Divorce can take the life you know and love, flip it upside down unexpectedly, and leave you wondering "how is this my life?"

Imagine having a major health crisis and then having your spouse tell you they are filing for divorce all in the matter of a week. That's exactly the situation that my guest Aimee Kandrac found herself in and to say that her world was totally rocked is an understatement.

In this conversation, Lisa Mitchell and Aimee Kandrac explore the complexities of navigating these devastating life changes, and how it feels when everything bad seems to be happening all at the same time.

Aimee shares her painful personal journey through a surprise divorce, a major health challenge, and the seemingly impossible task of keeping her life on track throughout it all. She bravely walks us through her hardest moments, such as uncovering a deep betrayal, navigating hard conversations with her children, and the realization that she's now living in a version of life she never wanted to be in or expected.

This conversation emphasizes the importance of vulnerability, having the right support systems, and the gift of self-discovery in overcoming life's challenges. Aimee went from wondering "how is this my life?" in her darkest moments to being grateful that this new version of her life, although it looks completely different, is one she can continue to grow and thrive in.

They share personal experiences and insights on trust, preparation, and the journey towards healing and personal growth after a significant life transition. The discussion highlights the necessity of being informed and prepared, as well as the value of community and support during challenging times.

Takeaways

• Aimee emphasizes the shame and grief associated with divorce.
• The importance of having a support system during tough times.
• Life can change drastically in a short period.
• Vulnerability can lead to strength and resilience.
• Financial literacy is crucial when facing divorce.
• Self-discovery is a valuable process regardless of relationship status.
• It's common to feel lost and overwhelmed during life changes.
• Having professional support can provide a different perspective.
• Preparation can alleviate some of the stress of divorce.
• Emotional healing takes time, but it can lead to a beautiful transformation. Having an objective third party can provide clarity.
• Preparation is key, even if divorce isn't imminent.
• Fear often drives decision-making more than data.
• Trust can be broken in unexpected ways during divorce.
• Financial awareness is crucial during a divorce process.
• Emotional responses can cloud judgment and decision-making.
• It's important to document possessions and assets.
• Healing is a gradual process that involves daily improvements.
• Celebrating new beginnings can be empowering.
• Support from friends and community is invaluable during tough times.

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In this episode of the Divorce Curious Show, host Lisa Mitchell speaks with mediator Tess Worrell about the complexities of divorce and the potential for a process that minimizes destruction. They discuss the emotional turmoil that often accompanies divorce, the role of mediation in providing a supportive environment, and the importance of addressing children's needs during the process. Tess shares her personal journey and professional insights, emphasizing the value of creative solutions and the power of mediation to foster healthier outcomes for families.

Tess Worrell Bio
Growing up, Tess often felt unwanted and unknown in her own home. She married young–hoping to create the kind of connection she wanted growing up. But, as often happens, she married someone much like from home. Instead of life with her best friend, over time she felt increasingly alone. Which gave her a passion for working with those who feel lonely and unwelcome in their own homes.

When people find their marriages simply can’t work, Tess uses mediation to help them navigate divorce or separation to create two separate homes. Homes where they feel welcome and valued. For couples, who want to stay married but need a change to make the marriage work–she offers couple’s mediation. This process helps couples resolve the conflicts coming between them and transform the home they have.

Tess entered mediation after serving as the Executive Director of the Indiana Commission for Continuing Legal Education. Tess worked with the CLE board to develop the training requirements for mediators. In the process, she fell in love with mediation. Especially in the family realm, Tess saw the opportunity for mediation to help families work through issues cooperatively and make decisions tailored to their unique needs and desires. It offered a way to divorce without destroying each other.

As a mom of eight, Tess knows conflict! In “mediating” who got the last cookie or which sibling was at fault for the most recent scuffle, Tess honed her skills on helping those she cared about work through conflict. Conflict should never tear people apart. Instead, she seeks to help people find answers for tough situations while also protecting their relationships.

Takeaways

• Divorce can be approached without destruction.
• Mediation helps address underlying fears and concerns.
• Children's voices should be included in the divorce process.
• Creative solutions can lead to better outcomes in mediation.
• Fear often drives decisions during divorce.
• Understanding the legal aspects of mediation is crucial.
• The emotional impact of divorce on children is significant.
• It's important to consider the type of marriage you want for your children.

Learn more about Resolution Mediation

Connect with Tess on LinkedIn

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In this episode of the Divorce Curious Show, host Lisa Mitchell speaks with Jamila Bradley, who discusses the concepts of kinship, belonging, and the dynamics of relationships, particularly in the context of divorce. They explore the importance of understanding what we owe each other in relationships, the cycle of disinterest leading to contempt, and the societal expectations surrounding marriage. Jamila emphasizes the need for reciprocity and the dangers of over-giving in relationships, ultimately advocating for environments where mutual respect and satisfaction are prioritized. In this conversation, Jamila and Lisa explore the complexities of relationships, particularly focusing on coercive control, self-worth, and the journey of self-exploration. They discuss the importance of recognizing one's own value, challenging limiting beliefs, and the necessity of self-forgiveness. The dialogue emphasizes the significance of understanding personal dissatisfaction and the power of self-validation in navigating difficult emotional landscapes, especially in the context of divorce curiosity.

Takeaways

• Kinship is about what we owe each other in relationships.
• Disinterest can escalate to contempt and hatred over time.
• Longevity in marriage does not equate to satisfaction.
• Over-giving in relationships can lead to devaluation.
• Expectations in marriage often go unspoken and unmet.
• The cycle of resentment can be insidious and gradual.
• Articulating feelings can help in understanding relationship dynamics.
• Creating reciprocity is essential for healthy relationships.
• Entitlement in relationships can lead to exploitation.
• It's important to protect your energy in relationships. Coercive control often masquerades as matching energy in relationships.
• Self-recognition is crucial for personal growth and understanding.
• Challenging limiting beliefs can lead to a healthier self-image.
• Self-exploration requires time and patience without the pressure to act immediately.
• Facing discomfort is a necessary step in the divorce curiosity process.
• Tools like the 'clock and the gun' can help structure self-reflection.
• Self-forgiveness is essential for repairing the relationship with oneself.
• Women must fiercely defend their inherent worth.
• Validating oneself is a powerful tool for emotional health.
• You are the hero of your own story, capable of navigating challenges.

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