The lone wolf man is a persona that isn’t real. When you look at most movies about lone wolf men, they have a pretty sad life. Sure, they could kill people and win the day, but at what cost? There is also the reality that none of them became great warriors alone. The movies will often show a backstory where they had a guide train them for their adventures.

Too many men think they have to battle everything in their lives alone. They see it as a sign of weakness to ask for help. We want to show how this attitude hurts us and how we can overcome it and build strong resilient lives.

Pride

We idolize heroes of the past

The quest for glory and other people’s respect

We get weird by ourselves

We try to do too much

We get an attitude of everyone against me

We don’t trust

Our capacity won’t grow, by ourselves

Others can call us higher and push us

Serve Others

Avoid building a Loner Life

Seek to have real relationships and not just virtual ones

Quit buying the lie of doing it by yourself!

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On today’s show, we are talking about the reality of fatherlessness. Many men grew up without a father in the home, in a stepdad situation, or in a bad example of a father to follow. The men who grew up like this often don’t realize what they are missing because it wasn’t there.

We discuss the reality of fatherlessness and how it affects men, their families, and society. This discussion can help men discover what they can do to build up the barren areas of their lives that fatherlessness causes.

Many men grew up without a dad

This isn’t an excuse it’s a reality

2 extremes have come out of these “distortions”

The effemination of men

The extreme Alpha male

This reality has hurt families and society

Recognition is the 1st step

Too many men think it didn’t bother them but they have nothing to compare it to

Fight the common male appetites that drive so many men today

Don’t follow fads

Build your core values as a man

Develop a strong positive worldview

We all need to be a part of a team in our lives

Look for men who have the same values as you and build friendships with them

”Defense wins championships,” is a saying we often hear in football, but what about life? Should we live on defense or should we have an effective defense?

Today’s show discusses defense and how there is a good side and a bad side to defense. As men, we should have a good defense but not live on defense. Society encourages men to live on defense today and too many are doing it.

Let’s dive into what it means by looking at an Active Defense vs a Passive Defense.

• Intentional
• Guard your hearty
• Healthy living and choices
• Know your strengths and weaknesses
• Protect Priorities and Values
• Protect Relationships

• Path of least resistance
• Passenger seat of life
• Escapism
• Survivor Mode
• Lack of Priorities

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We used to love watching "Extreme Home Makeover" as a family on Sunday nights. It was incredible to see a house transformed or built in just a week. Imagine if change in our own lives could happen that quickly!

But the truth is, it doesn't work that way. Even those shows don’t show the countless hours of preparation and the many people involved in the process. If we want to see real transformation in our lives, we need certain key elements. That’s what we’re discussing in today’s show. So, “Move that Bus!” and tune in!

• People who excel in things are passionate about it
• If you want to change your life, you have to want to do it
• You have to have a desire and a motivation to make it happen
• The desire has to move past momentary feelings
• We have to find our way and internalize our desire or our transformation will be short-lived or won’t even start

• If we want to see change in our lives it will take work on our part
• We can learn things from people but we still have to do the work
• This means we will often crawl before we walk
• Not everything comes easy
• Get rid of the expectation to be instantly good at something and decide to go on the journey

• Transformation is a life-long process and we are never done
• There isn’t a finish line in life
• Retirement isn’t a finish line
• There is always something for you to grow and transform in
• When you decide that you are on a journey, you can relax and enjoy it

• What is an area you need to do transformative work in? Physical, Mental, Emotional, Spiritual?
• What is the first step you need to take?
• Take it then take the second step and so forth
• Start the journey and plan to stay in it for the long haul

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The inward journey is often one of the last adventures men will go on. For some reason, we find it easier to take on the world than we do to take on ourselves. The danger for us is not going on the inward journey. When we don’t we become men who obey our low-level appetites, this has been obvious throughout history.

We must build our inner character as men or we will allow outside influences to control and dominate us. Our strength begins on the inside; to tap into it, we must go on the inward journey.

• The ability to understand what we think and feel
• This takes work=reflection.
• It moves us past our animalistic tendencies
• Reflection can also help us wrestle with our purpose and our meaning

• Reason 1: It takes time and effort which is why so many men don’t do it
• There aren’t quick wins, but long protracted struggles
• We tend as men to think outside things will change us on the inside
• Reason 2: It’s not very flattering
• Ignorance is bliss. (Procrastination)
• Reason 3: It isn’t laid out for us clearly
• We like structure. Whether it’s sports, video games, or playing music; we want to know the rules so we can win.
• Because every person is different, the inward journey will look different for everyone. Even how we start will vary.

• The inward journey isn’t something you can do in a session
• It is a practice you have to make a habit. Think of it as a skill that takes time to build and maintain.
• Reflection isn’t something we often feel like we have time to do
• Reflection is a learned habit
• You are never done but you get to new levels of understanding and openness
• This makes your life more meaningful and your relationships deeper

• Start doing something to learn how to reflect
• A time of prayer each day, reading the daily proverb and then praying over it to see how it applies
• Journaling a few times a week - not a diary, but a place to put what is happening in your mind, writing is processing
• Get a group of guys together for deep discussions (friends who are connected and want to do the same thing)

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One of the things you notice about great athletes and businessmen is they often take things personally. Whenever Michael Jordan felt disrespected by someone, he would become a beast and dominate. Why was this? Because he took it personally.

We need to learn a lesson from this. Our growth won’t happen unless we internalize it. We have to take it personally if we are going to do something about it. We will talk about how to do that on today’s show.

We must change our focus on ourselves and quit worrying about others and what they do.

There are many ways to achieve a goal. But which one is YOUR way?

There are many things people value, but what are YOUR values?

We have to make sure we don’t become collectors of ideas who never implement those ideas

We won’t grow if we don’t apply the things we learn into our lives

The pressure to be everything to everyone is something many men deal with

When you aren’t growing, you start many things but never finish because you aren’t making them personal

When you are picking and growing in something, you can focus and not get distracted by other things

Seasonal growth makes growth sustainable for the long-term

Pick an application and do it this week for something you already know you want/need to do. What is one area you know you need to grow in but you haven’t done it yet?

Exercise, nutrition, reading, sleeping, mobility work, praying, bible reading, etc….

Pick one and for the next 7 days apply it each day

This helps you start to internalize and make growth personal

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Have you ever had something you wore that fit perfectly? That feeling is like no other. You are confident and you feel great every time you wear it. Why is that? Because it fits you perfectly. When you get clothes that are tailor-made or feel like it, you feel incredible.

The same thing happens with our minds. When we build a mindset that fits us, we feel more confident and can positively move through life no matter the circumstances.

This week’s show discusses how to create our own tailored mindset. A mindset that isn’t someone else’s but is ours and we take ownership of it.

Is the life you’re living yours or someone else’s?

Be honest about your motivation

Outside success shouldn’t define us

“Success is when those that are closest to you love you and think the most of you.” -John Maxwell

What will I be happy about at 75?

What do you read, and watch? Who do you follow?

Our input matters

How are you stretching yourself?

Trying new things, pushing yourself in some way

Many men learn stuff but they don’t implement it

We want to practice what we are learning in every area of our lives

Understand that practice helps you get better, but it isn’t perfection

The only way you do something right is to practice

Football teams practice, Golfers practice, Singers practice, etc…

Build a practice mindset in your life

Where are you in your life?

Are you creating your life or surviving?

Start by defining what a successful life is

What will you be happy you did at 75?

Then build backwards

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What do kids want in a family? The interesting thing is they are too young to know. They will come up with all kinds of answers that are often hilarious. However, if you dig deep, you find out that kids want parents who are constant, consistent, and calm.

This is the coolest thing you can do for your family. Too many parents today want to be “liked” or focus their whole lives on their kids. This isn’t good because it puts the kids in charge and they become the center of the family. Their mindset will get messed up and they will think they are the center of the universe.

What kids want and what they need are two different things and it's up to you to work to give them what they need instead of what they want. Yep, this means we have to do the work, but we are men and that’s what we do.

• Kids want constant predictable parents
• This doesn’t mean boring, but not full of drama
• Their life has good routines and the kids are included
• They want parents who love them and love each other
• This constant love feeds their life
• They want parents who act consistent and don’t “change” when the kid’s friends are around or when they get around other adults

• We should be present at our current age and love life where we are as adults
• Own the fact that you are a dad and embrace it
• If all you talk about are the “good old days” you are communicating that becoming an adult stinks
• Let them know that as they get older they gain wisdom and that is better than being young
• This means we may have to do things to work on our lives and fix it
• If you need help in areas of your life, get the help, and don’t expect your child to “fix” you or to live through them

• Let them see that you are not living on emotional highs and lows
• You should not act like a middle schooler
• Help them see the long-term view of life
• Be empathetic but also help them see the things you have learned
• These stories help them get perspective on where they are at
• Tell the stories before they need them so they can remember them
• Be the adult. They need your love and empathy, but they don’t need you to jump on the emotional roller coaster with them

• Do you need to be more constant, consistent, or calm?
• Pick one area to focus on so you can grow and improve as a parent

RESOURCES TO HELP YOU THRIVE AS A MAN

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Thriving Man Coaching Resources

4D MODEL FREE PDF

• Learn about the 4 fundamentals of a Successful Life

Discover OUR SPEAKING AND HOW WE HAVE EMPOWERED THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE ACROSS THE WORLD