
Validation
How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life
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Narrated by:
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Caroline Fleck PhD
About this listen
"Warning: this book will make you a better parent, partner, colleague, and friend." —Adam Grant, New York Times bestselling author of Hidden Potential
Unlock the secret to true and lasting change.
We all spend a lot of energy trying to get people to listen to us, and despite our best efforts, we often fail. But what if the secret to influencing others was to demonstrate acceptance?
Enter validation—communication where one accepts and sees the validity in another person’s experience. Research on validation shows that it has profound effects, from improving relationships and de-escalating conflicts to increasing one’s influence and self-compassion. In this groundbreaking book, clinical psychologist Caroline Fleck explores how validation’s unique ability to demonstrate acceptance while fostering change makes it one of psychotherapy’s best-kept secrets. More importantly, she takes us step-by-step through eight skills we can use to communicate validation and experience its power firsthand.
Full of captivating stories, laugh-out-loud moments, and actionable takeaways, Validation reveals how the science of seeing and being seen is the key to inner and interpersonal transformation.
* This audiobook edition includes a downloadable PDF featuring visuals from the book.
PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
©2025 Caroline Fleck (P)2025 Penguin AudioListeners also enjoyed...
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Critic reviews
“As an engineer, I appreciate when complex human dynamics can be broken down into practical, actionable steps. Dr. Fleck has done exactly that with validation—a skill that, when mastered, becomes nothing short of a superpower. It’s like gaining access to a cheat code for human interaction—one that actually works. Whether you’ve got more of an engineering mindset that appreciates clear frameworks or are simply looking to improve your relationships, Validation delivers results while keeping you thoroughly entertained along the way.”—Mark Rober, founder of CrunchLabs
“Dr. Caroline Fleck reminds us that being present, listening, suspending judgment, and really hearing someone is the greatest gift we can give or receive. There is such magic in validation, and Dr. Fleck shines a light on something that can enliven our sense of possibility and self.”—Dr. Ramani Durvasula, New York Times bestselling author of It’s Not You
“Profound, important, compassionate, Validation took my breath away. I can’t remember the last time I read a book as beautifully crafted and immediately useful. Author Caroline Fleck shares research-backed wisdom that can help you transform the most important relationships in your life—at work and at home.”—Amy C. Edmondson, Novartis Professor of Leadership, Harvard Business School, and author of Right Kind of Wrong
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Many of us comply much more than we realize. How many times have you wanted to object, disagree, or opt out of something but ended up swallowing your words, shaking your head, and just going along? Analyzing cases ranging from corporate corruption and sexual abuse to everyday acquiescence at work, the doctor’s office, and in our personal lives, award-winning organizational psychologist Dr. Sunita Sah delves deep into why the pressure to comply is a corrosive and often invisible force in our society.
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Defiance as a learned skill
- By Amazon Customer on 04-14-25
By: Dr. Sunita Sah
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Make Work Fair
- Data-Driven Design for Real Results
- By: Iris Bohnet, Siri Chilazi
- Narrated by: Laurel Lefkow
- Length: 12 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
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To make organizations more fair, many well-meaning individuals and companies invest their time and resources in diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) initiatives. But because inequity is built into the structures, processes, and environments of our workplaces, adding these programs has been ineffective and often becomes a burden passed off to the individuals they are meant to help. In Make Work Fair, behavioral scientist and author of What Works Iris Bohnet and gender expert Siri Chilazi offer data-backed, actionable solutions that build fairness into the very fabric of the workplace.
By: Iris Bohnet, and others
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Outraged
- Why We Fight About Morality and Politics and How to Find Common Ground
- By: Kurt Gray
- Narrated by: David Marantz
- Length: 13 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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It’s easy to assume that liberals and conservatives have radically different moral foundations. In Outraged, Kurt Gray showcases the latest science to demonstrate that we all have the same moral mind—that everyone’s moral judgments stem from feeling threatened or vulnerable to harm, and provides a captivating new explanation for our moral outrage, and unpacks how to best bridge divides. If you want to understand the morals of the “other side,” ask yourself a simple question—what harms do they see?
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Great book. Horrible narrator.
- By Sara Stall-Ryan on 02-22-25
By: Kurt Gray
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Reset
- How to Change What's Not Working
- By: Dan Heath
- Narrated by: Dan Heath
- Length: 6 hrs and 35 mins
- Unabridged
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In Reset, Heath explores a framework for getting unstuck and making the changes that matter. The secret is to find “leverage points”: places where a little bit of effort can yield a disproportionate return. Then, we can thoughtfully rearrange our resources to push on those points.
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Accompanying PDF has chapter summaries
- By JOHN B SHRADER on 02-07-25
By: Dan Heath
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Tiny Experiments
- How to Live Freely in a Goal-Obsessed World
- By: Anne-Laure Le Cunff
- Narrated by: Anne-Laure Le Cunff
- Length: 6 hrs and 25 mins
- Unabridged
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Life isn’t linear, and yet we try to mold it around linear goals: four-year college degrees, ten-year career plans, thirty-year mortgages. What if instead we approached life as a giant playground for experimentation? Based on ancestral philosophy and the latest scientific research, Tiny Experiments provides a desperately needed reframing: Uncertainty can be a state of expanded possibility and a space for metamorphosis. Neuroscientist and entrepreneur Anne-Laure Le Cunff reveals that all you need is an experimental mindset to turn challenges into self-discovery and doubt into opportunity.
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A Refreshing Take on Growth and Creativity!
- By Naya on 03-05-25
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The Social Paradox
- Autonomy, Connection, and Why We Need Both to Find Happiness
- By: William von Hippel
- Narrated by: Josh Bloomberg
- Length: 8 hrs and 36 mins
- Unabridged
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Why do people who have so much—leading comfortable lives filled with unprecedented freedom, choice, and abundance—often feel so unhappy and unfulfilled? This phenomenon is a defining paradox of our time and one we endlessly seek to solve. In The Social Paradox, psychologist William von Hippel argues that we need to think about this problem in a new way. By changing our perspective, we might finally see the solution, bringing us greater happiness and more satisfying relationships. The key is to understand the interplay between our two most basic psychological needs—for connection and autonomy.
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Excellent perspective
- By jewelia on 04-09-25
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The Narrowing
- A Journey Through Anxiety and the Body
- By: Alexandra Shaker PhD
- Narrated by: Alexandra Shaker PhD
- Length: 7 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
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Most of us are intimately familiar with anxiety, and with its increasing hold on our minds, our hopes and plans, and our bodies. But how well do we really understand it, and what can we do to transform it into something new—into resilience, or courage, or creativity? In this extraordinary book, Dr. Alexandra Shaker, a clinical psychologist, takes us on a journey through the body—from brain to blood to heart to guts—to examine the connections between our emotional, psychological, and physical lives.
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The Power of Empathy and Emotional Validation
- From Conflict to Connection: Your Path to Meaningful Relationships
- By: Daniel Brooks
- Narrated by: Virtual Voice
- Length: 3 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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Do you ever feel like your relationships are missing something, and you're not sure what that something is? Do you crave deeper connections but don't know how to get there? You're not alone. Discover the transformative power of empathy and emotional validation in this comprehensive guide by Daniel Brooks, an experienced counselor and communication expert. This practical toolkit provides hands-on solutions to common relationship challenges like: Endless miscommunications and arguments Feeling unheard and misunderstood Emotional distance and lack of intimacy Digitally distracted partners ...
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Nothing New
- By Darrell on 10-09-24
By: Daniel Brooks
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Healing Your Aloneness
- Finding Love and Wholeness Through Your Inner Child
- By: Erika J. Chopich PhD, Margaret Paul PhD
- Narrated by: Erika J. Chopich PhD, Margaret Paul PhD
- Length: 8 hrs and 27 mins
- Unabridged
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Erika Chopich and Margaret Paul show how anyone can reconnect with his or her Inner Child—your feeling self—to short-circuit self-destructive patterns, resolve fears and conflicts, and build satisfying relationships. "Healing Your Aloneness”, a life-changing book, outlines the profound self-healing Inner Bonding® process that can be used every day to restore a nurturing balance between the loving Adult and the loved Inner Child.
By: Erika J. Chopich PhD, and others
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How to Validate People
- Listen and Hear Better to Form Deep Connections Fast (Master Your Communication and Social Skills)
- By: Ian Tuhovsky
- Narrated by: Randy Streu
- Length: 2 hrs and 21 mins
- Unabridged
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If you want relations that bring joy, fulfilment, and peace into your life. Then you’re looking at the right book. Most people have a hard time nurturing long-term, meaningful relationships. You’re exposed to new people daily at work, at the gym, or even at the supermarket. Despite this, less than one in ten interactions end up flourishing into a friendship.
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Very little how to. Misleading title
- By Amazon Customer on 01-10-24
By: Ian Tuhovsky
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Gentle
- Rest More, Stress Less, and Live the Life You Actually Want
- By: Courtney Carver
- Narrated by: Courtney Carver
- Length: 8 hrs and 29 mins
- Unabridged
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Being Gentle is about being grounded in self-compassion and a fierce commitment to less—becoming the Gentle You isn’t about taking the easy road. Organized into three parts—Rest, Less, and Rise—Courtney Carver's Gentle provides simple challenges and practices that will help listeners radically and gently shift their pace, headspace, and heart. Becoming the Gentle You is a practice of real self-care that, over time, will soothe your nervous system and strengthen your relationships.
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Kind thoughts
- By AliceR on 03-23-25
By: Courtney Carver
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Mind Your Body
- A Revolutionary Program to Release Chronic Pain and Anxiety
- By: Nicole J. Sachs LCSW, John Stracks MD - foreword
- Narrated by: Nicole J. Sachs LCSW, John Stracks MD
- Length: 9 hrs and 31 mins
- Unabridged
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At a time when chronic pain and other conditions have reached epidemic proportions, and the medical model is coming up short for so many, Mind Your Body shares the evidence-based practices that can help deliver listeners from hopelessness to freedom. Psychotherapist and leading mind-body clinician Nicole Sachs teaches listeners about mind-body medicine—which helped her overcome her own debilitating pain and dark prognosis—and how to turn inward using her revolutionary JournalSpeak practice.
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This knowledge saved my life - do not dismiss this!!
- By Meredith Nutrition on 02-05-25
By: Nicole J. Sachs LCSW, and others
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Chatter
- The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It
- By: Ethan Kross
- Narrated by: Ethan Kross
- Length: 5 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
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Tell a stranger that you talk to yourself, and you’re likely to get written off as eccentric. But the truth is that we all have a voice in our head. When we talk to ourselves, we often hope to tap into our inner coach but find our inner critic instead. When we’re facing a tough task, our inner coach can buoy us up: Focus - you can do this. But, just as often, our inner critic sinks us entirely: I’m going to fail. They’ll all laugh at me. What’s the use?
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Chatter is Great
- By Mark on 02-13-21
By: Ethan Kross
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Win the Inside Game
- How to Move from Surviving to Thriving, and Free Yourself Up to Perform
- By: Steve Magness
- Narrated by: Mike Chamberlain
- Length: 9 hrs and 33 mins
- Unabridged
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Striving is in our nature. We all want to perform at our best when it matters most. But in today's world, many of us feel lost, isolated, and overwhelmed. We're paralyzed by fear of failure and crippled by insecurities. We know we’re capable of more, yet no matter how hard we try, we feel stuck. We’ve been sold the wrong path to success and personal fulfillment. Renowned performance scientist and bestselling author Steve Magness reveals a new path to sustainable success.
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winning!
- By ashley Masen on 04-19-25
By: Steve Magness
What listeners say about Validation
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Amazon Customer
- 03-06-25
Validation for this book
Dr. Fleck has written a very relevant and helpful book about the importance of validation in all of our lives. Insight regarding ways to validate others and ourselves is communicated in a very helpful &’personal manner. This is a must-read book for anyone who wants to improve relationships with themselves and others
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- Cindi C.
- 04-10-25
Great book. So informational and interesting.
The author was able to relate to her reader. The reader is able to relate to the writer. This book provides information that we don't really think about and ways to use the information. It's a must read.
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- Jenny P
- 02-25-25
Authentic - relatable
Really appreciate Dr.Fleck to share her personal story, trials and her journey into her research and lifework. This helps me to connect with what she’s teaching and sharing. Her sense of humor and realness are great to make this easy to listen and learn from
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- Kevin Leahy
- 03-10-25
The solution for this thwarted problem-solver
I LOVE solving problems. It's my favorite thing to do.
Unfortunately, my excellent problem solving skills seemed to be making communication and relationship issues worse.
This book gave a concrete foundation on how validation and how it is the missing ingredient that we all need to feel accepted.
It was amazing to see the tension release from a partner when I switched from problem solving a predicament to validating her experience.
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- Mark A. Tomski, M.D.
- 02-25-25
A work of LOVE
Whilst I am not a behaviorist, Dr. Fleck offers a most practical guide for the general audience and professional alike. Highly recommended!
For almost 50 years, I always ask my patients in any encounter - “How can I help you?” and after reading this book; I will follow up by asking myself if the ask is— are my patients asking for validation or problem solving. The text is both useful and heartfelt.
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- online shopper
- 02-22-25
Funny and relevant
Caroline Fleck is funny, humble, open, and realistic. I listened intently, and I think I should get the printed version so I can take notes and make sure this all really sinks in. I dated someone who tried to tell me a little about validation, but I didn’t really get it. So now that I understand how important it is and how bad I am at it, I wish I’d had this book years ago. I come from a long line of people who were never really validated, so I grew up focused on problem-solving, and found CBT useful, and only recently realized how much my habits of offering “support”, and worse, advice, could come off as invalidating. Dr. Fleck does a great job of illustrating what to do, and what not to do. My only (minor) quibble is the phrasing “you must feel ___”. Someone told me they didn’t like being told how they “must” feel, so I prefer to use the question phrasing, i.e. “Are you feeling ___?” Anyway, I enjoyed this book and Dr. Fleck’s reading, it’s truly a gift to the world. My heart goes out to her and her family as she’s coping with MS and breast cancer.
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- David Caulk
- 03-19-25
A Must read
What a profound idea and gift to those unfamiliar with emotional validation, including to those who experience neurodiversity personally or with family.
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- J. Burge
- 04-11-25
A must read for all humans
Conceptually, Validation is as simple and straightforward as The Golden Rule, and just as rare and elusive when you examine it, much less attempt to put it into practice. Which is to say it’s impossibly difficult for us to define or execute without a great deal of mindfulness and dedication given to evading our own judgements, fears, solipsism, and even proclivities to turn on ourselves, to then approach others (and ourselves) with a mindset that can lead to better outcomes than we’re likely used to. Dr. Fleck has written a book that makes that journey seem not only possible, but exciting to explore and maybe even fun!
The lack of Validation in our lives is one of the most modern problems we humans face, and Dr. Fleck approaches it with keen perception, exhaustive research, humor, vulnerability, and most importantly for we non-PhDs…relatability. This is a book for everyone, or anyone who is willing to explore how by embracing Validation skills you can improve every relationship in your life, increase your influence with others, and experience even the steepest challenges as opportunities for growth.
Filled with entertaining and sometimes heart-breaking anecdotes, Dr. Fleck illustrates how her methodologies, which anyone can engage, can give us tools to approach the conflicts and frustrations that can define our lives and make us feel alone, and instead improve both our perspectives and actions as well as those we’re closest to. Whether these conflicts happen at work, at study, with family, or in our intimate relationships, she provides logical and emotionally grounded approaches and practice exercises to make Validation part of your life and philosophy.
I’ve already recommended this book to others, and will certainly read it again. You’ll want to read more from this author after experiencing with her the complicated road she’s traveled to bring us this wisdom, and you’ll be inspired to take the first step.
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