F*cking History
111 Lessons You Should Have Learned in School
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Narrated by:
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The Captain
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By:
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The Captain
About this listen
History that doesn't suck: Smart, crude, and hilariously relevant to modern life.
Those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it. Too bad it's usually boring as sh*t. Enter The Captain, the ultimate storyteller who brings history to life (and to your life) in this hilarious, intelligent, brutally honest, and crude compendium to events that happened before any of us were born.
The entries in this compulsively listenable book bridge past and present with topics like getting ghosted, handling haters, and why dog owners rule (sorry, cat people). Along the way you'll get a glimpse of Edith Wharton's sex life, dating rituals in Ancient Greece, catfishing in 500 BC, medieval flirting techniques, and squad goals from Catherine the Great.
You'll learn why losing yourself in a relationship will make you crazy - like Joanna of Castile, who went from accomplished badass to Joanna the Mad after obsessing over a guy known as Philip the Handsome. You'll discover how Resting Bitch Face has been embraced throughout history (so wear it proudly). And you'll see why it's never a good idea to f*ck with powerful women - from pirate queens to diehard suffragettes to Cleo-f*cking-patra.
People in the past were just like us - so learn from life's losers and emulate the badasses. The Captain shows you how.
©2020 The Captain (P)2020 Penguin AudioRelated to this topic
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The Overwhelming Tragedy of Mental Illness
- By Elephants Matter on 12-30-23
By: Jonathan Rosen
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The Boy in the Striped Pajamas
- By: John Boyne
- Narrated by: Michael Maloney
- Length: 4 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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The story of The Boy in the Striped Pajamas is very difficult to describe. Usually we give some information about the audiobook, but in this case we think that would spoil the listening. We think it's important that you start to listen without knowing what it is about.
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Absolutely Phenomenal!!!
- By Jensophie on 05-04-09
By: John Boyne
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The Spy and the Traitor
- The Greatest Espionage Story of the Cold War
- By: Ben Macintyre
- Narrated by: John Lee
- Length: 13 hrs and 20 mins
- Unabridged
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If anyone could be considered a Russian counterpart to the infamous British double-agent Kim Philby, it was Oleg Gordievsky. The son of two KGB agents and the product of the best Soviet institutions, the savvy, sophisticated Gordievsky grew to see his nation's communism as both criminal and philistine. He took his first posting for Russian intelligence in 1968 and eventually became the Soviet Union's top man in London, but from 1973 on he was secretly working for MI6.
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John Lee is GREAT!
- By David on 09-21-18
By: Ben Macintyre
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Stupid Things I Won’t Do When I Get Old
- A Highly Judgmental, Unapologetically Honest Accounting of All the Things Our Elders Are Doing Wrong
- By: Steven Petrow
- Narrated by: Michael Butler Murray
- Length: 6 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
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Soon after his 50th birthday, Steven Petrow began assembling a list of "things I won't do when I get old" - mostly a catalog of all the things he thought his then 70-something-year-old parents were doing wrong. That list became the basis of this rousing collection of dos and don'ts, wills and won'ts that is equal parts hilarious, honest, and practical.
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Poinient but Depressing
- By Dr Karen on 06-30-21
By: Steven Petrow
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On This Day in History Sh!t Went Down
- By: James Fell
- Narrated by: Kelli Tager, James Fell
- Length: 17 hrs and 28 mins
- Unabridged
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Nazis are bad. The worst kind of bad. There are no very fine people among them. If you disagree, you won’t like this book. Still here? Cool. You are about to receive an education unlike any you’ve previously experienced. In this uproarious and informative tour from ancient times to the modern day and everything in between, James Fell, the self-proclaimed “sweary historian,” reveals a past replete with deeds both noble and despicable. Throughout the book, he provides insightful analysis of all the sh!t that went down. Behold!
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Rad.
- By Christine C. Keiser on 11-21-23
By: James Fell
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The Story Behind
- The Extraordinary History Behind Ordinary Objects
- By: Emily Prokop
- Narrated by: Emily Prokop
- Length: 4 hrs and 18 mins
- Unabridged
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Many of us learn about the major inventions that shape our world. But we too often overlook the objects we use every day. In The Story Behind, Emily Prokop, creator of the Webby Award nominated podcast, explores the who, how, and huh? of everything from Band-Aids to bubble gum; hypnosis to Hula Hoops; and lullabies to lead pipes. Along the way, she demonstrates how the major events of history - from wars, plagues and revolutions to historic achievements and discoveries - have influenced some of the world’s most pervasive inventions.
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One third of the book is repeated after initial description of subject under “TLDR” ..?
- By Dogs Land on 03-25-24
By: Emily Prokop
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True Facts That Sound Like Bulls#*t: 500 Insane-but-True Facts That Will Shock and Impress Your Friends
- By: Shane Carley
- Narrated by: Chris Barton
- Length: 1 hr and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Prove your awesomeness - or bolster your stockpile of conversation starters! Either way, prove you’re the smartest schmuck in the room with over 500 absurdly real facts! With over 500 outrageous and real facts on everything from hippo sweat to stars in the galaxy, you're sure to impress your friends, stump your colleagues, and crush the trivia night competition! Discover insane-but-true factoids and prove you really do know it all! Test out the true or false questions covering the gamut of science, sports, history, pop culture, and a potpourri of others.
By: Shane Carley
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The Happiest Man on Earth
- The Beautiful Life of an Auschwitz Survivor
- By: Eddie Jaku
- Narrated by: Raphael Corkhill
- Length: 3 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
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Born in Leipzig, Germany, into a Jewish family, Eddie Jaku was a teenager when his world was turned upside-down. On November 9, 1938, during the terrifying violence of Kristallnacht, the Night of Broken Glass, Eddie was beaten by SS thugs, arrested, and sent to a concentration camp with thousands of other Jews across Germany. Every day of the next seven years of his life, Eddie faced unimaginable horrors in Buchenwald, Auschwitz, and finally on a forced death march during the Third Reich’s final days.
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Everyone needs to listen to this amazing man
- By Christan Derryberry on 05-12-21
By: Eddie Jaku
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Tied Up in Knots
- How Getting What They Wanted Has Made Women Miserable
- By: Andrea Tantaros
- Narrated by: Andrea Tantaros
- Length: 8 hrs and 30 mins
- Unabridged
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In this shocking, funny, and bluntly honest tour of today's gender discontents, Andrea Tantaros, one of Fox News' most popular and outspoken stars, exposes how the rightful feminist pursuit of equality went too far, and how the unintended pitfalls of that power trade have made women (and men!) miserable.
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Not What I Thought It Would Be
- By Kevin on 05-06-16
By: Andrea Tantaros
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The Keeper of Happy Endings
- By: Barbara Davis
- Narrated by: Robin Siegerman, Hope Newhouse
- Length: 15 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Soline Roussel is well schooled in the business of happy endings. For generations her family has kept an exclusive bridal salon in Paris, where magic is worked with needle and thread. It’s said that the bride who wears a Roussel gown is guaranteed a lifetime of joy. But devastating losses during World War II leave Soline’s world and heart in ruins and her faith in love shaken. She boxes up her memories, stowing them away, along with her broken dreams, determined to forget.
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French accent
- By Lilya on 10-22-21
By: Barbara Davis
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The Lost Bookshop
- By: Evie Woods
- Narrated by: Avena Mansergh-Wallace, Olivia Mace, Nick Biadon
- Length: 12 hrs
- Unabridged
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For too long, Opaline, Martha and Henry have been the side characters in their own lives. But when a vanishing bookshop casts its spell, these three unsuspecting strangers will discover that their own stories are every bit as extraordinary as the ones found in the pages of their beloved books. And by unlocking the secrets of the shelves, they find themselves transported to a world of wonder…where nothing is as it seems.
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Incredible history book story
- By Elisabeth on 10-25-23
By: Evie Woods
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Dirty Daddy
- The Chronicles of a Family Man Turned Filthy Comedian
- By: Bob Saget
- Narrated by: Bob Saget
- Length: 6 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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Millions of viewers know and love Bob Saget from his role as the sweetly neurotic father on the smash hit Full House, and as the charming wisecracking host of America's Funniest Home Videos. And then there are the legions of fans who can't get enough of his scatological, out-of-his-mind stand-up routines, comedy specials, and outrageously profane performances in such shows as HBO's Entourage and the hit documentary The Aristocrats.
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Meh to the 2nd Power
- By Hilary on 06-30-14
By: Bob Saget
What listeners say about F*cking History
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Corey Nikont
- 06-12-21
Probably a better read
The stories are great, and the underlying message is something we should all get behind. However, it was delivered like a bad Best Mans speech, with (pause for laughter) written into the notes. I would purchase the hard copy though.
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- SGT_Clinton
- 01-05-22
Great stories
Loved it. Absolutely hilarious at times. I'm glad that I listened. I have already suggested it to others.
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- Lisa
- 01-21-23
Because History should be fun!
I thoroughly enjoyed the humor throughout while learning strange facts that I can now share at inappropriate moments with friends and family. Thanks Captain!
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- James M
- 01-16-23
A Little Trashy.. But Worth It
Short and quick historical stories.. Great for those who like to hear some interesting stuff.. on the way to work.. NOT FOR KIDS..
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- Isabel Perez
- 08-24-20
Badass Brain Power!
Awesomeness!!!! To The Captain! En hora buena... congrats to you on this journey and thanks for sharing your badassery with the world - Gracias 💗
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- Andrea
- 02-12-24
The plan yet humorous terminology used in the narration.
I learned a lot, and it felt like I was learning from a friend because of the way it was written 
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- RhoCloRisin
- 12-26-21
F*cking Awesome
Loved it. Educational, uplifting, and inspiring. Thank you for sharing the brilliance.
Blessings,
RhoCloRisin
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- Glynis Olson
- 05-07-22
I love this book!
The Captain is fun and the book was great! I actually learned quite a bit. Thanks Captain I hope you write another.
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- Amazon Customer
- 10-04-22
Best shit ever.
This book had me laughing, thinking about life and saying WTF the whole way through. I absolutely LOVED it Must read or listen to.
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- Michael Grant White
- 01-04-23
Funny but way way too many 4 letter words.
Making me spend my time when the review is taking up too much of my time.
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