Kids Humor

Who needs a ladder when you've got a giraffe with an extended neck? The Ladderless Window-Cleaning Company certainly doesn't. They don’t need a pail, either, because they have a pelican with a bucket-sized beak. With a monkey to do the washing and Billy as their manager, this business is destined for success. Now they have their big break—a chance to clean all 677 windows of the Hampshire House, owned by the richest man in all of England! That’s exciting enough, but along the way there are surprises and adventures beyond their wildest window-washing dreams.

The problem with books on how to raise kids is that all those other authors have PhDs, MDs, or kids. Luckily this author has none of those limiting factors. Instead, you get hilarious advice based on observations and assumptions with zero evidence. It’s advice that will help you be the best parent you can be whether you have a real job, a fancy job, or a trust fund. Learn the secrets to: Picking a Favorite Winning Kindergarten How to Hide from the Kids Sharing Aggressive Driving for Teens ...and much more terrible advice

Children will listen along swimmingly to Dr. Seuss's absurd and endearing fish.

Valdez Jones VIII calls himself Wrecker because his great-great-great-great-great-grandfather salvaged shipwrecks for a living. So is it destiny, irony, or just bad luck when Wrecker comes across a speedboat that has run hard aground on a sand flat? The men in the boat don't want Wrecker to call for help—in fact, they'll pay him to forget he ever saw them. Wrecker would be happy to forget, but he keeps seeing these men all over Key West—at the marina, even in the cemetery. And now they want more than his silence—they want a lookout.

The last kids may have escaped the forbidden fortress by the skin of their teeth, but there isn't much to celebrate. Thrull has what he needs to complete the Tower, Rezzoch will most certainly come to Earth, and the world as they know it will cease to exist. Except Jack's Cosmic Hand is now even more powerful than he realized, and it might just be able to stop the inevitable from happening. To get the answers he seeks, he'll need to travel farther than he's ever been. He must go...to the monster dimension!

Book 1: THE PARTY INVITATION! Middle school was supposed to be simple: survive classes, avoid humiliation, and maybe not trip over your own feet. But for eleven-year-old Avery, it’s more like a reality show called Surviving Middle School: Awkward Edition. With her besties Claire and Ellie dishing out constant warnings about her life choices, Avery is just trying to dodge gym class disasters, keep her locker shut, and avoid the cafeteria pizza (which might be alive). Then, the unthinkable happens—she gets invited to the birthday party. Not just any party, but Mackenzie Harper’s, the ...

Poor Dick and Sally. It's cold and wet and they're stuck in the house with nothing to do...until a giant cat in a hat shows up, transforming the dull day into a madcap adventure and almost wrecking the place in the process!

Every morning, Judy measures Stink, and it's always the same: 3 feet, 8 inches tall. Stink feels like even the class newt is growing faster than he is. Then one day, the ruler reads 3 feet, 7 and 3/4 inches! Can it be? Is Stink shrinking? Stink tries everything to look like he's growing, but wearing up-and-down stripes and spiking his hair don't seem to be fooling anybody into thinking he's taller.

After their masters are vaporized in a goblin battle gone bad, Fart, Pan, and Moxie - three lowly apprentices - decide to impersonate their mentors and pick up the mantle as heroes of the realm. But they need more than a fancy robe, magic staff, and book of magical beasts to be real heroes. They need a quest! So when The Great and Powerful Kevin puts out a call for help, seeking the coveted Golden Llama and its magical golden fart, young Fart and his friends jump at the chance and embark on a journey they were destined for.

In a quiet neighborhood where pizza deliveries are as normal as forgotten homework, twelve-year-old Max Murdock discovers something no kid ever expects—a mysterious, glowing pizza box that follows him home. But this is no ordinary takeout. Inside the box lies a swirling portal to a vast and wildly unpredictable universe made entirely of living toppings, sauce-powered machines, and crust-based civilizations. Joined by his hilarious best friend Logan, a fearless classmate named GraceMarie, and the cryptic clues left by a banished flavor genius, Max is recruited into Za & Beyond—an ancient...

Nate knows he's meant for big things. REALLY big things. But things don't always go your way just because you're awesome. Nate barely survives his dad's toxic oatmeal before rushing off to school - minus his lunch. He body slams the no-nonsense principal. He accidentally insults his least favorite teacher, the horrifying Mrs. Godfrey (aka Godzilla). And school has barely started!

Twelve year old Jake's middle school is about to be shut down—unless Jake and his friends can figure out how to save it. When Jake spies a bowl of jellybeans at the hotel where his mom works, he eats them. But those weren't just jellybeans. One of the scientists at his mom's conference is developing the world's first ingestible information pills. And that's what Jake ate.

Mrs. Jeepers is taking her class to a science museum. But when they stumble onto a secret lab, it looks like the real science is going on behind the scenes! The curator, Dr. Victor, has a helper named Frank. Frank is tall, scarred, and likes to spend time in the greenhouse with his flowers—just like the creature in the book Liza just read. But Frank couldn't really be Frankenstein's monster, could he?

The fifth Big Nate novel in the New York Times best-selling series by Lincoln Peirce, all about king of detention and cartooning genius Nate Wright! Everyone knows N-A-T-E does not equal N-E-A-T! And when Nate’s sloppiness gets out of hand, his best friend, Francis, is in serious trouble.

It all started when my sister, Thea, discovered an old, mysterious map. In no time at all, my sister dragged me and my cousin Trap into her treasure hunt. It was an adventure I'd never forget.

The North Wind and the Sun ******************************* " One day in late spring with the sun shining strong She announced to the North Wind, “You do not belong!” “It’s time you must leave, so things can get hot.” But the North Wind said simply, “Oh, no, I will not.” ********** About Aesop’s Fables ****** Who was Aesop, and why are his fables famous all over the world? In fact, very little is known about this mysterious Ancient Greek figure. He is thought to have been a slave originally from Africa, but even that isn’t known for certain. But his stories, with their ...

In this fifth book in the Magykal series, Septimus ends up on a captivatingly beautiful island, one of seven set in a sparkling sea. He's stranded there with his badly injured dragon, Spit Fyre, along with Jenna and Beetle. There are some strange things about the island, including a Magykal girl named Syrah, a cat-shaped lighthouse that has lost its Light, and an eerie presence that sings to Septimus - can he escape the persistent call?

Leer este título de forma gratuita con tu suscripción ilimitado Kindle. * * * * * * * * “Uno” se despertó sintiéndose triste un día, Sabía que no era especial y que nada valía. Sus amigos, los números grandes, tenían trabajo, Menos “Cero” porque él estaba aún más abajo.

Winter break is over, and it’s another five months until summer vacation. A.J. and his friends aren’t looking forward to school starting back up, but they’re even less excited when Dr. Carbles, president of the Board of Education, cancels ALL school holidays. No Presidents' Day, no Memorial Day, and forget about any snow days! Morale is down, but Mrs. Roopy, the librarian, has a trick up her sleeve. Instead of celebrating traditional holidays, the school will celebrate real holidays that no one has ever heard of!

The Bailey School soccer team hasn't had a lot of success, but their new coach seems like the woman to help whip them into shape. Coach Graves is a little rough around the edges, but she's good at what she does. That is until a strange old lady turns up at one of their practices. After that, Coach Graves has a vacant look in her eyes, mumbles and groans in response to the kids, and moves like she's back from the dead.