Family Humor

Willy Wonka's famous chocolate factory is opening at last! But only five lucky children will be allowed inside. And the winners are: Augustus Gloop, an enormously fat boy whose hobby is eating; Veruca Salt, a spoiled-rotten brat whose parents are wrapped around her little finger; Violet Beauregarde, a dim-witted gum-chewer with the fastest jaws around; Mike Teavee, a toy pistol-toting gangster-in-training who is obsessed with television; and Charlie Bucket, our hero, a boy who is honest and kind, brave and true, and good and ready for the wildest time of his life!

The BFG is no ordinary bone-crunching giant. He is far too nice and jumbly. It's lucky for Sophie that he is. Had she been carried off in the middle of the night by the Bloodbottler, or any of the other giants - rather than the BFG - she would have soon become breakfast. When Sophie hears that the giants are flush-bunking off to England to swollomp a few nice little chiddlers, she decides she must stop them once and for all. And the BFG is going to help her!

Alexander’s dad has a new job 1,000 miles away, so now his family has to move. Alexander would rather have poison ivy. Maybe he could live with the Baldwins and their dog. He’s always wanted a dog. How can he leave Rachel, his favorite baby-sitter, who taught him to stand on his head and whistle with two fingers (but not at the same time)? And his best friend Paul, who’s like a brother, except that he doesn’t call Alexander "puke-face" like his real brother does? Just as Alexander is ready to hide from his parents, Dad decides that a boy might need a dog....

If you have not read anything about the Baudelaire orphans, then before you read even one more sentence, you should know this: Violet, Klaus, and Sunny are kindhearted and quick-witted, but their lives, I am sorry to say, are filled with bad luck and misery. All of the stories about these three children are unhappy and wretched, and this one may be the worst of them all.

While spacing out in Chemistry class, Lily scribbles some of her favorite song lyrics onto her desk. The next day, she finds that someone has continued the lyrics on the desk, and added a message to her. Intrigue! Soon, Lily and her anonymous pen pal are exchanging full-on letters - sharing secrets, recommending bands, and opening up to each other. Lily realizes she's kind of falling for this letter writer. Only who is he?

Chelsea Handler loves to smoke out "dumbassness", the condition people suffer from that allows them to fall prey to her brand of complete and utter nonsense. Friends, family, co-workers - they've all been tricked by Chelsea into believing stories of total foolishness and into behaving like total fools. Luckily, they've lived to tell the tales and, for the very first time, write about them.

Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle is back with a brand-new bundle of wonderfully magical cures for any bad habit - from watching too much TV, to picky eating to fear of trying new things. With a little help from her pets, Wag the dog, Lightfoot the cat, Lester the pig, and a trunk full of magnificent powders and potions, she can solve any problem big or small.

Lenny Marks is excellent at not having a life. She bikes home from work at exactly 4pm each day, buys the same groceries for the same meals every week, and owns thirty-six copies of The Hobbit (currently arranged by height). The closest thing she has to a friendship is playing Scrabble against an imaginary Monica Gellar while watching Friends reruns. And Lenny Marks is very, very good at not remembering what happened the day her mother and stepfather disappeared when she was still a child. The day a voice in the back of her mind started whispering, You did this.

From the best-selling author of The Devil Wears Prada and When Life Gives You Lululemons comes a highly entertaining, sharply observed novel about sisters, their perfect lives...and their perfect lies.

Hardly a day passes without Trille and Lena inventing some kind of adventure that often ends in trouble. Whether it's coaxing a cow onto a boat or tobogganing down the steepest and iciest hill with a chicken, there is always a thrill - and sometimes an injury - to be had. Trille loves to share everything with Lena, even Auntie Granny's waffles, which make everything just perfect. But when Lena has to move away, and Auntie Granny leaves the world, it sometimes seems nothing will ever be right again.

One man’s family is another man’s harem… Forty-year-old Steve Goodwin is living high on the bachelor life. With his latest conquest, the lithe and shapely personal trainer Misha Maxwell, ready to say yes, Steve’s world gets turned upside down. Steve’s best friend’s, Dan Archer, is leaving town on a months long project and trusts only Steve to look after his voluptuous wife, Rachel, and his four pure and innocent college-aged daughters. Bratty, blue-eyed bombshell Lilly is the first Archer daughter to test Steve’s patience. And now Steve must discover his inner father to quell ...

Korede is bitter. How could she not be? Her sister, Ayoola, is many things: the favorite child, the beautiful one, possibly sociopathic. And now Ayoola’s third boyfriend in a row is dead. Korede’s practicality is the sisters’ saving grace. She knows the best solutions for cleaning blood, the trunk of her car is big enough for a body, and she keeps Ayoola from posting pictures of her dinner to Instagram when she should be mourning her “missing” boyfriend. Not that she gets any credit. Korede has long been in love with a kind, handsome doctor at the hospital where she works.

You know it's going to be a rough summer when you spend Father's Day visiting your dad in the local lockup. Noah's dad is sure that the owner of the Coral Queen casino boat is flushing raw sewage into the harbor, which has made taking a dip at the local beach like swimming in a toilet. He can't prove it though, and so he decides that sinking the boat will make an effective statement. Right. The boat is pumped out and back in business within days and Noah's dad is stuck in the clink.

The only child of a single mother, Nina has her life just as she wants it: a job in a bookstore, a kick-butt trivia team, a world-class planner and a cat named Phil. If she sometimes suspects there might be more to life than reading, she just shrugs and picks up a new book. When the father Nina never knew existed suddenly dies, leaving behind innumerable sisters, brothers, nieces, and nephews, Nina is horrified. They all live close by! They're all - or mostly all - excited to meet her! She'll have to Speak. To. Strangers. It's a disaster!

Mrs. Sookie Poole of Point Clear, Alabama, has just married off the last of her daughters and is looking forward to relaxing and perhaps traveling with her husband, Earle. The only thing left to contend with is her mother, the formidable Lenore Simmons Krackenberry. Lenore may be a lot of fun for other people, but is, for the most part, an overbearing presence for her daughter. Then one day, quite by accident, Sookie discovers a secret about her mother's past that knocks her for a loop and suddenly calls into question everything she ever thought she knew about herself, her family, and her future.

Sheldon convinces Lucy, Sam, April, and Amanda to join him at a weeklong sleepaway summer camp - Camp Paleo: Live Like a Caveman. Like cavemen, they're going to have to make do without air-conditioning or a heated pool. They'll learn archery and dig for fossils. And Grandma's coming, too; she's taking a job as lunch lady for the camp next door.

700+ Hilarious Jokes for Seniors and Adults of All Ages – Laugh Out Loud with Timeless Grandpa Humor! Do you love a good laugh? What if you could brighten up any day with side-splitting jokes that are both cheesy and clever? "Grandpa Jokes" is packed with over 700 laugh-out-loud jokes that are perfect for sharing with friends and family or enjoying by yourself whenever you need a hearty chuckle! Why This Book is a Must-Have: Perfect for Any Occasion: From family gatherings to casual get-togethers, these jokes are guaranteed to lighten the mood and create joyful memories. Fun and Clean ...

Very pregnant and not quite married, Jenny Harris doesn’t mind that she and her live-in fiancé, Dean, accidentally started their family a little earlier than planned. But Dean is acting distant, and the night he runs out for cigarettes and doesn’t come back, he demotes himself from future husband to sperm donor. And the very next day, Jenny goes into labor.

Four children's Great books, all rolled into one. best for bedtime stories beginner / early reader poetry for kids. best animals stories, value tales

From the master of tragicomedy and award-winning author of Skippy Dies: a tour de force new novel about family, fortune, and the struggle to be a good person when the world is (maybe) ending. Irresistibly funny, wise and thought-provoking, a state-of-the-nation novel about one unhappy family in the midst of meltdown.