Episodios

  • 326: When People Pleasers Aren't Pleased

    326: When People Pleasers Aren't Pleased
    Jul 17 2025
    In this episode, Heather answers a heartfelt question from a listener named Z about people-pleasing Heather breaks down the root of resentment that often comes from saying “yes” too often — and receiving “no” in return. Through relatable stories and actionable guidance, she empowers listeners to advocate for themselves with confidence and grace. In this empowering episode, you’ll learn: The Resentment Cycle of People Pleasers - Z’s question echoes a common struggle: always saying yes, only to feel hurt when others don’t return the favor. Heather explores how this dynamic creates resentment and disconnection — both at home and at work. False Consensus and Miscommunication - Heather explains the false consensus effect — the mistaken belief that others see and value things the same way we do. She emphasizes the importance of communicating needs clearly instead of assuming others "just know." From Silent Hints to Clear Requests Through the story of a high-powered client and her husband, Heather illustrates the danger of hinting instead of asking. Saying “I’d love to go to this concert” is not the same as saying, “Will you come with me?” A Better Follow-Up Question - Heather suggests asking, “What would have to change for you to say yes?” as a non-confrontational way to open conversation, gain insight, and gauge someone’s willingness. Understanding the Law of Reciprocity - Referencing Robert Cialdini’s “Influence,” Heather unpacks the psychological principle of reciprocity — and how gently reminding someone of past support (without guilt-tripping) can increase the chances of a return favor. Power Dynamics and Reciprocity - People in positions of power often feel less pressure to reciprocate. Heather highlights this dynamic and how it explains why some people — especially at work — may not return favors. Saying No as a Spiritual Lesson - In one of the episode’s most powerful insights, Heather reframes the struggle as part of your Divine Curriculum. Quoting Marianne Williamson, she suggests that learning to say no is not just practical — it’s part of your personal growth and purpose. Recap and Encouragement - Heather closes with a reminder that not everyone sees your effort. Advocate with clarity. Ask with delight. And sometimes, the greatest lesson is how to say no with confidence and self-respect. In this episode for Libsyn: [00:00] - Listener's question about being a people pleaser and handling requests without reciprocity [00:28] - Personal story about attending a Pearl Jam concert and navigating requests from others [03:18] - The importance of recognizing when others ask for things and the concept of reciprocity [04:43] - The significance of understanding what you need and asking for it effectively [06:48] - The challenge of asking for what you want without feeling guilty or selfish [08:29] - Reflection on working together and helping each other in professional settings [09:23] - Feelings of frustration and defensiveness about asking for help [12:16] - The law of reciprocity and its role in relationships and requests. [14:43] - Recognizing the importance of asking for what you need and the role of reciprocity [15:00] - The value of understanding and respecting others’ boundaries and needs [16:58] - The significance of the last piece of the reciprocity puzzle [17:23] - The divine curriculum and its relation to giving and receiving [18:53] - The importance of saying no and setting boundaries [20:00] - The value of encouraging others to say yes and the importance of mutual support [21:50] - Final thoughts on answering questions and ongoing engagement with listeners. Connect with Heather: Schedule a call with Heather Follow Heather on Instagram Website Watch Episodes on Youtube Heather’s TikTok ‍ The Elegant Warrior Podcast and content posted by Heather Hansen is presented solely for general informational, educational, and entertainment purposes. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user’s own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.
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    22 m
  • 325: The Credible Charisma™ Framework

    325: The Credible Charisma™ Framework
    Jul 10 2025
    In this episode, Heather introduces "Credible Charisma™" as a key to becoming irreplaceable in a world where many feel replaceable due to the rise of AI and other technological advancements. She shares personal experiences and introduces a framework to help listeners cultivate this essential quality. In this insightful episode, you'll learn: The Fear of Being Replaceable: The speaker addresses the widespread anxiety of feeling replaceable, whether due to artificial intelligence, aging, or other life circumstances, and asserts that everyone is inherently irreplaceable. Credible Charisma™ as the Antidote: She introduces "Credible Charisma™" as the learnable combination of qualities that makes someone unforgettable and irreplaceable, contrasting it with the idea that being smarter, faster, or better is sufficient. The Belief Triangle for Credibility: The speaker outlines her "Belief Triangle™" framework for building credibility, emphasizing three crucial aspects: people believing you (keeping promises), believing in you (having the necessary experience and talent), and most importantly, believing you can help them (understanding their pain and problems). Lexi: An Embodiment of Credible Charisma™: Through the story of her former paralegal, Lexi, Heather shares how someone can become irreplaceable by consistently demonstrating credibility (keeping promises, possessing skills, and understanding needs) and charisma (making others feel seen, safe, and special). Debunking Charisma Myths: The speaker challenges common misconceptions about charisma, particularly the idea that it's "fluffy" or primarily non-verbal. She debunks the widely cited 93% non-verbal communication statistic, clarifying its true context. The True Nature of Charisma: Drawing on research from Dr. John Antonakis, the speaker defines true charisma as being based on "what you say and how you say it" (content and delivery), and her personal interpretation that this combination makes people feel seen, safe, and special, with safety being paramount. The Interdependence of Credibility and Charisma: She emphasizes that charisma cannot exist without credibility, stating, "You can't have charisma without credibility. Without credibility, you can't win." Building Credibility Through Stories and Evidence: The speaker introduces her "SEE Technique™" for building credibility, which involves sharing stories that resonate with others and providing evidence (like research studies) that makes people feel safe to believe. The Power of Para-verbal Communication: She highlights the importance of "para-verbal" communication (tone, pace, volume, inflection) over body language and facial expressions, asserting that it's a more significant component of charisma and reflects true belief. Credible Charisma™ as a Foundation for Resilience: The episode concludes with a powerful analogy: credibility is a "huge, solid cliff" that withstands change, and charisma is a "lighthouse resting securely on that cliff," guiding and calling people home to a place where they feel seen, safe, and special. In this episode for Libsyn: [00:09] - Introduction to Credible Charisma [01:00] - The Concept of Irreplaceability [02:14] - Personal anecdotes [04:28] - Belief triangle [07:00] - Charisma: Making People Feel Seen, Safe, and Special [08:29] - The impact of Lexi's departure and the inability to replace her, even with artificial intelligence. [09:38] - The Credible Charisma Framework™ [12:41] - Defining True Charisma (with Dr. John Antonakis) [13:48] - The Interplay of Credibility and Charisma [16:32] - Verbal, Para-verbal, and Non-verbal Communication [18:26] - Conclusion and Call to Action Connect with Heather: Schedule a call with Heather Follow Heather on Instagram Website Watch Episodes on Youtube Heather’s TikTok ‍ The Elegant Warrior Podcast and content posted by Heather Hansen is presented solely for general informational, educational, and entertainment purposes. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user’s own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.
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    20 m
  • 324: A Little Intro to Undeniable [Judge Rosemarie Aquilina]

    324: A Little Intro to Undeniable [Judge Rosemarie Aquilina]
    Jul 3 2025
    In this episode, Heather introduces a previously recorded conversation with Judge Rosemary Aquilina from December 30, 2019. This re-release serves as an introduction to Judge Aquilina before she and Heather launch their new podcast, "Undeniable," in August. The episode highlights Judge Aquilina's impactful role in the Larry Nassar case and her unique approach to justice, emphasizing listening and healing. In this insightful episode, you'll learn: Introduction to Judge Aquilina: Heather sets the stage for the conversation, explaining why she's replaying this particular episode and introducing Judge Rosemary Aquilina, highlighting her significance in the Larry Nassar case and her upcoming joint podcast with Heather. Early Life and Influences: Judge Aquilina shares her childhood experiences, including her immigration story and feeling unheard, which profoundly shaped her desire to advocate for others and led her to pursue a career in law. The Path to Law and Justice: Judge Aquilina discusses her decision to attend law school, driven by a rebellious spirit and a deep-seated need to give a voice to the unheard, a theme that resonates throughout her career. Breaking Barriers in the Military: Judge Aquilina recounts her experience as the first female JAG officer in Michigan history, illustrating her determination to overcome obstacles and challenge norms. The Power of Listening in the Courtroom: Judge Aquilina emphasizes the importance of listening in her judicial practice, particularly in the Larry Nassar case, where her approach encouraged over 100 women to come forward and share their stories. "What Do You Want Me to Know?": Judge Aquilina explains the origin and impact of her signature question, "What do you want me to know?", revealing how this simple inquiry fosters trust and allows individuals to feel heard and understood. "Leave Your Pain Here": Judge Aquilina discusses the profound effect of her statement to the Nassar victims, "Leave your pain here. Go out and do your magnificent things," and how she views her role as a healer in the courtroom. The Healing Power of the Robe and Gavel: Judge Aquilina describes how she perceives her judicial robe and gavel not just as symbols of authority, but as tools for healing and rehabilitation, aiming to empower individuals to move forward. Continued Connection with Survivors: Judge Aquilina shares that she remains in contact with many of the Nassar survivors, offering ongoing support and demonstrating her continued commitment to their well-being. Personal Resilience and Family Life: Judge Aquilina touches upon her personal life, including having children later in life, and how her family provides stability and balance amidst her demanding career. Defining Elegance and Inspiration: Judge Aquilina shares her personal definition of elegance, emphasizing inner character and dignity, and reveals her theme song and a book that has inspired her throughout her life. In this episode for Libsyn: [00:00] - Introduction to Judge Aquilina [06:39] - Early Life and Influences [10:24] - The Path to Law and Justice [11:43] - Breaking Barriers in the Military [20:46] - The Power of Listening in the Courtroom [23:29] - "What Do You Want Me to Know?" [25:50] - "Leave Your Pain Here" [26:44] - The Healing Power of the Robe and Gavel [29:54] - Continued Connection with Survivors [32:07] - Personal Resilience and Family Life [33:05] - Defining Elegance and Inspiration Connect with Heather: Schedule a call with Heather Follow Heather on Instagram Website Watch Episodes on Youtube Heather’s TikTok ‍ The Elegant Warrior Podcast and content posted by Heather Hansen is presented solely for general informational, educational, and entertainment purposes. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user’s own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.
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    36 m
  • 323: When What You Want Seems Impossible

    323: When What You Want Seems Impossible
    Jun 26 2025
    In today's episode, Heather Hansen answers a listener's question from Mary, a woman over 50 who is struggling to find a job and feeling replaced by younger generations. This episode is not only for those in a similar situation but also for anyone who believes something they want is impossible, or who is concerned about artificial intelligence impacting their career. Heather emphasizes that the root of "elegance" is to choose, and she provides three crucial choices to navigate these challenges. In this insightful episode, you'll learn: Addressing the Listener's Core Concern - Heather directly addresses Mary's fear of being replaced by younger generations and the broader concern about AI taking jobs, setting the stage for the episode's advice. The "Elegance" of Choice - Heather introduces the core concept that the word "elegance" means "to choose," framing the entire discussion around the power of intentional decision-making in one's career and life. The Power of Perspective - Heather introduces the "rubber band experiment" to illustrate how changing your perspective from "this is" to "this could be" can open up new possibilities, especially in career paths like fractional roles, consulting, or independent contracting. Exploring New Career Avenues - Building on the idea of perspective, Heather suggests concrete alternative career paths such as fractional roles, consulting, independent contracting, or exploring non-profits and startups, encouraging listeners to think beyond traditional employment. Building Belief through Evidence - Heather discusses how belief shapes energy in job interviews and how to cultivate a positive belief system. She explains two ways to gather evidence: collecting existing data (e.g., studies showing older workers are more reliable, companies actively recruiting them) and creating your own evidence through action. The Value of Older Workers - Heather provides compelling evidence from studies (Stanford and Harvard) and corporate initiatives (Goldman Sachs returnships) that highlight the reliability, trustworthiness, and effectiveness of workers over 50, directly countering the belief that age is a barrier. Strategic Action for Opportunity - Heather highlights the importance of taking strategic action beyond just sending out resumes. She emphasizes leveraging one's "ecosystem" or network, suggesting regular interaction with contacts as a powerful way to create opportunities and build evidence for your beliefs. Human Differentiators in an AI World - Heather revisits the previous week's discussion on AI, explaining that human energy and unique ecosystems (networks) are qualities that artificial intelligence cannot replicate, making them crucial differentiators in the job market. Leveraging Your Ecosystem/Network - Heather elaborates on the concept of an "ecosystem" as a valuable asset, providing personal examples of how her own diverse networks have led to professional opportunities, encouraging listeners to recognize and utilize their own. In this episode for Libsyn: [01:04] - Addressing the Listener's Core Concern [02:39] - The "Elegance" of Choice [02:55] - The Power of Perspective [05:00] - Exploring New Career Avenues [06:50] - Building Belief through Evidence [09:10] - The Value of Older Workers [12:09] - Strategic Action for Opportunity [15:00] - Human Differentiators in an AI World [17:16] - Conclusion and Final Encouragement Connect with Heather: Schedule a call with Heather Follow Heather on Instagram Website Watch Episodes on Youtube Heather’s TikTok ‍ The Elegant Warrior Podcast and content posted by Heather Hansen is presented solely for general informational, educational, and entertainment purposes. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user’s own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.
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    19 m
  • 322: Why AI Makes Women More Powerful Than Ever

    322: Why AI Makes Women More Powerful Than Ever
    Jun 19 2025

    AI is about to change everything—except what makes you irreplaceable.
    As artificial intelligence evolves, it's taking over tasks rooted in logic, data, and even decision-making. But there's one thing it can’t replicate: human energy—and women have mastered it for generations.

    In this episode, Heather Hansen (trial attorney, keynote speaker, and communications consultant) reveals:

    ✅ Why AI makes your energy your most valuable asset
    ✅ The 3-step method to master and project energy that influences others
    ✅ How evolution gave women an edge in the era of “experiential AI”
    ✅ Real courtroom stories that show energy wins cases—not just facts

    Whether you're a woman looking to lead with charisma or a man who wants to develop magnetic presence, this episode gives you a roadmap to thrive in a world where logic is automated—but influence is not.

    📌 Subscribe for more leadership tools, communication strategies, and future-ready skills.📞 Want 1:1 coaching or a workshop for your team? Book a consult here →https://calendly.com/beliefbuilders/oneonone

    📚 Mentioned in the episode: The Elegant Warrior (book): https://www.amazon.com/Elegant-Warrior-Trials-Without-Yourself/dp/1989025269

    🗣 “People will forget what you said, forget what you did, but they’ll never forget how you made them feel.” — Maya Angelou
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    21 m
  • 321: Delight Over Anger

    321: Delight Over Anger
    Jun 16 2025

    In this powerful return to The Elegant Warrior, Heather Hansen shares why she’s reviving the podcast after a heartfelt farewell seven months ago. With honesty, emotion, and insight, she explores the deeper reasons behind her comeback—from honoring her late father to responding to a rising tide of anger in our culture. Heather invites listeners to trade frustration for delight and introduces an exciting new podcast collaboration with Judge Rosemarie Aquilina, Undeniable. Plus, she teases an upcoming episode on why AI is actually good news for women—and how your energy is your new superpower.

    🔑 Topics Covered:

    • Why Heather ended—and then restarted—The Elegant Warrior
    • The emotional and energetic costs of misalignment
    • Why delight is more effective than anger when asking for what you want
    • The concept of resolve as a high-vibration alternative to anger
    • How artificial intelligence amplifies the value of human energy (especially women’s)
    • The upcoming launch of Heather and Judge Aquilina’s new podcast, Undeniable
    • Honoring her late father and reclaiming Thursdays for joy

    TEW Podcast Episode 321 - Delight Over Anger - Timestamps
    [00:00] - Introduction
    [00:21] - Podcast Revival Announcement
    [02:41] - Energy Management
    [04:37] - Artificial Intelligence
    [08:12] - Personal Reflection on Father's Day
    [10:00] - New Show Announcement with Judge Rosemary Aquilina
    [13:07] - Podcast Schedule Changes
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    14 m
  • 320: Your Jury and a BIG Announcement

    320: Your Jury and a BIG Announcement
    Nov 25 2024

    Who is your jury? You have one. Your jury is anyone you want to influence and persuade. Your jury is the person/people who give you your wins.

    And a jury’s job is not to judge. A jury’s job is to listen and to choose what to believe. Your job is to know your jury and give them something to believe.

    In this episode, you will learn:

    -How to recognize that you have a jury and to start identifying them

    -The most important jury you will ever face

    -The story of the name “The Elegant Warrior”

    -Heather’s big announcement about what’s next for her and for you!

    Here’s the link to meet with Heather to talk about Keynotes or Strategy Days.

    Here’s the link to Heather’s YouTube channel, The Belief Builder’s Academy

    Here’s the link to join the Belief Builder’s Academy Membership for just $97/month; cancel anytime

    Here’s the link to buy/review Heather’s book, The Elegant Warrior-How to Win Life’s Trials Without Losing Yourself.

    Here’s the link to follow Heather on Instagram

    And finally, Heather’s LinkedIn profile

    Connect with Heather:

    • Schedule a call with Heather

    • Follow Heather on Instagram

    • Website

    • Watch Episodes on Youtube

    • Heather’s TikTok ‍

    The Elegant Warrior Podcast and content posted by Heather Hansen is presented solely for general informational, educational, and entertainment purposes. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user’s own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.
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    25 m
  • 319: Navigating the Angel Investment Landscape: Strategies, Statistics, and Success Stories with Marcia Dawood

    319: Navigating the Angel Investment Landscape: Strategies, Statistics, and Success Stories with Marcia Dawood
    Nov 18 2024
    In today’s episode, Heather talks to Marcia Dawood about angel investing and what it means for you. Marcia has been an angel investor for over a decade. She is the author of Doing Good While Doing Well and hosts The Angel Next Door podcast. She’s Chair Emeritus of the Angel Capital Association and a founding member of their Growing Women’s Capital Group. Marcia is a member of Golden Seeds, one of the largest angel groups in the US. In this conversation, she shares what angel investing is and why you want to be involved. Heather and Marcia discuss the importance of angel investing, especially for women and people of color. Marcia breaks down the ways you can become an investor with as little as $50, and how you can use charity money to invest. This is an important and educational conversation that will get you excited to get involved! In this insightful episode, you'll learn: Introduction to Angel Investing - Heather and Marcia had an overview of what angel investing is and its significance in the investment landscape. Investment Strategy and Risk Management - Heather and Marcia advising audiences on how much of one’s investable assets should be allocated to angel investing, emphasizing the importance of risk assessment and not using essential funds for high-risk investments. Networking Opportunities through Angel Investing - They both discuss the value of networking through Angel investing or getting to know entrepreneurs and companies before investing, highlighting the long-term nature of angel investing. The Halo Strategy - Heather and Marcia had an introduction to the "halo strategy," which refers to investing based on admiration for a founder rather than a structured investment approach. Discussion on Women and Minority-Owned Companies - Marcia and Heather are having an important conversation about addressing the statistics related to female founders in the investment space and the need to change the narrative around investing in women. Differences in Questioning Between Male and Female Founders - Heather and Marcia had an examination of the different types of questions male and female founders receive from investors. Equity Crowdfunding Explained - Heather and Marcia have provided an overview of equity crowdfunding, explaining how it works and its benefits for new investors. Conclusion and Summary of Key Points - A wrap-up of the episode, summarizing the key takeaways and encouraging listeners to engage with the topics discussed. Marcia’s book choice is Buoyant: The Entrepreneur’s Guide to Becoming Wildly Successful, Creative and Free. Her song choice is Unstoppable by Sia Link to buy the Doing Well While Doing Good book: https://bit.ly/3yxekKD Link to buy the Doing Well While Doing Good workbook bit.ly/3ToZMUN Marcia’s website is www.marciadawood.com Her podcast is The Angel Next Door https://www.marciadawood.com/angelnextdoor In this episode for Libsyn: [00:49] - Introduction to Angel Investing [03:28] - Investment Strategy and Risk Management [08:00] - Networking Opportunities through Angel Investing [10:27] - The Halo Strategy [12:13] - Discussion on Women and Minority-Owned Companies [16:53] - Differences in Questioning Between Male and Female Founders [18:45] - Equity Crowdfunding Explained [26:42] - Conclusion and Summary of Key Points Connect with Heather: Schedule a call with Heather Follow Heather on Instagram Website Watch Episodes on Youtube Heather’s TikTok ‍ The Elegant Warrior Podcast and content posted by Heather Hansen is presented solely for general informational, educational, and entertainment purposes. The use of information on this podcast or materials linked from this podcast or website is at the user’s own risk. It is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional, diagnosis, or treatment. Users should not disregard or delay in obtaining medical advice for any medical or mental health condition they may have and should seek the assistance of their healthcare professionals for any such conditions.
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    36 m