As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you play an essential role in your child’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-child relationship, and building reading skills is a great way to do it.

Reading is essential for your child’s success in school. Reading also plays a critical role in your child’s

● social and emotional development[1]

● language development

● executive functions like working memory and self-control ^1^

● connection to you

● empathy and understanding of others

● imagination (ability to “see” the story) ^2^

● ability to choose healthy behaviors (preventing high-risk behaviors and unhealthy choices)

Children ages five to ten are in the process of learning how to read and establishing critical learning habits through reading that will extend throughout their school years. Reading is learned best on a lap, snuggled closely in the arms of parents, grandparents, and other loved ones. Reading aloud to children is the most important activity for building skills essential for reading success. ^3^

Yet, anyone can face challenges in establishing a daily reading routine with their children. A national survey found that only 34% of families read to children daily.^4 Families today are busier than ever with more demands on their time.

Children are highly entertained and stimulated by technology, so even if a family does prioritize reading, children might fight it. You might hear, “Do we have to?” when you announce reading time after dinner. While it may take more encouragement than past generations to start a daily reading routine with your child, it can be a joyful experience, enrich your family life, and promote valuable skills for school and life success. The steps below include specific, practical strategies and effective conversation starters to support family reading cooperatively.

Becoming intentional about a daily reading routine, looking for ways to incorporate reading into your time spent together, and considering the quality of the reading experience can all contribute to your child’s development.

Today, in the short term, reading can create

● greater opportunities for connection and enjoyment

● opportunity for dialogue and reflection

● a direct and simple way to influence your child’s positive development

Tomorrow, in the long term, reading helps your child

● build skills in collaboration and cooperative goal-setting

● build skills in hard work and persistence

● develop empathy, creative thinking, and responsible decision-making skills

● create positive learning habits that contribute directly to school success

This five-step process helps your family establish a routine for daily reading and builds important skills in your child. The same process can also be used to address other parenting issues (learn more about the process)[2] .

Tip: These steps are best when you and your child are not tired or in a rush.

Tip: Intentional communication[3] and a healthy...

Ten-year-olds must follow directions to get along at home and succeed at school. Whether they are completing chores, following safety instructions, completing assignments, or showing their knowledge on tests, they will need to be able to follow directions. Though telling your child to do something may seem simple enough, the process of a child listening and engaging in several steps given in an instruction necessitates numerous brain functions in addition to motivational factors. Children can vary widely in their ability to carry out instructions.

As a parent or someone in a parenting role, you can be deliberate in offering instructions to help your child follow directions. Understanding multiple-step directions engages their short-term and complex working memory, an executive function that requires practice and development over time. In the case of short-term memory, you might ask your child, “Would you grab the butter, eggs, and milk out of the refrigerator, please?” They must remember those three items as they move to the kitchen. In an academic setting, as another example, a teacher may say, “At the end of our class, I’ll give you time to take out your pencils, read the directions at the top of the page, and fill in only questions 3. and 5.” Students have to retain that information as the teacher moves on to other topics and also plan for what they will need to do when they come to the time when they have to implement the teacher’s instructions. This expectation utilizes complex working memory and can be challenging for students.^1^

Following directions can involve all five core social and emotional competencies[1] . Children may need to be aware of their strengths and limitations (self-awareness) to complete the tasks given. They must use their self-management skills to wait and focus on what’s been instructed when necessary. They may require social awareness or empathy as they work to understand the needs, feelings, and thoughts of the one giving them directions. They will use their relationship skills by listening actively to what’s required. They will also use their responsible decision-making skills to decide whether and how to follow through with a request or instruction.

Some parents and those in a parenting role may feel frustrated and even angry when their children do not follow their directions as they requested. A parent may perceive a child not following their directions as defiant or disrespectful, but there may be another reason for the behavior. There are several factors to consider when a child does not follow a direction. When faced with this situation, a parent may ask themselves:

- Does the child have the full capacity and skills to follow the directions?

- Does the child have any barriers to completing the tasks, including motivation or environmental issues (for example, a sibling distracting them)?

- Have you communicated how a child can best understand, listen, retain, and act successfully?

Building a trusting relationship can provide the foundational safety and motivation for your child to follow directions. Using teachable moments that grow your child’s skills can be transformational in preparing your child to follow directions at home and school. The steps below include specific, practical strategies along with effective conversation starters.

When your five-year-old can’t seem to remember to brush their teeth before bedtime without multiple reminders, or your seven-year-old seems to forget what you’ve asked them to do the moment they leave your sight, or your ten-year-old is refusing to go to bed, these situations are opportunities to support your child in following directions.

Today, in

As parents or those in a parenting role, you play a vital role in your child’s success. There are intentional ways to grow a healthy parent-child relationship, and helping your ten-year-old learn to deal with their tantrums provides a perfect opportunity.

Children ages five to ten are in the process of learning about their strong feelings. They do not understand the full-body takeover that can occur when angry, hurt, or frustrated. A sense of a lack of control can be scary and add to the length and intensity of their upset.

Tantrums and meltdowns can be overwhelming for children and the adults in their lives. Learning how to deal with anger or upset without choosing destructive responses is critical. Understanding the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown will help parents and those in a parenting role properly guide their children through these intense times. Your support and guidance matter greatly.

Even though they may look like the same behaviors, tantrums and meltdowns are different and require different approaches to handle each.

Tantrums are

● a typical reaction or outburst to feeling anger or frustration

● a cry for attention or an inability to communicate

● within a child’s scope of awareness and control

● goal-oriented

A child throwing a tantrum is experiencing intense feelings and acting out in hopes of a desired outcome. Sensory meltdowns, like tantrums, are characterized by a child experiencing big feelings, but the difference is that the child is not acting out in search of a desired outcome.

Meltdowns are

● most common among children with sensory processing disorders, autism, or other medical issues who are easily overstimulated or cannot cope with emotional triggers such as fear or anxiety

● an instinctive survival reaction to being overstimulated or feeling distressed

● not goal-oriented, meaning they are not affected by a reward system

● long-lasting

● children may never grow out of them like they do tantrums

To a parent or someone in a parenting role, tantrums and meltdowns may seem like mischievous behaviors that the child needs to curb immediately. However, it is critical to remember that these outbursts are a child’s attempt to communicate something about their intense feelings. Parents and those in a parenting role can help guide their children through these feelings and teach them skills to manage them.

Parents’ recognition and understanding of tantrums and meltdowns are essential for teaching children how to recognize and handle their big feelings.

This tool is most applicable to parents handling children with tantrums. While many of the strategies for tantrums help children experiencing meltdowns, it is essential to note that meltdowns require immense patience, calm, and presence of mind to keep children safe. There are many helpful resources for parents of children with sensory processing challenges. A few resources about sensory meltdowns include:

● The Autism Speaks website has multiple articles and information on meltdowns. A simple search of “meltdowns” in the search bar brings up numerous options. https://www.autismspeaks.org/

● National Autistic Society, an organization in the United Kingdom, has a website that also provides multiple articles on meltdowns and dealing with anger and anxiety when “meltdowns” are searched.