Lack of self awareness, accountability for actions

I took detailed notes as I was listening to each chapter on what I learned and why people/this author are susceptible to cults.

* Had an unloving family upbringing which gave him an ego identity of victim. The wounded ego gets easily duped. It shows how someone so unloved can grow up to be a hugely insecure person constantly looking for approval and validation
* Obsessive need to be liked, validated as special, ego thrives on special relationships (thus jumping from one to the next as none are satisfying to the ego)
* Compulsive need to feel chosen or special and thus easily duped by the accolades or love bombing
* Obsession with Myers Briggs personality types (ego identity or self concept) as he tries to find out what is the “best..” In his view, extroverts are superior to introverts (lack of self awareness and empathy)
* Constantly bragging about oneself and accomplishments and included a whole chapter of praise that was given for his accomplishments and things in the world to seek validation. Most listeners do not care about it. I skipped the chapter.
* Jumping from one thing to another- searching, not finding salvation here, then going there.
* Tried to get his partners or wives into different spiritual paths or communities: a controlling ego, lack of empathy and not seeking to understand the others’ different point of view.
* Doesn’t comprehend the teachings or experiences directly but needs another authority figure instead of directly experiencing it. Then seeks validation from this teacher and after not getting validation his ego demands, then proceeds to attack the teacher, community, book, book scribe, and everyone else for his ego not getting its supply. The book is written with the tone of one long ego grievance or tantrum.
* Idolizing the teaching or teacher, making relationships special, then discarding it all based on one community’s interactions… becoming cynical, then falling into another special relationship
* Was not speaking up for himself or defending himself and getting fired, while blaming his poor life decisions on the course.
* Handing special relationships to the Holy Spirit is not “ending them” but rather changing them into holy relationship. He doesn’t mentioned holy relationship once in the book, but Jesus talks it about a lot as this is the entire goal of the course which the author has completely missed.
* He (ego) wants to feel important, accepted, appreciated, chosen as special above others. Constantly seeking praise and validation (“I exist!please validate me!”) These are ego needs and are not entertained in ANY sincere spiritual community. Go to any ashram or zen monastery and they will not entertain these childish wounded ego demands. They will kick you out with this attitude. They are not there to coddle your ego. You are there to dismantle the ego with humility and self awareness. Once you get the lesson, you go home and apply it to your life instead of discarding everyone in your life, living in the commune forever, and blaming your ego projections and life decisions onto the community and the teaching.
* He expects accolades, spiritual rewards, or miracles based on being “chosen” to edit his book? These expectations are ridiculous. Observe your own ego- observe “who is hurt?” He has not received any miracles because he refuses to go inward and take accountability for his own emotions.
* Is used to a stern paternal figure so his ego needs great compensatory validation in the form of flattery from an authority figure. So if the person (David) is not giving you flattery, who is the one who is hurt? It is the ego! Observe it and release the grievance (forgiveness). This is why you have not experienced any miracles! He has not forgiven anything.
* He is just intellectualizing and repeating the prayers and asking the Holy Spirit to change his mind, but not going into meditation to truly observe himself and his own ego.
* Chapter 8 shows that he doesn’t understand what a special relationship is and what the difference is with a holy relationship. He basically wants ego validation from everyone around him and thinks his attachments are relationships. ANY spiritual teaching around the world will prove him wrong on this. He thinks the course’s message is to tell him how to get rid of his relationships when that’s NOT what the course says. After years of “study”, he doesn’t understand the course at all. He seems to be intelligent and accomplished but spiritually he lacks self awareness and lacks true comprehension of the course. If he would have read it contemplatively with meditation, he wouldn’t just do a straw man and dismiss it like this. He seems determined to be the victim and blame someone/something.
* His lack of introversion and lack of self awareness and self observation is surprising for someone so advanced in years (but not in emotional maturity).
* His extrovert nature is very much like an energy vampire- trying to get love from others through people pleasing (manipulation by being fake nice). This man doesn’t understand the rule of No people pleasing- it means no walking on eggshells and not repressing thoughts. Honest communication. But instead he associates people pleasing with empathic communication- oh no. It doesn’t mean you’re callous or hardened. People pleasing is ego manipulation, not compassion- trying to get ego supply from other people by faking as a “nice guy.” He thinks people pleasing is the same as compassion and empathy which is a shame. He thinks approval from David Hoffmeister is going to get him enlightened - when did David say this is how you get enlightened? He made up a fantasy in his own mind and then got disappointed. He thinks that getting compliments and praises from David about his book is going to get him enlightened? Oh no. He was disappointed and disillusioned because he did this to himself and refuses to take accountability and has zero self awareness in this situation. He doesn’t realize that he is 100% responsible for the predicament he is in. He doesn’t take any accountability for his part in this- he’s just a poor victim. He will keep repeating this karmic situation until he learns the lesson.
* He kept craving love experiences and comparing them. This man is from an older, more unconscious generation and has really backward egoic ideas on what love is (people pleasing is empathy/compassion, gaining an idol’s approval will lead to enlightenment, if I give enough money to people, they will like/love me, the best way to deal with a poor relationship is to marry them?)
* He blames ACIM, twists its teachings, blames everyone around him for using them to essentially abuse himself. But he doesn’t seem to have really sat with his own ego to observe what his part in all this is. Just throwing himself a pity party. And as long as he hasn’t learned the lessons deeply within his spirit, this pattern will repeat itself. This world is like purgatory/classroom- you don’t move beyond your current state unless you have truly learned the lesson in your spirit, repentance, whatever you want to call it.
* This man doesn’t understand the course at all. He’s searching for spiritual experiences and fireworks. Go to a zen monastery and say you’re here for big mystical spiritual experiences.. they’ll probably kick him out.
* He’s creating this spiritual resume thinking that his book work and praises and compliments from people etc is going to get him somewhere
* He lacks true wisdom; he thinks introverts (those who go within to connect to source) are no good and beneath him. This is why he hasn’t connected to his inner voice, because his ego is too busy being extroverted and seeking love outside, when the kingdom of Heaven is within (remember Jesus of the Bible?)
* He speaks in a derogatory way about a mentor named “Laila” who he was disappointed with because she didn’t have a high ranking in the community and wasn’t impressed by her speech that indicated a lack of higher education. Classist? Holy Spirit brings us together with exactly who we need in order to bring up our own ego stuff to be healed. Apparently he didn’t look at his own ego prejudices towards people and blamed it on the community.
* He reports experiences of healing and love of God and still dismissed it in order to write this book of blame
* He’s constantly looking for approval and praises from people. “She chose Me For her group!” “She said she could really trust me!” Does he really think that this approval is what will get him enlightenment?
* Compliments won’t get you into union with God. His extroversion works against him on the spiritual path. He mocks the teachings of ACIM by using his poor ego decisions and ego takeover
* He so desperately wants to be special and to achieve something and get people’s validation as a reward and he thinks that is enlightenment. He has grievances that he didn’t get the approval he wanted after working so hard for it and throwing all his money at it
* Chapter 9: “The Holy Spirit in the course is telling me that a marriage relationship is valueless and to let it go..” what? Where do you get this from? He’s deliberately twisting the course into a caricature and straw man attacks in order to dismiss it. Have you not read “The Healed relationship?” He talks about the Course in a mocking way and keeps twisting the teachings to suit his attacks. The Jesus of the Course and the Bible are one and the same.
* He left his wife and son with zero empathy and blamed Living Miracles for his actions. He refused to take accountability for his own actions and has the emotional maturity of a toddler.
* The Course talks about how the ego seeks special relationships, giving in order to get something (love, approval, validation, money etc), and Andy keeps defending the special relationship (relationship for egoic purpose) over and over and keeps blaming ACIM by saying “it was trying to take away my special relationships!” Yes, and give it to the Spirit to change it to a holy relationship through forgiveness! It doesn’t say to throw away your relationships! My goodness, he has no clue what the ACIM teaches and is on a mission to try to destroy the teaching with this ego tantrum.
* His ego felt the need to clarify a point David made in a talk, in order to show off his knowledge- then his ego was exposed in the dead silence following and he didn’t learn the lesson of humility in that moment, and therefore felt humiliated. His ego keeps score of such moments to use as ammunition of attack in the future instead of seeing his own ego in that moment and letting it go
* Chapter 9: “I felt I wasn’t making spiritual progress, I wanted more.” Who are you to decide and dictate your spiritual progress? You (ego) don’t know your advances from your setbacks, as Jesus says in the course. The ego must take a backseat and observe it in meditation. Self awareness is key!
* Chapter 9: after wanting more spiritually, he was paired with a “tall blond Swedish messenger. I was pleased to be put in an assignment with her!” What kind of spiritual progress is this man looking for exactly?
* People who are disillusioned are egos looking for special spiritual experiences or special relationships or “hot Swedish blondes”. They’re always expecting some fireworks. This man needs to go on a Zen retreat where you achieve absolutely nothing! In the East, you are taught to stop expecting fruits of your labor, because that is the ego- do action simply because it is the spirit acting through you and that itself gives you joy.
* When people react in ways he doesn’t like, he describes their physical appearance in a demeaning way : “Her head looked like a praying mantis.” This is so juvenile. He is quite elder in age and yet acts like a child emotionally. He completely lacks maturity and self awareness
* He has grievances about not being called on by Olivia after raising his hand… so he keeps score. He never once looks to take accountability for his own wounded ego. He keeps blaming and says “in spite of ALL her crazy behavior, he was saying it was MY fault. SHE was acting irrationally.” Is this book a parody or what? It seems he has not set foot on the spiritual path yet.
* He refuses to acknowledge the number one important thing on the spiritual path- using every life event and occurrence for self observation and self awareness - dismantling your own ego bit by bit. Instead he goes around blaming everyone else and never once looks at himself. This shows that when you come from an unloving background, your ego can get more cemented, dysfunctional, and out of control. Also, you set yourself up for more abuse.
* He meticulously describes people’s (especially women’s) appearance. He keeps objectifying the women by describing them solely by their looks and attractiveness level. Then the relationships take a nosedive. Chapter 9: “Over the weeks of the Mallorca program, I developed a close friendship with Mexican participant Maria Hernandez who was short and extremely pretty. Whenever she saw me, she would call out Andy, raised her arms and gave me a big hug. WOW, I loved that!” Yes the male ego loves that. Why was he in the spiritual community again? I forget. I’m sure he did too.
* By this man’s objectification of women, and the way he describes them, it seems to me that he is merely jealous of David and wishes he had a harem of beautiful women and thinks Heaven is a harem
* It seems like he needs David’s interpretation of the movies by the Holy Spirit to understand their spiritual message. If he had any spiritual connection within, he would intuitively know the spiritual interpretation of any such movie and David simply reinforces what we already know. Why does he need David to interpret it for him?
* He writes this book in a state of mind of bitterness, blaming, and grievance. Do he think any valuable message can come out of such a low egoic state of mind that lacks self awareness?
* Chapter 9: he wanted to focus on “Affectionating” and then laid across the laps of 3 pretty women” and then said something about how he was flattered about people saying his penis was big? “My member was the biggest he’d ever seen…I was on top of the world.” What on earth? Why is this guy in this community again? Only for his ego getting flattered (hint: not his willingness for God that’s for sure). This book is starting to sound like a joke or parody. I can’t take this seriously anymore.
* Chapter 9 says: “The course says the laws of medicine are false…” so he didn’t take his medication. Again he’s oversimplifying and dismissing in order to paint the teachings in a bad light. The laws of medicine ARE false. So are the laws of physics. But it doesn’t say you have to go jump off a building and try to fly like in the matrix. The mind is not ready for that yet. But because the ego mind believes in these laws of medicine etc deeply due to fear, we should take whatever magical solutions we feel the need to take such as medication because our mind isn’t healed enough to give up its belief in them yet. It doesn’t say throw all your medicine in the trash and jump off a building because all the laws of this world are false. The mind is deeply in ego and cannot handle the truth so it’s not ready to walk on water, raise the dead etc. when you’re ready you’ll know.
* Chapter 9 says: “Devoted students of the course do not seek out friends. They let existing friendships slide. When not working, they spend much of their time alone.” What nonsense is this? Where is he getting this from? Does know any ACIM students at all? Most of us ACIM students are regular people and have friends too. There is nothing wrong with solitude either. This man is distorting everything in the course so I have no doubt that he is distorting everything about his experience with the Living Miracles community and David as well.
* Shows delusions of grandeur and thinks he’s so special, saying “I’ve been called by God! I am chosen!” It shows how someone who has no love within themselves is insecure that they desperately need to feel special and important. He also has no empathy for his family
* Chapter 10 is titled “Initial success at Living Miracles.” Success at what? What does he mean by success on the spiritual path? You mean ego accolades? Is this what he went there for? To climb the hierarchy and feel important and special? This man has no interest in God and came to the community for something else ego related, didn’t get what he wanted, and so is now disgruntled and complaining like an angry toddler. Again, brother go join a proper extended zen retreat and see what achieving nothing on the spiritual path is about.
* Chapter 10 says: “I edited this, I developed that…” yes volunteers do all sorts of work for service, but we don’t go around bragging about it. All this work is done for healing of the mind and to be done through by the Holy Spirit, not to build a resume and brag about it. I too have done a lot of stuff but I have no interest in bragging about. Who cares about what his ego has done? What does he want for it? Ego validation? Then he has learned nothing.
* Says “I took pride in blah blah.. as if I owned a piece of the content. Still I was not acknowledged and I wanted acknowledgment.” Yes the ego always wants acknowledgment. But in a genuine spiritual environment, you won’t get it, because it’s not about flattering the petty ego. If one really want to become one with God, one wouldn’t be so obsessed with getting their ego fix.
* Chapter 10: he talks about how he’s so depressed because he couldn’t get David’s approval and had burned his binders of praise from his past work. What does gaining David’s approval have to do with enlightenment? Did ACIM tell him have you need David’s approval or did he unconsciously come up with that himself just to play victim? Then he keeps talking about how “no people pleasing” goes against his values. He seems to think that people pleasing is empathic communication and love. If so, this man has zero knowledge about relationships and shouldn’t be writing books on empathic communication. No wonder no one cared about his book. People pleasing is ego manipulation, faking niceness to get approval/validation for the ego.
* Chapter 11 says: “The course fosters isolation and discourages engagement with the world. All the serious course students I know have ceased participation in their families, their friends, and politics. They have dropped out of the world.” Wow what a lie this is! Most Course students are regular normal people who don’t go joining cults. Heard of Marianne Williamson? She ran for president. She was quite involved in the world AND politics. Looks like he is projecting his own withdrawal and isolation onto others.
* Chapter 13: he talks about how he wants a special relationship (romantic relationship dictated by the ego) and he says how it’s the forbidden fruit of ACIM. He wants a relationship to stroke his wounded ego. He obviously has not understood the course or understand why Jesus speaks about the special relationship. All relationships in this world are special at first. The teaching is to give them to the Holy Spirit for forgiveness, not abandon all relationships. Again this man is distorting and twisting the teachings of ACIM to suit his own blaming perspective and lack of self awareness, self observation, and accountability for his actions
* His “special relationship” dating profile is generic, vague and vacuuous just like his match “Brenda’s”… he’s a prime target for a narcissist. Because he didn’t learn the lessons of forgiveness and self observation at Living Miracles, the same karmic pattern will keep repeating. The extremely needy ego doesn’t know or practice true spirituality of self observation.
* Chapter 13 says: “Now a negative voice, implanted by Living Miracles..” Based on his unloving childhood and lack of love in his life, this unloving voice existed long before the community. It is the ego’s voice in his own mind that he refuses to see. Instead he blames it on everyone out there. Refusing to take accountability.
* Perhaps David asking for $200k was a clear sign to leave? Why did he give him the money? That was his own fault. He must accountability for his own poor decisions. They didn’t physically coerce him. Seems to me they were leading him out of the community and back to his family with this ridiculous request.
* Now he is idolizing Brenda which is evident in the way he describes her. This is creating another narcissistic abuse dynamic. As long as he continues to pursue special egoic relationships and Mexican happiness genes as he call it, happiness will remain elusive and out of grasp
* Chapter 14 says he studied the course and meditated on it everyday but he has a very poor, twisted understanding of it. Just like how people twist the Bible and start colonizing and genociding other countries in the name of baptism, twisting Jesus’s teachings, people do the same with the Course and find a way to twist the meaning of it into something totally meaningless just so they can continue blaming others.
* Chapter 14 says: “I wanted David’s approval, I believed he had the truth…” whose fault is that? He didn’t ask to gain his approval did he? These are unhealed issues from childhood that this man is refusing to take accountability for and instead projecting onto others.
* Chapter 14 says: he only read the course, stopped watching other content, only hung out with course students, and yet he has a very poor upside down understanding of the course. It shows that his heart is not truly in awakening but rather the ego went into this endeavor, it seems to try to prove it is all wrong and all a cult and some grand conspiracy against him. Again lack self awareness and any genuine intention for God.
* “I had become a depressed introvert..” he makes it sound like us introverts have a mental illness! How prejudiced and insensitive. No wonder he looked down on his wife and other introverts, judging them to be beneath him. This shows his shallowness and shows why he had the experiences he did at Living Miracles. David is an introvert I think but has a gift for speaking. Shows how extroverts can have no true understanding or empathy of half of the population (introverts), and simply judge us as depressed and deficient. Actually introverts have quite an advantage on the spiritual path because we are inward focused rather than constantly outward seeking for approval. The experience this man had has more to do with his ego’s neediness for approval and judgment of everyone around not giving him what his ego demanded.
* Chapter 14 describes Helen as “a bitter, angry woman.” It shows how little respect he has for other people and how he turns people into 2 dimensional cartoon characters that he can make a point, to use straw men arguments to dismiss them or as hominem attacks. Just because ACIM isn’t for him because his ego is determined to misunderstand the teachings, doesn’t mean everyone associated with the course is a bitter, angry crazy person. The course has helped and continues to help so many of us.
* I have had experiences in Living Miracles and with David Hoffmeister. Did many retreats with them and I understand the course very well and practice many other spiritual paths which all teach the same universal curriculum in essence. My experiences with Living Miracles were very healing and I left when I was guided. I used them for healing because I was willing to observe my own ego and let it go every time. It was peaceful and I have no grievances with them. I am grateful for that phase. I respect David for his contributions to my spiritual path, and now I’ve moved on to what is guided next. I don’t follow idols. Harboring grievances, judgments, and vendettas against others just shows how emotionally immature and childish someone is with no sense of accountability or responsibility for their emotional state.
* Chapter 14 says the course described the special relationship as an “ego, evil distraction.” Please cite where in ACIM it says this! Those words reflect his own twisted interpretation based on his own bitterness about not having his ego demands met. Special relationship is not love. It’s merely ego flattery which is what he is seeking. Love thy neighbor means holy relationship with everyone you meet. Jesus from the Bible and the course are consistent in message and it’s only the ego that will twist it out of context
* Chapter 14 continues to character assassinate Helen. What is it in him that wants to attack others? (Hint it’s his own ego that he refuse to observe and let go of)
* Chapter 14 says that the course says not to love your brother. Where does get this from? Give citations for this. He is making stuff up based on his own anger and vengeance.
* I believe this man need serious emotional help in the form of self awareness. This means regular meditation of sitting alone in silence with sincere intention of self observation. But this is the last thing a wounded extrovert with the emotional maturity of a toddler would do. Only God can help him. I wish him well.
* Why is he bragging about his relationship with Brenda for an entire chapter? Reminds me of those people who brag about how perfect their relationship is, on social media to create the perfect facade. This reeks of insecurity and need for approval and validation for your relationship. It seems like he is again desperate to try to prove something to others. “The most wonderful woman in the world”… this description of his partner again sounds like he is idolizing this partner and are setting himself up once again.

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Don’t blame ACIM for your own decisions, misperceptions and behaviors

The author did not take full responsibility for his actions which included joining a pernicious cult. Seems like there were plenty of red flags. Glad he ultimately found a happy outcome for himself

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Brave and PSA

Thanks Andrew for writing this brave book. Thanks for sharing your personal stories. As a new student to ACIM, I am grateful for this book to alert me to the dangers of letting someone else control your mind. Trust shouldn’t be given so easily. Thanks for exposing David Hoffmeister. Hopefully whatever jurisdictions are out there he can be hold accountable. He’s still a citizen of society so he should know better than to run a cult.

I think beliefs, religion is a personal thing and even if one associate with an organize religion or church you should chose what to believe and interpret. There’s probably some good things about ACIM and some questionable things. It being so hard to read makes it open to interpretation and abuse.

Thanks for this valuable contribution to society.

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