This is the definitive "START HERE" episode. If you are a new listener, absolutely start here. If you are not new but have not listened to this "first" episode prior to Feb. 2025, I have updated it and you just might learn something new, so I hope you will listen again.

Welcome to "The Leftover Pieces: Suicide Loss Conversations" podcast. My name is Melissa Bottorff-Arey, and I am both the creator and host of this podcast, which I launched in 2020 amid an unprecedented global pandemic that was both being shadowed by and working in tandem with an even more pervasive global crisis: suicide.

Today, I want to take a moment to share my story with you—a story that transformed my life in an instant & my response so far that has ultimately brought me here, to this space, talking to you. Knowing me a little is essential if you are to trust me enough to listen to me talk about possibly the worst thing you could ever be asked to carry in life. If you are to allow me into your sacred space of grief, you deserve to hear it.

This podcast exists because having persistent, consistent, and meaningful conversations about suicide, mental health, stigmas, trauma, and grief helps others feel seen and supported, and it is how we will bring about awareness and, ultimately, change. And because we need community - it is essential in this sacred work of grief.

So, for today, this is where I'll leave you. This episode shares who I am—and why I'm doing this. I'm so sorry you're with me, but I am honored to hold space for you. Thank you for being here—it truly means so much.

ON this podcast, we will continue to explore the questions that haunt us, seek the courage to uncover the healing tools within us and offer the comfort of a community we all need. Come along with me—-—because this is so very lonely, but we do not have to be alone. Together, let's choose to find meaning and even happiness amid the leftover pieces before us. Thank you for listening...Welcome.

You can find me, the online support & growth groups I lead, the retreats I host, the books I have written & all ways to connect with me at:

The Leftover Pieces WEBSITE

The Leftover Pieces Instagram

If you or someone you know is struggling PLEASE reach out & talk to someone
The National Suicide Lifeline is there for you

IN a crisis you can also TEXT
TEXT the word "HOME" to 741741 in the USA
in Canada TEXT 686868
in the UK TEXT 85258

And Grievers, I am always here. You can find me on Instagram at The Leftover Pieces

Support the show

My conversation with Bonnie Swade founder of SASS-MoKan, a suicide awareness survivor support group in the Kansas City area is packed full of information on the role of a support group, a support system, in a grievers life. Bonnie lost her 31 year old son Brett to suicide on December 20, 2003. The following year, she and her husband Mickey founded their own group. They do very important work in the KC metro area but are a model and inspiration for groups everywhere. SASS (Suicide Awareness Survivor Support) believes the public must be educated about suicide. I COMPLETELY AGREE !!

From her website:

We sincerely feel that "Suicide is everyone's business." With this in mind, SASS has five steps that we’re taking to make sure that "Suicide is everyone’s business." Those steps are: education, public awareness. networking with healthcare agencies, uniting survivors and providing information to area support groups.

Please check out SASS-MoKan


If you or someone you know is struggling PLEASE reach out & talk to someone
The National Suicide Lifeline is there for you

IN a crisis you can also TEXT:
TEXT the word "HOME" to 741741 in the USA
in Canada TEXT 686868
in the UK TEXT 85258

And Grievers, I am always here. You can find me on Instagram at The Leftover Pieces

Support the show

In this (first) Mini Solo "Down the Rabbit Hole" (DTRH) Episode I delve into the topic of Fear & Grief. I talk about how they overlap & interact as well as how I have (started) to deal with it in my (new) life alongside suicide loss … & grief!

You can find & connect with me at

The Leftover Pieces Instagram
or
The Leftover Pieces Podcast Webpage

Life after suicide loss is nothing short of a wasteland of the leftover pieces of your shattered heart, of your former self. Join Melissa, a mother who lost her 21 year old son Alex to suicide, as she has real conversations with other loss survivors, awareness advocates & mental health experts looking to explore the questions we all seek the answers to. Come along as we delve into areas such a trauma, hope, stigma & shame, learning to live with grief (not get over it), filling your coping toolbox with useful tools and finding (& learning to love) your new self … & more.

If you or someone you know is struggling PLEASE reach out & talk to someone
The National Suicide Lifeline is there for you

IN a crisis you can also TEXT--->
TEXT the word "HOME" to 741741 in the USA
in Canada TEXT 686868
in the UK TEXT 85258

And Grievers, I am always here. You can find me on Instagram at The Leftover Pieces

Support the show

This is a conversation is with Parker. We talk about losing his 21 year old brother to suicide at the age of 19 when he was just starting college, just starting his 'adult' life - a life he expected would always include his brother. I talk candidly to Parker who MY youngest child about (my other son) Alex's death by suicide in 2016 and how it has changed him, and also our family. He offers the unique perspective of a sibling and speaks to how his generations views and reacts to suicide.

This is a great book for siblings to start with
The Forgotten Mourners; Sibling Sibling Survivors of Suicide

If you or someone you know is struggling PLEASE reach out & talk to someone
The National Suicide Lifeline is there for you

IN a crisis you can also TEXT--->
TEXT the word "HOME" to 741741 in the USA
in Canada TEXT 686868
in the UK TEXT 85258

And Grievers, I am always here. You can find me on Instagram at The Leftover Pieces

Support the show

In this (second)) Mini Solo "Down the Rabbit Hole" (DTRH) Episode I delve into the topic of "THE HOLIDAYS".... I talk about how they were, and how they are now and how I have (started) to deal with it in my (new) life alongside suicide loss & grief.

You can find and connect with me at

The Leftover Pieces Instagram
or
The Leftover Pieces Podcast Webpage

Life after suicide loss is nothing short of a wasteland of the leftover pieces of your shattered heart, of your former self. Join Melissa, a mother who lost her 21 year old son Alex to suicide, as she has real conversations with other loss survivors, awareness advocates & mental health experts looking to explore the questions we all seek the answers to. Come along as we delve into areas such a trauma, hope, stigma & shame, learning to live with grief (not get over it), filling your coping toolbox with useful tools and finding (& learning to love) your new self … & more.

If you or someone you know is struggling PLEASE reach out & talk to someone
The National Suicide Lifeline is there for you

IN a crisis you can also TEXT--->
TEXT the word "HOME" to 741741 in the USA
in Canada TEXT 686868
in the UK TEXT 85258

And Grievers, I am always here. You can find me on Instagram at The Leftover Pieces

Support the show

In this conversation, I talk to Lindsey Doolittle, a suicide (police sergeant's) widow, a loss survivor, but also an advocate and an activist, an artist and an author. We discuss how her husband's police department shunned and shamed her, where she found hope, and how she is living with her loss while providing meaningful support to others now. There is a LOT to take away from this conversation!

In Lindsey's own words... "I choose not to sweep my husband’s suicide under the rug. I’ll never get over his death, but I can get through it..by speaking out and raising awareness."

Here are all of the websites and more we talked about during our conversation

Get her children's book "Goodnight Mr. Vincent Van Gogh" here on Amazon. (This book is also a part of the permanent collection at the Vincent Van Gogh library in Amsterdam! :)

Above The Rug Advocate, Activist, Suicide Loss Survivor (Lindsey's website including links to her social media, etc)

Blue H.E.L.P Honoring the Loss of Police Officers who have died by Suicide

Through This Together (Online Support) A Journey Through Grief Together

SASS-MoKan Suicide Awareness Survivor Support serving Kansas & Missouri

N.A.M.I National Alliance on Mental Illness

If you or someone you know is struggling PLEASE reach out & talk to someone
The National Suicide Lifeline is there for you

IN a crisis you can also TEXT--->
TEXT the word "HOME" to 741741 in the USA
in Canada TEXT 686868
in the UK TEXT 85258

And Grievers, I am always here. You can find me on Instagram at The Leftover Pieces

Support the show

The mini "Down the Rabbit Hole " Episode touches on the 'shoulds' & (possibly) 'shouldn'ts' of the first year(-ish) while you are in survival mode. I offer my own perspective & my advice based on my life, beliefs & experiences, but that's all it is … the ladies opinion. As with everything you hear on my podcasts, please take that which serves you & leave the rest. I hope you will find something of value & I am so sorry that you need to be here, but so honored you are here. Talk soon!

Here I link you straight to the AFSP "I've Lost Someone" page … feel free to explore the rest of the site AND be sure to look for the next Out of the Darkness Walk in your area. Start a team in honor of your loved one & attend. These are very powerful events & you will be so glad you went.

Here is a (somewhat) comprehensive list of books on Alliance of Hope's website:

Books for Survivors of Suicide Loss

I would add Your Grief, Your Way
AND (if you have children in your life) Goodnight Mr. Vincent Van Gogh


You can find & connect with me at:

The Leftover Pieces Instagram
or
The Leftover Pieces Podcast Webpage

Life after suicide loss is nothing short of a wasteland of the leftover pieces of your shattered heart, of your former self. Join Melissa, a mother who lost her 21 year old son Alex to suicide, as she has real conversations with other loss survivors, awareness advocates & mental health experts looking to explore the questions we all seek the answers to. Come along as we delve into areas such a trauma, hope, stigma & shame; all while learning to live with grief -not get over it. We hope you will your grief 'toolbox' with useful tools and finding,& learning to love, your new self … & more.

If you or someone you know is struggling PLEASE reach out & talk to someone
The National Suicide Lifeline is there for you

IN a crisis you can also TEXT
TEXT the word "HOME" to 741741 in the USA
in Canada TEXT 686868
in the UK TEXT 85258

And Grievers, I am always here. You can find me on Instagram at The Leftover Pieces

Support the show

In this wonderful conversation with Shelby Forsythia we discuss her new book "Your Grief, Your Way" which is a 366 day (non-religious) daily devotional that I personally think should be in the hands of every griever. We discuss that while her loss is not in the suicide loss space that some components of grief are universal and that filling our 'grievers toolbox' with tools from a variety of places may be necessary, even desired. Shelby is a grief guide, a podcast host & an author. This is an insightful, inspiring conversation.

You can find ALL THINGS SHELBY at her website, ShelbyForsythia.com where in here own words she " … helps brokenhearted grievers feel safe and whole again after devastating loss..."

Shelby is an intuitive Grief Guide offering one-on-one sessions as well as online Zoom groups and SO MUCH MORE!!! Click the link above to get yourself to her site and join me as a member of her 'Grief Growers Garden' where she reminds us "that even through grief, we are growing"

Even though they are on her page, here are separate links to take you straight to purchase "Your Grief, Your Way" and "Permission to Grieve" (you may need one for you & one to share of each... I speak from experience here!)

As always, you can find & connect with ME at:

The Leftover Pieces Instagram
or
The Leftover Pieces Podcast Webpage

Life after suicide loss is nothing short of a wasteland of the leftover pieces of your shattered heart, of your former self. Join Melissa, a mother who lost her 21 year old son Alex to suicide, as she has real conversations with other loss survivors, awareness advocates & mental health experts looking to explore the questions we all seek the answers to. Come along as we delve into areas such a trauma, hope, stigma & shame while learning to live with grief- not get over it. We hope that you will fill your grief 'toolbox' with useful tools and finding, & learning to love, your new self … & more.

If you or someone you know is struggling PLEASE reach out & talk to someone
The National Suicide Lifeline is there for you

IN a crisis you can also TEXT
TEXT the word "HOME" to 741741 in the USA
in Canada TEXT 686868
in the UK TEXT 85258

And Grievers, I am always here. You can find me on Instagram at The Leftover Pieces

Support the show