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If I am Missing or Dead

A Sister's Story of Love, Murder, and Liberation

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If I am Missing or Dead

De: Janine Latus
Narrado por: Shelly Frasier
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In April 2002, Janine Latus' youngest sister, Amy, wrote a note and taped it to the inside of her desk drawer. "Today Ron Ball and I are romantically involved", it read, "but I fear I have placed myself at risk in a variety of ways. Based on his criminal past, writing this out just seems like the smart thing to do. If I am missing or dead this obviously has not protected me...."

That same spring, Janine Latus was struggling to leave her marriage - a marriage to a handsome and successful man. A marriage others emulated. A marriage in which she felt she could do nothing right and everything wrong. A marriage in which she felt afraid, controlled, inadequate, and trapped.

Ten weeks later, Janine Latus had left her marriage. She was on a business trip to the East Coast, savoring her freedom, attending a work conference, when she received a call from her sister Jane asking if she'd heard from Amy. Immediately, Janine's blood ran cold. Amy was missing.

Helicopters went up and search dogs went out. Coworkers and neighbors and family members plastered missing posters with Amy's picture across the county. It took more than two weeks to find Amy's body, wrapped in a tarpaulin and buried at a building site. It took nearly two years before her killer, her former boyfriend Ron Ball, was sentenced for her murder.

Amy died in silent fear and pain. Haunted by this, Janine Latus turned her journalistic eye inward. How, she wondered, did two seemingly well-adjusted, successful women end up in strings of physically or emotionally abusive relationships with men? If I Am Missing or Dead is a heart-wrenching journey of discovery as Janine Latus traces the roots of her own, and her sister's, victimization with unflinching candor.

©2007 Janine Latus (P)2007 Tantor Media Inc. Abuso Crianza y Familias Crimen Desarrollo Personal Familias Disfuncionales Mujeres Relaciones Relaciones disfuncionales Matrimonio Inspirador Sincero

Reseñas de la Crítica

"Unforgettable, unsentimental, and profoundly affecting, Latus' book resonates long after the final page is turned." (Publishers Weekly)
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Would you say that listening to this book was time well-spent? Why or why not?

No. I was depressed the whole time I read this book. I was expecting a triumphant tale of taking down the s.o.b. that killed the author's sister but was punched repeatedly with tales of the creepy, criminal, violent, selfish, and controlling men in the author's past. I was saddened by the violence and physical abuse that she suffered. The tale of her failed/ highly dysfunctional marriage was very long and seemed a bit one sided. I hope the author finds health and healing. The story of poor Amy's death was very very sad.
Abuse and violence is always wrong and the author's resource referrals for victims of abuse are greatly appreciated.

Has If I am Missing or Dead turned you off from other books in this genre?

No, but I feel that the title is misleading. This is Janine Latus' memoir punctuated by the "If I am Missing or Dead" story of losing her sister Amy.

Which scene was your favorite?

I like the scene where Janine asks her mother for a large loan to buy a typewriter and her stepfather calls back and refuses to give her the loan. Instead, the expensive typewriter would be a gift from the two of them. Finally! a good man.

Could you see If I am Missing or Dead being made into a movie or a TV series? Who should the stars be?

If the emphasis were on the story of Amy - I would be interested in that.

Any additional comments?

The friends encouragement to "Say goodbye" to Amy was very moving.

Janine Latus' memoir - sisters murder a postscript

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Dad but real. Every girl should be Required to read this book

Real

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This book’s title refers to a note in the author’s sister’s desk, cogently anticipating her murder, but hoping it wouldn’t be that. Amy’s murder is looming in the background, but the memoir is about her sister making similar mistakes in the men she chooses, but ultimately escapes. I highly recommend this book, especially those who are interested in learning more about the patterns and dangers of domestic control and violence.

Amy’s Courage

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I absolutely loved this book. I could not get out of my car because I was so engaged. My heart goes out to Janine Latus and her family.

EXCELLENT!!

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I didnt feel alone after reading this book. I lived a life much like the author. After leaving my relationship; I know I create the the world I live in; including what is acceptable and what is not.

If you have thought about writing a letter "if I am missing or dead"; question if you are more committed to your commitment or are you are making the right decision? Life is short; you only get one shot at each day. Are you hoping tomorrow will be different? Are you living and loving the way you want?

Love shouldnt hurt... You have to trust your gut... Risk will getting you from where you are today to where you want to be. It might be hard... but think of the alternative.

If you reach the end of your life; should your tombstone read "I was gonna"?

I was gonna

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With, "If I am Missing or Dead", Janine Latus has written a stunning autobiography/biography striking chords that will resonante with her audience for a very long time. Latus weaves a story that interconnects each of the players until the final loss of her sister Amy rips the fabric of all of their lives. She skillfully connects the good with the bad and the comic with the ultimate tragedy. Bravo. This is a masterpiece.

Stunning

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Eloquent and fine... well written thoughtful and reflective..... wonderfully read

Profound and Disturbing

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Janine Latus articulates the experience of being in an emotionally abusive relationship better than any psychological book I’ve read!!

Her Story Could Be My Story

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I wish more people wrote interestingly enough about the recent past so we could constantly remember why we must stay vigilant in protecting our liberties. As a middle-aged woman born in the 70s, I found this book's depiction of the early/pre-feminist movement to be accurate. It underscores the importance of protecting these hard-won gains. We must keep writing and reading about the past to ensure it doesn't repeat itself, and this book excels in achieving that goal.

One review of this book claimed that Janine was superior-acting or dismissive of men for insignificant reasons. I believe that Janine isn't actually just Janine; she represents many women of her generation and those before her, who were treated as property of men, without identities or rights of their own. These women were often not allowed to develop into their own beings capable of genuine feelings. Of course, Janine would have these off-putting sentiments. She was a product of the constant abuse from men, who were always targeting her for all the wrong reasons. We were ALL Janine at some point.

The constant beatings, which many women believed they deserved, were a horrifying norm. I appreciated how the author simply stated what was considered normal at the time. The narrator did an excellent job delivering a hard-to-hear, "blow-by-blow" account of the worst aspects of the 70s.

Not only am I glad I listened to this book, but I also feel that we, as women, should encourage our daughters to listen to this nightmare of a life we once endured. We walked so they could run.

A "Must" Read

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This book truly moved me and I plan on buying a copy to circulate between my sisters and my friends. There were so many relationship truths in this book, and I found myself saying over and over "I thought that just happened to me." And the story was told in a way that I didn't want to stop listening, I truly enjoyed every minute. If you're a woman, I highly recommend that you read this book and then urge 5 of your friends to read it. If you're a man, read this book to understand how women really feel.

Amazing

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