Parenting Beyond Power
How to Use Connection and Collaboration to Transform Your Family -- and the World
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Narrated by:
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Jen Lumanlan MS MEd
About this listen
Parenting is hard. But when we replace conventional parent-child power dynamics with collaboration, family life gets easier today—and we create a better world for all of us in the future.
When we see our children stalling, resisting, having tantrums, using mean words, and hitting, we want to just make it stop. But conventional discipline methods like time-outs, countdowns, and “consequences” teach children that it’s OK for more powerful people to control others—a lesson they take out into the world. This is how we learned White supremacy, patriarchy, and capitalism from our parents—and we will replicate this with our children unless we make a different choice.
Research-based parenting educator Jen Lumanlan offers a simple yet revolutionary framework for rethinking our relationships with children. This new approach helps us to look beneath challenging behaviors to find and meet children’s needs, and ours too—perhaps for the first time in our lives. It involves empathetic listening, understanding feelings and underlying needs, and problem-solving with our children to find solutions to conflicts that work for everyone.
Family life becomes radically easier in the short term because behavior problems tend to melt away. In the long term, we’ll raise children who confidently advocate for themselves and treat others with profound respect.
Includes sample scripts, flowcharts, and resources to help parents learn and implement this new approach.
* This audiobook edition includes a downloadable PDF of charts and resources from the book.
©2023 Jen Lumanlan (P)2023 Random House AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“I’m in love with this book! It illuminates the forces that make parenting so difficult, and helps us develop better relationships with our kids—and ourselves.” —Hunter Clarke-Fields, MSAE, author of Raising Good Humans
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By cutting out the noise and providing a clear and proven plan, this road map helps even brand-new entrepreneurs make decisions quickly, get their product up for sale, and launch it to a crowd that is ready and waiting to buy. This one-year plan will guide you through the three stages to your first $1 million: the Grind (months 0-4), the Growth (months 5-8), and the Gold (months 9-12). If your goal is to be a full-time entrepreneur, get ready for one chaotic, stressful, and rewarding year. If you have the guts to complete it, you will be the proud owner of a million-dollar business.
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Good, but a Little Misleading
- By Chris Love on 11-28-20
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The Daily Stoic
- 366 Meditations on Wisdom, Perseverance, and the Art of Living
- By: Ryan Holiday, Stephen Hanselman
- Narrated by: Brian Holsopple
- Length: 10 hrs and 6 mins
- Unabridged
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Why have history's greatest minds - from George Washington to Frederick the Great to Ralph Waldo Emerson along with today's top performers, from Super Bowl-winning football coaches to CEOs and celebrities - embraced the wisdom of the ancient Stoics? Because they realize that the most valuable wisdom is timeless and that philosophy is for living a better life, not a classroom exercise. The Daily Stoic offers a daily devotional of Stoic insights and exercises, featuring all-new translations.
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Not well made as audio
- By Andreas on 12-27-16
By: Ryan Holiday, and others
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The 6 Habits of Growth
- By: Brendon Burchard
- Narrated by: Brendon Burchard
- Length: 5 hrs and 4 mins
- Original Recording
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The world’s leading high-performance coach and multiple New York Times best-selling author Brendon Burchard delivers the six habits of personal growth that will help you create the life of your dreams. Forged from Brendon Burchard’s personal experiences, data from his GrowthDay app, and his many years as a high-performance coach, The 6 Habits of Growth presents the tools you need to construct the life of your dreams.
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Don’t bother
- By B. Sharpe on 10-30-22
By: Brendon Burchard
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21 Days to Believe in Yourself
- By: Michelle Poler
- Narrated by: Michelle Poler
- Length: 1 hr and 31 mins
- Original Recording
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21 Days to Believe In Yourself creates a space for people to take a look inside and, little by little, dare to bring what they find to the surface. By asking the right questions, the audience will get in touch with their most authentic selves and from a place of self-acceptance, fully own who they really are.
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Incredibly uplifting short story, giving comfort to try and feeling safe while doing it.
- By Kindle Customer on 12-26-24
By: Michelle Poler
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Take Control of Your Life
- How to Silence Fear and Win the Mental Game
- By: Mel Robbins
- Narrated by: Mel Robbins
- Length: 10 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Mel Robbins is back! The international bestselling phenomenon and creator of The Five Second Rule and Kick Ass with Mel Robbins returns to help you tackle the single biggest obstacle you face: fear. This life-changing Audible Original features a powerful mix of one-on-one life-coaching sessions and a personal narrative with vital take-aways that you can start using immediately.
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Stop living in fear
- By Nike7 on 02-08-19
By: Mel Robbins
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Maybe You Should Talk to Someone
- A Therapist, HER Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed
- By: Lori Gottlieb
- Narrated by: Brittany Pressley
- Length: 14 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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One day, Lori Gottlieb is a therapist who helps patients in her Los Angeles practice. The next, a crisis causes her world to come crashing down. Enter Wendell, the quirky but seasoned therapist in whose office she suddenly lands. With his balding head, cardigan, and khakis, he seems to have come straight from Therapist Central Casting. Yet he will turn out to be anything but.
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It was like a hallmark movie being waterboarded into my ears for 15 hours
- By Amazon Customer on 10-01-19
By: Lori Gottlieb
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Deep Sleep Hypnosis: Fall Asleep Instantly and Sleep Well
- By: Jasmine Harris
- Narrated by: Allison Mason
- Length: 2 hrs and 48 mins
- Unabridged
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A lack of quality sleep can hinder your alertness and quality of life while awake, as anyone with sleeping issues already knows. Suffering through sleepless nights does not have to be your reality. Instead you can fall asleep fast and get quality sleep tonight and every night. Hypnosis has been used for centuries to cure many ailments, including the inability to get better sleep. You can help yourself improve the quality of your life with hypnotherapy.
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put me right to sleep
- By Cassandra on 05-08-17
By: Jasmine Harris
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How to Train Your Mind
- Exploring the Productivity Benefits of Meditation
- By: Chris Bailey
- Narrated by: Chris Bailey
- Length: 3 hrs and 18 mins
- Original Recording
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Meditation makes you more productive because it lets you earn back time. For each minute you spend meditating, you'll earn around nine minutes back, as Chris Bailey - author of The Productivity Project and Hyperfocus - will show in this candid and counter-intuitive guide to the productivity benefits of meditation.
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Started Listening By Accident
- By T.D.Willis on 01-17-21
By: Chris Bailey
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Natural Rapid Weight Loss, Lose Weight Faster with Hypnosis, Meditation, and Affirmations
- The Sleep Learning System
- By: Joel Thielke
- Narrated by: Joel Thielke
- Length: 2 hrs and 47 mins
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Naturally lose weight fast and get the body you've been wanting. Stop old habits in their tracks, shed pounds now, and feel amazing. Rapid weight loss is yours today with this powerful guided meditation program from the Sleep Learning System and world-renowned hypnotherapist Joel Thielke.
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My new favorite hypnosis audio!
- By Penny on 04-03-16
By: Joel Thielke
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Models
- Attract Women Through Honesty
- By: Mark Manson
- Narrated by: Austin Rising
- Length: 7 hrs and 52 mins
- Unabridged
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Models is the first book ever written on seduction as an emotional process rather than a logical one, a process of connecting with women rather than impressing them. It's the most mature and honest guide on how a man can attract women without faking behavior, without lying and without emulating others. A game-changer.
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The content is great but the reader is awful
- By Mark Speener on 06-24-14
By: Mark Manson
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How to Say It: Words That Make a Difference
- By: Allison Friederichs Atkison, The Great Courses
- Narrated by: Allison Friederichs Atkison
- Length: 4 hrs and 44 mins
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Words. We use them all the time, every day, mostly without giving them much thought at all. We take for granted that they’re here at our disposal whenever we need them. But if you’ve ever wished you could communicate more effectively, words are the place to start. It’s incumbent upon you to choose the best words to accomplish your goals, because how you choose to communicate influences—well, everything! The power of communication shapes our professional goals, our relationships, and our lives—so the words we choose to use carry a great deal of power.
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Meh. Glad I didn't pay for it.
- By Paula on 07-23-22
By: Allison Friederichs Atkison, and others
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I Can't Make This Up
- Life Lessons
- By: Neil Strauss - contributor, Kevin Hart
- Narrated by: Kevin Hart
- Length: 11 hrs and 15 mins
- Unabridged
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Superstar comedian and Hollywood box-office star Kevin Hart turns his immense talent to the written word by writing some words. Some of those words include: the, a, for, above, and even even. Put them together and you have the funniest, most heartfelt, and most inspirational memoir on survival, success, and the importance of believing in yourself since Old Yeller.
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Best Audiobook I Ever Listened To
- By Sam Clear on 07-13-17
By: Neil Strauss - contributor, and others
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How to Be a 3% Man
- By: Corey Wayne
- Narrated by: Corey Wayne
- Length: 7 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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My book covers both the dating world and long-term relationships. You will learn how to meet and date the type of women you've always dreamed of. The best part is you can do this while remaining who you truly are inside. The book teaches you how to create sexual attraction in women and get women to chase and pursue you! It takes you step by step with easy-to-follow instructions. You will be able to meet women anytime, anyplace, and anywhere. This will give you choice with women.
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3% MAN
- By Anonymous User on 07-07-17
By: Corey Wayne
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Atomic Attraction: The Psychology of Attraction
- By: Christopher Canwell
- Narrated by: Christopher Canwell, Jackson Parker
- Length: 7 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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In Atomic Attraction Christopher Canwell takes us on a journey through the dark waters of attraction. What turns women on? What makes them choose one man over another? And how can you become truly desirable and attractive? This book answers these questions by combining the latest scientific research with real-life case studies to show you, the listener, how to ignite the fires of attraction and captivate those around you.
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Disappointing.
- By Rose Conley on 01-19-20
What listeners say about Parenting Beyond Power
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- MDekko
- 05-04-24
An aproach that meets everyone's needs in resolving conflicts.
I like the idea of observing and analyzing the needs and feelings of all parties involved in a conflict and then try to meet EVERYONE's needs rather than negociate, compromise and sacrifice, which are the instinctual tools I've been taught to think of in high stress situations. The latter only leads to bitterness and resentment and only fixes the conflict in the moment but not long term. I also like that the Problem Solving aproach can be adjusted to an individual's unique needs and family and it's not just a script to memorize, even though I badly need scripts. It challenges me to think for myself, It's like a puzzle I can resolve. It helps me to now aproach a conflict with curiosity rather than needing to avoid it because of hurt feelings. The book is so much more, I agree with all the ideas on how current patriarchal and capitalistic societies are promoting more bullying and bigotism and the change in society starts with how we parent. Are our needs really rooted in our values or are we just copying what we've learnt as kids and seen others do without really reflecting on it?
I wish the book spent more time describing the examples given. I understood the situations because I was familiar with the stories from listening to the podcast, but if I were only to read the book without the podcast, I don't think the examples come across that well. Just my impression.
Overall, a revolutionary book. I recommend 😁
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- Mike Collins-Dowden
- 10-25-23
Transform the world through better parenting
Jen does a great job of not only teaching respectful strategies for collaborating with children to meet everyone's needs, but also showing how embracing these strategies can lead to change in the broader world. Highly recommend to anyone looking for an alternative to "because I said so" parenting!
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- Kindle Customer
- 02-16-24
Practical ways to parent in line with your values
I've read a lot of parenting books, some with overlapping ideas to this one, but Parenting Beyond Power is the most succinct, useful, and insightful of them all. The author does an excellent job of reading for the recording as well.
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- Dee T
- 09-27-23
A fantastic non-behavioralist, social justice parenting book
Parenting Beyond Power is awesome! If you are looking for ways to ‘be the change you want to see in the world’ and ‘treat others the way you would like to be treated’ here is an great parenting manual for finding ways to do just that, starting in your home.
The audiobook brings together the key elements of NVC, collaborative problem solving, unconditional parenting and social justice parenting in a beautifully presented, easy to understand way.
I recommend this audiobook to every parent, it truly has something to offer everyone. If you wish to parent differently to how you were parented, this book will help you tread your own path. If you were parented in a respectful way that aligns with your values this book will provide insight into why it can STILL be hard to let go of 'power over' parenting in times of stress. If you currently parent in an authoritarian way this book provides solid research based reasons to consider the alternatives. Even if you read this book and find it is not for you, it will certainly provide food for thought.
I found the content that spoke directly to healing damaging patriarchal, capitalist and racist systems (insidious in W.E.I.R.D. societies) super beneficial. I will refer back to this book whenever I perceive a potential disconnect between my parenting and my values.
I can’t wait for a book number 2!
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- Gooeld
- 09-27-23
Practical, useful, and truly helpful tools for parenting and life
I believe that my parents did the best job that they could with the information and resources they had when it came to raising me. There are some things that I wish had been done differently, though…When I had children of my own I started to see myself following a familiar path, though - one that started with an idea that I knew best and if my children didn’t do the things that I wanted them to do, that it was my job to push them to do those things. It has been an exhausting, somewhat demoralizing, and often ineffective way to parent.
Through reading Ms. Lumanlan’s book (and listening to a fair number of her podcast episodes), I’ve become much more aware of the power dynamic that I have been exploiting with the forceful pushing of my ideas, and how this dynamic was passed on to me and much of the rest of the country and Western world for generations. If we want to see our country and world become a better place for our children to live in, things need to change.
This book helps one to learn and practice a new way of interacting with each other - one that respects all voices, and seeks to teach collaboration and mutual understanding as a foundation to learning and living. She makes very compelling (and well-researched) arguments for how this can help one parent more effectively, and how being raised with this method of parenting can help our children live well, and if we’re lucky, make a better world for everyone at the same time.
I wish I had discovered all of this information at the outset of my parenting journey. Changes are really hard to make once repeated behaviors have worn “ruts” into one’s parenting strategies, but they are so worthwhile, in so many ways. Every time I redirect myself from an “I know what’s best, just do what I told you!” reflex and take the time to practice collaborating with my children I see the fruits of the labor.
It’s going to take a lot of time and practice to make all of the changes that I would like to see in my parenting style, but I have so many more tools in the toolbox after reading this book.
Thank you Jen!
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- Jeff H.
- 01-23-24
Improve your family life and contribute towards a better world with this practical guide
For those who imagine and desire a more equitable world for their children, there couldn’t be a more effective first step than raising a human that will treat others and the earth with respect. I love how this book outlines simple and effective steps that make a parent and child’s life a little easier and a whole lot more meaningful. Thanks Jen!
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