"I never wanted to be in a situation where I felt like I had to change myself or to hide parts of myself to make other people feel comfortable. For the sole purpose of making other people feel comfortable." 

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Reflecting on the feeling of having to hide to make others feel comfortable and why visibility is important. Why having a voice and speaking up for others who don't have the same luxuries as us is important. Special mention of a particular @gaynarratives listener who shares their perspective from a completely different part of the world, where being gay is just not accepted and could mean endangering oneself if exposed.

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"So I'm like I need to talk to you. You need to drive out to LA...we have to talk. And she said 'Are you okay? What's going on? Are you in danger'? And I told her 'No, no, it's not like that'. I just NEED to talk to you."

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Special reunion with Ryan, a friend that I grew up with since we were in 2nd grade. After so many years of navigating through our own separate journeys in discovering our identity as gay men, we come together and reflect on the past. Join us on a roller coaster while we have a raw conversation from the anxiety of coming out, to strange feelings of attraction towards our high school teachers, to the lack of role models & sexual resources that would have helped us prepare more for adulthood. 

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Notes/resources:

Sexual health and education for the LGBTQ+ community is still lacking. Back when we were growing up, it was almost non existent and we were constantly bombarded with what was considered the "normal" male & female sexual representation. We saw it everywhere from TV, our families, movies, school, etc. but what we didn't see were the real resources that we needed, growing up as gay kids. 

Below are some resources that we wish we had:

• https://sexetc.org/sex-ed/info-center/faqs?pageNum=1&topic%5B%5D=stories-lgbtq
• https://sexetc.org/sex-ed/info-center/stories/?pageNum=1&topic%5B%5D=stories-lgbtq
• https://www.glsen.org/activity/gender-triangle-education-guide
• https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sexual-orientation/sexual-orientation

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“Because without role models like the three people that I mentioned today and others in my life, I definitely wouldn't have been able to be an out, proud, gay man that can stand up tall today and know my own value and know my own worth."

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Role models can be anybody in your life that has made an impact, big or small. They are people who you may have aspired to be or maybe you saw positive qualities in them that you wanted to embody yourself. They can be a family member, friend, or that 5th grade teacher who made you feel seen and heard. Reflect on the role models in your life and take a moment to appreciate them. If you can, reach out to them and let them know the positive impact they've had on you as a person today!

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“I remember there were a couple minutes of you trying to get it out before you actually got it out. And me just hanging on the edge of my seat thinking ‘WTF is it!! What is it!?’. But it did take you a little bit to get it out.”

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A very special episode with one of my closest friends/soul sisters/horoscope and spiritual believers. We have 20+ years of history together (not a typo!) and she tells my coming out story from her own experience.

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Helena is an unapologetically passionate educator, dreamer, and a curious lifelong learner. When we’re not sending each other ridiculous memes, we have deep, thoughtful conversations which often go for hours and hours into the night.

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Episode mentions:

• Prop 8: A harmful proposition in California which passed and became law in November 2008. It created a stark divide in the state of California where harmful advertisements and scare tactics were used to spread misguided information which ultimately persuaded people to vote to ban same-sex marriage. It directly harmed many families and to this day, still brings back memories of a dark, disappointing time in California.

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“I speak for those who have not yet found their voice or those who can't speak up. I march for those who are no longer with us. And I feel for those who are still discovering themselves”

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Go on this roller coaster of a journey with me throughout the past years to see how Pride ultimately unfolds. 

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“I remember this one girl came up to me and said, out loud in front of everyone, ARE YOU WEARING BELL BOTTOMS?!”

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Forget all of the gender stereotypes and BS that the world wants to categorize us as. We’re all complex, beautiful, unique individuals and we weren’t meant to be put into a boring box. Doesn’t matter if you’re #fem #butch #queer #nonbinary or anything else--just be yourself!

What do you think about gender stereotypes? What about, dare I say, gender reveals?

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"I kind of stopped and I was really intrigued by it, but also my immediate thought was--oh shoot, my mom’s crazy. Why would she need to see a therapist or psychiatrist? I didn’t really know what that meant.” 

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Seeing a therapist so far has been like dating and we as a society definitely don’t talk about mental health openly and often enough. I was a closeted, gay, immigrant going through cultural identity shifts all in the midst of learning my parents were getting divorced. Even then, as an adult I always thought therapy was “not for me” and it wasn’t something I needed--that it was for other people. 

Have you ever felt like you hesitated to ask for help because you didn’t want to appear weak? Or were you just not even sure what kind of help you needed?

P.S. I’m pretty sure I mispronounced “mischievous”, but oh well! English was my second language.

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“So I just applied for a job because I didn’t know what to do. I just applied for the first job and whoever would hire me, I’ll take it. It was kind of embarrassing because there’s no Taco Bell in the Philippines!”

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Roy dives into Taco Bell, gay beauty pageants, and learning about acceptance and respect while navigating through life as an immigrant adjusting to his new home in Riverside, California from the Philippines. What do you think? Is there a difference between accepting someone vs. respecting someone?

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