
Here, There Be Dorfs!
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Narrated by:
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Ilse Max
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Phillip Polite
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By:
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Montgomery Quinn
About this listen
I never thought, after all those fantasy novels. That I would ever live through one.
My name is Tobias Conner-Kyanite. And yeah. That name is still something I’m not quite used to yet. Most of this was an accident. But not a regret. Not even a little.
I’d like to say, that boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl and boy marries girl. Unfortunately, or I like to think, fortunately. That girl didn’t know the boy existed, and when I arrived at Dead Man’s Shaft to meet with the lovely Vanessa Weeks for an impromptu spelunking lesson. Well, it was her boyfriend and a few of his buddies waiting for me.
Rather than get the whooping of a lifetime, I ran for the darkness of the old mine shaft. Where I took a nasty fall. How it happened, and where I ended up, I have no idea. But the strange, blind, batlike monster hanging from the ceiling when I woke up told me this wasn’t earth any more.
The five beings in powered armor that came to my rescue only reinforced that fact. Inside those metal shells, though… Five of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. With eyes and hair like the gemstones they’re named after.
This is a hard world. Of struggle, honor, and fantastical technology, unlike anything I have ever seen. Held together by five families, with five elders… Who just so happen to be the fathers of the women who rescued me. And when their attempt to have me executed goes awry with the news of my unknowing betrothal to one of those beautiful women.
This world is little like the one I grew up in. Their laws are harsh and absolute. So I better learn quick. Because the consequences can be fatal. And I’m getting rather attached to my rescuers.
©2024 Montgomery Quinn (P)2025 Royal Guard Publishing LLCListeners also enjoyed...
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Story
Connor Huntsson had a plan: build a home, marry his best friend, and make lots of babies. The house was easy—but the rest? Problematic. Getting into a brawl alongside the chieftain’s daughter might have been forgivable, but kidnapping a drunken king would lead to war. Armed with his inheritance and the truth of who he is, Connor still wants to live the life of a man. But to do that, he must first seek the powers of a god.
By: A.V. Ray
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Grimmwald: Book 1
- By: Jay Aury
- Narrated by: Barbie Jean Warmack, Jim Swanson
- Length: 11 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Maxim Volt worked very hard NOT to become the local madman. He didn’t plot doom upon his enemies (even when they deserved it). He didn’t stitch together monsters with parts 'recycled' from the local graveyard. Why, he barely allowed himself a maniacal laugh or two! And yet, he still somehow ended up getting kicked out of university, banished from the family estate, and inheriting a decrepit castle high in the mountains of Eastern Europe, complete with a spooky but devoted maid.
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Quirky Fun
- By NOEL on 04-05-25
By: Jay Aury
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Deep Winter
- Tears of Winter, Book 1
- By: Kingsley Khan
- Narrated by: Renée Nolen, Alfie Syme
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Change is the only constant, and not all change is good. The change most recent for Tristan Walker was all the free time he now had after finding his girlfriend in a compromising position with a few other people. He went back to his normal routine of life and had mostly forgotten the indiscretion when he found himself waking on his couch after a bright flash of light, with two suns hanging in the sky.
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Awesome
- By CC on 01-08-25
By: Kingsley Khan
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Ruinous Return, Book 1
- By: SerasStreams
- Narrated by: Hannah Trusty
- Length: 20 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
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The price for saving the world is the right to rule it. After saving a faraway world, Lyn Rivers was cast back to Earth. Wanting the admiration, prestige, and glory of saving that world, she forced her way back. But she was forgotten, and someone else claimed credit for her deeds. Now, with the power of a deity of destruction, she desires nothing more than to claim her place in history. To do that she will conquer dungeons, make alliances, destroy kingdoms, and build an empire.
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beating the reader over the head with a clue by four
- By Sara on 03-31-25
By: SerasStreams
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Dungeon Explorers
- A Dungeon Academy LitRPG
- By: Alex Prone, Marcus Sloss
- Narrated by: Melanie Hastings, Boise Blue
- Length: 10 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
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One perfectly ordinary day turned into chaos, but it wasn’t all bad. Sure, I had to fight for my life, but I also rescued the darling damsel Sophia and met the legendary adventurer Stormbreaker. That fateful encounter unlocked a rare and mysterious new class: [Runesmith]. To top it off, I earned a spot in the Dungeon Divers Guild. Now the race for survival starts. The fear of starving to death hangs over their heads due to the increased metabolism their higher attributes give them.
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Really good
- By CC on 02-13-25
By: Alex Prone, and others
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Wizard's Redemption
- The Order of the Sentinels - The Eidolon Series
- By: Gary Hunst
- Narrated by: Lisa Koch
- Length: 11 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
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“Yes, I admit, I should have told him earlier,” lamented Wizard Apprentice Talash as Sentinel Ruben stared at him. “I just don’t know what to do now that the Portcullis has been opened.” What to do. Yes, that was the million-dollar question. Warning the citizens about the hordes of criminals, crazies and creatures flooding into Mokiem from the Land of Outcasts would be the first action; repairing and sealing the Portcullis would be the second; and rescuing Wizard Szczurik from whatever hellish place the changeling had teleported him would be the third.
By: Gary Hunst
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Rider's Dragon: The Complete Omnibus
- By: Deacon Frost
- Narrated by: Raya Kane, Jonathan Waters
- Length: 43 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Moments after he hatched, he was thrown into a sack. His pride as a dragon raged against the indignity and he fought back. The wounds he gave his captors earned him the name Nemesis, and the kindness offered at the hand of a half-elf slave earned him a partner. With Harper on his side, the pair set out to earn their freedom. They're determined to never be slaves again.
By: Deacon Frost
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I Reincarnated as an Elf in a Broken World. ( Book 1 )
- By: Igor RSAW
- Narrated by: Virtual Voice
- Length: 57 mins
- Unabridged
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In a world created by a wicked god, hundreds of people live in destruction and war.There is a war between races and slavery and no other god puts his hands in this world to help him.The protagonist reincarnated as an elf in this destroyed world, and elf is the most enslaved race, what will become of him now?
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poor execution but interesting concept
- By Anonymous User on 04-23-25
By: Igor RSAW
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Psyker Marine
- A Science Fiction LitRPG (Galactic Invasion, Book 1)
- By: Jake Malory
- Narrated by: Matthew Michael Lewis, Renée Nolen
- Length: 11 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
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My name is James Thorne, and I wasn't supposed to matter. Before the invasion, I was just a guy in a dead-end job, keeping my head down and my past buried. The Gehenna want our annihilation. Thankfully, they angered the Aetherion who may help humanity not only fight back, but turn the tide. When I’m offered the chance to be Cleansed, to become something more than I was, I take it. And it turns out I’m special. No, I’m not the Chosen One. And yes, there are others like me, but as a Psyker, I can do things most can't. Things that make me very dangerous.
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X-COM, The literary edition.
- By Anonymous User on 02-19-25
By: Jake Malory
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The First Great Game
- By: Pierce Grey
- Narrated by: Richard Brock, Raya Kane
- Length: 11 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Mason the survivalist was always preparing for the end of the world. He just didn’t expect a god-like AI to transform it into a damn video game. Now he has to pick a ‘class’, survive a ‘tutorial’ (filled with monstrous creatures trying to murder him), and somehow find his brother Blake before the idiot gets himself killed. OK. Blake’s no idiot. He’s a charming, incredibly lucky, ambitious world-beater. But he was destined for corporate boardrooms, not monster filled forests, and Mason knows he needs to reach him before it’s too late.
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Good one
- By CC on 02-11-25
By: Pierce Grey
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Ashes Fall
- Hollow Earth Apocalypse, Book 01
- By: Deacon Frost
- Narrated by: Rose Trailings, Charlie West
- Length: 10 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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When the world ended, Pax found he had an unusual gift. With the ability to turn the souls of monsters he defeats into constructs; Pax plans to ensure that the women he loved were safe from the newly reopened Hollow Earth. Volcanoes might turn the sky black, and monstrous insects were spreading across New York, but Pax won't let that stop him from keeping Jenny and her best friend safe.
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Great start
- By Christian soto on 04-17-25
By: Deacon Frost
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Steadfast Hand
- Steelforged Legacy, Book 1
- By: M. Tress
- Narrated by: Lewis Alexander, Rozelyn Rader
- Length: 12 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Sometimes in life, you feel like the world is out to get you. Nothing ever seems to work out the way you want it to, and everything just goes wrong all at the same time. But you have to bear up under the weight of life and just keep swinging. It can't stay bad forever, right? That is what Casey Sullivan believed when he spent his entire young life in an orphanage, fighting for scraps and doing his best to not get shanked by the youth gangs there. When he had the opportunity to make a difference, he seized it with both hands and did everything in his power to pass the police academy.
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Fantastic!!
- By Brian on 04-21-25
By: M. Tress
What listeners say about Here, There Be Dorfs!
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- C E Wright
- 03-07-25
Cultural differences abound.
The narrators were great with alarge range of voices that fit the characters. There was was a believability they brought out as they spoke in the portrayals of the characters. It really brought more life to those characters.
Saying all tha,t there are some very explicit depictions in sex, fighting, and of course terrible monster creatures.
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- M M
- 02-22-25
Bad Narrator Good Story,
The story is good, But i can not get over the Male Narrator sure he says all the words correctly in order, but with ZERO emotion inflection or it seems any effort at all.
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- A Marin
- 02-02-25
Great twist to Isekai
Fantastic story and great twist that uses dwarves instead of the classic elves. My only hang up is the narrator. While done well, he sounds a bit monotone at times.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Madeleine Ames
- 02-26-25
Overall story line
Interesting story. Something new. I liked it. Though the erotic scenes did drag. A bit too detailed in my opinion. And some of the erotic vocabulary words were repeated a bit too much back to back. Considered various word choices throughout. However, I’d definitely play it again. Definitely out of my comfort zone. Something I did enjoy being hesitant at first. Also it had an abrupt ending to it.
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