Blackout
Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget
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Narrated by:
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Sarah Hepola
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By:
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Sarah Hepola
About this listen
A memoir of unblinking honesty and poignant, laugh-out-loud humor, Blackout is the story of a woman stumbling into a new kind of adventure - the sober life she never wanted.
For Sarah Hepola, alcohol was "the gasoline of all adventure". She spent her evenings at cocktail parties and dark bars where she proudly stayed till last call. Drinking felt like freedom, part of her birthright as a strong, enlightened 21st-century woman. But there was a price. She often blacked out, waking up with a blank space where four hours should be. Mornings became detective work on her own life. What did I say last night? How did I meet that guy? She apologized for things she couldn't remember doing, as though she were cleaning up after an evil twin. Publicly, she covered her shame with self-deprecating jokes, and her career flourished, but as the blackouts accumulated, she could no longer avoid a sinking truth. The fuel she thought she needed was draining her spirit instead.
Shining a light into her blackouts, she discovers the person she buried, as well as the confidence, intimacy, and creativity she once believed came only from a bottle. Her tale will resonate with anyone who has been forced to reinvent or struggled in the face of necessary change. It's about giving up the thing you cherish most - but getting yourself back in return.
©2015 Sarah Hepola (P)2015 Hachette AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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What could possibly be “lucky” about addiction? Absolutely nothing, thought Laura McKowen when drinking brought her to her knees. As she puts it, she “kicked and screamed . . . wishing for something - anything - else” to be her issue. The people who got to drink normally, she thought, were so damn lucky. But in the midst of early sobriety, when no longer able to anesthetize her pain and anxiety, she realized that she was actually the lucky one. Lucky to feel her feelings, live honestly, really be with her daughter, change her legacy.
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Influencer Recovery, Part One
- By Keith Keller on 01-31-20
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Fairyland
- A Memoir of My Father
- By: Alysia Abbott
- Narrated by: Alysia Abbott
- Length: 10 hrs and 21 mins
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A beautiful, vibrant memoir about growing up motherless in 1970s and 80s San Francisco with an openly gay father. After his wife dies in a car accident, bisexual writer and activist Steve Abbott moves with his two-year-old daughter to San Francisco. There they discover a city in the midst of revolution, bustling with gay men in search of liberation - few of whom are raising a child. Steve throws himself into San Francisco's vibrant cultural scene.
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Great representation of the time
- By AvidReader22 on 06-07-19
By: Alysia Abbott
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Confessions of a Latter-Day Virgin
- A Memoir
- By: Nicole Hardy
- Narrated by: Nicole Hardy
- Length: 10 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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When Nicole Hardy’s eye-opening "Modern Love" column appeared in the New York Times, the response from readers was overwhelming. Hardy’s essay, which exposed the conflict between being true to herself as a woman and remaining true to her Mormon faith, struck a chord with women coast-to-coast. Now in her funny, intimate, and thoughtful memoir, Nicole Hardy explores how she came, at the age of 35, to a crossroads regarding her faith and her identity.
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This Book Spoke to Me
- By Allison on 04-08-14
By: Nicole Hardy
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Bright Lights, Big City
- By: Jay McInerney
- Narrated by: Daniel Passer
- Length: 5 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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The tragicomedy of a young man in New York City, a writer, never named, who works as a fact-checker for a prestigious magazine. He struggles with the reality of his mother's death, alienation, and the seductive pull of drugs and a vibrant nightlife.
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Curiously, mundanely real
- By Amber on 01-07-12
By: Jay McInerney
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I Am Not Myself These Days
- A Memoir
- By: Josh Kilmer-Purcell
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller
- Length: 6 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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I Am Not Myself These Days follows a glittering journey through Manhattan's dark underbelly---a shocking and surreal world where alter egos reign and subsist (barely) on dark wit and chemicals...a tragic romantic comedy where one begins by rooting for the survival of the relationship and ends by hoping someone simply survives.
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depressing
- By Barry Morrison on 08-02-16
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Some Girls
- My Life in a Harem
- By: Jillian Lauren
- Narrated by: Tavia Gilbert
- Length: 8 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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A jaw-dropping story of how a girl from the suburbs ends up in a prince's harem and emerges from the secret Xanadu both richer and wiser. At 18, Jillian Lauren was an NYU theater school dropout with a tip about an upcoming audition. The "casting director" told her that a rich businessman would pay pretty girls $20,000 if they stayed for two weeks to spice up his parties. Soon, Jillian was on a plane to Borneo, where she would spend the next 18 months in the harem of Prince Jefri Bolkiah....
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Boring, Pretentious Book
- By Marcos on 04-23-11
By: Jillian Lauren
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Marlena
- A Novel
- By: Julie Buntin
- Narrated by: Emma Galvin
- Length: 9 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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Everything about 15-year-old Cat's new town in rural Michigan is lonely and off-kilter until she meets her neighbor, the manic, beautiful, pill-popping Marlena. Cat, inexperienced and desperate for connection, is quickly lured into Marlena's orbit by little more than an arched eyebrow and a shake of white-blond hair. As the two girls turn the untamed landscape of their desolate small town into a kind of playground, Cat catalogues a litany of firsts - first drink, first cigarette, first kiss - while Marlena's habits harden and calcify.
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A Brilliant, Agonizing Portrait of a Young Woman
- By Sudi on 06-06-17
By: Julie Buntin
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Every Anxious Wave
- By: Mo Daviau
- Narrated by: Zach Villa
- Length: 8 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Why would we need music if our lives were exactly as we wanted them to be? Karl Bender is a quiet guy who lives in three places: his bar, his apartment, and the cheap Mediterranean place on the corner that keeps him well fed with his daily portion of hummus and chicken shwarma. But that's all about to change. When he stumbles upon a time-traveling wormhole, Karl develops a business selling access to people who want to go back in time to hear their favorite bands.
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Frustrating
- By Brit N Jonn Designs on 03-31-16
By: Mo Daviau
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Your Voice in My Head
- A Memoir
- By: Emma Forrest
- Narrated by: Emma Forrest
- Length: 5 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Emma Forrest, a British journalist, was just 22 and living the fast life in New York City when she realized that her quirks had gone beyond eccentricity. In a cycle of loneliness, damaging relationships, and destructive behavior, she found herself in the chair of a slim, balding, and effortlessly optimistic psychiatrist--a man whose wisdom and humanity would wrench her from the dangerous tide after she tried to end her life.
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Great, quick read
- By Amazon Customer on 02-12-21
By: Emma Forrest
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Atheists Who Kneel and Pray
- By: Tarryn Fisher
- Narrated by: Alexander Cendese, Finty Williams
- Length: 8 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Yara Phillips is a wandering muse. She dates men who need her, but always moves on to something new, never staying in one place for very long. David Lisey is in need of a muse. A talented musician lacking lyrical inspiration. When he first sees her, he knows he's found what he's been seeking. Yara believes she can give David exactly what he needs to reach his full potential: a broken heart.
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Heart-shattering good
- By Jennifer on 12-28-18
By: Tarryn Fisher
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The Wangs vs. the World
- By: Jade Chang
- Narrated by: Nancy Wu
- Length: 14 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Charles Wang is mad at America. A brash, lovable immigrant businessman who built a cosmetics empire and made a fortune, he's just been ruined by the financial crisis. Now all Charles wants is to get his kids safely stowed away so that he can go to China and attempt to reclaim his family's ancestral lands - and his pride. Outrageously funny and full of charm, The Wangs vs. the World is an entirely fresh look at what it means to belong in America - and how going from glorious riches to (still name-brand) rags brings one family together in a way money never could.
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Spectacular
- By Barbara on 10-11-16
By: Jade Chang
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True Stories from an Unreliable Eyewitness
- A Feminist Coming of Age
- By: Christine Lahti
- Narrated by: Christine Lahti
- Length: 5 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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For decades, actress and director Christine Lahti has captivated the hearts and minds of her audience through iconic roles in Chicago Hope, Running on Empty, Housekeeping, And Justice for All, Swing Shift, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, God of Carnage, and The Blacklist. Now, in True Stories from an Unreliable Eyewitness, this acclaimed performer channels her creativity inward to share her own story for the first time.
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Christine Lahti, Actress, Activist and A+ Author!
- By L. Cat Schultz on 10-26-18
By: Christine Lahti
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We live in a world obsessed with drinking. We drink at baby showers and work events, brunch and book club, graduations and funerals. Yet no one ever questions alcohol’s ubiquity—in fact, the only thing ever questioned is why someone doesn’t drink. It is a qualifier for belonging and if you don’t imbibe, you are considered an anomaly. As a society, we are obsessed with health and wellness, yet we uphold alcohol as some kind of magic elixir, though it is anything but.
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you had me until the last chapter
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Alcohol Lied to Me - New Edition
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Craig Beck is a well-regarded family man with two children, a nice home, and a successful media career; a director of several companies and at one time the trustee of a large children’s charity. Outwardly, Craig was a highly successful and functioning professional man in spite of a ‘two-bottles-of-wine-a-night" drinking habit. For 20 years he struggled to control his drinking, all the time refusing to label himself an alcoholic because he didn't believe he met the stereotypical image that the word portrayed.
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This method worked for me
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We Are the Luckiest
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What could possibly be “lucky” about addiction? Absolutely nothing, thought Laura McKowen when drinking brought her to her knees. As she puts it, she “kicked and screamed . . . wishing for something - anything - else” to be her issue. The people who got to drink normally, she thought, were so damn lucky. But in the midst of early sobriety, when no longer able to anesthetize her pain and anxiety, she realized that she was actually the lucky one. Lucky to feel her feelings, live honestly, really be with her daughter, change her legacy.
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Lit
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Lit follows Mary Karr's descent into the inferno of alcoholism and madness - and her astonishing resurrection. Karr's longing for a solid family seems secure when her marriage to a handsome, Shakespeare-quoting poet produces a son they adore. But she can't outrun her apocalyptic past. She drinks herself into the same numbness that nearly devoured her charismatic but troubled mother, reaching the brink of suicide. A hair-raising stint in "The Mental Marriott" awakens her to the possibility of joy, and leads her to an unlikely faith.
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Finally! One for the "Win" column
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My Fair Junkie
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In the tradition of Orange Is the New Black and Jerry Stahl's Permanent Midnight, Amy Dresner's My Fair Junkie is an insightful, darkly funny, and shamelessly honest memoir of one woman's battle with all forms of addiction, hitting rock bottom, and forging a path to a life worth living.
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if you don't read this I'll brandish a bread knife
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What listeners say about Blackout
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Adam H.
- 07-10-15
It will help a struggling alcoholic
The trials and events that this women goes through laid out in a story made it easier for me to learn how to stay sober!
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5 people found this helpful
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- tmfnyc
- 02-18-17
September book on blacking out while drunk. I wish I had had this book to listen to many years ago.
35 years sober and have read many books on alcoholism, but never one like this which focuses on the blackout. Excellent interesting and touching listening. Superb reader.
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3 people found this helpful
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Overall
- Angie B
- 04-21-21
Life changing
I absolutely loved this book! At a time in my life when I was struggling with the decisions of whether or not I should quit drinking....do I or do I not have a problem....this book and The Unexpected Joy of Sobriety opened my eyes to so many epiphanies. I feel lile this book not only applies to drinking but so many different issues I had in my life. For someone that rhoutght she had all the answers and had it all figured out...this book gave me so many new perspectives. These books helped me FINALLY quit due to the new perspectives I gained. LIFE changing and so well written! Entertaining and informing. I wish I could tell these authors how much they have changed my life and my family and friends lives as well. Thank you for the "entertainment" but most importantly for changing my life ❤
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2 people found this helpful
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- Frankr24
- 06-12-16
Home Run
This is a fantastic book. I too am a Blackout Drinker in Recovery and she told my story in the process of telling her own. I learned so much about myself in listening to her reading and I understand so much better the nature of my blackout periods - because I "wasn't there". I highly recommend this book for anyone interested in recovery and sobriety but also for anyone who just plain enjoys a good story. Sarah's writing skills are superior and I was thoroughly engaged by her style, her poignancy, and her brilliant wit.
To give up problem drinking when you discover that you are destroying yourself is not an easy thing but Sarah has shared her story so thoroughly and so intimately that it can't help but serve the audience that needs it most, the individual who struggles with letting go of a way of life that no longer serves them.
For me, the first step to stopping the insanity of my drunken life was to simply admit to myself that it "just wasn't fun anymore". this was obviously a very difficult lesson for Sarah as well but hopefully the drinker who needs it will be able to see themself in Sarah's story and begin the process of rebuilding their life. be well, laugh and love.
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- Vicki
- 10-20-17
Raw, real and oh so Honest!
Superbly written and hopefully will be read by all who need the message. Keep writing, Sarah.
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- AngieAmazonRecs
- 07-01-20
excellent memoir
it borders on romanticizing alcohol but it's very true, honest.
a very interesting story
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- elizabeth
- 08-07-20
If you have or have not ever experienced a...
Funny, sad and very real. Not only for those who have a problem or not..I very much enjoyed the author's painful at times honesty of her personal struggles.
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- Benjamin A. Coblentz
- 07-14-15
Hopeful and harrowing
What an incredible story. Anyone who has ever struggled with addiction will recognize and appreciate the honesty and clarity the author brings to this account.
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- Amazon Customer
- 04-15-21
Fantastic!
I don’t know if I have related to a book so much. Well written, well read, beautiful ending!! I will be listening to this one again.
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- Steven O'Brien
- 06-20-21
Great listen!
A very relatable story for anyone struggling. Great narration too. One of the best books I’ve listened to on the topic.
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