possible while acknowledging I’m tired.

    I’m on the two-week countdown to surgery. Support via prayers, good wishes, flowers, live plants, gift cards, massive amounts of dark chocolate, and cold hard digital cash via Venmo (@jenni-tooley) and Zelle (jennitooley@gmail.com) is appreciated.

    That’s all for now! You are loved- never doubt it.Jenni

    You have the power to keep this podcast alive and free to all who need it by sharing with friends and becoming a paid subscriber or founding member:)

    *You can reference my Chaos Management Series post about the Science of Celebration here.



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    10 m
  • Cancer Chronicles S4 Ep1: Resources, Support, and Miracles

    Cancer Chronicles S4 Ep1: Resources, Support, and Miracles
    Apr 18 2025

    Hi Darlin!First, let’s catch up!

    Thank you so much to those who supported Season 3 of The Cancer Chronicles podcast! It’s been nearly a year since I was diagnosed with Stage 3aN1 Rectal cancer- can you believe it? At that time, I decided I was going to produce the s**t out of cancer (get it…I’ve got rectal cancer;). So not only did I project manage my healthcare and life, but I turned this whole mess into an unexpected new season of the podcast. I called it: Confessions: “The Cancer Chronicles” (cue the loud echoey music).

    I started talking to my phone on May 28, 2024- and then kept talking to it whenever the mood struck. With your support and our fabulous podcast manager, Phillipa, we produced 16 episodes that followed my journey from diagnosis through the first 8 months of treatment. It was raw vulnerability at its best- the ups, the downs, how I found peace in the midst of chaos, and some good old rectal humor.

    Sharing my story and how I am finding peace in the midst of chaos has not only been cathartic for me but has served other cancer thrivers, caregivers, and friends.

    There’s so much cancer out there right now. “The Big C” strikes fear and silence into most- so let’s keep talking about it. It’s part of life. It sucks- but it doesn’t have to suck if we all stick together and find the joy in the gift it brings. That gift is presence.

    And the show goes on. Cancer is still a pain in my rectum, so I’ll keep talking about it.

    Head’s up: The format is going to get even less formal (and possibly more fun?) because I’m all fundraised out, and all the fabulous bells and whistles like the cleverly and concisely written show notes, clean recordings, consistent scheduling, etc. were all the work of our podcast manager, Phillipa, who I cannot afford to pay right now.

    What can you do?

    Come be present with me and take a small action today that could change your life- or someone else’s. Listen to the podcast. Share it with your people. Donate to the production fund. Take out a paid subscription to this substack. Whatever helps you connect.

    I know you’re rooting for me- just like I’m rooting for you! So let’s get on with it!Love ya lots!Jenni

    Welcome to Season 4 Ep1!

    No show notes today- here’s a quick lowdown:-This episode was recorded on Feb 25, 2025, four weeks out from my last day of 8 months of chemo.-Chemo side effects continue…huh, wha?-Selfcare regimen to the rescue- thanks to all who contributed!-Life continues regardless- for everyone. Daily tasks keep coming. People and help come and go too.-Cancer treatment is a long journey.-The PAW grant that helped me with puppy and kitty food-The universe will take care of you no matter what-Expect a miracle. It may not look like what you think it’s going to look like, but it’s still going to show up:)

    Jenni Tooley Presents is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.



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    12 m
  • In the heartlight w/Dalton James, Part 2

    In the heartlight w/Dalton James, Part 2
    Apr 11 2025
    Thanks to our supporters, we’re back with more from MrJames Workshop! In our last encounter, we introduced Dalton (Mr. James to you) and took a trip down memory lane. Today, we will pick up where we left off with the introduction of MrJames newest endeavor, Queer Cosmic Folk Art, more specifically, The Billies! (Now on tour in Eureka Springs).You’ll get the most out of the experience by listening to the podcast audio while following along with the text and images. If you can’t listen to the episode, check out the audio transcript- it’s messy but full of amazing insights and stories! I’ve included the timecodes from the audio in this email so you can easily reference what I’m talking about:)Here we go!The Billies- 10 years in the making (Timecode 31:31)Billy started out as a literal doodle. I was in New York and I was in Brooklyn at jury duty. It was the most awful boring thing I could imagine, so I just started sketching this little face and I just kept drawing and drawing it. I showed it to Brian and he thought it was funny and kept encouraging me to do it.And then I worked on it for, I'd say 10-12 years just trying to find this little weird little face. Can you image working on something for ten years? …now that I think about it, it took me 20 to make my feature film, STUCK, so maybe I can! That’s a testament to what some long term one-day-at-a-time thinking can produce in your life:)”They all represent everyone in my mythology.Once I developed the original Billy, Billy B, he felt so lonely.I wanted to make him a family so, I did.…the naming convention, I wanted to pull from my roots in Texas…”You can bring a Billy home, just head on over to www.mrjamesworkshop.com and purchase online. Dalton also takes commissions!”THE ARCHETYPES” (38:04 Timecode)Feeling alone because you can’t find yourself in the mythologies that guide how we fit into culture? Follow Dalton’s lead and build your own!It's what we were talking about earlier about trying to find yourself in the world.For the longest time, I just gave up trying to find the story that seems so familiar that I could...I don't know… a path that I could follow or a direction that I go like, “oh, I can just go do this, because it's already there.I've tried to do that so many times and it never worked.And so I was like, “well, I guess I'll just make my own.”“I started with the hero because, I mean, you have to be the hero of your own story, right?”The hero is the creator that's how he becomes the hero. He finds that notion of everything you ever needed is right there inside and it contains everything. You already know everything you need to know.In this section we also cover:* Jenni’s having died multiple times over her lifetime* Keep the faith, you’re on a spirit quest* The Queen of Sleep and Melancholia (“This one character who disguises themselves to look like all the other archetypes. So that the voices that you hear from her sound like other archetypes telling you it's never going to work out.”)* Core Beliefs, The 3A’s, and how Jenni deals with her “taskmaster” * How two very different people with very different experiences can be on parallel paths and so much more!The Two Daltons (60:08 Time Code)I asked Dalton to send me his bio pic- I was surprised at what I received- so I straight up asked about why he sent me a photo of “mean Dalton”.I think that over time- and it's something that I've realized about myself-is that I created this external…styling…as a protective mechanism, so I don't get messed with.You know, the things that run in through your head that you have to protect yourself from. I mean, I live in downtown LA and it's super f*****g scary down here.I just wear that all the time.It's kind of a default, I guess. I don’t know if that’s good or bad. It’s just…that’s the picture.That we live in a world where this beautiful human has to hide his natural proclivity for joy, creativity, and love saddens me. How about you? “I would not have been able to create work of this level if it wasn't for the love I share with my husband. He has given me room, patience, and support to grow in directions that I never could have imagined.”Dalton asked that we celebrate his influences: Charles Schulz, Mary Blair, Takashi Murakami, Yoshitomo Nara, Keith Haring, and Robert Rauschenberg (another queer artist from Port Arthur, TX)Wrapping it up…for now.I’m so happy that I had a chance to reacquaint myself with a friend/collaborator of over 30 years. I love sitting down and talking to people. Everyone has a story- let’s face it- everyone has a whole crapload of them! I find that sharing stories with one another is a great way to realize that we are not alone in whatever it is we are going through and that our diversity of experiences and influences doesn’t have to separate or isolate us, in fact, they can connect us in ways we couldn’t have imagined.There’s more to come….we...
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    1 h y 9 m
  • In the heartlight w/Dalton James of Mr James Workshop Part 1

    In the heartlight w/Dalton James of Mr James Workshop Part 1
    Apr 3 2025
    Hi Darlin! Welcome to our first episode of “in the heartlight”- an in-depth multimedia interview series! You’ll get the most out of the experience by listening to the podcast audio while following along with the text and images. If you can’t listen to the episode, check out the audio transcript- it’s messy but full of amazing insights and stories!We begin the series with my longtime friend and collaborator, Mr James-known to me as…Dalton.Mr. James (known by me as Dalton) is a Los Angeles-based artist and cosmic raconteur, spinning vivid stories from the unanswered questions of childhood. Through painting and video, he transforms these mysteries into primary color-soaked, mytho-psychological pop fairy tales. His work, rooted in character as mythology, draws from pop and folk art traditions, with echoes of his years in NYC’s fashion world. At its core, his art is an homage to life in motion—ever-evolving, ever-becoming.First, a trip down memory lane (1990-2002)(corresponds with minute 02:07 in the podcast audio/transcript) “Dalton: One of the very first shows I did in Dallas as a performance artist…It was when I met you, and that was so long ago. And yet it was such a beautiful experience. I think we were both doing pieces that we felt so great about. And it was such a beautiful way to get introduced to you, your work, and for me to introduce my work and myself to you as wellJenni: That would have been at UTD. Was that “Piecing the Quilt?”Dalton: That was Piecing the Quilt.Jenni: Holy crap. I didn't even remember that one. I hadn’t gotten that far back!”“Jenni: I don’t think it was the next thing we did together, but it was one of my dad's most unfavorite plays I was in…the Tennessee Williams play…warning signs Dalton: Oh god, “Small Craft Warnings”. Yes. The other day I was looking for a voice to do and I was looking at Tennessee Williams and he was interviewing with Dick Cavett- I think he’s drunk- but he's talking about Small Craft Warnings. Yeah, it's fascinating. They don't talk much about the play because they couldn't- but it's a really funny interview…speaking of things that that maybe you didn't want to invite your parents to I remember having to stuff my pants for that show…”“Dalton: Good lord. Time is... Yeah, I did my one-man show in 2002. That was my last time on stage with... now I can't think of the name… Stag. My one-man extravaganza.Jenni: Oh, I didn't see that because I was in New York by then.”Winding our way through the streets of New York City, finding your truth and how artistic processes evolve. (Timecode in audio/transcript 14:05) This portion of the interview is a whirlwind of ideas, insights, and topics, including but not limited to:* -Texas Sheet Cakes in NYC bars* -Employing ChatGPT as part of the artistic process-Interviewing your characters, whether in a script or a painting* -How project management can make creative pursuits even more awesome! Now back to NYC…“Dalton: [In NYC] It's harder there to be heard, so my voice got super super quiet for a very long time- which was okay. I would still sketch and draw and stuff. I can't complain because I wound up doing t-shirt graphics for a living, which is a strange thing in itself and it got me into that world of what would be termed “apparel” or “fashion”, but it didn't do a lot for my genuine creative voice. Even though I got exposed to so much wonderful stuff, I just never felt, or I never took the chance, the opportunity to have that dialogue in that place.”“Dalton:I wasn't looking for the truth as much.I wanted to be clever.I wanted to be exciting and sexy.And it wasn't as much about truth telling.And it wasn't as much about truth telling.And it wasn't about exploration of myself.It was about trying to define myself in terms of pop culture, which was hard to do because I couldn't find myself in pop culture. So I wanted to try and somehow embed myself in pop culture, but I wasn't doing it with truth-telling in my storytelling.So now I start with an idea that's a feeling or an expression that I would like to make. And then, put it through the business mill- you know, you have to set your deadlines, get your supplies, and run your ideas up against other people and see if you can get a little bit of feedback. Certainly, it's not going to tell you what direction to take. Thank goodness. Or, or how it's supposed to look, but you can see if it's sticking.Your truth is sticking.”Whew! That brings us up to date…join us next week for Part 2 where we will explore Queer Cosmic Folk Art, the mythology that Dalton has built for himself, and the evolution of the Billies!Until then, travel to Eureka Springs for the “Meet the Billies Tour”. Can’t make the physical trip? Take a virtual trip to MrJamesWorkshop.combluesky: Dalton Jamesinstagram: Dalton JamesContact: hello@mrjamesworkshop.comSee you next week!Lotsa love, JenniJenni Tooley Presents is a ...
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    1 h y 9 m
  • Cancer Chronicles: Episode#…who knows?

    Cancer Chronicles: Episode#…who knows?
    Jan 21 2025

    Some days are better than others. Some parts of the day are better than others. The good news is this too shall pass.

    In this episode of the Cancer Chronicles, I’m talking about what it’s like to have a crappy day while on chemo, the endurance required to get through the end of the entire chemo protocol, and how knowing that the mantra “too shall pass” can get me through one day at a time.

    If you've been following my journey, you know it’s not just about the treatments; it’s finding joy in the small things, like great food, simple moments of laughter, and the people who show up along the way. The Cancer Chronicles is for anyone dealing with difficulties and life-altering challenges. It’s the push you need to give yourself the grace to take things one day at a time and to enjoy the process.

    If this episode helped you, or if you just want to hear more, don’t forget to visit jennitooley.com for more updates and ways to support the podcast. You can also check out the Jenni Tooley Presents community on Substack to stay connected and find out how you can get involved. Your support makes all the difference!

    Thank you for journeying with me. Remember, you’re not alone! Love ya!

    My goal is to keep Jenni Tooley Presents accessible to anyone regardless of their financial situation. You can support the mission by dropping a tip in the jar or becoming a paid subscriber!

    Credits:Special thanks to LEV in the Wild for the beautiful song "XYZ," courtesy of Holly Ragland. You can enjoy more of LEV's music at levinthewild.bandcamp.com.

    A huge shoutout to Bruce Richardson, our amazing sound designer, for creating the intro and outro bumpers.

    And a heartfelt thank you to Prettie Philippa, our wonderful podcast manager, for keeping everything running smoothly behind the scenes.

    Thanks to Dalton James of Mr. James Workshop for providing us with amazing graphic design and branding.

    Also, thank you to Willy, Ryan, Peggy, Daniel, Megan, Nancy, Pam, Carol, Patricia, Linda, Jenny, Tess, and Tom for supporting the podcast on Substack. You’ve made it possible to produce and share these episodes!

    Connect with me:Instagram: Jenni TooleyFacebook: Jenni TooleyWebsite: Jennitooley.com

    Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only and should not be considered or used as medical or legal advice.



    Get full access to Jenni Tooley Presents at www.jennitooley.com/subscribe
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    10 m
  • Cancer Chronicles Ep 15: Thriving Against the Odds

    Cancer Chronicles Ep 15: Thriving Against the Odds
    Dec 19 2024
    Sometimes life doesn’t go as planned, and that’s okay. What if instead of pushing against the flow, we embrace the change?Welcome back to Confessions of an Aging Ingénue! I’m your host, Jenni Tooley. This episode is a quick catch-up, as we dive into the real-life struggles of navigating cancer treatment while still trying to enjoy life’s little pleasures.I misplaced my glasses only to find them in the most unexpected place and it served as a reminder of how unpredictable life can be, especially when you’re dealing with the mental fog of chemo brain combined with menopause.That’s exactly what I’ve been learning as I shift from the person I used to be to who I’m becoming now. Whether it’s learning to accept my limitations or simply following my intuition, I’ve discovered new ways to thrive—without forcing things.For example, I started making upcycled baskets and holiday packages with things I found at thrift stores, even from boxes left out on the street. Stores in town loved them! It’s also fun for me and an excellenr reminder that I can still contribute in ways that bring joy to others—even if they’re small things.This has all been part of a journey of acceptance. At first, it can feel like we’re letting go of something, like the activities we once enjoyed. But acceptance is powerful; it allows room for something new to unfold. And you know what? It’s okay to grieve what we’ve lost, but let’s also start looking for what still brings us joy. Sometimes it’s just about doing something fun and unexpected.I have discovered that every time I stopped trying to control the outcome and simply followed the flow, good things happened.Through my journey with cancer, I’ve made so much self-discovery, uncovering strength I never knew I had, learning to embrace vulnerability, and finding a deeper appreciation for the small, beautiful moments in life. The kindness and connections I’ve experienced have reminded me that thriving isn’t always about big achievements or plans; sometimes it’s showing up and allowing life to unfold naturally.This is what thriving looks like for me now. Not doing it all or having everything figured out but embracing the little moments, staying open, and trusting that what’s meant for me will come in its own time.If you've been following my journey, you know it’s not just about the treatments; it’s finding joy in the small things, like great food, simple moments of laughter, and the people who show up along the way. The Cancer Chronicles is for anyone dealing with difficulties and life-altering challenges. It’s the push you need to give yourself the grace to take things one day at a time and to enjoy the process.If this episode helped you, or if you just want to hear more, don’t forget to visit jennitooley.com for more updates and ways to support the podcast. You can also check out the Jenni Tooley Presents community on Substack to stay connected and find out how you can get involved. Your support makes all the difference!Thank you for journeying with me. Remember, you’re not alone in this!Credits:Special thanks to LEV in the Wild for the beautiful song "XYZ," courtesy of Holly Ragland. You can enjoy more of LEV's music at levinthewild.bandcamp.com.A huge shoutout to Bruce Richardson, our amazing sound designer, for creating the intro and outro bumpers.And a heartfelt thank you to Prettie Philippa, our wonderful podcast manager, for keeping everything running smoothly behind the scenes.Thanks to Dalton James of Mr. James Workshop for providing us with amazing graphic design and branding.Also, thank you to Peggy, Daniel, Nancy, Pam, Carol, Patricia, Linda, Jenny, Tess, and Tom for supporting the podcast on Substack. You’ve made it possible to produce and share these episodes!Connect with me:Instagram: Jenni TooleyFacebook: Jenni TooleyWebsite: Jennitooley.comDisclaimer: This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only and should not be considered or used as medical or legal advice. Get full access to Jenni Tooley Presents at www.jennitooley.com/subscribe
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    35 m
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