Out of the Fog
Moving from Confusion to Clarity After Narcissistic Abuse
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Narrated by:
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Dana Morningstar
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By:
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Dana Morningstar
About this listen
The FOG is an acronym that stands for "Fear, Obligation, and Guilt". These three emotions are often how narcissists, sociopaths, and other types of emotional manipulators go about controlling others.
However, this type of destructive manipulation isn't just limited to narcissists and sociopaths. There is no shortage of people with well-intended bad advice out there who unintentionally fall into the FOG as well and push targets of abuse into keeping the relationship going.
The FOG is one of the main reasons that people stay "stuck" in abusive relationships for so long, why they continue to get involved with abusive people, why they feel they are the problem, and why they tend to feel that the abuse is somehow their fault. When a person is being manipulated, they have a hard time figuring out who has the problem, what is normal, what is problematic, and if their wants, needs, and feelings are valid. The disastrous effects of being lost in the FOG are confusion, crazy-making, people-pleasing, and an erosion of boundaries. What makes this well-intended bad advice so damaging is that, on the surface, it seems like good advice - especially if it's coming from people who seem to have our best interests in mind, such as friends, family, church members, support-group members, or a therapist.
Some examples of this well-intended bad advice that comes from other people is: "Who are you to judge?", "No one is perfect", "You need to forgive them", "She's your mother, you need to have a relationship with her...she's not getting any younger you know", and "Commitment is forever".
This audiobook dives into these and other commonly confused topics such as:
- "Who are you to judge" vs. being discerning
- "You need to forgive them" vs. keeping yourself safe
- A parent vs. a predator
- Commitment vs. codependency
- Self-love vs. selfishness
- A person acting the part vs. a person actually changing
- Gut instincts vs. hypervigilance
- A friend vs. someone being friendly
- Caring vs. caretaking
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Pathological mind games. Covert and overt put-downs. Triangulation. Gaslighting. Projection. These are the manipulative tactics survivors of malignant narcissists are unfortunately all too familiar with. As victims of silent crimes where the perpetrators are rarely held accountable, survivors of narcissistic abuse have lived in a war zone of epic proportions, enduring an abuse cycle of love-bombing and devaluation - psychological violence on steroids.
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A “Powerful” book
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Toxic Parents
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In this remarkable self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward draws on case histories and the real-life voices of adult children of toxic parents to help you free yourself from the frustrating patterns of your relationship with your parents---and discover a new world of self-confidence, inner strength, and emotional independence.
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Its worth a listen.
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Best-selling author Dr. John Townsend teaches you that love can actually be learned and gives you the steps and tools to become skilled in love. Using his trademark stories to flesh out the important principles, Dr. Townsend covers receiving love, connecting love, healing love, confronting love, romantic love, and surrendering love. Through his teaching, listeners will discover - and start enjoying - the words, actions, and experiences of authentic love.
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Very insightful
- By Amazon Customer on 05-17-19
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Allen Berger, PhD, draws on the teachings of Bill W. and psychotherapy pioneers to offer 12 hallmarks of emotional sobriety that, when practiced, give people the confidence to be accountable for their behavior, ask for what they want and need, and grow and develop a deeper trust in the process of life. These smart things include: understanding who you are and what's important to you; learning not to take others' reactions personally; trusting your inner compass; and taking responsibility for your reactions to problematic situations.
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Rich exploration and application of ES principles
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12 Stupid Things That Mess Up Recovery
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To grow in recovery, we must grow up emotionally. This means getting honest with ourselves and facing up to the self-defeating thoughts and actions that put our sobriety at risk. Although there are as many ways to mess up recovery as there are alcoholics and addicts, some general themes exist, which include: confusing self-concern with selfishness; not making amends; using the program to try to become perfect; not getting help for relationship troubles; and believing that life should be easy. Allen Berger explores the 12 most commonly confronted beliefs and attitudes that can sabotage recovery.
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Hilarious and True...the humor helps us to earnestly reflect inward. Very powerful. Thank you!
- By Tabitha Thornhill on 10-25-24
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When Your Mother Has Borderline Personality Disorder
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Growing up with a mom who has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is difficult - but it’s still possible to have a functioning adult relationship with her. When Your Mother Has Borderline Personality Disorder provides you with crucial information for understanding the patterns behind her Borderline Personality Disorder, as well as the tools you need to start your own recovery process.
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Great advice IF you decide to or must continue a relationship with someone with BPD
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The No Contact Rule
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You're trying to get over your ex, yet you're still in touch and have ended up being his or her backup plan. Maybe you haven't left yet, but you want to and just don't know how. Maybe you're tired of doing the lather, rinse, repeat of getting back together and winding up back at square one. It's time to cut contact. The No Contact Rule is an inspiring guide to extinguishing the temptation to stay in touch or to keep engaging, helping you to reclaim your sense of self and move on to a healthier relationship.
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I can not recomment this book highly enough!
- By Amazon Customer on 02-14-17
By: Natalie Lue
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Everything in each chapter
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The quality of your life depends largely on the degree of self-awareness that you have. If your life isn't running as smoothly as you'd like, then perhaps taking a few steps back and asking yourself some thought-provoking questions will help. This audiobook includes over 150 questions organized by different facets of your life: Personal, emotional, physical, spiritual, and financial. Get the clarity you need in order to move forward and create the best life possible.
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Narcissistic abuse creates a tidal wave of confusion, hypervigilance, and overthinking. You have trouble thinking clearly, remembering things, or taking in new information. And because these changes are happening to you, you begin to wonder: What's wrong with me? Why can't I make this relationship work? Am I fundamentally broken? And that's exactly how narcissistic abuse works—it happens so subtly that you believe the insecurities you're experiencing are "you" instead of "what's happening" to you. This audiobook covers unique information related to narcissistic abuse.
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This book is amazing.
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If you're constantly feeling on edge, forever working to appease your spouse to little avail and feel like you're constantly being chipped away at with their abusive behavior, then I can understand how emotionally shattering it feels to live this way. If, in the same breath, it breaks your heart to even consider leaving them because you can't imagine life without them, then I can understand that feeling too - because I was trauma bonded to my abusive ex.
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Narcissistic abuse is a form of abuse that ensures victims are left emotionally drained, mentally exhausted, and devoid of any self-worth or self-esteem...ending a relationship with a narcissist isn’t that easy. In this audiobook, I want to offer you some guidance on this rarely-talked about aspect of an abusive relationship: how to deal with a narcissist when they’re your ex.
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thank you so much!!
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What listeners say about Out of the Fog
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Shawn Snyder
- 10-16-21
I would highly recommend this book!
This book was so easy to listen to! I got out of a unhealthy, narcissistic relationship over 20 year ago have been in a lot of therapy to learn to trust myself again and overcome the trauma I experienced in that relationship. I am now remarried to a wonderful man who truly loves and supports me but this book showed me areas where I still have triggers and behaviors that I need to unlearn. The content was so insightful and helpful - Dana give you so many practical suggestions to help navigate the process to becoming the best version of yourself that you can be!
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3 people found this helpful
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- Keren
- 05-25-19
The BEST Book I've read on this Topic
I have read alot on the topic of nacissustic abuse, but this is by far my best read! Morningstar provides a guid to life skills that you can apply right away! Her way of presenting concepts and feelings is perfect, and her calm and lovely voice compliments the content so beautifully. The whole listening experiance is so enjoyable, as Morningstar helps you to cultivate your understanding of past and present interactions.
Thank you for this book!
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2 people found this helpful
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- Jg
- 10-21-21
Very helpful book
Anyone who has been in a relationship with an abusive person needs to listen to this book. I know I will listen to it again because there was so much good information it was hard to absorb it all the first time.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Hector Sanchez
- 03-11-21
Every word is a gold seed....
I healed more from listening this book than from several therapy sessions. Dana's voice is so warm
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1 person found this helpful
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- Sarah Couture
- 10-28-21
TRUTH! A must read for anybody coming out of a toxic relationship.
If you have dated, or were married to, an abusive person such as a sociopath, narcissist, or psychopath… you absolutely must read this book! After being gaslit, blamed and told you are a terrible worthless person for any length of time, you start to believe in their bullshit and think “maybe it really is all my fault?” Or you might be wondering “What the heck just happened to me?” Or experience intense self doubt. It is so confusing when you are trying to sort out the reality of what you just went through after being romantically involved with a disordered person. This book will give you clarity! A very helpful and relatable piece of literature :) this book will help you heal !
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- Jessica L
- 07-05-21
A Must-Read!
This book is a life saver and sanity saver. It is helping me recover from an abusive relationship and breakup, but I wish it was required reading in highschool, before anyone started dating. A healthy person can't fathom the thoughts and actions of the unhealthy, which makes it easy for us to blindly fall into manipulative traps by seemingly "good" people. This book explains traits to look for as a preventative and healing clarity, but also great for those supporting others to validate their experience with trauma.
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- KS
- 09-24-20
WOW!! PROFOUND!!
This book covers many emotional pitfalls. I will listen to this book over & over!!
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- Darkwing Duck
- 08-24-20
Empowering shot of clarity and courage
Thank the Almighty for Dana and this book. it is the perfect balance of support, recognition, owning our contribution and giving clarity for the road ahead. Thank you, Dana! You have made a difference in my life.
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- Share
- 04-22-22
Life Changing
I wish I had read a book like this 20 years ago. If I had this indepth knowledge and insight, back then, I would have been able to avoid many pitfalls and painful relationships. The content of this book validated a lot of my past traumas and reminded me that my past traumas do not define who I am today. With perseverance, hard work and faith in the redemptive power of Jesus Christ, my life has turned out so much better than I ever imagined. I refuse to allow those past traumas & memories to ruin my life and dictate my future. I now make good choices in who I let into my inner circle of friends & I always accept an opportunity to encourage others who have been traumatized. There is a good life available to any of us after living through traumatic relationships or childhoods. I highly recommend this book.
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- Emily Redahan
- 11-24-22
So much clarity
This book validated what I went through and explained some things I had experienced like trauma amnesia that I didn’t have a name for, highly recommend.
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