• Episode 22 | Our Walks with God
    Oct 15 2024
    Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice. Episode 22 – “Our Walks with God” In this heartfelt episode, Dr. Hensley and Raina take a deep dive into their personal faith journeys and how they became the strong Christian women they are today. They start by addressing the backlash they’ve received for speaking openly about their faith in previous episodes and dedicate this entire episode to explaining why their faith is so important. Right from the beginning, they provide a disclaimer, encouraging listeners who may not be interested in the topic to skip this episode without judgment. However, they also invite anyone who is curious about how people, including them, develop such strong faith to stay and listen. Dr. Hensley draws powerful connections between psychology and spirituality, highlighting how many psychological principles have roots in the Bible. She shares her belief that God speaks to us through our thoughts and that while He doesn’t interfere with free will, He gives us the chance every day to align with Him or with opposing forces. The episode then shifts to their personal stories, with both women reflecting on their upbringings. They also openly admit that their faith hasn’t always been easy. They discuss their past struggles, often questioning God’s existence, and wondering why bad things happen to good people. Dr. Hensley offers a candid, human perspective on these questions. Midway through, Dr. Hensley shares a transformative experience from a “Be in Health” retreat where she underwent deliverance. Initially skeptical and fearful, she describes how deliverance healed her from pain and debilitating vestibular migraines, leaving her feeling like a new person. This experience also deepened her understanding of the connection between spirituality, physiology, and psychology. To wrap up, Dr. Hensley delves into how her healing experience led her to explore the psychology of healing, uncovering profound parallels between the two disciplines. She emphasizes her practice’s inclusivity, where clients are welcome to choose between Christian or secular approaches to coaching, stressing the importance of acceptance and respect for all faiths. This episode is a vulnerable and insightful look into the personal walks of faith that have shaped these two women’s lives and their work. Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/ Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/ Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder Instagram: @the_dating_decoder Facebook: The Dating Decoder Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley What is covered: · How each host experienced religion and spirtuality growing up. · Emphasized acceptance if you prefer to not listen to this episode. · The parallels between spirtuality and psychology. · Each host personal story of how and when their fiath shifted. . Deliverance and how Dr. Hensley personally experienced it through "Be In Health" a personal retreat that she attended that healed her pain and changed her life. . The importance of acceptance and how Dr. Hensley practices both a secular and spirtual coaching strategy for her clients. She allows the client to choose which they prefer. Consider/Ask Yourself: · Are you allowing your personal upbrining around faith to interfere with your relationship with God. · Even if you aren't a Christian, is this episode worth listening to in order to explore a deeper understanding around faith? · How can I start seeing the similarites in psychology and spirtuality, and how can I combine the two to make my relationships stronger? ....
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    1 hr and 5 mins
  • Episode 21 | Pop Psychology is Not Psychology
    Oct 8 2024
    Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice. Episode 21: "Pop Psychology is Not Psychology." In this episode, Dr. Hensley and co-host Raina Butcher break down several misconceptions and misuses of psychological concepts that are often spread through social media and pop culture. “Not everyone you dislike is a narcissist.” Dr. Hensley explains how narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is difficult to diagnose and measure, primarily because individuals with NPD are often manipulative and lack self-awareness. NPD exists on a spectrum, and while some people may show narcissistic traits, it doesn’t necessarily mean they have NPD. She encourages listeners to revisit episode 10, “Are They a Narcissist?” to learn the differences between narcissistic traits and attachment insecurities.“Not every unpleasant experience is trauma.” Trauma is highly nuanced and specific to each individual’s perception and experience. Labeling every unpleasant event as trauma can actually undermine one’s nervous system and create a victim mentality. Dr. Hensley and Raina discuss how their generation has raised children with an aversion to all discomfort, resulting in a generation with poor coping skills. Dr. Hensley advocates for attachment-based parenting and shares tools she used with her own children, emphasizing the importance of teaching regulation as a foundation for resilience.“Having needs does not make you co-dependent.” Dr. Hensley breaks down the difference between expressing needs and being co-dependent. Raina shares a personal story about her son and his young relationship, illustrating that stating your needs doesn’t make you a bad partner—sacrificing them to keep the peace, however, may indicate co-dependency. “Disagreeing does not mean someone is gaslighting you.” Disagreements are a normal part of communication, and differing perspectives don’t necessarily equate to gaslighting. Dr. Hensley explains that people view reality through their own lenses, shaped by experiences and upbringing. Just because someone has a different opinion doesn’t mean they are trying to manipulate you; they may simply be trying to convey their reality. “Not all conflict is abuse.” The hosts tackle the misconception that any form of conflict is abusive. Dr. Hensley highlights that voice inflation is a normal part of heated discussions and does not equate to abuse. She shares her own boundaries around conflict in her marriage, such as not tolerating yelling, cursing, physical aggression, or threatening divorce. Through her personal experiences, Dr. Hensley gives listeners a clearer picture of what abuse actually looks like. “Taking offense is not being triggered.” Being unoffendable is a key skill for regulating attachment insecurities. Dr. Hensley explains that being offended by someone’s words on social media doesn’t mean you’re being triggered. Understanding what a true trigger is—something that activates deep-seated trauma or unresolved issues—is crucial for emotional regulation. “Everything does not need to be normalized.” “Normal as in common does not always mean normal as in healthy,” Dr. Hensley states. The hosts discuss the societal push to “normalize” things that may not be healthy, sometimes confusing social acceptance with psychological wellness. Dr. Hensley emphasizes that some behaviors we try to normalize might be indicative of mental illness. “Speaking like an HR memo is not self-awareness.” Dr. Hensley shares a personal anecdote about falling into “teacher mode” in her own marriage and how her husband has to call her on it. She then realizes that it creates distance rather than connection. Speaking in an authoritative or clinical tone, even with good intentions, can come across as detached and lack vulnerability. Dr. Hensley wraps up by advising listeners to seek professionals who are well-versed in real psychological principles. She warns against the proliferation of self-proclaimed experts on the internet and encourages her audience to research credentials and ensure they’re working with someone who has the proper education and expertise. Tune in to this episode...
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    55 mins
  • Episode 20 | Taking Back Your Personal Power
    Oct 1 2024
    Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice. Episode 20: "Taking Back Your Personal Power." In this compelling episode, Dr. Hensley dives deep into the concept of personal power, highlighting that no one can truly "take" our power; instead, we often surrender it, many times without realizing we’re doing so. Dr. Hensley explains that certain relationship dynamics, especially those involving a narcissist or a dismissive avoidant, are more prone to creating a sense of lost power for one partner. Dr. Hensley gives an example used by a fellow influencer, called "The Namless Narcissit" Narcissists, how he explains that narcissiste don’t try to control to achieve specific outcomes but rather as a way to prove to themselves that they can. This creates a dictatorial dynamic where the partner being dictated to often feels powerless and trapped. Dr. Hensley shares a vulnerable moment from her own life, discussing a recent experience where she found herself feeling desperate to regain her own sense of power. Admitting to returning to therapy, she explores the ruminating thoughts and the reasons behind her perceived loss of power. She emphasizes the importance of finding a good therapist—one who doesn’t reinforce victimhood but instead helps clients understand that surrendering power is ultimately a choice. Therapists should challenge clients to take ownership of their decisions and help them reclaim their autonomy. Dr. Hensley then explores how different attachment styles manifest in relation to personal power. She notes that dismissive avoidants are typically the ones dictating the tone of the relationship and rarely visibly surrender their power. In contrast, anxious attachment styles, such as anxious preoccupied and fearful avoidant who lean anxious, are more likely to give up their personal power, leading to increased anxiety and emotional turmoil. As the episode progresses, Dr. Hensley discusses what a healthy balance of power looks like in relationships. She outlines three key components of balanced power: (1) both partners taking personal accountability for their behaviors, (2) avoiding blame-shifting, and (3) not getting trapped in rumination or self-pity. Furthermore, maintaining a balance of power includes equitable distribution of daily responsibilities and the ability to pick up slack without building resentment. When both partners can approach these behaviors with mutual respect, grace, and humility, the power dynamics within the relationship remain balanced, fostering a healthy and thriving partnership. To wrap up, both Dr. Hensley and co-host Raina Butcher share personal anecdotes about reclaiming their power and using failed relationships as opportunities for growth. They emphasize that taking back one’s power means being secure in who you are and setting boundaries that limit access to oneself to only those who are willing to reciprocate honor, love, and respect. Ultimately, reclaiming personal power is about stepping into your authentic self and reinforcing your self-worth in every relationship dynamic. Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/ Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/ Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder Instagram: @the_dating_decoder Facebook: The Dating Decoder Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley What is covered: · The difference in someone taking your personal power and surrendering it. · The most prevelant relationship dynamic where one partner feels a loss of personal power. · The importance of therapy, specifically good therapy, where the therapist does not reinforce victimhood, but instead helps you understand that surrendering personal power is a choice. . How the different attachment styles surrender thier personal power. ....
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    45 mins
  • Episode 19 | Nervous System Regulation with Expert Guest Dana Doswell
    Sep 24 2024
    Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice. Episode 19: "Nervous System Regulation with expert guest Dana Doswell." In this powerful episode, Dr. Hensley welcomes special guest Dana Doswell, a nervous system expert and mentor. Dr. Hensley begins by sharing how much she’s learned from Dana’s expertise in nervous system regulation, expressing deep gratitude for the transformative knowledge that has not only enhanced her personal life but also strengthened her professional practice. Dana takes us back to the beginning of her journey, explaining how she first became aware of her own low-level nervous system dysregulation. Like many high-functioning, successful individuals, Dana describes how she went through life ignoring the signals her body was sending her—until a complete nervous system collapse forced her to seek help. She candidly discusses how traditional talk therapy only provided short-term relief, leading her to explore deeper interventions. Her search led her to discover polyvagal theory, which became a turning point in her healing journey. Dana delves into how she realized the disorganization of her nervous system and how somatic work—integrating the body into the healing process—became essential. This discovery ignited her passion for studying evolution, psychology, neuroscience, and somatic healing, which she applied directly to her own life with profound results. Dr. Hensley then shares her parallel journey, explaining how her personal experiences similarly inspired her to dive into spiritual, somatic, and nervous system healing, eventually shaping her work to help others heal. Dana highlights one of the most profound lessons she learned in her studies: the impact of shame on the nervous system. She discusses in detail how shame, particularly within the context of religion and basic bodily functions, deeply affects our bodies and behavior. Dana emphasizes the need to acknowledge our basic physiological needs and accept our "animalistic" nature, a fundamental step in healing an overtaxed nervous system that’s often overlooked. She further explores the concept of "functional freeze," a state many high-functioning people find themselves in. Because high performers often attach their self-worth to their productivity and intelligence, they struggle with feelings of failure when they try to rest, triggering nervous system dysregulation. The conversation then turns to the topic of retraumatization and the role that rumination plays in nervous system imbalance. Dana provides practical, step-by-step guidance on how to address rumination from a somatic perspective, offering techniques to locate and resource the feelings in different parts of the body. Dana concludes by sharing that the best way to understand and regulate your nervous system is through relationships—whether that’s with a partner, yourself, or even objects in your environment. She explains how every relationship has a "flavor," and that flavor influences how your nervous system responds. Dr. Hensley wraps up the episode by highlighting that the key to nervous system regulation is to deshame your experiences. Both women express their gratitude for the conversation, and Dr. Hensley shares ways for listeners to connect with Dana on social media. This episode is rich in insights on nervous system health, offering valuable tools for both personal and relational healing. You can find Dana Doswell, Nervous System Regulation Expert & Mentor on social media @danadozzyy or see all her services at www.danadozzy.com. Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/ Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/ Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder Instagram: @the_dating_decoder Facebook: The Dating Decoder Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley What is covered: ...
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    51 mins
  • Episode 18 | How to Handle the Haters
    Sep 17 2024
    Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice. Episode 18: "How to Handle the Haters." Dr. Hensley and co-host Raina Butcher respond to their first negative podcast review. The criticism accused them of only discussing heterosexual relationships and being overly focused on their Christian faith. Dr. Hensley addresses this by clarifying that attachment theory is a universal framework, unaffected by gender or sexual orientation. Whether in same-sex or opposite-sex relationships, attachment behaviors remain consistent. Though both women have shared their own experiences as heterosexuals, they emphasize their inclusivity of all genders and sexual orientations. Raina also humorously addresses a claim in the review regarding her husband’s influence over her reproductive choices, setting the record straight that such decisions are entirely her own. Both hosts laughed at the assumption and used the moment to assert their independence. The episode then tackles the criticism about the role of Christianity in their podcast. Dr. Hensley acknowledges her faith but explains that she provides both spiritual and secular approaches in her coaching, respecting the beliefs of her clients. She asserts that while her faith is part of her identity, it doesn’t dictate her coaching unless requested by the client. The conversation then shifts toward how to handle negative comments or "haters" in general. Dr. Hensley ties this to attachment security, highlighting the importance of not internalizing others' judgments. She shares personal stories of dealing with criticism and emphasizes the power of showing up authentically. She explains that secure attachment allows people to accept rejection without it affecting their self-worth, and that curiosity toward others' negative behavior can often reveal their own insecurities and pain. The episode concludes with Dr. Hensley’s advice: Don’t let the haters dictate your emotional state, and choose joy despite negativity. By embracing secure attachment, listeners can free themselves from being offended by the ignorance and hate of others. Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/ Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/ Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder Instagram: @the_dating_decoder Facebook: The Dating Decoder Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley What is covered: · The negative review and how it affected both Raina and Dr. Hensley. · Setting the record straight on the comments in the negative review. · How attachment insecurites are not gender specific, nor sexual orientation specific. . How Dr. Hensley approaches her Chritian perspective within her practice. . The importance on achieving your attachment security when dealing with haters and/or offensiveness. Consider/Ask Yourself · How are you allowing others to dictate your joy based on what they may say or think about you? · How often are you allowing people who may differ from you to offend you? . How can you lean into people with more curiosity versus reactivity? · Are you allowing someones narrative of you to ruminate in your own thoughts? . Do I need Dr. Hensley and her resources to achieve my attachment security?
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    49 mins
  • Episode 17 | Post Separation Abuse
    Sep 10 2024
    Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice. Episode 17: "Post Separation Abuse." In this deeply personal and raw episode, Dr. Hensley and co-host Raina Butcher delve into the harrowing reality of post-separation abuse, particularly when children are involved. They shed light on the abuse that often continues long after separation or divorce, manifesting in ways that are often overlooked or misunderstood by the justice system. Dr. Hensley and Raina draw from their own experiences, providing a candid discussion on how the justice system failed them in the aftermath of their separations from their children’s fathers. They recount how the courts, lacking proper professionals equipped to handle the emotional complexities of post-separation dynamics, tend to revictimize families. The episode explores the challenges surrounding child custody, time-sharing, and financial arrangements, revealing how the system frequently falls short of protecting those most vulnerable—especially the children. Challenging common misconceptions, Dr. Hensley debunks the notion that post-separation abuse is solely a male-to-female phenomenon. She highlights cases where women are the abusers post-separation, suggesting that in these instances, they may have been the abusers during the relationship as well. This perspective invites listeners to rethink the narratives often presented in cases of domestic and post-separation abuse. The discussion then turns to reactive abuse, where Dr. Hensley explains how extreme stress and provocation can drive individuals to act violently, often in ways that are completely out of character. This phenomenon, she argues, is a critical aspect of understanding the dynamics of abusive relationships and the fallout that can occur even after separation. The impact of post-separation abuse on children is a central theme in the episode. Dr. Hensley emphasizes the long-term effects on children who are used as pawns in their parents' conflicts, which can lead to significant emotional and psychological problems as they grow up. She explores the psychology of abusers, who often manipulate reality to the point of believing their own lies, perpetuating a cycle of abuse that can have devastating consequences for their children. Dr. Hensley also distinguishes between attachment issues and personality disorders, such as narcissism, explaining how the latter can make co-parenting nearly impossible. She argues that the court system is often ill-equipped to recognize these psychological nuances, leading to decisions that may not be in the best interest of the children. The episode underscores the need for professionals trained in psychology, rather than solely relying on legal experts, to make informed decisions in family court cases. As the episode draws to a close, Dr. Hensley and Raina discuss the deep injustices within the family court system, particularly the ease with which false allegations can be weaponized to alienate and control. Raina shares her own painful experience of being falsely accused, detailing the profound impact it had on her and her young son. In the final segment, Dr. Hensley advocates for systemic change, calling for the inclusion of doctorate-level professionals, skilled in psychological assessment, in family court proceedings. The episode concludes with a powerful message: the ultimate goal must be to protect the children, ensuring that they are not collateral damage in the ongoing battles between their parents. This episode is a must-listen for anyone navigating the complexities of post-separation, offering crucial insights into the emotional and psychological challenges that persist long after the end of a relationship. Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/ Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/ Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/...
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    54 mins
  • Episode 16 | What it Looks and Feels Like to be Securely Attached
    Sep 3 2024
    Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice. Episode 16: "What It Looks and Feels Like to Be Securely Attached." In this insightful episode, Dr. Hensley explores the profound transformation that occurs once you achieve secure attachment. She begins by discussing the inner peace and resilience that come with attachment security, providing listeners with a glimpse into the deep sense of emotional stability that emerges. Drawing from the core components of her hybrid group coaching program, Dr. Hensley offers a clear roadmap to secure attachment. The episode starts with an in-depth discussion on nervous system regulation, highlighting its pivotal role in achieving secure attachment. Dr. Hensley then reveals a powerful, often closely-guarded secret: meta-cognition. She explains how gaining conscious control over your thought patterns enables you to retrain your brain and provide your nervous system with new experiences of love, safety, and connection. Dr. Hensley also covers crucial concepts such as cognitive distortions and catastrophic thinking, noting that many of her clients discover how their thoughts are predominantly negative, creating feelings of insecurity within their relationships. She emphasizes that mastering these skills begins with everyday self-talk. Only by practicing these techniques daily can you successfully apply them in moments of emotional trigger, especially within romantic relationships. A key takeaway from the episode is Dr. Hensley’s "The Two Question Test" for challenging your thoughts: "Is this thought true?" and "Is this thought productive?" She encourages listeners to reframe any thought that doesn’t pass this test. As the episode progresses, Dr. Hensley dives into the powerful emotions of shame and rejection, explaining how they keep us trapped in a dysregulated state. She reveals that shame is a major barrier to secure attachment, often fueling feelings of unworthiness and blocking emotional growth. In closing, Dr. Hensley outlines practical ways to begin regulating the nervous system and releasing the burden of shame. She explains the scientific basis for achieving attachment security, underscoring its importance not just for mental health, but for overall psychological amd physical well-being. She wraps up the episode by encouraging listeners to build their capacity for secure behaviors, which she explores in greater depth in her course and hybrid group coaching program. Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/ Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/ Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder Instagram: @the_dating_decoder Facebook: The Dating Decoder Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley What is covered: · What does Secure Attachment feel like. · The two biggest components in secure attachment: nervous system regulation and meta-cognition. · How negative thinking keeps you stuck in attachment insecurities. · The role that shame plays in nervous system disregulation. · In depth tools and ideas around how to regulate your nervous system and start achieving attachment security. Consider/Ask Yourself · What does your inner voice sound like? · Are you able to consciously capture your thoughts? . What are some childhood wounds that are contributing to your attachment insecurities and keeping you stuck from acheiving your attachment security. · Is shame keeping you stuck, and are you shaming yourself for feeling shame? . How can you start the practice of observing and taking authority of your thought world?
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    34 mins
  • Episode 15 | How Poor Self Image is Affecting Your Relationships
    Aug 27 2024
    Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Dating Decoder with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice. Episode 15: "How Poor Self Image is Affecting Your Relationships." Dr. Hensley and co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the pressures that modern social norms place on self-image. They discuss how both women and men are harder on themselves than ever before, constantly critiquing their appearance in the age of Botox, fillers, and testosterone injections. In a candid conversation, Dr. Hensley and Raina openly admit that they have both had Botox and lip filler, sharing how their husbands have questioned their motivations for these choices. The episode takes a personal turn as Dr. Hensley and Raina reveal their own struggles with self-image and how it has impacted their self-worth and relationship choices. They explore how a lack of self-esteem led them to choose unhealthy partners and stay in toxic relationships in the past. Dr. Hensley also sheds light on the often overlooked issue of men's body image struggles, sharing her husband's experiences and discussing how men, too, can be victims of abuse—both topics that are rarely acknowledged in society. The conversation then shifts to the root causes of self-image issues, including the influence of upbringing and the way caregivers' views on appearance can shape a child's self-perception. In this heartfelt and vulnerable episode, both hosts reflect on their ongoing battles with shame, negative self-talk, and perfectionism, emphasizing that healing is a journey they are still on. Toward the end, Dr. Hensley and Raina tackle the trending topic of weight loss injections, discussing their own experiences with these interventions and how emerging research suggests they might help release inflammation in those with severe trauma, who often hold onto stress hormones like cortisol. They conclude the episode by stressing the importance of not idolizing beauty and self-image above one's relationship with self, partner, and God, and they encourage listeners to let go of the pursuit of perfectionism. Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/group-coaching/ Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: https://www.thedatingdecoder.com/book-appointment/ Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online course: https://dating-decoder.mykajabi.com/offers/PpEPKnsM/checkout Tik-Tok: the_dating_decoder Instagram: @the_dating_decoder Facebook: The Dating Decoder Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley What is covered: · How social norms are affecting your self image. · How both women and men are under tremendous pressures to keep up with social norms. · How poor self worth leads to poor partner choices and staying in toxic, unhelathy relationships. · The root causes of poor self image issues. · How to let go of the pursuit to perfectionism. Consider/Ask Yourself · How are you speaking to yourself? · What does your internal voice sound like? . Are you allowing poor self image to affect the way you treat your partner and children? · Are you idolizing beauty? . Are you placing how you look above relationship to self, relationship to partner, and relationship to God?
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    1 hr and 2 mins