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Anita Interviewed me on her podcast and gave me permission to release this on my show. We covered many important topics, including:

1. The reflex to people please, and how this can be a harmful habit long term
2. How guilt and cultural expectations keep women trapped in self-sacrificing roles.
3. The signs of betrayal trauma and how it hijacks your nervous system
4. What “duty sex” reveals about emotional disconnection. More fulfilling sex happens when both choose to be sexual, and it is meaningful & connecting.
5. What are the warning signs of a "toxic" relationship, and what to do next?
6. What do the markers of healing look like—and how to get there.

If you want to learn more about Anita Sandoval and her work go to this link

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Shane reviews the literature on trauma as well as shares observations from his 30 years as counselor and from his personal work of healing to share some markers that would indicate that you may be struggling with unresolved Trauma

1) He reviews trauma's trauma's impact on physical health and especially the nervous system

2) He details how truams is related to mood disorders such as depression and anxiety as well as addictions

3) He review how Trauma can have impact on your personal confidence, self-esteem and result in a spiritual or existential crisis.

He offers resources such as books, counseling approaches, and intensives. Shane expressed his preference of going deeper through an intensive such as Finding Peace. You can ready more about this intensive by going to this link.

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We know addiction gets in the way of happiness and relationships, but why is recovery so difficult for high-achieving men? Professional coach Roland Cochrun shares his insights and the realization that making real connections (and discovering your purpose in life) are essential.

He is the founder of The Successful Addict recovery group, The Sex Addiction podcast, and author of The High Achiever's Guide to Sex-Addiction Recovery.

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What do you do when you didn't receive comfort consistently while growing up? You look for other ways to receive it. That can lead to unhealthy habits that damage relationships even when they give good feelings. Therapist Anita Sandoval & Shane discuss the Still Face Experiment demonstrated on YouTube, trauma treatments, and how re-parenting yourself helps you show up better in romantic relationships.

Anita specializes in helping women in failed relationships become their empowered, resilient, authentic selves. Find her community online at https://www.anitasandoval.com/

What is an intensive therapy retreat like? What benefits does it have over doing a therapy workbook or individual counseling? Shane gives his personal experience of the retreat coming up this fall near Lake Texoma that is designed to help people dig deep into themselves, discover the attachment wounds and negative core beliefs that are holding them back, and re-establish their inner serenity.

One of the scariest scenes in Finding Nemo was when Dory & Merlin swam through the blue trench—being afraid and vulnerable out in the open ocean. Men's coach Bob Smith shares his experiences personally and professionally in how doing that—feeling and accepting negative emotions including vulnerability—opens up individual happiness and leads the way to more connection in relationships.

"When we actually do go to that place of 'this is who I am,' I embrace all of it—the light and the darkness, the good and the bad, the things I'm embarrassed about, the things I'm proud of, that's when we can have something to connect with somebody over and that's what draws people in and brings connection rather than rejection and disconnection, which is what scares us."

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There are 4 key components to creating balance in relationships, that equilibrium between autonomy and closeness that feels good to both partners, according to psychotherapist David Schnarch:

1. A flexible, solid self
2. A quiet mind & calm heart (emotional regulation)
3. Grounded response (avoid reactivity, seek first to understand the other)
4. Meaningful endurance (tolerating discomfort for growth)

Shane explains Dr. Schnarch’s research in this 30-minute podcast, and here is the article that inspired today’s episode.

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What defines problematic screen use? What are the real harms? Whether it’s gaming, social media, or online porn, digital addictions can eat up time, tank productivity, increase anxiety, and hurt what really helps—relationships with loved ones.

Counselor Jeremy Edge specializes in teens with gaming addictions and tells us what feeds some of these addictions and how to redirect those we love. His website, Escapingthe.com, has resources including a Family Media Plan from the American Academy of Pediatrics.