The Pause Principle: How to Keep Your Cool in Tough Situations by Cynthia Kane, is a self-help book published in 2025.

The book focuses on how to pause in difficult conversations by using the SOFTEN principle, which involves practices based on mindfulness.

The book emphasizes that communication is a body-mind practice, and it is hard to pause in stressful conversations because our biology takes over. The book introduces the concept of the "pause principle," which is the idea that by softening, we can connect with others and think clearly in heated moments. It teaches that pausing is not something that we naturally know how to do but rather something that we can learn. The SOFTEN practices are mindfulness-based techniques designed to help people bring awareness to their thoughts, feelings and actions. The book is structured in two parts: The first part teaches the reader about what makes it so hard to pause and introduces the SOFTEN principle. The second part is dedicated to the SOFTEN practices. The book also includes a 30-day pause plan and a 5-day challenge to help the reader implement these practices. The book also touches on meditation as a way to help in the pausing process.

The SOFTEN practices are:

• Sensation: Paying attention to body sensations in tough conversations.
• Own Your Discomfort: Acknowledging and feeling the unpleasant sensations in the body without judgment.
• Focus on the Present Moment: Bringing attention back to the present moment to interrupt patterns of overreaction.
• Take a Breath: Using breath as a tool to calm the nervous system.
• Eyes Toward Another: Cultivating compassion and connection towards others.
• Need to Say: Using specific language to help the nervous system feel safe.

The author states that the book is not based on theories but her own experiences. The practices in the book are concrete and meant to be used in the moment during conversations.

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