Care of Wooden Floors
A Novel
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Narrated by:
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Michael Page
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By:
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Will Wiles
About this listen
A British copywriter stays for a week at his composer friend Oskar’s elegant, ultramodern apartment in a glum Eastern European city. The instructions are simple: feed the cats, don’t touch the piano, and make sure nothing harms the priceless wooden floors. Content for the first time in ages, he accidentally spills some wine. Over the course of a week, both the apartment and the narrator’s sanity fall apart in this original and “weirdly addictive” (Daily Mail) novel.
As the situation in and out of the sleek apartment spirals out of control, more of Oskar’s notes appear, taking on an insistent — even sinister — tone. Care of Wooden Floors is a must-listen for anyone who’s ever bungled a housesitting gig, or felt inferior to a perfectionist friend — that is to say, all of us.
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- By: Bradley Somer
- Narrated by: Peter Berkrot
- Length: 8 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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A goldfish named Ian is falling from the 27th-floor balcony on which his fishbowl sits. He's longed for adventure, so when the opportunity arises, he escapes from his bowl, clears the balcony railing and finds himself airborne. Plummeting toward the street below, Ian witnesses the lives of the Seville on Roxy residents.
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Book so good, it'll make you want to slap yo momma
- By Fabrikator on 07-26-16
By: Bradley Somer
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The Good Thief's Guide to Amsterdam
- By: Chris Ewan
- Narrated by: Simon Vance
- Length: 7 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Charlie Howard travels the globe writing suspense novels for a living. To supplement his income - and keep his hand in - Charlie has a small side business: stealing for a very discreet clientele on commission. When a mysterious American offers Charlie 20,000 euros to steal two small monkey figurines to match the one he already has, Charlie is suspicious; the job seems too good to be true, and of course, it is. He soon finds the American beaten nearly to death, while the third figurine has disappeared.
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A delightful surprise!
- By adrienne on 10-02-13
By: Chris Ewan
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Dear Amy
- By: Helen Callaghan
- Narrated by: Michelle Ford
- Length: 10 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Margot Lewis is a teacher at an exclusive high school in the English university town of Cambridge. In her spare time, she writes an advice column, "Dear Amy", for the local newspaper. When one of Margot's students, 15-year-old Katie, disappears, the school and the town fear the worst. And then Margot gets a "Dear Amy" letter unlike any of the ones she's received before. It's a desperate plea for rescue from a girl who says she is being held captive and in terrible danger - a girl called Bethan Avery, who was abducted from the local area 20 years ago and never found.
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Stunning debut
- By Mystery Maven on 11-18-16
By: Helen Callaghan
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In a Cottage in a Wood
- By: Cass Green
- Narrated by: Lisa Coleman, Helen Keeley
- Length: 8 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Neve comes across a troubled woman called Isabelle on Waterloo Bridge late one night. Isabelle forces a parcel into Neve's hands and jumps to her death in the icy Thames below. Two weeks later, as Neve's wreck of a life in London collapses, an unexpected lifeline falls into her lap - a charming cottage in Cornwall left to her by Isabelle, the woman on the bridge. The solution to all her problems.
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Listen with a Light On!
- By David on 09-24-17
By: Cass Green
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Smoke and Whispers
- By: Mick Herron
- Narrated by: Julia Franklin
- Length: 9 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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When a body is hauled from the River Tyne, Sarah Tucker heads to Newcastle for a closer look. She identifies the dead woman as Private Detective Zoë Boehm, but putting a name to the corpse only raises further questions. Did Zoë kill herself, or did one of her old cases come back to haunt her? Coincidence is an excuse that soon appears pretty unconvincing. Sarah can’t leave until she’s found the answers to her questions, however dangerous they might turn out to be.
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Great ending
- By DCRazorback on 12-04-24
By: Mick Herron
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The Bad Place
- By: Dean Koontz
- Narrated by: Carol Cowan, Michael Hanson
- Length: 15 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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Frank Pollard awakens in an alley, knowing nothing but his name - and that he is in great danger. Having taken refuge in a motel, he wakes again only to find his hands covered in blood. As far as he knows, he's no killer. But whose blood is this, and how did it get there?
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THE BEST KOONTZ
- By Root VanDorn on 10-20-10
By: Dean Koontz
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The Reader on the 6.27
- By: Jean-Paul Didierlaurent, Ros Schwartz - translator
- Narrated by: Stephane Cornicard
- Length: 4 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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An irresistible French sensation - Mr Penumbra's 24-hour Bookstore meets Amélie. The Reader on the 6.27 explores the power of books through the lives of the people they save. It is sure to capture the hearts of book lovers everywhere. Guylain Vignolles leads a dull and solitary life. He hates his job and his only company at home is a goldfish. Every morning he takes the 6.27 to his tedious job at a book pulping factory.
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Charming and sweet
- By Kindle Customer on 07-20-21
By: Jean-Paul Didierlaurent, and others
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Sixty-One Nails
- The Courts of the Feyre, Book 1
- By: Mike Shevdon
- Narrated by: Nigel Carrington
- Length: 16 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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There is a secret war growing beneath the streets of London. The immense Sixty-One Nails follows Niall Petersen, from a suspected heart attack on the London Underground, into the hidden world of the Feyre, an uncanny place of legend that lurks just beyond the surface of everyday life. The ancient peoples are at war - but is Niall really the one who can wield the dark magic of the Untainted, and save them all?
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Urban Fantasy with a Gothic Flavor
- By Tango on 03-16-14
By: Mike Shevdon
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Land of the Living
- By: Nicci French
- Narrated by: Anne Flosnik
- Length: 10 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Abbie Devereaux lies flat on her back, her arms and legs tied down, her head covered with a hood. She senses the eyes that watch her. She feels the unknown hands that touch her in the dark. She knows she has been kidnapped but has little memory of her recent past. And she knows that all she has to do is stay alive, even though everything she is experiencing tells her she won't.
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A good yarn
- By Jacque on 09-15-15
By: Nicci French
What listeners say about Care of Wooden Floors
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Harry J.
- 11-04-12
Could have been funnier
The story is entertaining, and I found myself laughing out loud several times. I haven't read the print version, but I think I would have liked it more. There is a lot of sarcasm in the humor which I believe does not come through in the performance
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2 people found this helpful
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- Stephanie
- 12-06-12
Dark British Humor
What can go wrong, does go wrong in this black comedy of a housesitting job gone terribly, terribly wrong. The writing is first rate and the narration right on target. I found myself laughing out loud several times throughout the course of this book. I picked this up due to the deservedly high marks given by other listeners and I'm glad I did! I will be recommending it to my friends.
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4 people found this helpful
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- John S.
- 10-20-19
Slow start - give it time
This one had been languishing on my TBR pile for quite a while, so decided to tackle it now. Turned out a great listen, but early on I wasn't so sure.
For the first hour or so of the story, I wondered where it was headed - was anything really going to "happen"? And then, a seemingly minor incident becomes the first of a series of exponentially larger ones. Towards the end, I was hoping the main character would finally set fire to the place and walk out (which he doesn't if you start feeling that way, too). Although the ending worked for the storyline, I wasn't thrilled with it.
Audio narration seemed over-the-top at first, where I found Namess Guy bordering on b*tchy. However, as events unfolded and I got used to him as a character, he became funnier and more likeable.
Recommended for readers who like things quirky and surreal, with sarcastic humor. (raising hand)
A final note, some reviews highlight "animal cruelty" which I found extreme. There is an animal death offscreen as the result of an accident, no torture or malicious activity.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Shaddraq
- 03-11-13
Mildly Entertaining British Comedy
Would you say that listening to this book was time well-spent? Why or why not?
I not a big fan of British Comedy but I had a few laughs. I actually laughed out loud at some stuff. I enjoyed the book. It took time for me to warm up to the reader but I got used to his voice. He did a decent job. If you rate this directly to some of the other British comedy it would get 4 stars for sure.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Ranch Girl
- 01-27-13
Sometimes funny, sometimes slow
Would you say that listening to this book was time well-spent? Why or why not?
Parts of the story were too slow and not that compelling, but other parts were quite funny and riveting. The story starts out with a rather intelectual high-brow tone (and dull at times), and becomes progressively more and more slapstick (ridiculous) in its humor. There are a number of laugh out loud moments.
What was your reaction to the ending? (No spoilers please!)
It ended well, but a bit abruptly.
What about Michael Page’s performance did you like?
It was perfectly good, I have no complaints.
Could you see Care of Wooden Floors being made into a movie or a TV series? Who should the stars be?
Yes, this would actually be better as a movie I think.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Pamela Harvey
- 10-14-12
Five out of Five!
I love that this book takes a very quotidian situation - housesitting & petsitting - and turns it into white-knuckle-level high drama. In that way the writing reminds me of the "44 Scotland Street" series by Alexander McCall Smith, though "Wooden Floors" goes into much more detail and is augmented by heavy doses of black humor. In fact, found myself laughing out loud - some of the situations were written so as to be so amusing I had to actually stop running in order to get the most out of the hilarious visuals.
If this was all about daily dysfunction, or Murphy's Law, Laurel & Hardy style, that would be enough, but there is character learning and intellectual growth, with exploration of maladaptive personality quirks thrown in.
The book also brings to mind the Mark Twain quote (or was it Oscar Wilde?): "I've had a lot of problems in my life, most of which have never happened."
Loved reading and listening to this!
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55 people found this helpful
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- Mike Patrick Sr
- 10-17-15
wet your pants funny
loved it. like reading a Lucille Ball script. get it, listen and share it now.
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- White Noise
- 10-23-12
A Comedy of Errors
Any additional comments?
The protagonist of Care of Wooden Floors has been asked to watch a friend's flat in an unnamed Eastern European City. Oscar, the friend, is a fastidious classical musician going through a divorce. The protagonist was Oscars trusted friend from college. The flat is pristine, with a showroom kitchen, designer furniture, two cats, and newish hardwood floors of French oak. Oscar has left notes about the care of the flat in cupboards and cabinets, books, the piano, everywhere. His lack of trust and fear for his flat is clear.
The story that unfolds is a comedy of errors, disasters escalating as damage is done to the flat. Lots of wine is involved. Once, many years ago, I was housesitting when the dog of the house bolted out of the front door, into traffic and under a vehicle, shattering it's leg. This was an extremely traumatic experience and it is fair to say that housesitting gone awry is one of my nightmares.
Care of Wooden Floors starts slowly. Michael Page narrates the audiobook and he is a perfect fit. By the time I was a couple hours into the narrative I was completely engaged. The author takes it a bit far in the end, but how could he not? The situation in the flat almost begs to be overdone. Watching the likable protagonist go through unfortunate situation after unfortunate situation with such a cowardly lack of spine was quite awkward but ultimately entertaining. At one point I began to wonder who was the author's alter ego-- the protagonist or Oscar? I still am not sure. Well written, well read.
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8 people found this helpful
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- Barbara
- 08-19-13
Interior monologue AND sit-com AND it works!
A sit-com is usually based on a lack of honesty and this story is no exception. But I forgave the narrator early on for not wanting to tell his fussy friend about the barely discern-able wine stain on his perfect floor and was rewarded with a really funny tale that kept me entertained & laughing for a couple of days--exactly what I was looking for. Enjoy!
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1 person found this helpful
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- Leigh
- 03-19-13
Not impressed
Would you try another book from Will Wiles and/or Michael Page?
I generally buy based on others' comments. I may be the outcast, but this book/audio is simply boring and a real let down. In fact, I am deleting the remainder right now as I have no interest in finishing it. The dialogue is self indulgent, there is no action, interaction with other characters is totally disconnected and I have no affinity for any of the players.
Has Care of Wooden Floors turned you off from other books in this genre?
no
Would you be willing to try another one of Michael Page’s performances?
no
Any additional comments?
skip this effort
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1 person found this helpful