Funny Science Fiction

Cas Russell is good at math. Scary good. The vector calculus blazing through her head lets her smash through armed men twice her size and dodge every bullet in a gunfight, and she'll take any job for the right price. As far as Cas knows, she’s the only person around with a superpower...until she discovers someone with a power even more dangerous than her own. Someone who can reach directly into people’s minds and twist their brains into Moebius strips. Someone intent on becoming the world’s puppet master. Cas should run, like she usually does, but for once she's involved.

Almost one year ago, Alice TodHunter Moon left her PathFinder village to become Apprentice to ExtraOrdinary Wizard Septimus Heap. Now, in faraway lands, the Castle is in peril. The brilliant blue stone is crumbling to dust, and both the witch Marisa and the wicked Red Queen have their eyes on the throne. But as Tod sets off on a hazardous journey to find a new Keystone, her life may be in the greatest danger of all. Can she save the Castle while evading the fate that befell her mother?

On the first day of school, Artie falls out of his bed and hits his head. Hard. He tells his mom he's dizzy, and she says: "You’re just worried about your first day in a new school." On the second day of school, Artie falls out of bed and hits his head. Hard. He tells his mom he's dizzy, and she says: "You’re just worried about your first day in a new school." Huh?

This Bedtime Stories for Kids has it all! Each tale mixes mindfulness and meditation research with expertly crafted children's tales to encourage your child to let their imagination run wild while re-establishing a connection to the present. Three distinct calming background selections are available for each enthralling tale, allowing you to tailor the experience to your child's tastes.

When the 13th Classroom is struck by purple lightning, something strange happens - all of the students get superpowers! You might think this was superb, but it was not. (It was sorta silly.) With great gifts comes wild weather, giant roaches, atomic farts, and other tricky troubles. As the students of Classroom 13 are about to learn, getting superpowers is not always super.

Selby hates homework. She would rather watch TV - anything to escape the tedium of school, her parents' bookshop and small-town busybodies. So Selby didn't plan to read Hamlet. She certainly never planned to meet him. This novel transports Selby, and the listener, into the cold and crime-ridden play itself. Here she meets Hamlet: heavy with grief, the young prince is overthinking and over everything. Selby can relate. But unlike Hamlet, Selby isn't afraid of making decisions.

Doug wasn’t sure whether he should trust Satan. The red flag was that he said he was Satan. But the deal was good: Listen to Satan’s story in exchange for some donuts. And Doug only half-fulfilled his part of the bargain. But maybe he should have listened better, because during his friend Bryce’s next scheme (theft with light to moderate treason - the usual), Doug and the rest of his friends - Lulu (the fun one) and Charlene (the not fun one) - end up with a powerful artifact, a small metal cube with world-ending power that Lulu decorated with bunnies.

How far would you go to make your dreams come true? On Hal Spacejock's home planet, efficient and highly intelligent robots have taken most of the jobs. Hal's one of the lucky ones, because he works as a cargo loader at a third-rate spaceport. Lucky perhaps, but not satisfied. Because instead of loading freighters, Hal wants to fly them, exploring the galaxy in his very own ship. But how can he possibly save for a spaceship? Hal can barely make rent, and he's hanging onto his job by his fingernails. It all seems like an impossible dream, until Hal intervenes in a one-sided fight in the ...

Title: "The Dead-End Gang vs the Alien Nazis!: Outrageous, Offensive, and Savage Stupid" Dumb and Dumber Meets the Three Stooges... Amateur cartoon trailer here: https://youtu.be/oE1t03nOej8 Get ready for a wild ride of laughter and chaos with "The Dead-End Gang vs the Alien Nazis!: Outrageous, Offensive, and Savage Stupid"! Meet Phuk, Blue, Dick, and Alice—a quirky foster family bound by their outrageous personalities and united by their mission to save the world from Nazi aliens. Phuk: The hot-headed Vietnamese telemarketer with a knack for martial arts and an explosive temper. Blue: ...

Across the land, normal people are suddenly developing wild and unstable powers. Infected by a rare strain of magic, they are unwittingly endangering their own lives and the lives of the people around them. Terrified and confused, their only hope lies with the Sanctuary. Skulduggery Pleasant and Valkyrie Cain are needed now more than ever. And then there’s the small matter of Kitana. A normal teenage girl who, along with her normal teenage friends, becomes infected. Becomes powerful. Becomes corrupted.

Imagine if you could grow dragons...in your very own garden! When Tomas discovers a strange old tree at the bottom of his grandad's garden, he doesn't think much of it. But he takes the funny fruit from the tree back into the house - and gets the shock and delight of his life when a tiny dragon hatches! The tree is a dragonfruit tree, and Tomas has got his very own dragon, Flicker....

WHEN A VAMPIRE ACCIDENTALLY EXPOSES HERSELF TO SUNLIGHT... Can the sun god, Apollo, save her from destruction, and what will he expect in return? Reading this poignant, erotic short story, you'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll shiver with juicy excitement. Intended for mature audiences 18+ only. Contains explicit descriptions of sexual acts, vampire trivia, crypto-erotica, and historical mead references. This book is 2,102 words long, and deeply moving. Or arousing. Or both.

How far would you run to escape your past? Hal and Clunk fly halfway across the galaxy, putting their earlier mishaps, disasters and angry customers behind them. It's a chance to start anew. To rebuild their reputation. To actually complete a cargo job without destroying the lot. Unfortunately, they chose the wrong planet ... The Hal Spacejock series features humorous science fiction, adventure and action. They're clean books with very occasional swearing (mild).

Need the perfect man? No problem—simply create him! Ivy wanted nothing more for Christmas than to have someone to come home to, a companion to chat about her day with, and someone to show off at her family holiday celebrations. Instead of wishing on a star, she takes matters into her own hands. Ivy creates her perfect companion at Dream Droids, the premier robotics company specializing in sentient humanoids. She spends weeks with Dr. Pierce, creating her dream man. Every detail is worked out, from his appearance, personality, and even his knowledge of her life. This will be the best ...

It’s all fun and games at the circus...until everyone’s favorite clown winds up dead. Someone killed Clint the Clown. Madam Electra’s crystal ball could help find the murderer, but she risks exposing her own secrets in the process. Secrets that could land her on the endangered species list. Head security officer Bruno Maska has been ordered to enlist the help of the one person he suspects is hiding something - Electra. The same woman who’s been haunting his thoughts since their drunken night together.

On a desperate journey to recover her sister's lost soul, Valkyrie Cain goes up against the High Sanctuary itself, and there's nothing Skulduggery Pleasant can do to stop her. With Abyssinia's grand plan about to kick off in a night of magic, terror, and bloodshed, it falls to Omen Darkly to save the lives of thousands of innocent people. And as the madness unfolds around him, as hidden enemies step into the light, and as Valkyrie is sucked into a desperate, lawless quest of her own, he has no choice but to become the hero he never really wanted to be - or die in the attempt.

Short Circuit Time by Diane Saxon In the year 2086, Zaphira is alone, the last survivor of biological warfare on Earth. Before he died, her scientist father promised other survivors would come. Nobody has. So when a horribly mangled android shows up claiming to be her father’s assistant, Aiden, who has been sent through time to rescue her, she’s both frightened and astounded. The last time she’d seen Aiden, she’d been sixteen, head-over-heels in love with him and had literally thrown herself at him, leaving her devastated by his rejection and him running for the hills. The following...

When Heidi finds out about a magical wishing well at her school, she’s amazed and delighted—even though students are forbidden to use it. Then, an important exam is scheduled at the very same time her crush invites her on a nature walk, and Heidi needs a magical assist. Usually, she tries to follow the rules—really!—but she decides to use the well to wish to be in two places at once. What could go wrong?

Ivory has the perfect man… …from his microchip processor to his flesh-like exterior. Ivory hated that she loved her Christmas gift this year. Her sister gave her the perfect humanoid companion, but there’s a huge problem: he’ll never be able to say he loves her, no matter how much she loves him. Was her dream man a present or a curse? But when Ethan (Ivory’s Dream Droid) looks at her with those sweet blue eyes and secretly earns enough money to enter her in the city-wide bake-off offering a prize she drools over, she realizes she doesn’t care. He’s hers, and that’s the best ...

Math-genius mercenary Cas Russell has decided to Fight Crime(tm). After all, with her extraordinary mathematical ability, she can neuter bombs or out-shoot an army. And the recent outbreak of violence in the world’s cities is Cas’s fault—she’s the one who crushed the organization of telepaths keeping the world’s worst offenders under control. But Cas’s own power also has a history, one she can’t remember—or control.