The Dark Lord's Handbook
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Narrated by:
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Gildart Jackson
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By:
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Paul Dale
About this listen
To become a Dark Lord is no easy thing. The simple ambition to hold dominion over the world and bend all to your will sounds straightforward, but it's not. There are armies to raise, fortresses to build, heroes to defeat, and battles to be fought. After many spectacular failures, Evil decided to lend more than inspiration to these would-be tyrants. He wrote an easy-to-follow Dark Lord's Handbook. And yet the next Dark Lord that came along screwed up like all the others. It had been hundreds of years, and the Handbook was lost in the annals of time, along with all that was mythic and exciting in the world. Then one day, a randy dragon had a chance encounter. Nine months later a Dark Lord was born. In time, the Handbook found its way to this new contender: Morden.
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Story
Strike the Anvil of Time! Vanderjack is a mercenary with a troubled past and a sword haunted by ghosts. Hired to rescue a nobleman's daughter from behind enemy lines, the sellsword finds himself a pivotal player in the liberation of Nordmaar from the Red Dragon army. The Chronicler is charged to use the ancient Anvil of Time to travel back along the river of time and find the lost stories that fell between the pages of the history books of Krynn in this new series created and guided by the creative mind of Tracy Hickman.
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Interesting story, alittle different at the end
- By Dennis on 04-16-13
By: Cam Banks
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The Fate's Forsaken Omnibus
- Books 1-2 and Prequel Novella
- By: Shae Ford
- Narrated by: Derek Perkins
- Length: 37 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
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Books 1, 2, and the prequel novella of the Fate's Forsaken series. The series follows the adventures of Kael: a young man who is thrust from his home in the Unforgivable Mountains and onto a hero's path. The journey is long, the battles are fierce - nearly all of his companions are outlaws. And Kael's rotten bad luck seems to make everything worse. This is his story.
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Fantasy with light romance
- By Skipper on 09-23-15
By: Shae Ford
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The Briar King
- The Kingdoms of Thorn and Bone, Book 1
- By: Greg Keyes
- Narrated by: Patrick Michael
- Length: 19 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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Two thousand years ago, the Born Queen defeated the Skasloi lords, freeing humans from the bitter yoke of slavery. But now monstrous creatures roam the land and destinies become inextricably entangled in a drama of power and seduction. The kings woodsman, a rebellious girl, a young priest, a roguish adventurer, and a young man made suddenly into a knight all face malevolent forces that shake the foundations of the kingdom, even as the Briar King, legendary harbinger of death, awakens from his slumber.
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Good stuff
- By Jake on 06-10-10
By: Greg Keyes
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The Infernal City
- Elder Scrolls Series #1
- By: Greg Keyes
- Narrated by: Michael Page
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Four decades after the Oblivion Crisis, Tamriel is threatened anew by an ancient and all-consuming evil. It is Umbriel, a floating city that casts a terrifying shadow-for wherever it falls, people die and rise again. And it is in Umbriel's shadow that a great adventure begins and a group of unlikely heroes meet. A legendary prince with a secret. A spy on the trail of a vast conspiracy. A mage obsessed with his desire for revenge. And Annaïg, a young girl in whose hands the fate of Tamriel may rest.
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Umbriel is coming
- By Brenden Zapp on 02-01-13
By: Greg Keyes
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Sabriel
- By: Garth Nix
- Narrated by: Tim Curry
- Length: 10 hrs and 43 mins
- Unabridged
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Ever since she was a tiny child, Sabriel has lived outside the walls of the Old Kingdom, away from the random power of Free Magic, and away from the Dead who won't stay dead. But now her father, the Mage Abhorsen, is missing, and to find him Sabriel must cross back into that world.
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Enraptured
- By T. HICKS on 06-20-09
By: Garth Nix
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Cry Havoc
- Jack Frey, Book 1
- By: Mike Morris
- Narrated by: Simon Vance
- Length: 9 hrs and 56 mins
- Unabridged
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They say when the demons come, you either fight or you die.The Black Dogs know this all too well. For three hundred years, the warrior priests have sacrificed their lives to keep the island nation of Abios safe from the flesh-eating Nostros, while the rest of the world fell under the demons' savagery. However, an armada now stands poised to invade mankind's last bastion.
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truly evil enemies
- By VJG on 02-01-18
By: Mike Morris
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New Spring
- The Wheel of Time Prequel
- By: Robert Jordan
- Narrated by: Kate Reading, Michael Kramer
- Length: 12 hrs and 38 mins
- Unabridged
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For three days battle has raged in the snow around the great city of Tar Valon. In the city, a foretelling of the future is uttered. On the slopes of Dragonmount, the immense mountain that looms over the city, a child is born, an infant prophesied to change the world. That child must be found before he can be killed by the forces of the Shadow.
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Read it after reading others in the series
- By Stacy Fair on 12-13-07
By: Robert Jordan
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I, Strahd: The Memoirs of a Vampire
- Ravenloft: Strahd, Book 1
- By: P. N. Elrod
- Narrated by: Paul Boehmer
- Length: 8 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Some of the parchment pages were the color of cream, thick and substantial, made to last many, many lifetimes. Other pages were thin and desiccated, positively yellow from age, and crackled alarmingly as Van Richten turned them over. There were no ornate illuminations, no fussy borders, only lines of plain text in hard black ink. The flowing handwriting was a bit difficult to follow at first; the writer's style of calligraphy had not been in common use for 300 years. No table of contents, but from the dates it looked to be some kind of history.
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Love it...just one complaint....
- By Ryan Conrad on 03-15-14
By: P. N. Elrod
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The Steel Remains
- By: Richard K. Morgan
- Narrated by: Simon Vance
- Length: 15 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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In just a few short years, Richard K. Morgan has vaulted to the pinnacle of the science fiction world. Now he turns his iconoclastic talents to epic fantasy, crafting a darkly violent, tautly plotted adventure sure to thrill old fans and captivate new readers.
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This isn't your father's gay hero!
- By Kindle Customer on 01-23-09
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The Mirror Empire
- Worldbreaker Saga, Book 1
- By: Kameron Hurley
- Narrated by: Liza Ross
- Length: 17 hrs and 41 mins
- Unabridged
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On the eve of a recurring catastrophic event known to extinguish nations and reshape continents, a troubled orphan evades death and slavery to uncover her own bloody past - while a world goes to war with itself. In the frozen kingdom of Saiduan, invaders from another realm are decimating whole cities, leaving behind nothing but ash and ruin.
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Captivating & thrilling
- By Sean Higgins on 09-19-15
By: Kameron Hurley
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Fatemarked
- The Fatemarked Epic, Book 1
- By: David Estes
- Narrated by: Derek Perkins
- Length: 19 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
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They are the fatemarked. Misunderstood. Worshipped. Hated. Murdered at birth. Their time to step into the light has come. An ancient prophecy foretold their coming, the chosen few who will bring peace to a land embroiled in a century of mistrust and war. When kings start dying, that hope and belief swiftly turns to fear. Roan Loren is one of the fatemarked, but has hidden his mark of power his entire life, fearing the damage it might cause to those around him. A great evil is coming. He can't hide anymore.
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Written to fit an ideology, not the story it tells
- By znidarsic.blaz on 04-30-18
By: David Estes
What listeners say about The Dark Lord's Handbook
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Joe
- 03-04-15
Blurring the lines of good/evil for a good story.
Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?
Yes. Extremely funny
What was one of the most memorable moments of The Dark Lord's Handbook?
When the love interest met the dark lord for the first time and it went into detail of how beautiful she was, her first words to him were "Get fucked!"
Which character – as performed by Gildart Jackson – was your favorite?
Edwin, the half witted sociopath hero who has a thing for overweight women.
Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
Laugh. The LOTR and Star Wars references were subtle perfectly placed.
Any additional comments?
There needs to be a sequel. The characters were to we'll written for this to end on one book.
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- Amanda
- 08-23-16
Started slow
I loved the characters, but I felt like things only got about 60% developed through the first 3/4 of the book.
The chancellor was clearly the best character and was also one of the least exposed.
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- bet22
- 06-28-15
Heroes should finish last
Witty story that makes you question who are the good guys and who are the bad guys. You can't help put cheer for the Dark Lord. There is a subtle nod to Terry Pratchett and a reference to a previous dark lord that put to much of his power in a ring and then lost it. Men seem to have an attraction to women with a temper. Clever, witty and fun
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- Debra Farris
- 10-24-23
good but character development is awkward
the story starts off well enough and the story remains interesting all the way through, however about half way through the characters just get unbelievable dumb. both the "hero" and the "dark lord" refuse to think for a single moment. when the Mc just does dumb things after a certain boat scene, grows lazy, ampethetic, and just starts ignoring obvious things like his ability and obvious stuff. at the same time the writing starts repeating instead of giving actual details. the most described things in this story is food and hints at anything really interesting like powers or city details and it hurts. I need the description of the food on the same level as when he transforms, city details, or any magic object please.
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- korneel
- 07-19-17
it sure is something else
Any additional comments?
This is one of the few books who ever made me laugh out loud, the dark and cynical humor is refreshing. The story itself from the perspective of the bad guy is nice too.
The narrator brings something extra, i can see how many people might be annoyed by the way he reads this but for this book it fits perfectly.
All things considered its one of the better works i found here so far.
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- Rickey
- 06-06-16
better than i anticipated
my only negative comment is that the middle of the book was slow and seemed to informative vs just a good story
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- Kindle Customer
- 09-04-15
I have a feeling Putin read this book
Funny book with many amusing trope references. A look at the stereotypical rising hero story but from the other side.
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- Tracy
- 02-13-15
A Great Listen!
A hilarious and original take on the classic adventure. I highly recommend this book for anyone looking for a little fun in their adventure story. The handbook also doles out outstanding advice to all of us fledgling Dark Lords! I am now ready to come forth!
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- Anonymous User
- 12-06-19
Great, except for the ending.
A very fun world, expertly brought to life. My only complaint is that the ending was a bad riff on the classic starwars, good vs evil ending.
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- Amazon Customer
- 02-09-18
I want more and I can't have it.
there is a book 2 and 3. im a truck driver and I listen to books while I drive and I can't have the sequels to my favorite one. I sent a request but it's been ignored and I won't buy the paperbacks because I listen to books for 10 hours a day and refuse to read while I'm resting. whatever.
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