BuyMort: Grand Opening: How I Became the Accidental Warlord of Arizona
Shopocalypse Saga, Book 1
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Narrated by:
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Wayne Mitchell
About this listen
Some predicted that the AI singularity would result in robots destroying the world. None of them ever understood that it was the sales algorithms they had to be afraid of.
After the arrival of the multiversal monopoly BuyMort, life got brutal. All systems were through BuyMort. All currency was through BuyMort. All sales were through BuyMort. You could resist, you could compete, but it didn’t really matter because in the end you used BuyMort—or you perished. BuyMort be praised.
But not everyone’s happy with the new system. Some, even, want to see it destroyed.
It’s quick. It’s convenient. And it will help people kill you and your family as readily as it will help them sell you knickknacks for a quick mortie. Because BuyMort doesn’t care about anything except the bottom line.
Enter Tyson Dawes, a no-cares slacker with a traumatic past, two wrinkled bucks in his wallet, and a crap job caretaking a crap campground in the desert sands of Arizona. He had a deal with the world. He didn’t change it, and it didn’t change him. Seemed simple enough. He liked it, anyway.
BuyMort changed all that the moment it let loose a torrent of alien entrepreneurs upon his planet, intent on selling everything that hadn’t been tagged through the system and classified as his private property.
When a man has little, he cherishes it. When that little is lost, he’ll do whatever it takes and change into whatever he needs to be able to get that little bit back.
©2022 Damien Hanson and Joseph Phelps (P)2023 Podium AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Hopefully the start of a new series.
- By Alex Sumner on 01-26-20
By: R. S. Belcher
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Tesser: A Dragon Among Us
- A Reemergence Novel, Book 1
- By: Chris Philbrook
- Narrated by: James Foster
- Length: 12 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Tesser, the dragon of life itself, is one of seven: Earth’s primordial draconic guardians, destined to oversee its development and safety. Species rose and fell, and 10,000 years ago...Tesser disappeared. The golden dragon woke up this morning, buried deep beneath the city of Boston, with no idea how he got there, and no idea how humanity grew so fast and learned so much while he was away. He is lost, a fish out of water. Where is the magic? He’s got a lot of catching up to do if he’s going to find his missing sister and stop an incursion of daemons from beyond the Veil.
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I dont think the author has ever actually communicated with another human being.
- By Konrad on 04-11-16
By: Chris Philbrook
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Inception
- A Near Future Thriller
- By: Jonathan Yanez
- Narrated by: Jay Snyder
- Length: 49 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
My history is unknown. My present is violent. My future may be more dangerous still. I use my unique skillset in one of the Moon’s many watering holes. Here, miners can spend their hard-earned money to forget that they’re not among the wealthy elite in the paradise colony on Mars. When a known crime boss walks in, events will begin to unfold hinting at a dark past and an even murkier future.
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Hunh?
- By Linda Luella on 11-08-19
By: Jonathan Yanez
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Battle Miner
- By: Kirk Mason
- Narrated by: Melanie Hastings
- Length: 9 hrs and 9 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
When I got the letter, I couldn't believe it. When I drove down the highway, I still couldn't believe it. And when I got there? I finally realized I had a purpose: breaking rocks with my crazy new roommates.
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Great start
- By Austin Verm on 03-21-23
By: Kirk Mason
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No Quarter
- A Supernatural Action Adventure Opera
- By: Michael Todd, Michael Anderle, Laurie Starky
- Narrated by: Emily Beresford
- Length: 6 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
The rules have changed. Now the Damned can go on vacation and even hook up. Without Pandora near him, can Calvin get a little action in Cabo? Unfortunately, the general has a different demand for Katie, and it’s coming from the whole industry. Requested in New York to work with the NYPD, Katie is working a side job or two. Her mercenary skills are useful, and profitable, for other types of hard jobs. And this time, the Damned can help a child. There will be hell to pay when Katie and Pandora come calling, with no quarter for the demons.
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No Quarter
- By Joe Mellia on 06-21-24
By: Michael Todd, and others
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Arcadian Genesis
- By: Greig Beck
- Narrated by: Sean Mangan
- Length: 5 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Alex Hunter - in the mission that turned him from a normal man into the weapon known as the Arcadian - and the elite team of soldiers known as the Hotzone All-Forces Warfare Commandos must enter a hostile country to rescue a defected Chechen researcher from the centre of a country at war. But the HAWCs are not the only ones looking for the rogue scientist and the mysterious package he carries with him. A brutal and relentless killer and his death squad are on the trail, too - and they bring a savagery with them that Hunter and his team have never witnessed before in modern warfare.
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Not bad, but not great
- By Michael on 02-27-22
By: Greig Beck
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The Wastes of Keldora
- Factory of the Gods, Book 1
- By: Alex Raizman
- Narrated by: Christopher James Mayer
- Length: 8 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Summoned to another world where gods and monsters roam, Julian continues his streak of bad luck. Rather than touching the Godcore directly, he let his smartphone absorb it. Now, he's got to figure out how to make the Godcore and his phone work together to help the people who summoned him survive their upcoming annihilation by the mad God of Chains.
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New beginnings. Same people.
- By GrimReaperD13 on 08-14-21
By: Alex Raizman
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Death's Mantle: The Complete Series
- Death's Mantle, Books 1-3
- By: Harmon Cooper
- Narrated by: Andrea Parsneau
- Length: 30 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
With great power comes formidable enemies and heartbreaking revelations. Lucian's quest to save his addict brother from a preordained death propels him into the heart of ancient conflicts, forcing him to forge and test alliances. As the series unfolds, Lucian must leverage his newfound abilities against a backdrop of cosmic war and familial secrets, risking everything to protect those he loves. Faced with loss, betrayal, and the dire consequences of his choices, Lucian's journey is a relentless pursuit of salvation that challenges the boundaries of sacrifice and the power of destiny.
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The Narrator is Phenomenal
- By KTupua on 10-02-24
By: Harmon Cooper
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Space Tripping
- By: Patrick Edwards
- Narrated by: Nick Tecosky
- Length: 8 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Chuck never thought too deeply about whether aliens existed - not until Jopp, an intergalactic transport pilot, drunkenly crashed on Earth and tried to steal his truck. Now Chuck finds himself unwittingly roped into helping Jopp work off a debt to the universe's most powerful corporation, the Prime Partners Intergalactic Consortium. Through a series of mishaps and misfortune, the duo find themselves in possession of a mysterious black case. In order to survive, they must fend off murderous marauders, an interplanetary police force, and a peculiar crime boss.
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Excellent Book!
- By Ian Matties on 09-07-17
By: Patrick Edwards
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Gun Runner
- By: Larry Correia, John Brown
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 18 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Once, Jackson Rook was a war hero. Raised from boyhood to pilot an exosuit mech, he’d fought gallantly for the rebellion against the Collectivists. But that was a long time ago, on a world very far away. Now, Jackson Rook is a criminal, a smuggler on board the Multipurpose Supply Vehicle Tar Heel. His latest mission: steal a top-of-the-line mech called the Citadel and deliver it to the far-flung planet Swindle, a world so hostile even the air will kill you. The client: a man known only as the Warlord.
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Agree with Others
- By LivinInKY on 02-04-21
By: Larry Correia, and others
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Histories
- A Quincy Harker, Demon Hunter Short Story Collection (Quincy Harker Collection)
- By: John G. Hartness
- Narrated by: James Anderson Foster
- Length: 4 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Story
An attack in the dark. The loss of a love. Waking up hung over in a ditch. These are the things that make a hero, especially if that hero is Quincy Harker, immortal wizard, snarky bastard, and general badass. Histories collects two short stories and one short novella giving a peek behind the curtain at the man, the myth, the legend that is Quincy Harker, as well as the origin story of one of his most popular cohorts, Jo Henry.
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Great for newcomers and Harker fans
- By 🔥 Phx17 🔥 on 10-11-22
By: John G. Hartness
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First Encounter
- Ascension Wars, Book 1
- By: Jasper T. Scott
- Narrated by: Ben Jaeger-Thomas
- Length: 8 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
The United Nations of Earth sent out the Forerunner ships to explore and colonize the four most promising star systems within 50 light-years of Earth. Forerunner One left Earth under the command of Captain Clayton Cross, heading for Trappist-1. After a ninety year journey to reach it, the crew encountered not only a habitable world, but alien life already inhabiting it, and dark secrets lurking beneath the surface. The revelation of who these aliens are and what they want proves more terrifying than promising, and Captain Cross is forced to make tough decisions that will affect not only his crew, but the fate of the entire human race.
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Good Story and Concept; Narrator mispronouncing
- By Vance F. on 02-18-20
By: Jasper T. Scott
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Hellboy: Oddest Jobs
- By: Author Various
- Narrated by: Seth Podowitz
- Length: 9 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Longtime contributor to the Hellboy mythos Christopher Golden brings together a crew of luminaries including Joe R. Lansdale and China Miéville, cross-genre sensation Barbara Hambly, celebrated mystery writer Ken Bruen, best-selling science-fiction and fantasy novelist Tad Williams, and a bevy of other skilled storytellers eager to spin a tale or two about the world's greatest paranormal detective. Some of the biggest names in horror, mystery, and fantasy come together to pay homage to Mike Mignola's Hellboy!
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could go with more authors that know Source materi
- By bEnemy on 07-25-23
By: Author Various
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Monster Hunter International
- By: Larry Correia
- Narrated by: Oliver Wyman
- Length: 24 hrs
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Performance
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Story
Five days after Owen Zastava Pitt pushed his insufferable boss out of a 14th story window, he woke up in the hospital with a scarred face, an unbelievable memory, and a job offer. It turns out that monsters are real. All the things from myth, legend, and B-movies are out there, waiting in the shadows. Some of them are evil, and some are just hungry. Monster Hunter International is the premier eradication company in the business. And now Owen is their newest recruit.
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Suprizingly entertaining
- By Konstantin on 02-17-12
By: Larry Correia
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!!Definitely NOT Litrpg!!
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Weak world building makes for and unsatisfying story
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Enchanted Forge
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After a tragic mistake, Erevan finds himself transported to the work camp in Altheria. To the nobility, it’s an island-bound rehabilitation complex run by a powerful warden and staffed with short-tempered guards. To the inmates, ‘Alty’ is really a massive, city-sized prison. Thrown in with criminal humans, dwarves, and other races, Erevan must learn to navigate the island’s complex social system, as well as survive the sanctioned duels—the warden’s method of managing the convict’s anger and aggression. In Altheria, Erevan learns new smithing skills and forges unexpected alliances.
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Hooked Til the End
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A Hidden GEM!
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Corsairs and Cataclysms 1
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An experimental ASI with a terminal case of curiosity reached out and tampered with the universe in a way that it should not have, and unleashed a torrent of energy we would call magic into our galaxy. Humans, and every other intelligent lifeform for that matter, were ill-prepared, physically and mentally, for such an eventuality. In an effort to save itself, the ASI hastily created something it called the Framework to shape and codify this magical energy, and usher in a new world. A world of classes, levels, and extraordinary power. But also a world of monsters.
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A Summoner Awakens: Origins: (A Deck Building LitRPG)
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Saved by Jeff Hays
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Captain Eva Innocente and the crew of La Sirena Negra cruise the galaxy delivering small cargo for even smaller profits. When her sister Mari is kidnapped by The Fridge, a shadowy syndicate that holds people hostage in cryostasis, Eva must undergo a series of unpleasant, dangerous missions to pay the ransom.
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Amazing!
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Human Insanity
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Rob didn't think of himself as anyone special, but when a pitch-black portal tried to wrap his best friend in chains, he stepped up without thinking and found himself ensnared instead. His moment of heroism results in being torn away from everyone he knew and loved, kidnapped by an unknown force that leaves him with a note in his pocket stating: "Good luck." After being thrown into the wilderness of Elatra, a hostile fantasy world ruled by levels, stats, progression, and bizarre video game logic, he finds himself entirely out of his depth.
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if blood is your drug then everyone's a juice box
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Apocalypse Redux, Book One
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Isaac Thoma lived to see the last handful of survivors defeat the demonic champion. He is now alone, his past in ashes, the last and most powerful human on a blighted Earth. But what if he could go back? Hurled back in time, Isaac has one chance to change it all. A chance to warn humanity of their impending doom. A chance to stop the [System] before shortsightedness and lust for power can render humanity extinct.
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top tier world, no stupid MC
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Melody of Mana
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Performance
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Alana wasn’t always a child of the Kingdom of Bergond. In fact, she hails from an entirely different world. But an accident on Earth left her dead, and she was reincarnated as the daughter of a farmer and his wife in the hamlet of Orsken. Now, she’s learning how to live in a land vastly unlike that which she came from—and how to wield the new powers she possesses. For, even by the rules of her strange new home, Alana is special: a young bard capable of mending wounds, counteracting poisons, and healing the sick, all through the use of mana and her own mind.
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I want more
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What listeners say about BuyMort: Grand Opening: How I Became the Accidental Warlord of Arizona
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- steven sobon
- 07-16-23
This is awesome, and I can’t wait for book 2
The story is killer, narration excellent. Really looking forward to book 2. One of the best series ever!!!!
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- SRose
- 09-25-23
Clever Shopping Horror Fantasy
If a prime shopping network could turn into a universal nightmare, this story would tell the tale with enthusiastic narration. Inventive concept, although a little repetitive with the violence.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Anon Y. Mous
- 10-18-23
Think I'll stick to the Kindle version.
This is I think only the second time I've said this, but the audio version of this book adds nothing and the voices are grating for about half the characters.
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- Matt Hall
- 08-06-23
Loved the performance!
The narrator has done a great job to bring the emotions of the MC out. Pace, tempo, volume, everything. He definitely pulled me into the story and kept me listening for more.
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- Anonymous User
- 12-18-23
So I read the first three books.
I'm going to shoot straight with you guys, this series has a few issues. The author often lacks consistency within their story, and the narrator struggles with female voices. That being said it has its moments and is overall entertaining, worth reading. I probably won't continue if a fourth book comes out but book three is a good jumping off point anyway.
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- Downie
- 12-02-23
Great story 👍
narrator was spot on and loved the story. I will get the next book.
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- Donovan
- 12-07-23
An great ideal with problem areas
I could go into a whole spill but I will keep it brief. 1) MC seems to simp for the first female character without even describing why he likes her to us. 2) Prices in the store seems wild at best like how someone gets a power mech that's amazing vs how much a hazmat suit cost 3) Writer forgets if MC is a god of violence or a person who just panics
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- G. White
- 06-26-24
Interesting premise for the apocalypse!
I enjoyed the premise and world building. The main character takes a minute to grow on to. Supporting characters struggle, equal parts writing and performance.
Story has long periods of uncomfortable romance between MC and a secondary character that drags the pacing down to a halt.
Some of the narrator’s voices for secondary characters are hard to understand, makes me wish I read the book at times.
A “free” chunk of the sequel eats up the last 30 min of time. Little disappointed, since it feels like they padded the length with it.
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- Russell
- 10-24-24
Lots of fun, characters are great but…
Only thing that could be improved would be using a full cast, or at least females for the female voices. This narrator, it’s rough, kinda broke the immersion every time he did female voices.
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- Kelly O.
- 05-20-23
A refreshing take on litrpg
This book took me by surprise, I was not expecting it to be so good. This book takes all the tired old tropes in the genre and turns them on their heads. Great characters a refreshing new take on the “system” and the best part not a super powerful OP. Just a regular guy put In an bad situation. Do your self a favor and buy this book.
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7 people found this helpful