
Madness
A Bipolar Life
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Narrated by:
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Tavia Gilbert
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By:
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Marya Hornbacher
About this listen
An astonishing dispatch from inside the belly of bipolar disorder, reflecting major new insights
When Marya Hornbacher published her first book, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia, she did not yet have the piece of shattering knowledge that would finally make sense of the chaos of her life. At age 24, Hornbacher was diagnosed with type I rapid-cycle bipolar, the most severe form of bipolar disorder.
In Madness, in her trademark wry and utterly self-revealing voice, Hornbacher tells her new story. Through scenes of astonishing visceral and emotional power, she takes us inside her own desperate attempts to counteract violently careening mood swings by self-starvation, substance abuse, numbing sex, and self-mutilation. How Hornbacher fights her way up from a madness that all but destroys her, and what it is like to live in a difficult and sometimes beautiful life and marriage—where bipolar always beckons—is at the center of this brave and heart-stopping memoir.
Madness delivers the revelation that Hornbacher is not alone: Millions of people in America today are struggling with a variety of disorders that may disguise their bipolar disease. And Hornbacher's fiercely self-aware portrait of her own bipolar as early as age four will powerfully change, too, the current debate on whether bipolar in children actually exists.
Ten years after Kay Redfield Jamison's An Unquiet Mind, this storm of a memoir will revolutionize our understanding of bipolar disorder.
©2008 Marya Hornbacher (P)2008 Blackstone Audio, Inc.Listeners also enjoyed...
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Precociously intelligent, imaginative, energetic, and ambitious, Marya Hornbacher grew up in a comfortable middle-class American home. At the age of 5, she returned home from ballet class one day, put on an enormous sweater, curled up on her bed, and cried because she thought she was fat. By age 9, she was secretly bulimic, throwing up at home after school, while watching Brady Bunch reruns on television and munching Fritos. She added anorexia to her repertoire a few years later and took great pride in her ability to starve. Marya's story gathers intensity with each passing year. By the time she is in college and working for a wire news service in Washington D.C., she is in the grip of a bout of anorexia so horrifying that it will forever put to rest the romance of wasting away. Down to 52 pounds and counting, Marya becomes a battlefield: her powerful death instinct at war with the will to live. Why would a talented young girl go through the looking glass and slip into a netherworld where up is down, food is greed, and death is honor? Why enter into a love affair with hunger, drugs, sex, and death? Marya Hornbacher sustained both anorexia and bulimia through 5 lengthy hospitalizations, endless therapy, the loss of family, friends, jobs, and ultimately, any sense of what it means to be "normal." In this vivid, emotionally wrenching memoir, she recreates the experience and illuminates the tangle of personal, family, and cultural causes underlying eating disorders.
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Darkness Visible
- A Memoir of Madness
- By: William Styron
- Narrated by: William Styron
- Length: 2 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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A work of great personal courage and a literary tour de force, this bestseller is Styron's true account of his experience of crippling depression. Styron is perhaps the first writer to convey the full terror of depression's psychic landscape, as well as the illuminating path to recovery.
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Intimate and revealing
- By S. Yates on 01-31-18
By: William Styron
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Elena Vanishing
- A Memoir
- By: Elena Dunkle, Clare B. Dunkle
- Narrated by: Lauren Fortgang
- Length: 8 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Seventeen-year-old Elena is vanishing. Every day means renewed determination, so every day means fewer calories. This is the story of a girl whose armor against anxiety becomes artillery against herself as she battles on both sides of a lose-lose war in a struggle with anorexia.
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Eaten from Within
- By Susie on 09-16-15
By: Elena Dunkle, and others
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OMG That's Me!: Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, Panic Attacks, and More...
- OMG That's Me!, Book 1
- By: Dave Mowry
- Narrated by: Ralph Scott, Kendra Murray
- Length: 2 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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What started out as a couple of blog posts blossomed into a following of over 1,000,000 people who have all read and been touched by Mowry's stories. The most extraordinary thing he found when writing about his experiences is that the most common comment about his work is OMG that's me. You are telling my story. I don't feel so alone now.
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this is literally me
- By Rbism on 07-16-23
By: Dave Mowry
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Empty
- A Memoir
- By: Susan Burton
- Narrated by: Susan Burton
- Length: 9 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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For almost 30 years, Susan Burton hid her obsession with food and the secret life of compulsive eating and starving that dominated her adolescence. This is the relentlessly honest, fiercely intelligent story of living with both anorexia and binge-eating disorder, moving past her shame, and learning to tell her secret.
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Pick another book
- By A. I. Keller on 07-18-20
By: Susan Burton
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The Center Cannot Hold
- By: Elyn R. Saks
- Narrated by: Alma Cuervo
- Length: 12 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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Professor of psychiatry Elyn R. Saks writes about her struggle with schizophrenia in this unflinching account of her mental illness. In The Center Cannot Hold, Saks draws readers into a nightmare world of medications, a misguided health-care system, and social stigmas. But she would not be defeated. With a strength and force of will that most can only imagine, Saks reclaimed her life and went on to achieve great success.
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Schizophrenia Inside Out
- By Pamela Harvey on 07-23-09
By: Elyn R. Saks
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Bipolar, Not So Much
- Understanding Your Mood Swings and Depression
- By: Chris Aiken MD, James Phelps MD
- Narrated by: Charles Constant
- Length: 7 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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Depression confuses the mind, strips away hope, and causes people to blame themselves for an illness they never asked for. This book presents a revolutionary new understanding of the concept of depression and offers skills and strategies to manage it.
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If you are on the mood spectrum PLEASE READ
- By nooshinlw on 07-06-22
By: Chris Aiken MD, and others
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Divided Minds
- Twin Sisters and Their Journey Through Schizophrenia
- By: Pamela Spiro Wagner, Carolyn S. Spiro MD
- Narrated by: Kimberly Farr, Amanda Carlin
- Length: 11 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
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Divided Minds is a dual memoir of identical twins, one of whom faces a life sentence of schizophrenia and the other who becomes a psychiatrist after entering the spotlight that had for so long been focused on her sister.
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intense!
- By Snow Dunn on 09-12-19
By: Pamela Spiro Wagner, and others
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The Quiet Room: A Journey out of the Torment of Madness
- By: Lori Schiller, Amanda Bennett
- Narrated by: Brittany Pressley, Gregory Abbey, Cheryl Smith
- Length: 10 hrs and 19 mins
- Unabridged
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Moving, harrowing, and ultimately uplifting, Lori Schiller's memoir is a classic testimony to the ravages of mental illness and the power of perseverance and courage. At 17, Lori Schiller was the perfect child - the only daughter of an affluent, close-knit family. Six years later she made her first suicide attempt, then wandered the streets of New York City dressed in ragged clothes, tormenting voices crying out in her mind. Lori Schiller had entered the horrifying world of full-blown schizophrenia.
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Mental Health Care in America
- By Dee Garza on 02-29-20
By: Lori Schiller, and others
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I'm Not Crazy Just Bipolar
- By: Wendy K. Williamson
- Narrated by: Miranda Stewart
- Length: 8 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Wendy K. Williamson shows the effects of bipolar disorder on the mind, body and soul of those who suffer from it. Despite Wendy's struggles, this is a not a book that brings the listener down, rather a road map for wellness and a vastly informative, yet entertaining, guided tour of bipolar disorder for those who don't understand it. With her perceptive self-awareness, the author is equal parts comedienne and educator, and she tells the unbelievable highs and lows of her story with a clear, grounded candor.
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A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF BIPOLAR
- By Fat Bottomed Girl on 11-02-18
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Bipolar Disorder for Dummies, 4th Edition
- By: Candida Fink MD, Joe Kraynak
- Narrated by: Ann Richardson
- Length: 18 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Bipolar Disorder For Dummies, 4th Edition explains everything about this common mental health diagnosis in easy-to-understand terms. This book helps make sense of options when it comes to medications, therapies, and treatments that could improve your quality of life. With compassionate advice and friendly insights, this book empowers you with the information you need to find support for yourself or assist a loved one who has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
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Much appreciated for taking the time to write this
- By Great resource on 12-19-24
By: Candida Fink MD, and others
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Everything Is Fine
- A Memoir
- By: Vince Granata
- Narrated by: Sean Patrick Hopkins
- Length: 8 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
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Vince Granata remembers standing in front of his suburban home in Connecticut the day his mother and father returned from the hospital with his three new siblings in tow. He had just finished scrawling their names in orange chalk on the driveway: Christopher, Timothy, and Elizabeth. Twenty-three years later, Vince was a thousand miles away when he received the news that would change his life - his younger brother, Tim, propelled by unchecked schizophrenia, had killed their mother in their childhood home.
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Brutal and Beautiful
- By 3dogknits on 07-14-21
By: Vince Granata
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Obsessed
- A Memoir of My Life with OCD
- By: Allison Britz
- Narrated by: Emily Ellet
- Length: 9 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Until sophomore year of high school, 15-year-old Allison Britz lived a comfortable life in an idyllic town. She was a dedicated student with tons of extracurricular activities, friends, and loving parents at home. But after awakening from a vivid nightmare in which she was diagnosed with brain cancer, she was convinced the dream had been a warning. Allison believed that she must do something to stop the cancer in her dream from becoming a reality.
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Wonderful book, but be careful if you also suffer from OCD
- By Anthony J. Tyler on 04-10-21
By: Allison Britz
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Hungry for Life
- A Memoir Unlocking the Truth Inside an Anorexic Mind
- By: Rachel Richards
- Narrated by: Rachel Richards
- Length: 10 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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In this painfully moving memoir, take a firsthand look at anorexia through the eyes of a young girl. Even in kindergarten, Rachel Richards knows something isn't right. By leading us through her distorted thoughts, she shines a light on the experience and mystery of mental illness. As she grows up, unable to comprehend or communicate her inner trauma, Rachel lashes out, hurting herself, running away from home, and fighting her family. Restricting food gives her the control she craves. But after being hospitalized and force-fed, Rachel only retreats further into herself.
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A Gripping Account of Anorexia and Recovery
- By Nephi Ferguson on 10-12-17
By: Rachel Richards
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Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder
- Understanding and Helping Your Partner
- By: Julie A. Fast, John D. Preton
- Narrated by: Jo Anna Perrin
- Length: 9 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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An essential resource designed to help partners of people with bipolar disorder mend strained relationships, negotiate episodic crises, survive the turbulence manic behavior may cause, and more.
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Definitely worth the read
- By Tracy on 09-17-15
By: Julie A. Fast, and others
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The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide
- What You and Your Family Need to Know
- By: David J. Miklowitz
- Narrated by: Kris Koscheski
- Length: 13 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Getting an accurate diagnosis is the first step toward reclaiming your life from bipolar disorder. But if you or someone you love is struggling with the frantic highs and crushing lows of this illness, there are still many hurdles to surmount at home, at work, and in daily life. You need current information and practical problem-solving advice you can count on. You've come to the right place.
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Great resource
- By Christi B on 05-11-15
What listeners say about Madness
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- S. Cowen
- 02-01-22
Lets you empathize with those dealing with bipolar
A very personal account and does not hold back. It is rare to get such an intimate description of what it is like to suffer from bipolar and the constellation of other disorders that surround the author.
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2 people found this helpful
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- kelly massoni
- 10-01-21
THANK YOU!!!!!
So so many of these thoughts and feelings I have had. I have bipolar and am only recently understanding my 2 personalities. Madness is always a financial drain, no matter what the current , center of my universe. I have never had an interest that did not become an obsession only to be dropped just as quickly as it began. The flight of ideas, asking myself if I am just lazy, because, I am sure I have heard bipolar and thought hmmm they probably just dont want to work. Now my current crisis is showing me what that looks like from the other side. So much of much of how I feel was so dead on that I would find myself crying. Thank you so much for articulating these experiences. it validates and educates me. It explains so much of why I am the way I am. It is ok to say I am not living my best life and it's ok to ask for help when things are not right.
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5 people found this helpful
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- Anonymous User
- 11-09-22
Great story
I am very interested in books about bipolar. This book is everything I was looking for. The story is compelling and is read beautifully!
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2 people found this helpful
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- Frank Steffen
- 01-01-23
Deeply connecting
When I stumbled over "Wasted" I could not hit the stop button on my phone. "Madness" was different. I sometimes needed a pause. It's full on! I used to think my life was rough with a range of addictions. Hearing Marya's story restored my gratitude for the life I got. I had no idea about the pain and suffering that can go along with having a bipolar life. The book is written authentic and true, no detail, no matter how painful left out. I love this book and I'm sure it will leave you looking at the world and yourself a bit different.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Randy Zinnecker
- 10-14-21
very enlightening
VERY strong. Dating a Bi-polar woman she wanted me to know about the unpredictable ride ahead if we became serious.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Hannah Judith Kotz Olszewski
- 12-28-21
fantastic book!
marya is an incredible writer, this is a fantastic book. however the woman reading swallows every two minutes, extremely loudly, very annoying.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Anonymous User
- 03-15-25
Exceptional performance and clarifying work
The words and the voice were a great combination. I’ve received greater clarity from this work.
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- Gem
- 05-21-23
Wow
I feel for this lady, but it was hard to listen too this book. I wish her luck.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Emily Erbs
- 09-30-24
Not about Bipolar 2
I got this book specifically because it was supposed to be an account of a life with bipolar 2. There are so many books on bipolar 1 that I got excited and moved forward without listening to a sample.
This is a great account of the challenges of the mania and depression that come with bipolar 1. It's not focused on the bipolar 2 experience which is comprised of very deep depression and hypomania. While I feel like it's a good book, it's not what was advertised.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Baytown Anita
- 09-24-22
The worst- writer uses no pronouns
The worst - writer uses very few pronouns, so listening is like words pounding in your ears-without sentences. Like listening to texts! Narration really bad too for this book
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1 person found this helpful