When your world shatters, sometimes the only way forward is through the broken pieces. Four years after losing my father to cancer, I found myself facing the darkest moment of my life. Today, I'm recording from Harmony, California, a fitting metaphor for the peace I've finally discovered within myself.

My Beautiful Bipolar Life isn't just a podcast title; it's the reality I've come to embrace. During my year-long hiatus, I've realized that launching this podcast prematurely was my desperate attempt to create normalcy when what I truly needed was time to heal. Listening back to earlier episodes, particularly my interview with Judge Lynn Toler, I can hear my manic state and internal struggles – evidence of a person doing their best while drowning.

What a difference a year makes. This relaunch marks a transformation in both content and purpose. This podcast will serve as a platform for authentic storytelling about mental wellness, travel, food, and the beautiful chaos of life. For anyone who feels everything that humanity has to offer, who wants to disrupt broken systems, and who strives to be the change they wish to see in the world – this space is for you.

Join me every Tuesday beginning July 15th as we navigate the complexities of bipolar disorder, challenge stigmas, and celebrate the unexpected joys found along the way. Together, we'll prove that our deepest struggles often lead to our greatest purpose. Are you ready for this beautiful ride?

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When the wisdom of Judge Lynn Toler meets the intimacy of a podcast, you're bound to unearth some life-changing insights. This very special episode takes you through a labyrinth of emotional intelligence, exploring the powerful blend of humor, perspective, and compassion derived from Judge Toler's experiences with a bipolar father and a deeply perceptive mother. Our conversation uncovers the transformative influence of emotional self-awareness and how mastering it can lead to profound personal growth and success, both in and out of the courtroom.

Strap in for a heart-to-heart on creating relationships that thrive on equality and patience, as we reminisce about the early, intentional days of romantic connections and discuss the culturally ingrained issues that plague modern partnerships. Judge Toler shares her personal stories of both grief and healing, lending comfort and guiding lights to those navigating the treacherous path of loss. Every anecdote, brimming with vulnerability, invites you to consider the resilience and power of the human spirit in the face of adversity.

But it's not all heavy hearts and deep dives—there's room for a laugh, a wag of a tail from Toler's loyal companion Zora, and even a discussion on the lighter side of life post-widowhood. We traverse the spectrum of emotions, all the while examining the role of public figures in advocating for change and the impact of one's background on honesty in the public sphere. This episode promises to leave you with a tapestry of heartfelt narratives and perhaps, a newfound appreciation for the emotional superpowers we all possess.

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As I held my father's hand during his final serene moments, a world of healing and self-discovery awaited me, a journey I never anticipated but have bravely embarked upon. My story today is not just about loss but the remarkable resilience that blooms in its wake. In this deeply personal episode, I pull back the curtain on the profound impact of my father's passing. I reveal the raw emotions of saying goodbye, the strength found in confronting generational trauma, and the bittersweet process of reconnecting with my estranged brother. The path of healing didn't end with farewells; it led me through the harrowing decision to leave an unhealthy relationship and the commitment to honor my father's legacy, dreams that have taken me from the Alaskan wilderness to the electric energy of the Super Bowl.

But life, as it often does, threw curveballs that tested the very core of my being. I recount the tumultuous return from Dubai, where a board member's illegal antics set off a series of events that threatened my stability, challenging my bipolar disorder like never before. Despite the chaos, I found moments of joy—from the glamour of the governor's ball with Smokey Robinson to the playful antics at my sixth Puppy Bowl—reminding me that beauty persists among life's storms. With federal investigations looming, I share the bold gesture of honoring my late father's memory at the Super Bowl, a testament to his spirit that goes beyond the Philadelphia Eagles' defeat. And in a dance across America, inspired by the likes of Pink and Stevie Nicks, I embrace the unyielding spirit of that little girl who always knew she was destined for an extraordinary life. Join me on this intimate voyage of heartache and hope, a narrative that encapsulates the essence of true resilience.

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The rollercoaster of life's harshest trials has a way of unveiling the profound strength and gratitude within us all. Join me, Kelly Bauer, as I take you on a deeply personal journey marked by my father's battle with cancer, the cherished moments filming the Puppy Bowl, and the unforeseen tragedy of my son's accident. Our latest episode is a testament to the resilience of family bonds and the unexpected places where hope can be found—like the idea for a community-supporting cafe born in the quiet of an ICU bathroom. Listen in as we navigate the complexities of grief and the bittersweet process of learning to let go, including the farewell to my beloved pit bull, Jackson, amidst a Christmas of poignant firsts and lasts.

There's an indescribable poignancy in the final conversations between a parent and child, something this episode explores with raw honesty. I'll share the treasured six weeks I had with my father, filled with music and laughter, which later gave way to an intimate goodbye that will forever be etched in my heart. The narrative reaches a crescendo as I recount the sacred moment of his passing, providing a space for listeners to reflect on love, loss, and the serenity of being present in the final chapter of a loved one's life story. Experience the emotional farewell and the peace that comes with embracing the beauty in goodbye.

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Embark with me, Kelly Bauer, on a deeply emotional expedition across the American landscape, one that weaves through the formidable Grand Canyon to the soulful rhythm of New Orleans, all while unraveling the intricate threads of a relationship between a father and daughter. With each mile, we peel back the layers of my father's silent struggle with cancer, his battle with PTSD, and the scars of mental illness, revealing not just the pain but also the profound moments of joy and revelation. From witnessing my dad's dream come true on the edge of the Grand Canyon to sharing the vibrance of the streets of New Orleans, these are the stories of dreams realized, of simple Southern comforts, and of long-sought healing.

The journey doesn't pause at just sightseeing; it's a pilgrimage of transformation and acceptance. As the train carves its way through the breathtaking Royal Gorge, we share laughter and tears, embracing the beauty of unconditional love that softens even the toughest of exteriors. The ghostly whispers of Savannah offer unexpected wisdom, steering us towards a new understanding of belief and possibility. Join us for an intimate glimpse into the power of forgiveness, the discovery of self-worth, and the unspoken bond that defines family. This is more than an adventure—it's a passage through the heart, and you're invited to come along for the ride.

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Embark on an emotional odyssey with me, Kelly Bauer, as I navigate the poignant story of my life, marked by the pivotal events of April 18th, 2020, that forever altered my essence. As we unravel the threads of seeking my father's elusive approval, we find the echoes of his own struggles reflected in the depth of his eyes—mirrors to a love he could not grant himself. My tale is not merely one of personal transformation but an exploration into the heart of generational trauma and the relentless pursuit of an affection left wanting.

Within this powerful episode, I share the raw vulnerability of my father's terminal diagnosis, the life-altering choices that ensued, and the subsequent odyssey that morphed into a quest for healing. As we traverse the terrain of my past, a juxtaposition of fear and hope, we journey together through the last chapters of my father's life. It's through the lens of loss and a promise made to both my younger self and my father that I vow to shatter the shackles of my lineage and embrace a future where my actions aim to change the world. Join me and witness a transformation that promises to touch your soul and perhaps, ignite a spark within your own story.

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The phone call that shook my world on April 10, 2020, wasn't just any call – it was the one that told me my father had collapsed with a brain tumor, thrusted into a battle with terminal cancer. This episode isn't just a recount of the harrowing days following that call; it's a raw, intimate glimpse into a painful junction of my life where mortality, strained family ties, and my own mental health challenges with bipolar disorder collide.

Join me, Kelly Bauer, as I strip down the emotional layers of those 48 hours, unraveling the complex web where love, trauma, and the urgency of life intersect. You'll hear how, even as the world grappled with the onset of a pandemic, I found solace in crafting a bucket list of final adventures for my father, inspired by my time with a hospice foster dog, Fred. Uncover the intense journey of self-reflection, the quest for healing, and the unvarnished truth about what it means to truly live in the face of death.

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Support the show