
Bitch Is the New Black
A Memoir
Failed to add items
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
$0.99/mo for the first 3 months

Buy for $19.79
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
-
Narrated by:
-
Karen Murray
-
By:
-
Helena Andrews
About this listen
Meet Helena Andrews, sassy, single, smart, and, yes, a bitch—but Tina Fey said it best, bitch is the new black!
When Helena Andrews heard this declaration on Saturday Night Live, her first reaction was How daaare you? But after a commercial break and some thought, she decided to poke at the stereotype that says "successful" and "bitch" are synonyms. Unafraid and frank, she comes to realize that being a bitch is sometimes the best way to be—except, of course, when it's not.
Bitch Is the New Black follows Andrews—sexy, single, and a self-described smart-ass—on her trip from kidnapped daughter of a lesbian to Washington, D.C., political reporter who can't remember a single senator's name. Told in Andrews's singular voice, this addictive memoir explores the roller coaster of being educated and single while trying to become an "actual adult" and find love.
In these candid yet heartfelt essays, she chronicles that ride from beginning to end: a childhood spent on an all-white island, escaping via episodes of The Cosby Show; being set up with Obama's "body guy", Reggie Love, by Maureen Dowd; and the shocking suicide of a best friend. Through it all, Andrews and her gang of girlfriends urge each other to "keep it moving". But no one can stay strong all the time—not even the women we believe do so without trying.
As Andrews says, "Despite the fact that the most recognizable woman in the United States is black, popular culture still hasn't moved past the only adjective apparently meant to describe us— "strong". She is also flawed, tired, naive, greedy, gutsy, frightened, and kind: secret sides that come out in honest detail here.
©2010 Helena Andrews (P)2010 HarperCollins PublishersListeners also enjoyed...
-
The Mamas
- What I Learned About Kids, Class, and Race from Moms Not Like Me
- By: Helena Andrews-Dyer
- Narrated by: Helena Andrews-Dyer
- Length: 8 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Helena Andrews-Dyer lives in a “hot” Washington, D.C., neighborhood, which means picturesque row houses and plenty of gentrification. After having her first child, she joined the local mom group—“the Mamas”—and quickly realized that being one of the only Black mothers in the mix was a mixed bag. But spending time in what she calls “the Polly Pocket world of postracial parenting” was a welcome reprieve. Then George Floyd happened. A man was murdered, a man who called out for his mama. And suddenly, the Mamas hit different.
-
-
All Black mama in Predominantly White Neighborhood can relate
- By Amazon Customer on 09-21-22
-
The Light We Carry
- Overcoming in Uncertain Times
- By: Michelle Obama
- Narrated by: Michelle Obama
- Length: 9 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
There may be no tidy solutions or pithy answers to life’s big challenges, but Michelle Obama believes that we can all locate and lean on a set of tools to help us better navigate change and remain steady within flux. In The Light We Carry, she opens a frank and honest dialogue with listeners, considering the questions many of us wrestle with: How do we build enduring and honest relationships? How can we discover strength and community inside our differences? What tools do we use to address feelings of self-doubt or helplessness? What do we do when it all starts to feel like too much?
-
-
Very Disappointing—Too Ego-filled
- By Patricia Webb on 11-29-22
By: Michelle Obama
-
Becoming
- By: Michelle Obama
- Narrated by: Michelle Obama
- Length: 19 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In her memoir, a work of deep reflection and mesmerizing storytelling, Michelle Obama invites listeners into her world, chronicling the experiences that have shaped her - from her childhood on the South Side of Chicago to her years as an executive balancing the demands of motherhood and work to her time spent at the world's most famous address. With unerring honesty and lively wit, she describes her triumphs and her disappointments, both public and private, telling her full story as she has lived it - in her own words and on her own terms.
-
-
Didn't know what I was getting into
- By Kenneth Woodward on 12-05-18
By: Michelle Obama
-
The House of Eve
- By: Sadeqa Johnson
- Narrated by: Ariel Blake, Nicole Lewis, Sadeqa Johnson
- Length: 10 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
1950s Philadelphia: fifteen-year-old Ruby Pearsall is on track to becoming the first in her family to attend college. But a taboo love affair threatens to pull her back down into the poverty and desperation that has been passed on to her like a birthright. Eleanor Quarles arrives in Washington, DC, with ambition and secrets. When she meets the handsome William Pride at Howard University, they fall madly in love. But William hails from one of DC’s elite wealthy Black families, and his parents don’t let just anyone into their fold.
-
-
This could've been good...
- By Speedreader on 10-13-23
By: Sadeqa Johnson
-
Black Cake
- A Novel
- By: Charmaine Wilkerson
- Narrated by: Lynnette R. Freeman, Simone Mcintyre
- Length: 12 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In present-day California, Eleanor Bennett’s death leaves behind a puzzling inheritance for her two children, Byron and Benny: a black cake, made from a family recipe with a long history, and a voice recording. In her message, Eleanor shares a tumultuous story about a headstrong young swimmer who escapes her island home under suspicion of murder. The heartbreaking tale Eleanor unfolds, the secrets she still holds back, and the mystery of a long-lost child challenge everything the siblings thought they knew about their lineage and themselves.
-
-
Wonderful Listen
- By Regina on 02-04-22
-
The Other Black Girl
- A Novel
- By: Zakiya Dalila Harris
- Narrated by: Aja Naomi King, Joniece Abbott-Pratt, Heather Alicia Simms, and others
- Length: 13 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Twenty-six-year-old editorial assistant Nella Rogers is tired of being the only Black employee at Wagner Books. Fed up with the isolation and microaggressions, she’s thrilled when Harlem-born and bred Hazel starts working in the cubicle beside hers. They’ve only just started comparing natural hair care regimens, though, when a string of uncomfortable events elevates Hazel to Office Darling, and Nella is left in the dust.
-
-
Provocative
- By TDub on 06-05-21
-
The Mamas
- What I Learned About Kids, Class, and Race from Moms Not Like Me
- By: Helena Andrews-Dyer
- Narrated by: Helena Andrews-Dyer
- Length: 8 hrs and 4 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Helena Andrews-Dyer lives in a “hot” Washington, D.C., neighborhood, which means picturesque row houses and plenty of gentrification. After having her first child, she joined the local mom group—“the Mamas”—and quickly realized that being one of the only Black mothers in the mix was a mixed bag. But spending time in what she calls “the Polly Pocket world of postracial parenting” was a welcome reprieve. Then George Floyd happened. A man was murdered, a man who called out for his mama. And suddenly, the Mamas hit different.
-
-
All Black mama in Predominantly White Neighborhood can relate
- By Amazon Customer on 09-21-22
-
The Light We Carry
- Overcoming in Uncertain Times
- By: Michelle Obama
- Narrated by: Michelle Obama
- Length: 9 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
There may be no tidy solutions or pithy answers to life’s big challenges, but Michelle Obama believes that we can all locate and lean on a set of tools to help us better navigate change and remain steady within flux. In The Light We Carry, she opens a frank and honest dialogue with listeners, considering the questions many of us wrestle with: How do we build enduring and honest relationships? How can we discover strength and community inside our differences? What tools do we use to address feelings of self-doubt or helplessness? What do we do when it all starts to feel like too much?
-
-
Very Disappointing—Too Ego-filled
- By Patricia Webb on 11-29-22
By: Michelle Obama
-
Becoming
- By: Michelle Obama
- Narrated by: Michelle Obama
- Length: 19 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In her memoir, a work of deep reflection and mesmerizing storytelling, Michelle Obama invites listeners into her world, chronicling the experiences that have shaped her - from her childhood on the South Side of Chicago to her years as an executive balancing the demands of motherhood and work to her time spent at the world's most famous address. With unerring honesty and lively wit, she describes her triumphs and her disappointments, both public and private, telling her full story as she has lived it - in her own words and on her own terms.
-
-
Didn't know what I was getting into
- By Kenneth Woodward on 12-05-18
By: Michelle Obama
-
The House of Eve
- By: Sadeqa Johnson
- Narrated by: Ariel Blake, Nicole Lewis, Sadeqa Johnson
- Length: 10 hrs and 37 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
1950s Philadelphia: fifteen-year-old Ruby Pearsall is on track to becoming the first in her family to attend college. But a taboo love affair threatens to pull her back down into the poverty and desperation that has been passed on to her like a birthright. Eleanor Quarles arrives in Washington, DC, with ambition and secrets. When she meets the handsome William Pride at Howard University, they fall madly in love. But William hails from one of DC’s elite wealthy Black families, and his parents don’t let just anyone into their fold.
-
-
This could've been good...
- By Speedreader on 10-13-23
By: Sadeqa Johnson
-
Black Cake
- A Novel
- By: Charmaine Wilkerson
- Narrated by: Lynnette R. Freeman, Simone Mcintyre
- Length: 12 hrs and 2 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In present-day California, Eleanor Bennett’s death leaves behind a puzzling inheritance for her two children, Byron and Benny: a black cake, made from a family recipe with a long history, and a voice recording. In her message, Eleanor shares a tumultuous story about a headstrong young swimmer who escapes her island home under suspicion of murder. The heartbreaking tale Eleanor unfolds, the secrets she still holds back, and the mystery of a long-lost child challenge everything the siblings thought they knew about their lineage and themselves.
-
-
Wonderful Listen
- By Regina on 02-04-22
-
The Other Black Girl
- A Novel
- By: Zakiya Dalila Harris
- Narrated by: Aja Naomi King, Joniece Abbott-Pratt, Heather Alicia Simms, and others
- Length: 13 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Twenty-six-year-old editorial assistant Nella Rogers is tired of being the only Black employee at Wagner Books. Fed up with the isolation and microaggressions, she’s thrilled when Harlem-born and bred Hazel starts working in the cubicle beside hers. They’ve only just started comparing natural hair care regimens, though, when a string of uncomfortable events elevates Hazel to Office Darling, and Nella is left in the dust.
-
-
Provocative
- By TDub on 06-05-21
-
We're Going to Need More Wine
- Stories That Are Funny, Complicated, and True
- By: Gabrielle Union
- Narrated by: Gabrielle Union
- Length: 7 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In this moving collection of thought-provoking essays infused with her unique wisdom and deep humor, Union tells astonishingly personal and true stories about power, color, gender, feminism, and fame. Union tackles a range of experiences, including bullying, beauty standards and competition between women in Hollywood, growing up in white California suburbia and then spending summers with her Black relatives in Nebraska, coping with crushes, puberty, and the divorce of her parents.
-
-
👏🏾👏🏾 thank you. Thank You. THANK YOU!! #BRAVO
- By Kenneisha T. on 11-22-17
By: Gabrielle Union
-
Gone Girl
- A Novel
- By: Gillian Flynn
- Narrated by: Julia Whelan, Kirby Heyborne
- Length: 19 hrs and 57 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
On a warm summer morning in North Carthage, Missouri, it is Nick and Amy Dunne’s fifth wedding anniversary. Presents are being wrapped and reservations are being made when Nick’s clever and beautiful wife disappears. Husband-of-the-Year Nick isn’t doing himself any favors with cringe-worthy daydreams about the slope and shape of his wife’s head, but passages from Amy's diary reveal the alpha-girl perfectionist could have put anyone dangerously on edge.
-
-
Demented, twisted, sick and I loved it!
- By Theodore on 01-20-13
By: Gillian Flynn
-
The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo
- By: Amy Schumer
- Narrated by: Amy Schumer
- Length: 8 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo, Amy mines her past for stories about her teenage years, her family, relationships, and sex and shares the experiences that have shaped who she is - a woman with the courage to bare her soul to stand up for what she believes in, all while making us laugh. Down to earth and relatable, frank and unapologetic, Amy Schumer is one of us: She relies on her sister for advice, still hangs out with her high school pals, and continues to navigate the ever-changing boundaries in love, work, and life.
-
-
mind numbing
- By katrina on 09-17-16
By: Amy Schumer
-
Scrappy Little Nobody
- By: Anna Kendrick
- Narrated by: Anna Kendrick
- Length: 6 hrs
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Anna Kendrick's autobiographical collection of essays amusingly recounts memorable moments throughout her life, from her middle-class upbringing in New England to the blockbuster movies that have made her one of Hollywood's most popular actresses today. Expanding upon the witty and ironic dispatches for which she is known, Anna Kendrick's essays offer her one-of-a-kind commentary on the absurdities she's experienced on her way to and from the heart of pop culture.
-
-
Anna Kendrick: Scrappy Little... Revelation
- By Andrew on 01-17-17
By: Anna Kendrick
-
Are You There, Vodka? It's Me, Chelsea
- By: Chelsea Handler
- Narrated by: Chelsea Handler
- Length: 6 hrs and 13 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In this wickedly honest new work, Chelsea Handler casts the net wider with even funnier results, recalling the most noteworthy highs and lows of her life to date - including her efforts to diversify by dating red-haired men, her obsession with midgets, and the dog-sitting interlude in which her boyfriend became overly familiar with a Peekapoo.
-
-
Just Plain FUNNYYYY!!!!!!!!!
- By Theodore on 04-27-12
By: Chelsea Handler
-
I Almost Forgot About You
- A Novel
- By: Terry McMillan
- Narrated by: Terry McMillan
- Length: 11 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In I Almost Forgot About You, Dr. Georgia Young's wonderful life--great friends, family, and successful career--aren't enough to keep her from feeling stuck and restless. When she decides to make some major changes in her life, including quitting her job as an optometrist and moving house, she finds herself on a wild journey that may or may not include a second chance at love. Georgia’s bravery reminds us that it’s never too late to become the person you want to be, and that taking chances, with your life and your heart, are always worthwhile.
-
-
I Almost Forgot About You
- By Brown Sugar Carolyn on 06-11-16
By: Terry McMillan
-
I Like You Just the Way I Am
- Stories About Me and Some Other People
- By: Jenny Mollen
- Narrated by: Jenny Mollen
- Length: 7 hrs
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Jenny Mollen is an actress and writer living in Los Angeles. She is also a wife, married to a famous guy (which is annoying only because he gets free shit and she doesn't). She doesn't want much from life. Just to be loved - by everybody: her parents, her dogs, her ex-boyfriends, her ex-boyfriends' dogs, her husband, her husband's ex-girlfriends, her husband's ex-girlfriend's new boyfriends, etc.
-
-
Hmm...Why am I listening to a bio of Jenny Mollen?
- By Elisabeth W. on 09-16-15
By: Jenny Mollen
-
We Are Water
- A Novel
- By: Wally Lamb
- Narrated by: Wally Lamb, George Guidall, Maggi-Meg Reed, and others
- Length: 23 hrs and 11 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
After 27 years of marriage and three children, Anna Oh - wife, mother, outsider artist - has fallen in love with Viveca, the wealthy Manhattan art dealer who orchestrated her success. They plan to wed in the Oh family’s hometown of Three Rivers in Connecticut. But the wedding provokes some very mixed reactions and opens a Pandora’s Box of toxic secrets - dark and painful truths that have festered below the surface of the Ohs' lives.
-
-
Lamb writes Fine Literature/What a Book!
- By Suzn F on 10-27-13
By: Wally Lamb
-
This Is How You Lose Her
- By: Junot Díaz
- Narrated by: Junot Díaz
- Length: 5 hrs and 14 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The stories in This Is How You Lose Her, by turns hilarious and devastating, raucous and tender, lay bare the infinite longing and inevitable weaknesses of our all-too-human hearts. They capture the heat of new passion, the recklessness with which we betray what we most treasure, and the torture we go through - "the begging, the crawling over glass, the crying" - to try to mend what we've broken beyond repair. They recall the echoes that intimacy leaves behind, even where we thought we did not care.
-
-
Yes, he lost her. So deservedly.
- By McSue on 10-16-12
By: Junot Díaz
-
Miss Fortune
- Fresh Perspectives on Having It All from Someone Who Is Not Okay
- By: Lauren Weedman
- Narrated by: Lauren Weedman
- Length: 8 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Lauren Weedman is not okay. She's living what should be the good life in sunny Los Angeles. After a gig as a correspondent with The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, she scored parts in blockbuster movies, which led to memorable recurring roles on HBO's Hung and Looking. She had a loving husband and an adorable baby boy. In these comedic essays, she turns a piercingly observant, darkly funny lens on the ways her life is actually not okay.
-
-
Good
- By Ajules29 on 04-02-16
By: Lauren Weedman
-
Sorry Not Sorry
- Dreams, Mistakes, and Growing Up
- By: Naya Rivera
- Narrated by: Naya Rivera
- Length: 5 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Navigating through youth and young adulthood isn't easy, and in Sorry Not Sorry, Naya Rivera shows us that we're not alone in the highs, lows, and in-betweens. Whether it's with love and dating, career and ambition, friends, or gossip, Naya inspires us to follow our own destiny and step over - or plod through - all the crap along the way.
-
-
what a waste of a credit
- By Lacey on 11-18-16
By: Naya Rivera
-
I Hate Everyone, Except You
- By: Clinton Kelly
- Narrated by: Clinton Kelly
- Length: 4 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Clinton Kelly is probably best known for teaching women how to make their butts look smaller. But in I Hate Everyone, Except You, he reveals some heretofore unknown secrets about himself, like that he's a finicky connoisseur of 1980s pornography, a disillusioned critic of New Jersey's premier water parks, and perhaps the world's least enthused high school commencement speaker.
-
-
Filthy language overshadowed stories
- By Doris on 04-29-17
By: Clinton Kelly
Critic reviews
What listeners say about Bitch Is the New Black
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Daidria
- 09-01-18
Sooo insightful!!!
Opened my eyes to many things. It was so raw and shockingly relatable Great book !
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
-
Overall
- Tech
- 12-11-10
A very good story
It is not exactly what I expected. The book is a great collection of various stories. I am halfway through it and cannot wait to get to the next chapter. If you want a good laugh and cry get this book.
Something went wrong. Please try again in a few minutes.
You voted on this review!
You reported this review!
1 person found this helpful