Everyone This Christmas Has a Secret
A Festive Mystery
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Narrated by:
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Barton Welch
About this listen
Benjamin Stevenson returns with a Christmas addition to his bestselling, “deviously good fun” (Nita Prose), Ernest Cunningham mysteries. Unwrap all the Christmas staples: presents, family, an impossible murder or two, and a deadly advent calendar of clues. If Knives Out and The Thursday Murder Club kissed under the mistletoe.
My name’s Ernest Cunningham. I used to be a fan of reading Golden Age murder mysteries, until I found myself with a haphazard career getting stuck in the middle of real-life ones. I’d hoped, this Christmas, that any self-respecting murderer would kick their feet up and take it easy over the holidays. I was wrong.
So here I am, backstage at the show of world-famous magician Rylan Blaze, whose benefactor has just been murdered. My suspects are all professional tricksters: masters of the art of misdirection.
THE MAGICIAN
THE ASSISTANT
THE EXECUTIVE
THE HYPNOTIST
THE IDENTICAL TWIN
THE COUNSELLOR
THE TECH
My clues are even more abstract: A suspect covered in blood, without a memory of how it got there. A murder committed without setting foot inside the room where it happens. And an advent calendar. Because, you know, it’s Christmas.
If I can see through the illusions, I know I can solve it.
After all, a good murder is just like a magic trick, isn’t it?
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I Can't Make This Up
- Life Lessons
- By: Neil Strauss - contributor, Kevin Hart
- Narrated by: Kevin Hart
- Length: 11 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Superstar comedian and Hollywood box-office star Kevin Hart turns his immense talent to the written word by writing some words. Some of those words include: the, a, for, above, and even even. Put them together and you have the funniest, most heartfelt, and most inspirational memoir on survival, success, and the importance of believing in yourself since Old Yeller.
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Best Audiobook I Ever Listened To
- By Sam Clear on 07-13-17
By: Neil Strauss - contributor, and others
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Very Unbecoming
- By: Emily Kron, Kate Hopkins
- Narrated by: Zoë Chao, Esther Povitsky, Amy Sedaris
- Length: 4 hrs and 31 mins
- Original Recording
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When two childhood best friends blow up their respective romantic relationships, they make a time-sensitive pact: serial-cheater Chuck cannot sleep with anyone as she attends a three-month-long recovery group for cheaters, while sex-deprived Sofia vows to hook up with as many people as possible before recommitting to monogamy and tying the knot with her long-time fiancé. To keep things interesting, Chuck and Sofia decide to revive a past tradition from their summer camp days—also known as the dawning of sluthood.
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Hilarious
- By Rachel on 11-21-24
By: Emily Kron, and others
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The True Story of The Coward Brothers
- By: Elvis Costello
- Narrated by: T Bone Burnett, Elvis Costello, Rhea Seehorn, and others
- Length: 1 hr and 43 mins
- Original Recording
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The True Story of The Coward Brothers follows two musical brothers – one English, one American, both the illegitimate sons of dubious parentage who may, as they claim to be, "one and half-brothers" – perhaps a reference to the disparity in their height and relative talents.
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Cute
- By NRo on 11-26-24
By: Elvis Costello
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American Psycho
- By: Bret Easton Ellis
- Narrated by: Pablo Schreiber
- Length: 16 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Patrick Bateman moves among the young and trendy in 1980s Manhattan. Young, handsome, and well educated, Bateman earns his fortune on Wall Street by day while spending his nights in ways we cannot begin to fathom. Expressing his true self through torture and murder, Bateman prefigures an apocalyptic horror that no society could bear to confront.
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Fanntastic book but maybe not for everyone....
- By So Fain on 03-27-11
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Caledonian Road
- A Novel
- By: Andrew O'Hagan
- Narrated by: Michael Abubakar
- Length: 22 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Campbell Flynn, art historian, professor, and fêted fixture of the literati, always knew that when his life came crashing down, it would happen in public—yet he never imagined that a single year in London would expose so much. He’s never taken other people half as seriously as they take themselves, which is the first of his mistakes. The second is a new project: opportunistic and precisely calibrated to rake in a fortune.
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The best audiobook I have ever listened to
- By Samuel Barker on 07-31-24
By: Andrew O'Hagan
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Made in America
- By: Bill Bryson
- Narrated by: William Roberts
- Length: 18 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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In Made in America, Bryson de-mythologizes his native land, explaining how a dusty hamlet with neither woods nor holly became Hollywood, how the Wild West wasn't won, why Americans say 'lootenant' and 'Toosday', how Americans were eating junk food long before the word itself was cooked up, as well as exposing the true origins of the G-string, the original $64,000 question, and Dr Kellogg of cornflakes fame.
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Bryson Not Reading Makes For a Rare Fail
- By John on 02-28-14
By: Bill Bryson
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Everyone in my family has killed someone. Some of us, the high achievers, have killed more than once. I’m not trying to be dramatic, but it is the truth. Some of us are good, others are bad, and some just unfortunate. I’m Ernest Cunningham. Call me Ern or Ernie. I wish I’d killed whoever decided our family reunion should be at a ski resort, but it’s a little more complicated than that.
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Seven strangers are invited to compete to win a clifftop mansion. The rules are simple: each contestant must have at least one hand in contact with one part of the house at all times. The last one to take their hand off, wins the house.
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Every object has a ghost. There is a small yellow backpack - half unzipped, mouth yawning to the pavement, contents strewn around it (a banana, an exercise book, a pair of scissors) - abandoned on a suburban footpath. Ten feet away, the rubber stamp of tyres, resisting clamped brakes, mount the curb and cut across the path. The tracks come to an end at a crippled stop sign. The street, a tree-lined suburban road dappled in late-afternoon sunlight, is calm. But anyone walking past can feel the ghosts: the prickle on the back of their necks that tells them something happened here.
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On 1st of December, renowned puzzle setter, loner, and Christmas curmudgeon Edie O'Sullivan finds a hand-delivered present on her doorstep. Unwrapping it, she finds a jigsaw box and, inside, six jigsaw pieces. When fitted together, the pieces show part of a crime scene—blood-spattered black and white tiles and part of an outlined body. Included in the parcel is a message: 'Four, maybe more, people will be dead by midnight on Christmas Eve, unless you can put all the pieces together and stop me.' It's signed Rest In Pieces.
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Great Classic Christmas Mystery
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Lily Armitage never intended to return to Endgame House—the grand family home where her mother died twenty-one Christmases ago—until she receives a letter from her aunt, asking her to return to take part in an annual tradition: the Christmas Game. The challenge? Solve twelve clues to find twelve keys. The prize? The deeds to the manor house. Lily has no desire to win the house. But her aunt makes one more promise: The clues will also reveal who really killed Lily's mother all those years ago.
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This recipe just doesn’t work.
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Everyone in my family has killed someone. Some of us, the high achievers, have killed more than once. I’m not trying to be dramatic, but it is the truth. Some of us are good, others are bad, and some just unfortunate. I’m Ernest Cunningham. Call me Ern or Ernie. I wish I’d killed whoever decided our family reunion should be at a ski resort, but it’s a little more complicated than that.
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Good book
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Adam Turner works the mid-dawn shift at his local radio station. From 12am to 6am, it’s his job to fill the airtime with old songs, inane chatter, and the occasional talkback caller. It’s a long way from his prime-time slot from over a decade ago, when he was a star in the making. Now there’s no producers, no billboards, no stakes, and not many listeners. His frequent callers are drunk students headed home from a night out, or long-range truck drivers. He is completely alone in the studio from midnight until dawn every night. And then one night at 12:45am, he gets a different kind of call.
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I don’t understand the reviews
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Every object has a ghost. There is a small yellow backpack - half unzipped, mouth yawning to the pavement, contents strewn around it (a banana, an exercise book, a pair of scissors) - abandoned on a suburban footpath. Ten feet away, the rubber stamp of tyres, resisting clamped brakes, mount the curb and cut across the path. The tracks come to an end at a crippled stop sign. The street, a tree-lined suburban road dappled in late-afternoon sunlight, is calm. But anyone walking past can feel the ghosts: the prickle on the back of their necks that tells them something happened here.
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On 1st of December, renowned puzzle setter, loner, and Christmas curmudgeon Edie O'Sullivan finds a hand-delivered present on her doorstep. Unwrapping it, she finds a jigsaw box and, inside, six jigsaw pieces. When fitted together, the pieces show part of a crime scene—blood-spattered black and white tiles and part of an outlined body. Included in the parcel is a message: 'Four, maybe more, people will be dead by midnight on Christmas Eve, unless you can put all the pieces together and stop me.' It's signed Rest In Pieces.
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Decent story, annoying performance
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Whodunnit Holiday
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Still spinning from the hustle and bustle of city life, Jodie ‘Nosey’ Parker is glad to be back in the Cornish village she calls home. Having quit the Met Police in search of something less dangerous, the change of pace means she can finally start her dream catering company and raise her daughter, Daisy, somewhere safer. But there’s nothing quite like having your first job back at home be catering an ex-boyfriend’s wedding to remind you of just how small your village is.
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Fun Novel!
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The Dinner Lady Detectives
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Murder is a dish best served ice cold... In the idyllic, small town of Dewstow, Margery and Clementine are eagerly awaiting retirement from their work on the front-line serving meals to the students at Summerview secondary school. Their peaceful life is shattered when their kitchen manager is found dead in the school’s walk-in freezer. The police are adamant that it’s an open-and-shut case of accidental death. But Margery and Clementine are convinced that something more sinister is afoot and take it upon themselves to investigate.
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Nope.
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The Christmas Eve Murders
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It's Christmas Eve at the Merry Monarch. Nestled amongst the Yorkshire Dales, the pub is preparing to host its annual festive games night for its rabble of regulars. But this year, they are interrupted by a knock at the door from a stranger, stranded by the snow storm that's closing in on the village. And this won't be the only surprise of the night. When the power is cut off and darkness descends, the games turn deadly . . . It seems one of the group would kill to win.
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A few great twists and turns
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Christmas Crimes at the Mysterious Bookshop
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The oldest mystery specialty bookstore in the world, The Mysterious Bookshop, has for most of its forty-five-year history commissioned an original short story as a holiday gift for its customers. Written exclusively for the store, the stories were given as a holiday gift to its customers as a thank you for their business, handed out or mailed between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day.
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Murder on the Christmas Express
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Recently retired Met Detective Roz Parker boards the Christmas Eve sleeper to head home for the holidays, anxious and dreading her new role as grandmother upon arrival. Violently thrown from her thoughts when the train derails, Roz finds herself stranded on the snowy tracks, where she finds a fellow passenger suspiciously murdered in a locked cabin. With the train stuck in snow in the middle of nowhere, a killer stalks its carriages, picking off passengers one by one.
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Not as advertised
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The Christmas Card Crime
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A Christmas party is punctuated by a gunshot under a policeman’s watchful eye. A jewel heist is planned amidst the glitz and glamour of Oxford Street’s Christmas shopping. And lost in a snowstorm, a man finds a motive for murder.... This collection of mysteries explores the darker side of the festive season, from unexplained disturbances in the fresh snow to the darkness that lurks beneath the sparkling decorations.
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Aahhh... Just The Right Blend Of Mystery, Murder And Christmas.!!
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The Christmas Appeal
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The Christmas season has arrived in Lower Lockwood, and the Fairway Players are busy rehearsing their festive holiday production of Jack and the Beanstalk to raise money for a new church roof. But despite the season, goodwill is distinctly lacking among the amateur theater enthusiasts with petty rivalries, a possibly asbestos-filled beanstalk, and some perennially absent players behind the scenes. Of course, there’s also the matter of the dead body onstage. Who could possibly have had the victim on their naughty list?
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A funny holiday mystery…
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The Most Wonderful Crime of the Year
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Meet Maggie Chase and Ethan Wyatt: She’s the new Queen of the Cozy Mystery. He’s Mr. Big-time Thriller Guy. She hates his guts. He thinks her name is Marcie (no matter how many times she’s told him otherwise.) But when they both accept a cryptic invitation to attend a Christmas house party at the English estate of a reclusive fan, neither is expecting their host to be the most powerful author in the world: Eleanor Ashley, the Duchess of Death herself.
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Not your average Holliday Rom-Com
- By Billie S. on 09-25-24
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Vera Wong's Guide to Snooping (on a Dead Man)
- A Vera Wong Novel, Book 2
- By: Jesse Q. Sutanto
- Length: 11 hrs
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Story
Ever since a man was found dead in Vera's teahouse, life has been good. For Vera that is. She’s surrounded by loved ones, her shop is bustling, and best of all, her son, Tilly, has a girlfriend! All thanks to Vera, because Tilly's girlfriend is none other than Officer Selena Gray. The very same Officer Gray that she had harassed while investigating the teahouse murder. Still, Vera wishes more dead bodies would pop up in her shop, but one mustn't be ungrateful, even if one is slightly...bored.
By: Jesse Q. Sutanto
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The Girl in the Mist
- Emma Griffin® FBI Mystery Retro - Limited Series, Book 1
- By: A.J. Rivers
- Narrated by: Claire Duncan
- Length: 9 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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After a night of a scary movie marathon, a cold thick fog rolls over Sherwood, bringing with it the promise of fall. And when FBI Agent Emma Griffin wakes up the next morning, she can't help but shake the feeling that something is off.
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Standard stuff
- By Nessa on 03-30-23
By: A.J. Rivers
What listeners say about Everyone This Christmas Has a Secret
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Michael
- 10-29-24
Festive Fun!
I loved this little novella, while at the same time I wished it was a full length novel!
Still, I’ll take anything I can get in this excellent and unique series. Love the audiobook narrator as well!
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- Claire Thomas
- 10-28-24
So Fun!
Even after the novelty of Benjamin Stevenson's approach has worn off, these books are still fun. The themes are clever, the mystery is crazily complicated, the characters are engaging, and Barton Welch's performance is outstanding. I will gobble up every book Stevenson adds to this series.
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- Ben
- 12-21-24
Great seasonal novella
Even though it’s set in scorching Australia it still fits the festive mood with the novelty of advent calendars and the like. Quick, interesting storyline. Great for the season!
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- Bare Knees
- 10-30-24
Disappointed
Where do I start?
Too short.
Weak character development.
Not remotely funny.
Nor was there a believable explanation as to how Erin got blood all over her.
I can not believe I waited for this book for months, and woke up [with the excitement of a child on Christmas morning] on October 22nd. Feel cheated, let down, and robbed at the same. Not just because the two previous books were great but because all the literal bells and whitles on the audio book were simple time-fillers. Narrator still has two vocal ranges: constipated and unconvincing, which would have been okay if the book was anywhere near as funny as Everyone in my family has killed someone or clever as Everyone on this train is a suspect.
Hope the next one disappoints less. This was neither the money I spent on it, nor a great birthday present to myself.
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- mexmike
- 12-16-24
Loved it!
It was a fun and easy listen. Loved the creativity with the Christmas theme. It made me think of an old fashioned radio production.
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- Julie & Mike
- 10-29-24
Holiday Murder Mystery with Ernest Cunningham
I am really enjoying this series and this book did not disappoint. Complex murder mystery with the narrator/main character who actively involves the reader as he is solving it. This book was missing some of the comedic elements & character development that I really enjoyed about the last 2 books but a great plot nonetheless. Looking forward to the next book!
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- K Ward
- 11-17-24
Firecracker!
I love the style of writing and look forward to many more to come. Be kind to Earnest... He doesn't have many more body parts you can damage... and we need him.
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- bmacfn16
- 11-17-24
Worth the read if you like the series
While it wasn't as good as the other two books, it's a short little story that's a fun side story in the series. Emphasis on SIDE STORY! He explains the rules of a "Christmas Special" in the book and so if you apply that to this story, it helps you appreciate it for what it is. The explanation of how someone becomes covered in blood is very weak and it's the only explanation I really didn't LIKE. Overall, a fun read if you've enjoyed the other two books.
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- Lane
- 12-01-24
Love Holidays addition
Very cool hearing about Australian Christmas . Plus new interesting characters. Love the narrator very cool addition. More please.
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- LinseyLoo
- 11-27-24
My Favorite of The Series
This one was genuinely enjoyable! Maybe the problem with the others is that they were too long. This was delightful!
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