Family Humor

Every family has a dirty uncle. In my family, it was Uncle Dan. Pour a couple beers in him, and he’d start telling inappropriate jokes in front of the whole disapproving family. “A girl only has one heart, so playing with her heart is wrong,” Uncle Dan advised. “Play with her boobs instead -- she’s got two of those.” “I’m feeling a bit depressed today: I just noticed I’ve got a gray pubic hair,” he said. “I didn’t freak out too much when I found it, but the people in the elevator with me looked horrified.” Uncle Dan shook his head sadly and said, “Some people say...

The cat that Olive rescues from a flood has a secret: He's not really a cat at all, but an alien who crashed to Earth on a beam of light. The cat, whom Olive names Leonard, was prepared to visit the planet as a human - but something went wrong. Now Leonard may never know what it's like to hold an umbrella, go bowling, or host a dinner party. (And his human jokes still need some work: Knock, knock. Who's there? Just Leonard. It is me.)

This is not a fairy tale. This is about real witches. Grandmamma loves to tell about witches. Real witches are the most dangerous of all living creatures on Earth. There's nothing they hate so much as children, and they work all kinds of terrifying spells to get rid of them. Her grandson listens closely to Grandmamma's stories - but nothing can prepare him for the day he comes face-to-face with The Grand High Witch herself!

Agatha O’Malley has become a recluse in the home that should be holding warm and wonderful memories. Up until her husband’s death, she led a happy and social life as the wife of a wealthy physician in the small town of Park Place, South Carolina. But now that he’s dead, she’s not only grieving for him, she’s furious with him over the mysterious disappearance of the stocks, bonds and money he told her he’d put aside for their retirement. What is she to do when there’s barely enough money in their joint checking account to survive, and how will she pay property taxes and keep up...

The Frog Princess and its sequels - continues the enchanting adventures of Eadric and Emma. When Trolls kidnap Eadric’s little brother, his mother won’t let Emma use magic - even to rescue him. Together with some offbeat friends, Eadric and Emma soon embark on a quest to free the endangered lad. As they traverse hostile terrain, fight off terrifying foes, and find unexpected allies, Emma begins to discover the true measure of Eadric’s devotion and strength.

When Mrs. Maisy starts her mail order bride service, it’s with the hope of helping young men and women find the same happiness she’s found with her own husband. She has no idea that the brides she helps make their way out west will face all manner of challenges that will test their faiths and sometimes even endanger their lives. Through it all, however, Mrs. Maisy’s Marvelous Mail Order Brides’ courage and strength shine through. It will take a lot of hard work and more than a little adventure, but steadily the brides build new lives together with the men they love! You'll get Six ...

This seventh entry picks up right from the cliffhanger ending of Tales from the Hood, as Sabrina and Daphne's parents finally awake from their sleeping spell. But this is no time for complacency. The family must help Prince Charming's Everafter army fight the Scarlet Hand, and Sabrina must confront the deadly and mysterious Master.

Age Level: 7 and up Grade Level: 2nd and up Over 2000 five-star series ratings and reviews on Amazon and Goodreads! A talking fox is so awesome! My name is Jonah Johnson, and I'm in the 6th grade -- but please call me Joe. My whole world was made better when I met a talking fox. I'm about to find out how Fox got the ability to walk and talk like humans. But before I can, we have to avoid a whole new enemy that wants to take Fox away. My Fox Ate My Alarm Clock is a entertaining fantasy for kids, teachers, and parents. It's an enjoyable story for children in elementary and middle school, and ...

At last, Sam, Anastasia Krupnik's irrepressible little brother, gets a chance to tell his own story. From his first days at the hospital, through his Terrible Twos, to his first days at nursery school, we see what Sam is really like. But things are never quite what they seem.

To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose; it is summer in Scotland Street (as it always is) and for the habitués of Edinburgh's favourite street, some extraordinary adventures lie in waiting. For the impossibly vain Bruce Anderson - he of the clove-scented hair gel - it may finally be time to settle down, and surely it can only be a question of picking the lucky winner from the hordes of his admirers. The Duke of Johannesburg is keen to take his flight of fancy, a microlite seaplane, from the drawing board to the skies.

When a Republican party wins the General Election, they strip the royal family of everything and send them to live on a housing estate in the Midlands. Exchanging caviar for boiled eggs, servants for a social worker named Trish, the Queen and her family learn what it means to be poor among the great unwashed. Is their breeding sufficient to allow them to rise above their changed circumstance or deep down are they really just like everyone else?

Lily and Grace Garrison, and their trusty beagle Rocky, are ready for a relaxing getaway. When their friend Daniel Farnsworth invites them to Oakwood Pastures, a prestigious equestrian estate he’s heavily invested in. But their vacation takes a dark turn when a champion horse dies under suspicious circumstances, followed by a string of sabotage incidents, during a high-stakes equestrian championship. With the stable’s reputation—and owner Malcolm’s fortune—on the line, tensions run high. Is someone trying to ruin Oakwood Pastures from the inside, or is there a more sinister motive...

Following up on the classic children's novel The Saturdays, Elizabeth Enright continues the engaging tale of the Melendy family (Mona, Rush, Randy, Oliver, Father, and Cuffy, the housekeeper) and their move from an old brownstone in New York City to a charming house in the country. Called the Four-Story Mistake for its odd look and confused architectural history, the house offers the Melendys wonderful quirks and surprises.

Popular children's author Katherine Applegate launches an entertaining new series featuring Roscoe Riley, a good-natured first grader whose own rules can't keep him out of mischief. In his first adventure, Roscoe shares a simple rule: Never glue your friends to chairs. But when he finds a bottle of Super-Mega-Gonzo glue in the junk drawer at home, he can't resist tossing it in his backpack and taking it to school.

Perfect for anyone yearning for a simpler, slower pace of life, as well as fans of Dr. Larimore's popular Bryson City series, The Best Medicine is a tender and insightful collection of stories chronicling one young doctor's passage from inexperience to maturity as a physician, husband, father, and community member. Filled with characters colorful and crusty, warmhearted and hotheaded, witty and winsome, these captivating stories glow with warmth, love, and humor. You'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll wish Dr. Larimore was your doctor.

Pregnant and secretly married, Cheryl Anway scribbles what becomes her last will and testament on a school binder shortly before a rampaging trio of misfit classmates gun her down in a high school cafeteria. For a handful of people still reeling from that horrific day, life remains derailed.

Dr. Cyrus Mills returns to his hometown after inheriting his father's failing veterinary practice. Cyrus intends to sell the practice and get out of town as fast as he can, but when his first patient - a down-on-her-luck golden retriever named Frieda Fuzzypaws - wags her way through the door, life suddenly gets complicated. Cyrus gets caught up in a new community and its endearing residents, both human and animal. Sensing he may have misjudged the past, he begins to realize it's not just his patients that need healing.

Like a car alarm, bagpipe music, or a doorbell ringing in the middle of the night, hearing this all-new audio edition of The Bad Beginning will only upset you. This unique multi-voice recording brings the first book in Lemony Snicket's alarming A Series of Unfortunate Events to such terrible life that no one should really have to experience it.

Children and adults alike will delight in this heart-warming tale of a precocious girl who discovers, to her dismay, that her parents are about to have a baby. Anastasia's hilarious lists of her likes and dislikes - sprinkled throughout the story - offer a lighthearted counterpoint to poignant moments that reveal the worries and fears of a fourth grader.

"This is small town romance at its best!” Brook I meet the hottest man I’ve ever seen, and I ugly cry on him. And when I say ugly cry, I mean the whole deal: streaky mascara, puffy eyes, and snot everywhere. Totally embarrassing. And confirmation that my life is officially a hot mess. I’ve inherited my mother’s dog hotel. The building needs repairs, we’re in debt, and my sisters have descended on the house, leaving it a noisy, chaotic mess. Then along comes Owen, making me laugh and cry and tingle all over. But when I find out his secret, I’m devastated. I want nothing more to ...