There is a narcissism pandemic in our world. For those who are in relationships with narcissists--whether it's your boyfriend/husband, mother/father, sibling, or in-law, being in a relationship with a narcissist is not easy. There is real pain and struggle.

In this eye-opening and truly informative interview with Rikki Jacobson Davies, we learn how to identify the telltale signs of a narcissist, and how to best navigate our relationship with them. Rikki is the clinical director and founder of the Center for Relational Resilience. She is passionate about helping people heal from relational trauma with clarity, truth and resilience. A private clinician and sought after lecturer, Rikki has developed a unique approach to healing from complicated, confusing, and painful relationships.

To start off, we need to recognize that being in a relationship with a narcissist falls into the category of relational trauma, which is trauma in the context of a close relationship. (This is different from trauma someone might have sustained that came from a more distant relationship, like a teacher, a community member, or a stranger.)

So, how do you actually know if your husband (or other family member) is a narcissist? Here is a deeper understanding of what a narcissist really is. A narcissist is a person who has a severely under developed sense of self; their basic emotional core is missing. This is a person who has an extremely fragile ego and needs another person to constantly validate them, appreciate them, see them hear them, focus on their needs exclusively, and build them up continuously because they can't do that for themselves. They are pre-occupied with validating and affirming their own existence and that they matter. Since they are very insecure, they will do anything they can to get their emotional sustenance from other people.
Other people's focus needs to be on them and their wants and needs all the time in order for them to feel good about themselves. Their insecurity comes from a lack of a strong sense of self.

They will manipulate and intimidate until they get their way. One tactic of manipulation is love bombing--flooding someone with a lot of love and loving gestures to either bring them into a relationship initially, or pull them back into the relationship when they try to leave.

While most people develop their sense of self as young children, narcissists seemed to skip that step due to circumstances in their early childhood years that prevented normal inner growth and development. While people don't enjoy being criticized, a healthy person can take critique, learn from it and grow from it without throwing a temper tantrum or flying into a rage. Criticism to a narcissist is like kryptonite to a narcissist. They avoid criticism at all costs because their fragile ego simply cannot handle it.

So what can we do? How can we deal with the narcissist in our lives? According to Rikki, people to set aside their own personal finances so that they feel as financially secure as possible, in case they need to leave the relationship, so that they don't have to rely on the narcissist for money.

Rikki also encourages us to get support from family and friends. We need to find our people--those who will listen to us, encourage us, and stand by us. When we build relationships with friends and family who envelop us with love and positivity, we build a life for ourselves outside of our relationship with the narcissist. We can still be happy and whole people who are in a relationship that did not go the way they dreamed.

Whether you decide to stay in the relationship or leave, YOU have your own innate value and worth that has nothing to do with the narcissist. You can have a beautiful life despite of your relationship. There is a lot of hope for personal fulfillment.

You can reach Rikki through her website: www.relationalresilience.com

You can also email: atrebbetzins@gmail.com

Vera Kessler (host of America's Top Rebbetzins) is a certified life coach. She specializes in transformational life coaching and accountability coaching. She is also a motivational speaker. Vera's mission is to help women get out of survival mode and start thriving. She works with women who are committed to stepping into their own self-worth and creating the life they want to live--one that is full of joy, empowerment, meaning, and purpose.
To learn more, visit:
https://innerlifecoachingwithvera.com/