Why We Can't Sleep
Women's New Midlife Crisis
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Narrated by:
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Ada Calhoun
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By:
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Ada Calhoun
About this listen
A generation-defining examination of the new midlife crisis facing Gen X women and the unique circumstances that have brought them to this point, Why We Can’t Sleep is a lively successor to Passages by Gail Sheehy and The Defining Decade by Meg Jay.
When Ada Calhoun found herself in the throes of a midlife crisis, she thought that she had no right to complain. She was married with children and a good career. So why did she feel miserable? And why did it seem that other Generation X women were miserable, too?
Calhoun decided to find some answers. She looked into housing costs, HR trends, credit card debt averages, and divorce data. At every turn, she saw a pattern: sandwiched between the Boomers and Millennials, Gen X women were facing new problems as they entered middle age, problems that were being largely overlooked.
Speaking with women across America about their experiences as the generation expected to “have it all”, Calhoun found that most were exhausted, terrified about money, under-employed, and overwhelmed. Instead of their issues being heard, they were told to lean in, take “me time”, or make a chore chart to get their lives and homes in order.
In Why We Can’t Sleep, Calhoun opens up the cultural and political contexts of Gen X’s predicament and offers solutions for how to pull oneself out of the abyss - and keep the next generation from falling in. The result is reassuring, empowering, and essential listening for all middle-aged women, and anyone who hopes to understand them.
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2019 Ada Calhoun (P)2019 Audible, Inc.Listeners also enjoyed...
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Go Behind the Scenes of Why We Can't Sleep
Editor's Pick
Here we are now, validate us
"Being "seen" is a decidedly Gen Z and millennial aspiration, but even us aging Gen-Xers—famously misanthropic, pessimistic, and nonconformist—have a primal need for acknowledgement. As a 45-year-old mother of two, child of divorced parents (one of whom is of failing health), I felt 100% #seen by Ada Calhoun’s glorious paean to the plight of the modern middle-aged woman. Informed by her extremely viral article for O magazine ("The New Midlife Crisis"), Why We Can’t Sleep is sensitively reported, exhaustively researched, and full of so-funny-because-it’s-so-painfully-true moments. If you feel the full weight of the mental load of parenting up, down, and sideways, I promise you’ll feel validated by Calhoun’s message." —Courtney R., Audible Editor
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One of the main topics of cultural conversation during the last decade was the supposed "fertility crisis" and whether modern women could figure out a way to have it all - a successful, demanding career and the required 2.3 children - before their biological clocks stopped ticking. Now, however, conversation has turned to whether it's necessary to have it all (see Anne-Marie Slaughter) or, perhaps more controversial, whether children are really a requirement for a fulfilling life.
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Am I the only sane childfree woman in here?
- By J. Malouin on 09-29-15
By: Meghan Daum
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Overwhelmed
- Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the Time
- By: Brigid Schulte
- Narrated by: Tavia Gilbert
- Length: 12 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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According to the Leisure Studies Department at the University of Iowa, true leisure is “that place in which we realize our humanity.” If that’s true, argues Brigid Schulte, then we're doing dangerously little realizing of our humanity. In Overwhelmed, Schulte, a staff writer for The Washington Post, asks: Are our brains, our partners, our culture, and our bosses making it impossible for us to experience anything but “contaminated time”?
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Depressing, Dreary Listening Experience
- By Deb A on 04-19-15
By: Brigid Schulte
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Say Yes to What’s Next
- How to Age with Elegance and Class While Never Losing Your Beauty and Sass!
- By: Lori Allen
- Narrated by: Lori Allen
- Length: 6 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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Women today are facing so much uncertainty - about life and the future. The need to pivot is stronger than ever, but many of us feel powerless to change or simply don’t know how to take that essential first step. For Lori Allen, business owner, breast cancer survivor, and star of TLC’s Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta, these vital life lessons are the inspiration for her new book. Say Yes to What’s Next is more than just a guide for our best tomorrows, it’s the beginning of a life-makeover movement for women of all ages.
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Every woman approaching her 50s and beyond should have this book in her arsenal!
- By Julie C. on 08-04-20
By: Lori Allen
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It's Not You
- 27 (Wrong) Reasons You're Single
- By: Sara Eckel
- Narrated by: Nina Alvamar
- Length: 4 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
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Based on her popular Modern Love column, Sara Eckel’s It’s Not You challenges these myths, encouraging singletons to stop picking apart their personalities and to start tapping into their own wisdom about who and what is right for them. Supported by the latest psychological and sociological research, as well as interviews with people who have experienced longtime singledom, Eckel creates a strong and empowering argument to understand and accept that there’s no one reason why you’re single - you just are.
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Good Book
- By Anonymous User on 05-24-20
By: Sara Eckel
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How to Be Fine
- What We Learned by Living by the Rules of 50 Self-Help Books
- By: Jolenta Greenberg, Kristen Meinzer
- Narrated by: Jolenta Greenberg, Kristen Meinzer
- Length: 4 hrs and 54 mins
- Unabridged
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In each episode of their podcast By the Book, Jolenta Greenberg and Kristen Meinzer take a deep dive into a different self-help book, following its specific instructions, rules, and advice to the letter. From diet and productivity to decorating to social interactions, they try it all, record themselves along the way, then share what they’ve learned with their devoted and growing audience of fans who tune in.
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Disappointed
- By doughswan on 10-23-20
By: Jolenta Greenberg, and others
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No Stopping Us Now
- The Adventures of Older Women in American History
- By: Gail Collins
- Narrated by: Gail Collins, Tanya Eby
- Length: 13 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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In her lively social history of American women and aging, acclaimed New York Times columnist Gail Collins illustrates the ways in which age is an arbitrary concept that has swung back and forth over the centuries. From Plymouth Rock (when a woman was considered marriageable if "civil and under fifty years of age"), to a few generations later, when they were quietly retired to elderdom once they had passed the optimum age for reproduction, to recent decades, American attitudes towards age have been a moving target.
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amazing
- By Elaine Sharon Davis on 06-09-20
By: Gail Collins
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All the Single Ladies
- Unmarried Women and the Rise of an Independent Nation
- By: Rebecca Traister
- Narrated by: Candace Thaxton, Rebecca Traister - introduction
- Length: 11 hrs and 39 mins
- Unabridged
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In a provocative, groundbreaking work, National Magazine Award finalist Rebecca Traister, "the most brilliant voice on feminism in this country" (Anne Lamott), traces the history of unmarried women in America who, through social, political, and economic means, have radically shaped our nation.
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Excellent book, destroyed by narration
- By Theresa Holleran on 03-06-16
By: Rebecca Traister
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Drinking and Tweeting
- And Other Brandi Blunders
- By: Brandi Glanville, Leslie Bruce
- Narrated by: Brandi Glanville
- Length: 5 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Fans have been waiting for Brandi’s scoop on one of the biggest divorces of the decade since her husband of eight years abandoned her and their two sons to marry country singer LeAnn Rimes. Not only does Brandi spill the beans about her side of the split, but the lovable housewife also shares the incredible wild ride that took her from a life in the ghetto to Hollywood’s most elite circles.
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Who edited this?
- By Jessica on 11-02-20
By: Brandi Glanville, and others
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All the Rage
- Mothers, Fathers, and the Myth of Equal Partnership
- By: Darcy Lockman
- Narrated by: Abby Craden
- Length: 8 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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The inequity of domestic life is one of the most profound and perplexing conundrums of our time. In an era of seemingly unprecedented feminist activism, enlightenment, and change, data shows that one area of gender inequality stubbornly remains: the unequal amount of parental work that falls on women, no matter their class or professional status.
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Must read for men
- By Brooks Rainey Pearson on 06-12-19
By: Darcy Lockman
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The Wife Drought
- By: Annabel Crabb
- Narrated by: Annabel Crabb
- Length: 7 hrs and 8 mins
- Unabridged
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'I need a wife'. It's a common joke among women juggling work and family, but it's no joke. Having a spouse who takes care of things at home is a godsend on the domestic front and an asset on the work front and is an advantage enjoyed by vastly more men than women. Full of candid and funny stories from politics and the media, The Wife Drought shares intriguing research about the attitudes pulsing beneath the surface of egalitarian Australia.
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A read for everyone
- By RubyH on 02-01-24
By: Annabel Crabb
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A Good Provider Is One Who Leaves
- One Family and Migration in the 21st Century
- By: Jason DeParle
- Narrated by: Fred Sanders
- Length: 11 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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When Jason DeParle moved into the Manila slums with Tita Comodas and her family three decades ago, he never imagined his reporting on them would span three generations and turn into the defining chronicle of a new age - the age of global migration. In a monumental book that gives new meaning to "immersion journalism", DeParle paints an intimate portrait of an unforgettable family as they endure years of sacrifice and separation, willing themselves out of shantytown poverty into a new global middle class.
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Excellent and Important
- By Booklover on 03-22-20
By: Jason DeParle
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Getting to 50/50
- How Working Parents Can Have It All by Sharing It All - and Why It’s Good for Your Marriage, Your Career, Your Kids, and You
- By: Sharon Meers, Joanna Strober
- Narrated by: Marguerite Gavin
- Length: 10 hrs and 16 mins
- Unabridged
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Sharon Meers and Joanna Strober are professionals, wives, and mothers. They understand the challenges and rewards of two-career households. They also know that families thrive not in spite of working mothers but because of them. You can have a great career, a great marriage, and be a great mother. The key is tapping into your best resource and most powerful ally - the man you married.
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Great overall, but a bit offensive...
- By Tristan Matthews on 01-09-15
By: Sharon Meers, and others
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My Time Among the Whites
- Notes from an Unfinished Education
- By: Jennine Capo Crucet
- Narrated by: Jennine Capo Crucet
- Length: 4 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Raised in Miami and the daughter of Cuban refugees, Crucet examines the political and personal contours of American identity and the physical places where those contours find themselves smashed: be it a rodeo town in Nebraska, a university campus in upstate New York, or Disney World in Florida. Crucet illuminates how she came to see her exclusion from aspects of the theoretical American Dream, despite her family's attempts to fit in with white American culture - beginning with their ill-fated plan to name her after the winner of the Miss America pageant.
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Empowering
- By elvia on 10-23-19
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Highly recommend!
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A smart, personal, darkly funny examination of what it’s like to be a woman at the crossroads of a midlife crisis, from the New York Times best-selling author of People I Want to Punch in the Throat.
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Riv—poet, philosopher, private eye—arrives in Cali, Colombia, hoping to find reprieve. Running away from an unspeakable event surrounding his ex Jane, Riv accidentally connects with his cousin Mauro and family friend Carlotta, who asks him to find her daughter Angelica Alfa-Ochoa. No sooner is Riv on the trail when it becomes clear that not only are the cops not looking for Angelica, but they are actively preventing him from finding her.
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Pava never disappoints
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Solid good writing, but not a great collection
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Meh. Maybe funnier with a different narrator
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Gillian goes over the top
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The latest groundbreaking tome from Tim Ferriss, the number-one New York Times best-selling author of The 4-Hour Workweek. For the last two years, I've interviewed more than 200 world-class performers for my podcast, The Tim Ferriss Show. The guests range from super celebs (Jamie Foxx, Arnold Schwarzenegger, etc.) and athletes (icons of powerlifting, gymnastics, surfing, etc.) to legendary Special Operations commanders and black-market biochemists. For most of my guests, it’s the first time they’ve agreed to a two-to-three-hour interview.
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If I could sum it up: too much of a good thing
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What listeners say about Why We Can't Sleep
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Amazon Customer
- 01-10-20
Validating
Very validating and definitely made me feel less alone in my current state of... 44. I have to say the statistics and research feel bleak but are also reaffirming. It feels kind of like listening to the season 1 recap before heading to season 2. Here is everything that’s happened so far and there were a lot of challenges, let’s see what happens next.
For accuracy the arm of the hormone trial that was stopped was the “progestin” not “progesterone” arm.
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15 people found this helpful
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- saratate79
- 01-13-20
Interesting perspective for Gen X Women
Overall I enjoyed this Perspective of living as a Gen X midlife women. Some interesting data on our behaviors, challenges and strengths
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5 people found this helpful
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- V
- 07-03-20
I hoped for more
I would have liked it to be longer and in more detail it was mainly just ranting for most of the book with some scientific studies.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Kai C
- 02-24-20
Exactly what I needed
Happened upon this audiobook by accident, and it’s exactly what I needed. As woman in her early 40’s and wondering what going on,am I loosing my mind? Hearing stories of women going though the same battles or confusions was very freeing. A must listen.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Geog272
- 11-03-20
Both informative and comforting
The combo of historical reference, data, facts and figures, and personal narrative was very effective. I felt more informed and more hopeful and less alone after listening to this. I wish it were avsilZblr in print.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Jen Gann
- 05-26-20
Loved this book!
I thoroughly enjoyed this book. She references so many things from my childhood. This book connects the dots for me, as a GenX women, by discussing the events and influences that shaped me.
I read a review prior to purchasing this book that indicated it had political leanings against the president. I have read many books with political leanings and this book is not one of them. The author is discussing anxiety, social media and polarization. This portion of the book lasts 60 seconds.
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- Amazon Customer
- 08-10-20
this genx woman loved this book
this genx woman loved this book. I didn't feel like it was a downer. it did help me understand why I feel like I do in life.
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- Dena
- 10-20-21
Exactly what I needed
Was absolutely blown away by this book halfway through the introduction. I had to pause, several times, to text my best friend to let her know, "this is us and we are not crazy." I will be re-listening right away to reinforce what I have learned from this book . Message gets across without being heavy and clinical. This is not a self-help book. This is a straight talk book for us Gen X women. Somebody finally gets us!
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- Lara
- 02-13-20
Good Points
I am a baby boomer who read this book to better understand the challenges faced by my gen x/millennial daughter. I think the book succeeded in that regard. Yet many of the challenges outlined were similar to those I faced as a baby boomer single parent with a career. I felt the book would have had more depth if the author had done more to contrast the differences in outlook between the generations, along with reasons for those differences. I also found the ending a little trite. But the book is worth a listen!
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- M. Luns
- 10-11-22
Not enough concrete suggestions for solutions.
I loved the first half of the book and definitely felt seen (#genx 1971).
My biggest qualm with this book is that despite the author mentioning isolation and being invisible as difficult aspects to navigate as a middle aged woman, she spends large portions of the book humble bragging about all the friends she has.
The author literally seems to make middle aged female friends everywhere. I suspect she is a very extroverted and likable person, but sometimes her discussion about friends she made writing the book, long time friends from her hard partying days, ones she made when her kids where little (who she still keeps in contact with!) and friends coming to her birthday party and friends she plays poker with etc etc sounds an awful like the social media puffery she looks down on in the book.
Since this is one of the main suggested ways to deal with the middle aged crisis (have lots of female friends your age to commiserate with) I wish she gave a few concrete resources on HOW to do so. Are there online groups? In person suggestions? Where? How does an isolated and invisible person do this?
Without any concrete and real discussions and resources on solutions, the authors advice to make more middle aged friends sounds just like one more impossible thing to add to my To-Do List.
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