we discuss Pale Rider, and other stuffs in this episode.

Get our thoughts on this movie, starring Tom Cruise. A somewhat shorter episode, we think, maybe it'll be entertaining?

This week’s episode brings the usual chaos, coffee, and questionable sponsorships—featuring Uncle Barry’s Whisper Bacon, LintBuddy™, Captain Cluck’s Tactical Chicken Vest, and the mysterious new household hazard known only as ZorpWipes™.

We dive into a new Blind Item Review involving something squishy, suspiciously colorful, and emotionally supportive—unless you try to eat it. (We won’t spoil it here.)

Along the way, we uncover fun facts (like sharks being older than trees), share a wild tale about Andy’s judgmental squirrel, and tell a blind dating joke that probably won’t get us canceled… probably.

We revisit two '90s favorites: the nostalgic charm of The Sandlot and the weird, wired world of Videodrome.
Plus, we debate some tough Would You Rather questions, like rewinding life or pausing time—and whether you'd rather live in fiction or bring fiction to you.

Next Week: We roll on with more Fall Guy episodes and blast into retro space with The Last Starfighter.

🎙️ Podcast Summary: "Flashlights, Fartandles, and Found Families"

This week’s episode is powered by caffeine and chaos, courtesy of our sponsors: Blindside Beans—because if you can't see straight, at least you can sip straight—and Alan’s Fartandle, capturing the essence of regret in wax form. Oh, and don't forget Gersh’s Mullet in a Minute—for when life demands instant party mode—and Jesse’s Spite Water, hydrating your soul with delicious vengeance.

In our Blind Item Review, we investigated a compact, sleek companion that fits in your glove box and lights up your world with the push of a button. No, it’s not a pet ferret in LED pajamas... (Just don’t test it on your cat unless you want to awaken the ancient wrath of Whiskers.)

Fun Fact of the Week: Mitch once entered a hot dog eating contest thinking it was a seminar on “compressed meat economics.” He placed second, gave a TED Talk, and now holds an honorary degree in Sodium Resilience.

Blind Joke? Of course:

"I told my friend I had 20/20 vision. He said really? I said, '20 steps, 20 toes… and I bump into every one of them.'"

We deep-dived into The Old Guard (2020), a Netflix hit based on the graphic novel by Greg Rucka. We explore immortality, the weight of memory, and what it means to be a hero in a world that forgets. Fun trivia: it was the first superhero film directed by a Black woman—Gina Prince-Bythewood—and hit 72 million views in four weeks.

On the audiobook side, we checked in with Beware of Chicken 4 by Casual Farmer, narrated by the always-excellent Travis Baldree. Think cozy cultivation meets Ted Lasso—funny, warm, and sneakily profound. It’s a story where chickens might be more legendary than warriors.

For our Would You Rather segment, we went deep:

Would you give your life to heal others… or live pain-free and powerless to help?

And if you were immortal, would you keep fighting for good in a forgetful world… or finally rest?

And finally, in honor of strange victories, we discussed the Great Emu War of 1932, when Australia declared war.

🎬 Next Week's Watch List:

The Fall Guy (1981) – A stuntman-turned-bounty hunter who punches bad guys and physics in equal measure.

Videodrome (1983) – David Cronenberg’s twisted dive into media, flesh, and the horror of VHS brainwaves.

So hydrate with Spite Water, and remember:

Whether it’s business in the front or chaos in the back—this show’s got you covered.

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Show Sounds:background:

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Voices:

Jesse and Richard

any other voices, unless otherwise noted, are from www.Elevenlabs.io

"Eyes Unnecessary, Laughter Guaranteed!" on each and every episode!

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Music provided by Sharod

This week on The Unseeing Critics, things get wild, weird, and wonderfully electric.

Richard and Jesse dive into the Blind Item Review with an item that’s smooth, sleek, and suspiciously life-changing—one reviewer’s spouse thought they were cheating. (Spoiler alert: it’s just a really good lint remover… or is it?)

Alan is back in another Fun Fact, this time hiring “Flamboyant One” Rooster Cockburn to guest-announce the highly anticipated match between Jesse and Gersh. Expect feathers, drama, and flair.

The Blind Joke of the week features a chihuahua, a confused bartender, and a surprisingly cheap upgrade to economy class.

We also review Netflix’s Carry On, starring Taron Egerton and Jason Bateman. It’s a high-stakes holiday thriller with TSA blackmail, moral tension, and explosive performances—filmed right in the heart of New Orleans on a $47 million budget. Critics loved it, and so did we… mostly.

Plus, a couple of TSA-flavored Would You Rather questions that might break your brain:

Would you smuggle something dangerous to save a loved one?

Or risk their life by doing the “right” thing?

Yeah… it’s that kind of episode.

🎧 Tune in now—just don’t let your guide dog press the button.

In this episode, Jesse dives deep into Full Throttle, a chilling collection of 12 horror short stories that'll keep your nightlights on, while Richard rolls solo through the quirky pages of Shrubley, the Monster Adventurer, a LitRPG where monsters chase dreams and loopholes.

They tackle a Blind Item Review that’s apparently saved relationships (spoiler: it involves hygiene and possibly your butt), and face off with some “Would You Rather” questions that hit like existential gut punches.

The crew also breaks down Hanky Panky (2023), a no-budget horror comedy featuring Seth Green as a possessed, evil top hat (yes, really)—filmed by a crew who literally moved into a cabin to get it done.

Plus:

• A Fun Fact about Lynus Yates’ failed attempt to microwave a Hot Pocket using only his stare (RIP to that microwave’s career).

• A Blind Movie Guess that left Jesse wondering if Hollywood is just a dare factory now.

• And Richard may or may not try to convince the world Shrubley is LitRPG literature at its mossy best.

This week, Richard and Jesse dive headfirst into the chaos, comedy, and controlled explosions of life, entertainment, and weirdness:

• Richard's Recap includes a breakdown of Reacher Season 3, Episodes 1–7 (spoiler alert: it’s still not safe to pick a fight in a diner), a plug for Discount Dan by James Hunter (LitRPG gold with coupons), and a look into The Studio, where things get unexpectedly deep.

• Jesse gets nostalgic and totally radical with a love letter to the 1990 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. Cowabunga, indeed.

• Together, they unpack Apple TV+’s The Gorge, where romance meets sniper duty meets monster madness. Was it good? Was it gorge-ous? You decide.

• Next Week’s Assignment: The fellas will be reviewing the horror-comedy Hanky Panky (2023) — featuring a possessed handkerchief and a villainous top hat. Yes, seriously.

🧠 Would You Rather?This week’s "Would You Rather" segment went off the rails in the best way possible:

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