The Last Testament
A Memoir by God
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Narrated by:
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David Javerbaum
About this listen
Over the course of his long and distinguished career, God has literally seen it all. And not just seen. In fact, the multi-talented deity has played a pivotal role in many major events, including the Creation of the universe, the entirety of world history, the life of every human being who has ever lived, and the successful transitioning of American Idol into the post-Simon Cowell era.
Now, as the earth he has godded so magnificently draws to a Mayan-induced close, God breaks his 1,400-year literary silence with his final masterpiece, The Last Testament.
As dictated to his mortal amanuensis, 11-time Emmy Award-winning comedy writer David Javerbaum, God looks back with unprecedented candor on his time in the public sector. He takes us behind the scenes of Genesis, setting the record (un)straight on the real first couple, Adam and Steve, and challenging long-held notions about the viability of containing a phylogenetically complete double bestiary within a 450,000-cubic-cubit watercraft.
For the first time, he breaks his silence on Jesus Christ, shedding light on a father-son relationship as heartwarming as Will and Jaden Smith’s. And he reveals his true feelings about his third great faith, Islam, WHICH ARE NOTHING BUT POSITIVE AND RESPECTFUL.
But The Last Testament doesn’t just look back. It also offers God’s perspectives on the perennial quagmires of love, marriage, and smiting. And he takes an 27.99 unfiltered look at contemporary society, addressing such hot-button topics as:
- Why he loves America
- What he listens for in a good prayer
- Which sports teams he really roots for
- Which celebrities are totally gay
Sometimes preachy, sometimes holier-than-thou, but always lively, The Last Testament is a tale of courage, adversity, and triumph. It’s the ultimate celebrity autobiography, sure to appeal to not only hardcore God fans and "worshipers", but to anyone who’s ever had total omnipotence. If you place complete faith in the literal truth of one book written by God, make it The Last Testament.
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The Great Indoors
- By: Ginny Hogan
- Narrated by: Mae Whitman
- Length: 3 hrs and 53 mins
- Original Recording
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Alice's journey begins as all good journeys do: hitting on the sales guy at REI. After a tumultuous breakup, a quick career transition, family upheaval, and a sobriety journey that didn't fix her life quite as much as she expected it to, Alice decides that the only way to solve all her problems is to hike the Pacific Crest Trail. But as she begins preparing for the months-long quest, she realizes the answers she's seeking might not be on top of a snow-covered mountain. Especially since she just learned there was snow in California.
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Chuck full of laughs to lift anyone's spirits.
- By Laura Boogaert on 09-22-24
By: Ginny Hogan
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I Can't Make This Up
- Life Lessons
- By: Neil Strauss - contributor, Kevin Hart
- Narrated by: Kevin Hart
- Length: 11 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Superstar comedian and Hollywood box-office star Kevin Hart turns his immense talent to the written word by writing some words. Some of those words include: the, a, for, above, and even even. Put them together and you have the funniest, most heartfelt, and most inspirational memoir on survival, success, and the importance of believing in yourself since Old Yeller.
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Best Audiobook I Ever Listened To
- By Sam Clear on 07-13-17
By: Neil Strauss - contributor, and others
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Made in America
- By: Bill Bryson
- Narrated by: William Roberts
- Length: 18 hrs and 10 mins
- Unabridged
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In Made in America, Bryson de-mythologizes his native land, explaining how a dusty hamlet with neither woods nor holly became Hollywood, how the Wild West wasn't won, why Americans say 'lootenant' and 'Toosday', how Americans were eating junk food long before the word itself was cooked up, as well as exposing the true origins of the G-string, the original $64,000 question, and Dr Kellogg of cornflakes fame.
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Bryson Not Reading Makes For a Rare Fail
- By John on 02-28-14
By: Bill Bryson
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Very Unbecoming
- By: Emily Kron, Kate Hopkins
- Narrated by: Zoë Chao, Esther Povitsky, Amy Sedaris
- Length: 4 hrs and 31 mins
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When two childhood best friends blow up their respective romantic relationships, they make a time-sensitive pact: serial-cheater Chuck cannot sleep with anyone as she attends a three-month-long recovery group for cheaters, while sex-deprived Sofia vows to hook up with as many people as possible before recommitting to monogamy and tying the knot with her long-time fiancé. To keep things interesting, Chuck and Sofia decide to revive a past tradition from their summer camp days—also known as the dawning of sluthood.
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Hilarious
- By Rachel on 11-21-24
By: Emily Kron, and others
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American Psycho
- By: Bret Easton Ellis
- Narrated by: Pablo Schreiber
- Length: 16 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Patrick Bateman moves among the young and trendy in 1980s Manhattan. Young, handsome, and well educated, Bateman earns his fortune on Wall Street by day while spending his nights in ways we cannot begin to fathom. Expressing his true self through torture and murder, Bateman prefigures an apocalyptic horror that no society could bear to confront.
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Fanntastic book but maybe not for everyone....
- By So Fain on 03-27-11
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Caledonian Road
- A Novel
- By: Andrew O'Hagan
- Narrated by: Michael Abubakar
- Length: 22 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Campbell Flynn, art historian, professor, and fêted fixture of the literati, always knew that when his life came crashing down, it would happen in public—yet he never imagined that a single year in London would expose so much. He’s never taken other people half as seriously as they take themselves, which is the first of his mistakes. The second is a new project: opportunistic and precisely calibrated to rake in a fortune.
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The best audiobook I have ever listened to
- By Samuel Barker on 07-31-24
By: Andrew O'Hagan
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The True Story of The Coward Brothers
- By: Elvis Costello
- Narrated by: T Bone Burnett, Elvis Costello, Rhea Seehorn, and others
- Length: 1 hr and 43 mins
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The True Story of The Coward Brothers follows two musical brothers – one English, one American, both the illegitimate sons of dubious parentage who may, as they claim to be, "one and half-brothers" – perhaps a reference to the disparity in their height and relative talents.
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Cute
- By NRo on 11-26-24
By: Elvis Costello
What listeners say about The Last Testament
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Mike
- 11-01-15
The Testament Everybody Needs
This book is a masterpiece of comedic literature. I couldn't put it down and laughed so much I would read it again and again.
David Javerbaum does his work justice by voicing Jehovah; he's charming, funny, and easy to anger... Everything you want in an almighty!
Not necessarily for the bible thumper but anybody religious or not should listen to this fantastic take from the big G himself on the old and new testaments of the bible (with a bit of the Koran thrown in for good measure of course)!
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- Linda
- 11-10-15
Great and very funny
What made the experience of listening to The Last Testament the most enjoyable?
That I didn't have to read the book. Love the idea of listening to someone else reading it to me like having some one reading a bed time story.
What other book might you compare The Last Testament to and why?
Really not sure I haven't read any other book to compare it to other than the Bible.
Which character – as performed by David Javerbaum – was your favorite?
Not sure
Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?
Took one day for first part finished the second in one say.
Any additional comments?
Just a great book. Will think about getting the full membership for other books.
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- kknox66
- 01-30-24
Great listen, could have been shorter
I really enjoyed David Javerbaum's (er God's) last ebook. And very much enjoyed most of this one. Once he started counting down the days to the apocalypse, it seemed a bit redundant. I do enjoy learning new things because I was never one to want to spend the time reading the entire bible. I will continue to look for new material from the author. Great cover too!!
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- Charles
- 03-03-12
Starts good ...but...
Where does The Last Testament rank among all the audiobooks you’ve listened to so far?
The book does not rank that high at all. I knew about the book when it was in print, however I waited for the audio book.
What was most disappointing about David Javerbaum (contributor)’s story?
The story started off great, however it just started getting ridiculous. I just had to stop listening to it.. it was that bad.
Which character – as performed by David Javerbaum – was your favorite?
n/a
Was this a book you wanted to listen to all in one sitting?
not at all.
Any additional comments?
The story started great! The author was great in description and story line. I think it was when the story got into the part where God was getting married that it was just off the wall. At that point, I had a hard time staying focused on the book and it was just getting more ridiculous at that point. I just stopped. I didn't even get to the second part of the book.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Julia
- 01-20-22
Requires the right sense of humor
I read this 10 years ago when it first came out. I thought it was HILARIOUS! Listening to it again in 2021-2022, I realized there is a lot that is insensitive. There are still plenty of good-humored laughs, some pieces of wisdom, and good prompts for reflection on Judeo-Christian faith.
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- andrew
- 02-01-12
Divine comedy!!:-)
Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?
Absolutely YES! Immensely funny; new; highly entertaining
Who was your favorite character and why?
A-Team
Which scene was your favorite?
The celebrities's dirty secrets
Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?
The whole book..it shook me...I was shaking with laughter
Any additional comments?
Not for religious zealots
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7 people found this helpful
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- D. H. Sempeck
- 03-10-15
The Book of the Tweet of God
Strong start - Weak finish, but ultimately worth reading. Smart laughs more often than cheap jokes. General knowledge of the Big 3 Abrahamic religions a must for some bits. Definitely worth my time. Would recommend to atheists and religious moderates with a sense of humor.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Cody
- 03-03-15
Bitchin'
Nuff said...(but they require twenty words on this review so I guess I must comply) thanks and goodnight people
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- Marc Jaffe
- 11-30-11
I Am Smitten
Not smitten in the way the Almighty liked to smite, but in a good way. I see that I am the first reviewer, perhaps because others fear that if they were critical of this book then they might be cast into the waters or cast into the depths or cast asunder. Yet I have no fear, for I bring only praise. Not just for God, but for his casting. This time it's not asunder, but Javerbaum and In choosing him, God has picked the perfect reader. Pitch, tone, nuance, timing - it's all there. Javerbaum does a great God impression and it had me laughing the whole way. I'm sure this book is funny on the page, but I can't imagine it is as good as hearing Javerbaum's rendition.
My only hesitation in buying this was my fear that the conceit wouldn't sustain, but, verily and merrily, (also the name of a famous sister vaudeville act) though I'm only 3 hours in, it still works and I'm still loving it and I couldn't wait to recommend it, which am doing not just here, but to all my friends and my mother and my Rabbi as soon as I see him.
Lest you think I'm an easy laugh, I will tell you that I am not. Like Javerbaum, I have been a stand-up comedian and a writer for sitcoms (Seinfeld) and can tell you that generally other comedy writers make for a tough room. Even good humor books, though I appreciate them, rarely surprise me. We comedy writers already have the jokes figured out. However, this one constantly has me laughing out loud.
I usually delete my books as soon as I'm done, but this one will stay on there to listen to again and to play favorite excerpts for others. Praise the Lord.
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16 people found this helpful
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- EDH
- 07-13-19
headline oprional
Kind of dragged on towards the end. Pretty funny though and I would recommend it.
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