Happy Bloody Christmas
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Narrated by:
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Olivia Mace
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By:
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Jo Middleton
About this listen
Don't miss the perfect Christmas present for yourself (or for that best friend who would definitely help you hide a body…)
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Anna's Christmas Eve To Do List:
1. Wrap the kids' presents
2. Peel the potatoes
3. Get rid of the dead body?!
Hungover and exhausted after her family's annual party, all Anna Johnson wants for Christmas is to finish her to-do list and finally sit down with the world’s biggest glass of wine.
But when she stumbles across a dead body in her larder, her plans are well and truly buggered.
A mysterious death in her home really is the last thing she needs, but with her judgemental in-laws arriving in less than twenty-four hours, turning her house into a crime scene is not an option. If she’s going to save Christmas, it’s up to Anna to find out what the hell’s gone on. Oh – and figure out what to do with the body before one of the kids finds it.
And you thought burning the turkey was the worst that could happen…
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AUTHORS LOVE HAPPY BLOODY CHRISTMAS!
'An outrageously funny, festive romp which is as utterly wonderful as it is (Christmas) crackers!' MIKE GAYLE
'A brilliantly written, hilarious whodunnit. Smart and very, very funny.' IAN MOORE
‘So funny, I’m annoyed I didn’t write it!' GILL SIMS
’This hilarious, sweary, cheerful whodunnit is a full-on festive romp that will make you laugh out loud.’ ADELE PARKS FOR Platinum
‘The perfect present for the friend who would help you hide a body!' CHRISSIE MANBY
‘Hilarious, festive and relatable. A total Christmas cracker!’ FIONA LEITCH
'So good, you should sack off Christmas dinner and read this instead!' HARPER FORD
'A compulsive Christmas cake binge of a read – terrific!' J.M. HALL
'Laugh a minute? More like laugh a second!' HANNAH HENDY
'Hilarious with dollops of fun and a brilliant whodunnit!' JONATHAN WHITELAW
'A five-star triumph!' ROSIE HANNIGAN
'Chock-full of proper jokes!' ABIGAIL BURDESS
©2024 Jo Middleton (P)2024 HarperCollins PublishersListeners also enjoyed...
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Best listened to at a higher speed, 1.4 or 1.5
- By no name on 12-18-24
By: Jennifer Bee
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The Christmas Jigsaw Murders
- By: Alexandra Benedict
- Narrated by: Sandra Duncan
- Length: 8 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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On 1st of December, renowned puzzle setter, loner, and Christmas curmudgeon Edie O'Sullivan finds a hand-delivered present on her doorstep. Unwrapping it, she finds a jigsaw box and, inside, six jigsaw pieces. When fitted together, the pieces show part of a crime scene—blood-spattered black and white tiles and part of an outlined body. Included in the parcel is a message: 'Four, maybe more, people will be dead by midnight on Christmas Eve, unless you can put all the pieces together and stop me.' It's signed Rest In Pieces.
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Great Classic Christmas Mystery
- By rileyfrmdallas on 12-17-24
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The Killer’s Christmas List
- By: Chris Frost
- Narrated by: Tom Slatter
- Length: 8 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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DI Tom Stonem’s peaceful holiday is cut short when a body is discovered nearby, in the shadow of the Angel of the North. The dead man is bound, his arms outstretched in the sculpture’s iconic pose. In the man’s pocket is what appears to be a little girl’s Christmas list, with the first item – 1. Angel delight – crossed off. When a second body is found – a woman, stabbed in the abdomen after her work Christmas do – Stonem can’t help but notice a grim connection between the crime scenes and the items on the seemingly innocent list. 2. Red party dress. Could this be a murderer’s twisted code?
By: Chris Frost
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Dying for Christmas
- A Novel
- By: Tammy Cohen
- Narrated by: Esther Wane
- Length: 9 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Out Christmas shopping one December afternoon, Jessica Gould meets the charming Dominic Lacey and impulsively agrees to go home with him for a drink. What follows is a Twelve Days of Christmas from hell as Lacey holds Jessica captive, forcing her to wear his missing wife’s gowns and eat lavish holiday meals. Each day, he gifts her with one item from his twisted past - his dead sister’s favorite toy, disturbing family photos, a box of teeth. As the days pass and the “gifts” become darker and darker, Jessica realizes that Lacey has a plan for her and never intends to let her go.
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Just okay
- By Mary on 12-18-23
By: Tammy Cohen
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The Doctor
- By: Annie Payne
- Narrated by: Tamsin Kennard
- Length: 8 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Running away from a past she’d rather forget, Doctor Alison Wilson has moved to a new town to take up the role of Medical Officer at failing hospital St Margaret’s. Tasked with shaking things up, she quickly learns that things are worse than they initially seem: patient records are in disarray, staff morale is low, and there’s something afoot that she can’t quite put her finger on As Alison starts to dig into the hospital’s past, she gradually discovers a trail of lies that runs deeper and darker than she could have ever imagined.
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pretty good!
- By sam thrune on 06-04-23
By: Annie Payne
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The Empress of Cooke County
- A Novel
- By: Elizabeth Bass Parman
- Narrated by: Brittany Pressley
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Thirty-eight-year-old Posey Jarvis is the self-appointed “empress” of rural Spark in Cooke County, Tennessee. She spends her days following every word about her idol and look-alike Jackie Kennedy, avoiding her stalwart husband Vern, and struggling to control her newly defiant daughter Callie Jane—all while sneaking nips of gin. When Posey unexpectedly inherits a derelict mansion from her quirky old aunt Milbrey, she finagles her way into hosting her high school’s twentieth reunion there.
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Southern small town charm
- By Britain Singleton on 10-15-24
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The Killing Carol
- An Anna Greenan Mystery (The Anna Greenan Mystery Series, Book 1)
- By: Jennifer Bee
- Narrated by: Sophie Amoss
- Length: 9 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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“On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me the reason your husband had to die.” Anna Greenan finds the cryptic lyric shoved against her front door. Each day of Christmas brings Anna a new stanza with a new clue. Will this mysterious Christmas carol lead Anna to uncover her husband’s murderer or will these notes lead to her demise?
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Best listened to at a higher speed, 1.4 or 1.5
- By no name on 12-18-24
By: Jennifer Bee
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A Christmas Murder
- By: Mary Grand
- Narrated by: Karen Cass
- Length: 9 hrs and 24 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Susan didn’t plan on being an amateur sleuth and, after two successful investigations, she’s looking forward to a quiet Christmas. So, when local businesswoman Meera is in desperate need of help, Susan agrees rather reluctantly. The task should be easy enough. The infamous press mogul Duncan Fern is coming back to the Isle of Wight, the scene of his family’s childhood holidays, to celebrate Christmas with his grown-up children and their partners, his new glamorous wife Kirsten who is forever dripping with diamonds, and the spikey editor of his paper the Morning Flame, Antoine.
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It was ok
- By wisconsinclark on 11-30-24
By: Mary Grand
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A Christmas Candy Killing
- A Killer Chocolate Mystery, Book 1
- By: Christina Romeril
- Narrated by: Bernadette Dunne
- Length: 9 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Identical twin sisters Alex and Hannah are the owners of Murder and Mayhem, a mystery bookshop that sells their famous poison-themed Killer Chocolates. But now, there’s a real killer in their midst. Shortly before Christmas, their septuagenarian neighbor, Jane, confides to Alex that a murderer from a true-crime show has taken up residence in the village. Unfortunately, she’s also shared her suspicions with town gossip Netta. The next morning, Alex shows up at Jane’s house to watch the show, but instead she discovers Jane's body, with a box of Killer Chocolates nearby.
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Amazing story!!
- By Kate on 12-14-23
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The Murder After the Night Before
- By: Katy Brent
- Narrated by: Victoria Morrison
- Length: 9 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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Something bad happened last night. My best friend Posey is dead. The police think it was a tragic accident. I know she was murdered. But I can’t remember a thing. I’ve woken up with the hangover from hell, a stranger in my bed, and I’ve gone viral for the worst reasons. There’s only thing stopping me from dying of shame. I need to find a killer.
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Can’t stop listening
- By CP on 08-14-24
By: Katy Brent
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The Last Party
- A Novel
- By: Clare Mackintosh
- Narrated by: Chloe Angharad Davies
- Length: 13 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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On New Year's Eve, Rhys Lloyd has a house full of guests. His vacation homes on Mirror Lake are a success, and he's generously invited the village to drink champagne with their wealthy new neighbors. But by midnight, Rhys will be floating dead in the freezing waters of the lake. On New Year's Day, Ffion Morgan has a village full of suspects. The tiny community is her home, so the suspects are her neighbors, friends and family—and Ffion has her own secrets to protect. With a lie uncovered at every turn, soon the question isn't who wanted Rhys dead . . . but who finally killed him.
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Great mystery
- By HistoryLover on 11-25-22
By: Clare Mackintosh
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Murder Has a Motive
- By: Francis Duncan
- Narrated by: John Curless
- Length: 9 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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When Mordecai Tremaine emerges from the train station, murder is the last thing on his mind. But he has never been able to resist anything in the nature of a mystery - and a mystery is precisely what awaits him in the village of Dalmering. Rehearsals for the local amateur dramatic production are in progress. When the star of the show is found dead, the spotlight falls on Mordecai, whose reputation in the field of crime-solving precedes him.
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Oh dear....not what I’d hoped for
- By Kathi on 02-05-18
By: Francis Duncan
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The Christmas Appeal
- A Novella
- By: Janice Hallett
- Narrated by: Aysha Kala, Daniel Philpott, Rachel Adedeji, and others
- Length: 3 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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The Christmas season has arrived in Lower Lockwood, and the Fairway Players are busy rehearsing their festive holiday production of Jack and the Beanstalk to raise money for a new church roof. But despite the season, goodwill is distinctly lacking among the amateur theater enthusiasts with petty rivalries, a possibly asbestos-filled beanstalk, and some perennially absent players behind the scenes. Of course, there’s also the matter of the dead body onstage. Who could possibly have had the victim on their naughty list?
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A funny holiday mystery…
- By Sarah Stubbs on 12-18-23
By: Janice Hallett
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The Christmas Letters
- A Sweet Holiday Romantic Comedy
- By: Jenny Proctor
- Narrated by: Lidia Dornet, Philip Alces
- Length: 5 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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Overall
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When Tess Ravenel gets herself stuck inside a bathroom stall in one of Charleston's most historic buildings, she isn't exactly thinking about her dating life. But then the paramedic who comes to her rescue has a voice that sounds like butter and enough charm to make her forget she's seconds from having a panic attack.
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Great Christmas “You’ve Got Mail” story
- By Renee Kunkel on 12-05-24
By: Jenny Proctor
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The Christmas Guest
- A Novella
- By: Peter Swanson
- Narrated by: Esther Wane
- Length: 2 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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New York Times bestselling author Peter Swanson pens a spectacularly spine-chilling novella in which an American art student in London is invited to join a classmate for the holidays at Starvewood Hall, her family’s Cotswold manor house. But behind the holly and pine boughs, secrets are about to unravel, revealing this seemingly charming English village’s grim history.
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Decent story, annoying performance
- By K. G. Bates on 12-23-23
By: Peter Swanson
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The Holiday Games
- The One Where the Small Town Girl Flees to NYC, Falls for a Big City Hottie, and Has a Non-Denominational, Feel Good Holiday with Lots of Hot Cocoa and Kisses Under the Mistletoe
- By: Lili Valente
- Narrated by: Sebastian York, Lili Valente
- Length: 6 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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My name is Caroline "Candy" Cane, I own a country inn, date a man who runs a Christmas tree farm, and my mom's peppermint fudge wins first place at the Reindeer Corners' festival every year. Basically, I'm living every romance-loving girlie's small town dream. Until a last minute trip to New York City leads to catching my boyfriend banging a Rockette (in full elf costume). So, when I'm offered a chance to star in a hospitality-themed reality show, I jump at the chance to serve hot cocoa in roller skates on national television.
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Great holiday romcom
- By LAS on 12-04-24
By: Lili Valente
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The Christmas Murder Game
- By: Alexandra Benedict
- Narrated by: Ana Clements
- Length: 9 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
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Lily Armitage never intended to return to Endgame House—the grand family home where her mother died twenty-one Christmases ago—until she receives a letter from her aunt, asking her to return to take part in an annual tradition: the Christmas Game. The challenge? Solve twelve clues to find twelve keys. The prize? The deeds to the manor house. Lily has no desire to win the house. But her aunt makes one more promise: The clues will also reveal who really killed Lily's mother all those years ago.
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This recipe just doesn’t work.
- By Faith Horter on 12-05-23
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The Christmas Orphans Club
- A Novel
- By: Becca Freeman
- Narrated by: André Santana, Brittany Pressley
- Length: 9 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
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Hannah and Finn have spent every Christmas together since college. Neither has anywhere else to go—Hannah’s parents died, and Finn’s disowned him when he came out. Their tradition of offbeat holiday adventures only grows more outrageous with time. When the pair starts their adult lives in New York City, they add stylish Priya and mysterious Theo to the group, solidifying a found family and sense of belonging they’ve always craved.
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Such a cute holiday read about friends!
- By Katelyn Canon on 01-05-24
By: Becca Freeman
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Christmas Presents
- By: Lisa Unger
- Narrated by: Jennifer Pickens
- Length: 5 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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Harley Granger has a gift for seeing things that others miss. He wasn't much of a novelist, but his work as a true crime author and podcaster has earned him fame and wealth—and some serious criticism for his various unethical practices. Still, visiting Little Valley to be closer to his dying father has caused him to look into a case that many people think is closed—and some want reopened.
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The Christmas story i didn’t know i needed
- By Kindle Customer on 12-12-23
By: Lisa Unger