Funny Fiction Fantasy

A Pi/Sci-Fi/Comedy/Thriller introducing Philip Humphrey Chandler as the socially inept hero who likes beer, coffee and breasts - but not necessarily in that order. Phil is private investigator; he's got a computer and a comfy chair, and he knows how to use them. He doesn't get all sweaty chasing the bad guys; not when his fingers can do the work as he sips his coffee and looks forward to a nice cool pint. He doesn't wrestle the perp to the ground, with a quick quip and a steely gaze; not when he can sit in his comfy chair and dream about the girl behind the bar; the one with the breasts. ...

Teach your child patience! * * * * * * * * * "You forgot the mail?" The king yelled at the snail. But the snail stayed as calm as could be. He was not afraid of the king, you see. He knew where the gift was; he knew what to do. The monsters learned that patience pays off too. We are all familiar with the phenomenon of children wanting everything "here and now". This story describes just such a situation. I hope you and your children will enjoy it and learn from it. 子どもたちに辛抱について教えてくれる１冊！ 「郵便を忘れただと？」王様はカタツムリ君に...

Kevin Austin has no plans of staying in the strange mountain town of Eden when he ends up becoming the new librarian after the previous one is murdered. He soon realizes this is no ordinary library. The books actually talk and fly around the rooms, and there's a ghost haunting the premises. Not to mention a collection of dangerous magical artifacts in the basement. In the town of Eden, Kevin encounters witches, zombies, demons, talking crows, angels, even gods and goddesses. Everyone in town seems to have secrets, including the alluring Olive, who Kevin falls for in book 1.

Fort Fitzgerald can’t stop having nightmares about the day his father was taken from him in an attack on Washington, DC. In these dreams, an Old One, an evil beyond comprehension, demands the location of the last dragon. But other than some dragon skeletons dug up with the books of magic on Discovery Day, Fort has never seen a dragon before. Could there still be one left alive? And weirdly, Fort’s not the only one at the Oppenheimer School having these nightmares. His new roommate, Gabriel, seems to know more than he’s letting on about this dragon as well.

"Between the pages of this book lies the secret to the best-tasting chocolate in all the world. I promise, your taste buds will tingle. Your palette will sing! Oh no, have I accidentally tempted you to read this book? I will warn you, however, the most delicious things are never good for you...and this story is particularly scrumptious!"

On a desperate journey to recover her sister's lost soul, Valkyrie Cain goes up against the High Sanctuary itself, and there's nothing Skulduggery Pleasant can do to stop her. With Abyssinia's grand plan about to kick off in a night of magic, terror, and bloodshed, it falls to Omen Darkly to save the lives of thousands of innocent people. And as the madness unfolds around him, as hidden enemies step into the light, and as Valkyrie is sucked into a desperate, lawless quest of her own, he has no choice but to become the hero he never really wanted to be - or die in the attempt.

When the Supreme Being and his son decide that being supreme isn't for them anymore, it's inevitable that things get a bit of a shake-up. It soon becomes apparent that our new owners, the Venturi brothers, have a very different perspective on all sorts of things. Take good and evil, for example. For them, it's an outdated concept that never worked particularly well in the first place.

Imagine if you could grow dragons...in your very own garden! When Tomas discovers a strange old tree at the bottom of his grandad's garden, he doesn't think much of it. But he takes the funny fruit from the tree back into the house - and gets the shock and delight of his life when a tiny dragon hatches! The tree is a dragonfruit tree, and Tomas has got his very own dragon, Flicker....

Alba is about to lose everything during an awful divorce...until she meets the Vampires of Emberbury, who dwell under an abandoned graveyard, stuck in Victorian times. They will make her a very interesting job offer, and she will get to meet Clarence, a mysterious vampire gentleman who thinks cloaks and top hats are still in fashion. With his help, Alba will figure out that, sometimes, the scariest monster isn’t the one with fangs.

From humble origins as a farm boy, Hailo, now the destined Paired Warrior, embarks on a transformative journey. Deep within the Emerald Mountain range, he and his Dronigon companion, Gagu, undergo grueling training, forging a bond crucial to saving the realm of Tarawin from looming devastation. Battling isolation, hunger, and the biting cold, Hailo confronts not only the harshness of his new life but also the specter of repeated failures in his training. Yet, the call of destiny is unrelenting, dragging him from the brink of despair back into the fray. With the fate of countless lives ...

Klawde is not your average cat. He's an emperor from another planet, exiled to Earth. He's cruel. He's cunning. He's brilliant...and he's about to become Raj Banerjee's best friend. Whether he likes it or not.

WHITE CAT BLACK CAT - The Hunter ******************************************** One hot summer day, in front of the fan The white cat was sweating as only cats can When outside the window he suddenly spied A tiny bird chirping on the other side. The cat stretched hard, from his back to his front, And thought, “What a great day to go out and hunt!”

Sarah was just trying to stop her dungeon from collapsing. Now she’s rewriting reality. What began as a bureaucratic headache has exploded into metaphysical mayhem. As a hybrid dungeon core with a snark problem and too much cosmic power, Sarah is evolving into something no one—kingdoms, liches, or the laws of magic—can define. The magical Compact is cracking. Archives are collapsing. And the Lich Lord Kravix? He’s one ritual away from turning the world into his ascension playground. Armed with a crumbling dungeon, glitchy golden glyphs, and a desperate need for five minutes of peace...

A handsome and brave though dull-witted barbarian, Yor the Mighty enjoys the solitary life of a wandering adventurer, his only focus to fight and feast while seeking the company of lots of plump womens . . . until one fateful day he chances upon a dangerous quest that earns him two unlikely companions as they cross paths with an evil fiend awaiting them in the local dungeon. 16,000 word short story novella fantasy / comedy / adventure anti-woke content tropes abound

Across the land, normal people are suddenly developing wild and unstable powers. Infected by a rare strain of magic, they are unwittingly endangering their own lives and the lives of the people around them. Terrified and confused, their only hope lies with the Sanctuary. Skulduggery Pleasant and Valkyrie Cain are needed now more than ever. And then there’s the small matter of Kitana. A normal teenage girl who, along with her normal teenage friends, becomes infected. Becomes powerful. Becomes corrupted.

Welcome to Bezim, where sword-slinging bravi race through the night and rich and idle alchemists make magic out of mixing and measuring the four planes of reality. Siyon Velo, Dockside brat turned petty alchemist, scrapes a living hopping between the planes to harvest ingredients for the city’s alchemists. But when Siyon accidentally commits an act of impossible magic, he’s catapulted into the limelight—which is a bad place to be when the planes start lurching out of alignment, threatening to send Bezim into the sea.

Banished to the edge of the supernatural world and left to die. A hero rises. Hell’s savior. Its one great hope. Yep, that’s me. I fought back against Beelzebub, stood in the face of tyranny, and even stopped murder and mayhem. No good deeds go unpunished. Immortal no longer, I’m in a fight for my life, and Hell’s leaders have handed the cheat codes to my enemies. Beelzebub wants to get even. And my magical halberd still refuses to grant me the power I’ll need to win the day. Decision time. Lie down and accept my fate, or punch death in the face? Libra is the key. He’s mapped ...

Rob's a traveling sales person by day and a conspiracy theory blogger by night. He's also got a weird side job for his buddy Shen, one that proves to be more than procuring trashy magazines and regional delights. One that uncovers the truth behind all those conspiracy theories and cryptids Rob is so fond of. Can he deal with reptilians, Nazis, and Hollow Earth?

Almost one year ago, Alice TodHunter Moon left her PathFinder village to become Apprentice to ExtraOrdinary Wizard Septimus Heap. Now, in faraway lands, the Castle is in peril. The brilliant blue stone is crumbling to dust, and both the witch Marisa and the wicked Red Queen have their eyes on the throne. But as Tod sets off on a hazardous journey to find a new Keystone, her life may be in the greatest danger of all. Can she save the Castle while evading the fate that befell her mother?

Meet Skulduggery Pleasant: detective, sorcerer, warrior. Oh yeah. And dead. Skulduggery Pleasant and Valkyrie Cain are back - just in time to see their whole world get turned upside down. With Valkyrie struggling to protect her dark secret, Skulduggery and the gang are more vulnerable than ever, just as a plague of body-snatching Remnants are released upon the world....