If This Then That
Stories of Unintended Consequences
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Narrated by:
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Barney Goodall
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Leo Goodall
About this listen
Millennial snowflakes clash with baby boomers in this collection of stories.
Nineteen tales of human connection and disconnection that collide and subvert the half-crazed romantic contemporary, the not-so-distant rosy past, our dodgy-looking, promised cyberpunk utopia, and our post-apocalyptic dystopian future. Provocative, wistful, melancholic, nightmarish, darkly funny, and satirical, these episodes must surely play out logically. Or not.
How far will these characters go for love, understanding, or survival? To Sainsbury’s, the Caribbean, Tibet, up a ladder, under Biotech’s robotic knives, or even to the brink of sanity?
A pack of reluctant, hopeful, lone wolves - one builds a cabin, one a bike, and another joins a teen gang. The refugee, the bereaved, the gaslighted child, and the helpful neighbor all wander. The quixotic therapy addict just fibs like hell. And the porn voyeurs? The "always-on" algorithm. Search engine media junkies? Well, they do what they do right now.
Welcome to the curious world of If This Then That.
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Story
Two little girls stand with their heads bowed in my living room. I’m told they’re my granddaughters. Daisy is nine, and Alice seven. Daisy is the spitting image of her mother. This is the first time I’ve met them since my daughter and I fell out after she married that waste of space, Vince. They’ve come to live with me because their mother — my daughter — was murdered. In her own home while they slept close by. I think Vince killed her. But the police can’t prove it. I’ve always known he was no good. He treated my daughter like dirt. I said he’d cheat on her — but she wouldn’t listen.
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It was “ok”
- By Amanda Brown on 12-13-24
By: Jane E. James
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A Christmas Carol
- By: Charles Dickens
- Narrated by: Hugh Grant
- Length: 2 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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First published in 1843, it tells the story of Ebenezer Scrooge, a mean and unpleasant man who dislikes people generally and Christmas especially. One Christmas Eve he is visited by the ghost of his former business partner Jacob Marley and the spirits of Christmas Past, Present and Yet to Come and given a glimpse of the many homes and lives which Scrooge has touched in his wretched life to date. After their visits, Scrooge is transformed into a kinder, gentler man.
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Christmas Classic Given New Life
- By E-Hank3 on 12-26-20
By: Charles Dickens
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A Christmas Carol: A Signature Performance by Tim Curry
- By: Charles Dickens
- Narrated by: Tim Curry
- Length: 3 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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A Signature Performance: Tim Curry rescues Charles Dickens from the jaws of Disney with his one-of-a-kind performance of the treasured classic. Our listeners loved this version so much that it inspired our whole line of Signature Classics.
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Wonderful!!!
- By Alia on 12-11-09
By: Charles Dickens
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Mr. and Mrs. Christmas
- By: Michelle Stimpson
- Narrated by: Marcella Cox, Ian Hackney
- Length: 7 hrs and 28 mins
- Original Recording
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There's no place like home for the holidays ... especially for Lesley Carver. Life in the big city just wasn't her jam and now she's back in Hickory Falls, working at the family diner and helping her mom after she took a tumble. Lesley longs to build a life here, working at the cafe, selling her handmade ornaments and ... er, apparently reviving her high school crush on her best friend’s older brother. Only one problem, her mom wants her to leave Hickory Falls far behind.
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Loved the book!
- By Amazon Customer on 11-15-24
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Holiday Hideaway
- A Short Story
- By: Mary Kay Andrews
- Narrated by: Eva Kaminsky
- Length: 1 hr and 59 mins
- Unabridged
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Tilly Farriday isn’t feeling very jolly this season. Recently divorced and broke, she’s squatting in one of her rental agency’s properties until her new home is ready. The sprinkles on top of the burnt Christmas cookie that is her life? The new owner shows up early, forcing Tilly to hide in the attic to save her job…and what remains of her dignity.
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I ain’t afraid of no ghosts
- By 🔥 Phx17 🔥 on 10-31-24
By: Mary Kay Andrews
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George Orwell’s 1984
- An Audible Original adaptation
- By: George Orwell, Joe White - adaptation
- Narrated by: Andrew Garfield, Cynthia Erivo, Andrew Scott, and others
- Length: 3 hrs and 27 mins
- Original Recording
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It’s 1984, and life has changed beyond recognition. Airstrip One, formerly known as Great Britain, is a place where Big Brother is always watching, and nobody can hide. Except, perhaps, for Winston Smith. Whilst working at the Ministry of Truth, rewriting history, he secretly dreams of freedom. And in a world where love and sex are forbidden, where it’s hard to distinguish between friend and foe, he meets Julia and O’Brien and vows to rebel.
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A Revelation!
- By wotsallthisthen on 04-07-24
By: George Orwell, and others
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The Plight Before Christmas
- By: Kate Stewart
- Narrated by: Joe Arden, Maxine Mitchell
- Length: 10 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
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Clark Griswold was onto something...at least with his annual holiday meltdown. And since the last three weeks of my life have been riddled with humbug—another breakup, a broken toe, an office promotion I deserved and didn’t get—I’m not at all in the mood to celebrate nor have the happ, happ, happiest Christmas EVER.
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Gaslighting and games
- By FMC on 12-22-22
By: Kate Stewart
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Mary Jane
- By: Amy Herzog
- Narrated by: Rachel McAdams, April Matthis, Brenda Wehle, and others
- Length: 1 hr and 16 mins
- Original Recording
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Academy Award nominee Rachel McAdams stars in Mary Jane, a poignant and intimate drama following a single mother’s journey caring for her chronically ill young son. Set in New York City, the play unfolds in two parts—Mary Jane's small Queens apartment and a pediatric hospital. With unflinching honesty and unexpected humor, we witness Mary Jane's tireless devotion, her interactions with medical professionals, and her struggle to maintain her sense of self.
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The storyline
- By Shanesha Duncan on 12-20-24
By: Amy Herzog
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He's Gone
- By: Rebecca Collomosse
- Narrated by: Victoria Blunt, Cicely Whitehead, Joe Eyre
- Length: 10 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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My fiancé brought me tea and scrambled eggs in bed that morning, and we snuggled together, talking about buying our rings, and about our perfect wedding next year. Then we headed into town. He held my hand and gazed at the ring I liked best, a smile spreading slowly over his face. Then a glass of bubbly to celebrate. I felt flushed, excited and ready for the rest of my life with the man I loved. We race to get on the train home. It screams to a halt and I run towards its open doors. Made it. I think he’s right behind me — but when I turn around, he’s gone.
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Disappointing plot
- By TerriSweeta on 12-04-24
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Dead Med
- By: Freida McFadden
- Narrated by: Patricia Santomasso, Scott Merriman
- Length: 10 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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When Heather McKinley dreamed of becoming a doctor, she imagined curing sick kids and sporting pink stethoscopes. She never anticipated the sleepless nights, grueling exams, and endless labs. And she certainly never knew that her medical school earned the nickname Dead Med thanks to the tragic history of students overdosing on illegal drugs. But Heather would never consider doing anything like that. That is, until her longtime boyfriend dumps her, she finds herself failing anatomy, and her world starts to crumble.
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Hmm
- By Morgan Meaux on 08-22-24
By: Freida McFadden