Funny Christmas

'Farting in a lift.... it's wrong on so many levels' A sh*t load of dad jokes that have been compiled and created by Joe King to entertain Dad's (and mums!) on whilst on the toilet. With over 500 jokes, you will love this! A superb gift to those dad's who think they are funny yet actually need some new jokes!

The North Wind and the Sun ******************************* " One day in late spring with the sun shining strong She announced to the North Wind, “You do not belong!” “It’s time you must leave, so things can get hot.” But the North Wind said simply, “Oh, no, I will not.” ********** About Aesop’s Fables ****** Who was Aesop, and why are his fables famous all over the world? In fact, very little is known about this mysterious Ancient Greek figure. He is thought to have been a slave originally from Africa, but even that isn’t known for certain. But his stories, with their ...

What sounds good at the bar may seem crazy the next day. Holly is the most studious of her sorority sisters, for her it's books, books, books. But when her hot billionaire hero gets bombarded with matchmaking mama antics, she steps up to help. So what if he’s attractive, elusive, and only wants temporary. She can be close to Chance without falling in love with him. Chance Kentwell likes to go fast and seize all of life’s joys. His only loyalties are to his stock portfolio, his graduation plans, and his billionaire brothers. When he sees his oldest brother speeding toward an engagement ...

The Riptide is professional baseball’s newest team. It’s also the worst. The players are washed up, lazy, and should have retired a long time ago. Tommy is the team’s biggest fan. He goes to every home game, watches the away games on TV, and even blogs about the Riptide. He knows everything there is know about baseball but is the worst player in his local Little League. So how did he end up on baseball’s biggest stage? Will Panzell is the owner of the team. He’s also completely nuts. He lies, cheats, and schemes to sell tickets to Riptide games. His latest stunt is so bananas it ...

When a romantic Christmas movie starts filming in Crystal Falls, no one thought murder was part of the script. A motion picture company chooses Crystal Falls as the setting for their romantic Christmas movie but when a crew member is murdered and the star of the film is poisoned, Luke and Bandit rush in to solve another mystery in their small hometown. Deadly “accidents” start to plague the production and sightings of an off-balance celebrity stalker sets everyone on edge. Luke searches for clues with help from the telepathic link he shares with his dog Bandit, his cop crush Brooke, and...

If she gives you butterflies, brace for trouble. I’m Spencer Dalton—former football star turned sports agent. My life runs on discipline and strategy, not chaos. After a career-ending injury, I rebuilt my world with structure, focus, and a solid plan. Then Sloane Thompson comes along, the walking definition of unpredictable. She’s a creative whirlwind who turns my carefully ordered world upside down when we’re thrown together for a Christmas charity event. Sloane’s spark is impossible to ignore. She’s passionate, fiery, and full of life—the complete opposite of everything I ...

Santa's surprise visit, a backroom deal, a rare map, and someone's been really, really bad. Five holidays tales, including an all-new Samantha Moon short story! "When Sam Met Santa" - When Santa Claus shows up at Samantha Moon's door, it's hardly the strangest thing that's ever happened to her. What happens next, however, is another story... Also included: "The Santa Call" - After accidentally forgetting his wife at home during a weekend getaway, ol’ St. Nick returns to discover she’s left him. At wit’s end, Santa turns to a radio talk show for some much needed love advice. But will ...

Read all of Cindy Blackburn's Cozy Mysteries for FREE with Kindle Unlimited! Welcome to Lake Elizabeth, Vermont, where Santa Claus is due to arrive any day now, and Cassie Baxter is going nuts. Who wouldn’t go nuts? This is her first Christmas with her adopted son Truman, and she’s determined to make it memorable. But that human skull the kid found when he was searching for Christmas decorations in the attic wasn’t exactly part of the plan. And Joe Wylie, Cassie’s supposed boyfriend, isn’t making life any easier during this frantic week before the holiday either. Then there’s ...

Christmas in a mountain town teaches more than one resident what it truly means to forgive. Struggling to take care of his deaf son in a town with no resources, Ethan Knight’s at the end of his rope. When his son is kicked out of preschool, he feels he’s out of options and prays for a miracle. A newcomer to Snow Globe, Montana may be his answer to prayer. London Meriwether leaves her home after the passing of her grandmother, the woman who raised her. She falls in love with Snow Globe, Montana. The small town seems close to perfect. When she meets Ethan Knight, she discovers a way to ...

Hello, I’m Star. I’m smart, I’m green, and I love nothing more than collecting beautiful objects and hiding them in my secret lair. Unfortunately, my family of two-legs doesn’t always appreciate my hobby. Well, they don’t understand the art of collecting like I do, do they!? Just imagine, I take one little ornament from the Christmas tree and the mum two-legs says, “Star! You naughty cat!” Hey, do they really expect me to leave all the purrfect shiny thingies on the tree? Ok, ok, I admit. I could try leaving them alone. But honestly, what kitty could resist such temptation? ...

Kristmas in Kristin- Kristin was seeing stars, the Christmas lights around them blurring in her vision until she had to slam her eyes shut. She was going over the edge any second and she wanted it exactly like she’d always envisioned. Pulling him to her with her thighs, she wrapped her legs around his neck, putting pressure on him until his poor ears were suctioned to her skin. Joey had never felt something so good in his life but he didn’t dare say it. Then she would know, know he was a virgin. She cried out when she fell apart, needing Joey’s arm around her back to keep her from ...

Norma Elliot is a spirited ginger with a head full of orange curls and a heart full of questions. In this winter tale, she navigates life's ups and downs, learning valuable lessons and jotting them down in her secret journal. Far from perfect, Norma’s story is an honest and heartfelt journey of faith, self-discovery, and growing up—perfect for anyone who’s ever felt like a work in progress. With humor and heart, Victoria Simcox brings Norma’s world to life, hoping to remind readers that God’s love isn’t reserved for perfect people. It’s in the mistakes, the laughs, and the ...

Rockstar dreams don’t come true, at least not for Jayla Bennett. So why is Spencer living out all his dreams touring the country while his ex-girlfriend/former bandmate is stuck struggling through mundane days at a 9-5 she can’t stand? Was it a case of bad timing? Did life get in the way? Or did Spencer just not love her enough to reach out when Reciprocity finally hit it big? Spencer’s avoided his hometown like the plague since leaving four years ago. He hasn’t set foot in Graybush, let alone the house he grew up in, not since his mother died right beside his dreams of going to ...

MY SPECIAL STAR Read it FREE as part of your Kindle Unlimited membership I couldn't sleep that night; I was wide awake, I heard a loud noise and I started to shake. Then I went out to the yard to look around, A very bright light was shining on the ground.

It's a secret Santa whodunnit! "No doughnuts on Tuesdays!" "No Christmas trees allowed!" When their Grinchy landlord posts a stack of crazy proclamation flyers, it rattles an oddball assortment of residents in an apartment complex. But then on a quiet night in, festive gifts mysteriously appear on doorknobs and doormats-- and the game of Guess Who is afoot. The evening turns into a maze of clues as tenants tally gifts, prowl the halls, chase shadows and even run into a little romance before the surprising culprit is caught. And no, it's not the landlord! Ha-ha This holiday short story is ...

Wrapped in Love: A Christmas Story of Forgiveness and Second Chances Lisa is a smart, sexy bombshell who sees men only as a source of pleasure. She never dates exclusively, and there's a reason she never lets them stay all night. Mark is a lawyer and single dad who's focused on raising his young daughter. Love? No thanks, he’s got enough on his plate trying to explain why Santa can’t bring a new mom. But when Lisa struts into Mark's law office, his orderly world turns upside down. He can’t stop thinking about her, like a Christmas gift wrapped in glitter and bows that he just has to ...

Cupid SantaAn imperfect man and a desperate woman. Driven to find her perfect match, Brie Simpson sets out for Cupid, Texas to test the superstition of dancing naked around the statue to discover true love. Only, to learn destiny betrayed her when she gets handcuffed. After complaints about people dancing naked around the statue, Deputy Stephen Austin is determined to arrest anyone he catches. With good reason he doesn’t believe in the magic of Cupid. When he finds himself in a jam, with no one to help plan the annual Christmas party, he’s forced to turn to his prisoner. Can Cupid bring...

I'm dreaming of a white...poodle. It's been over two months since Sophie helped solve the mystery of a sabotaged wedding. Now that she and Andy are exclusively dating, she tries to put the past behind her and focus on the possibilities that the Christmas season brings. They even find time to go on double dates with Lexie and Daniel, although they try not to spend too much time with those love birds since their over-the-top displays of affection tend to be nauseating. The town of Sweetwater is decked out for the holiday season, from wreaths on the lamp posts to a large Christmas tree in the ...

The Boy Next Door Sharing a whole hell of a lot more than a cup of sugar with the boy next door. While Elliot's away, Brooke will play. Brooke and Matty should have been burning up the sheets 10 years ago. But we can’t always get what we want… Or can we? Brooke is out of excuses to not visit her family for Thanksgiving. There's an extra spot set at the table, a sexy stranger takes up residence. Except, the stranger’s not a stranger he's Matty Naverly. Strong and fit, filling out his jeans in just the right way, Matty looks more delectable than the big meal ever could. When Matty and ...

At the North Pole, it is the duty of every elf between the ages of 18 and 22 to serve Santa. After that, we graduate and go on to make our own lives. The name's Twinkle Tipsy Toes, and I'm a 21-year-old elf. With only one two years left at the workshop, I plan to make this my year. On December 24th I will be the one taken on Santa's sleigh as his number one. It’s what I’ve dreamed of for years, even before starting at Santa’s workshop. It's what we all dream of. To be the one noticed. To be the one chosen. We elves compete for the opportunity to accompany Santa on his route, and maybe...