You Will Not Recognize Your Life
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Narrated by:
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Micaela Blei
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By:
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Micaela Blei
About this listen
Can you really conjure the life of your dreams? And what if you say the wrong spell?
It’s 2006. After a string of rejections from men who tell her they could never, ever, ever see her “that way,” awkward third-grade teacher Micaela Blei signs up for a mysterious course called “The Divine Feminine,” and feels like she might have found the key to the perfect life.
Turns out if you’re an A student, you can get an A in anything–including men. Pretty soon she’s learning to "conjure" her desires with vision boards, flirtations, and even a daring jumbotron viewing party for her, ahem ... "divine center." But the more Micaela aces her assignments, and watches her most unlikely dreams come true, the more she wonders: Is her perfect new life the real thing, or is there a hidden cost to getting everything she thought she wanted?
Women have put themselves through a lot of f*cked up situations to feel valued and lovable. This is a sharply funny, often painfully relatable true story featuring the great tropes of early 2000s romantic comedies: self-discovery, dating disasters, epic makeover montages, and finding love where you never thought to look.
Praise for Micaela’s storytelling:
"Ms. Blei’s story was magical and riveting ... in the end, you really wanted her to be your teacher." (Lara O’Brien, MV Times)
“Micaela is a storytelling wizard. She transforms the stuff of everyday life into profound stories that move people–and make them laugh.” (Tyler Wetherall, author of No Way Home: A Memoir of Life on the Run and Amphibian)
“Micaela Blei's storytelling is fresh, hilarious, and surprisingly moving.” (Sarah Moore, Theatre Is Easy)
©2024 Micaela Blei (P)2024 Audible Originals, LLC.About the Creator & Performer
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Story
Toys and games have long been a part of childhood, but the 20th century saw the rise of an entire industry devoted to the business of play, one that would constantly evolve over the years. In the six lectures of The History of Toys, 1900 to the Present, consultant and toy industry expert Chris Byrne—also known as The Toy Guy®—will take you on a journey through the world of toys from the Edwardian era to our current moment. Beginning with the birth of the mass-market toy industry, you’ll trace the many transformations of toys and our shifting theories of play and childhood development.
By: Chris Byrne, and others
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San Miguel Kidnappings
- By: Erick Galindo, Roger Vela
- Narrated by: Karla Souza
- Length: 4 hrs and 50 mins
- Original Recording
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The close knit community in San Miguel de Allende Mexico was plagued by a string of sophisticated kidnappings for nearly a decade. When the police finally made an arrest the townspeople were shocked by who was accused of masterminding the criminal enterprise. It's everyone's favorite neighbor and a pillar of the community, Ramon Guerra. Except Ramon isn't who he says he is.
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Insightful
- By Tara on 12-11-24
By: Erick Galindo, and others
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Shelved
- By: Emrys Maxwell, Tom Maxwell
- Narrated by: Emrys Maxwell, Tom Maxwell
- Length: 7 hrs and 2 mins
- Original Recording
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SHELVED explores the history and drama behind albums that were deemed too controversial, too far from the beaten path, or too ahead of their time for public consumption. Through interviews with musicians, producers, record executives, and journalists, as well as archival audio, key music and personal storytelling, each episode examines the “shelved” album’s place in musical history, and the spectacles behind each missed or nearly missed release.
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For Real Music Lovers & Music Heads
- By Kait Walsh on 12-11-24
By: Emrys Maxwell, and others
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A Mickey Mouse Christmas Collection Story: The Prince and the Pauper
- By: Disney Books
- Narrated by: Disney Publishing Worldwide
- Length: 13 mins
- Unabridged
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Mickey and friends star in this adaptation of Mark Twain’s The Prince and the Pauper. During a chance encounter, a prince discovers he looks just like someone else—a poor and hungry subject named Mickey. When the prince asks Mickey to switch places with him for the day, each learns what it is like to walk in the other’s shoes.
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Mickey stood out the most
- By Benjie Hainar on 12-24-24
By: Disney Books
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The King of the Peso
- A Father’s Legacy of Crime and Corruption
- By: Louise Abbou
- Narrated by: Harvey Guillén, Peter Stormare, Teresa Ruiz
- Length: 4 hrs and 10 mins
- Original Recording
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Picho, voiced by the sagacious Harvey Guillén, serves as our guide through the intricate tapestry of frauds woven by his intimidating con man of a father, Pietro La Greca, played with captivating charm by the one and only Peter Stormare. Pietro, our suave protagonist, moves from one con to another, finally running Mexico’s biggest money-laundering scheme during the worst economic period in the country’s history.
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A Spectacular immersive powder keg of a podcast
- By Leopoldo Gout on 11-29-24
By: Louise Abbou
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Mary Jane
- By: Amy Herzog
- Narrated by: Rachel McAdams, April Matthis, Brenda Wehle, and others
- Length: 1 hr and 16 mins
- Original Recording
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Academy Award nominee Rachel McAdams stars in Mary Jane, a poignant and intimate drama following a single mother’s journey caring for her chronically ill young son. Set in New York City, the play unfolds in two parts—Mary Jane's small Queens apartment and a pediatric hospital. With unflinching honesty and unexpected humor, we witness Mary Jane's tireless devotion, her interactions with medical professionals, and her struggle to maintain her sense of self.
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The storyline
- By Shanesha Duncan on 12-20-24
By: Amy Herzog
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Meditation for Aries
- By: Jessica Lanyadoo, Audible Sleep
- Narrated by: Jessica Lanyadoo
- Length: 34 mins
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This meditation is designed to complement the sign of Aries. Aries is the first zodiac sign, and it rules over the head and face. When Aries energies are activated in your life, especially when you are striving to assert yourself and achieve things, you may find that you hold tension in your face, head, and jaws. This meditation will help you to gently release the tensions you've been holding in your body so that you can return to your day feeling relaxed and unencumbered.
By: Jessica Lanyadoo, and others
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The Thinking Thread
- Mastering Everyday Decisions with the Power of Chain-of-Thought
- By: Barrett Williams, ChatGPT ChatGPT
- Narrated by: Virtual Voice
- Length: 6 hrs and 3 mins
- Unabridged
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Unlock the secret to impactful decision-making with "The Thinking Thread," a transformative guide that takes you on a captivating journey through the art of chain-of-thought reasoning. Dive into the depths of cognitive processing and discover how the brain intricately connects ideas, paving the way for more informed choices in every aspect of life. Begin your expedition with an insightful introduction to chain-of-thought reasoning, where you will explore the psychology behind thought sequencing and its significance in everyday decision-making. From enhancing personal relationships to ...
By: Barrett Williams, and others
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The Signal
- By: Eric Buchman, Gabriel Urbina, Sarah Shachat
- Narrated by: Paget Brewster, full cast
- Length: 2 hrs and 39 mins
- Original Recording
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Two astronomers have detected a strange, pulsing signal from deep space. Within hours, the US government goes into lockdown, restricting airspace and scrubbing scientific data. Was the signal an intercepted communication revealing alarming plans for an enemy’s military strike? Or has humanity at long last found proof of extraterrestrial life?
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A great new twist on the “alien conspiracy” genre
- By Amazon Customer on 12-08-24
By: Eric Buchman, and others
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Why Memoir Matters: Learning from the Lives of Others
- By: Tahneer Oksman, The Great Courses
- Narrated by: Tahneer Oksman
- Length: 2 hrs and 47 mins
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In the six lessons of Why Memoir Matters: Learning from the Lives of Others, associate professor and author Tahneer Oksman guides you through enduring categories and themes within the genre of memoir, exploring how these deeply personal stories work and why they are so impactful. The course also addresses the ethical responsibilities of the memoir writer, in terms of writing about personal life details and what it means to tell the truth as a writer while sharing personal memories, shocking events, and even family secrets.
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Fantastic, Accessible Series
- By Amazon Customer on 12-11-24
By: Tahneer Oksman, and others
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Not Another Christmas Rom Com
- By: A. J. Pine
- Narrated by: Andi Arndt, Teddy Hamilton
- Length: 6 hrs and 7 mins
- Original Recording
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It’s the flight before Christmas and Molly just got an unexpected gift: a free first-class upgrade on her plane trip home for the holidays. Bring on the complimentary cocktails! But after one too many, she spills all her secrets to the hot guy seated next to her—only to wake up mortified when her buzz has worn off. At least she never has to see Liam again ... or so she thinks. When Molly arrives at Christmas House, the festive rental home that she and her family are sharing with her sister’s fiancé and his wealthy family, she discovers that Liam is one of the new in-laws. Oops.
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cute, funny, and short
- By Bsr on 12-06-24
By: A. J. Pine
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Watchdogs: Truth - An Interactive Audio Experience
- By: Ben Caird
- Narrated by: T'Nia Miller, Gary Beadle, Freema Agyeman, and others
- Length: 6 hrs and 7 mins
- Unabridged
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After the government publicly praise Dedsec for their role in the Zero Day affair, there is a resetting of relations between the surveillance state and the public. However, the reality is that a brand new clampdown on civil freedom is underway. Responding to an increase in activism and disruptive protest that’s seen mass strikes and huge cost implications to the treasury, SIRS have been directed by the Department of Culture and Media to orchestrate a system of message manipulation, fake news generation and discrediting dissenting voices.
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Very cool!
- By Mrs cox on 12-24-24
By: Ben Caird
What listeners say about You Will Not Recognize Your Life
Average customer ratingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- T. Wetherall
- 12-16-24
Perfect storytelling
Micaela is one of my favorite Moth storytellers so I was really excited to hear about this - and it did not disappoint! Laugh out loud funny from the very outset, it’s also heartwarming, moving, and often brutally honest. But behind the totally charming experience of listening, the story also operates on another deeper thematic level, as an examination of the expectations put on women, how we internalize these toxic dogmas about how we should look and act, and on this level Micaela’s story stands as a redemptive and brilliant antidote. I hope everyone listens!
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3 people found this helpful
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- Kevin J. Donnelly
- 12-14-24
Superb storytelling, funny and poignant
Micaela is an incredible storyteller, with great delivery. It feels like listening to a close friend recount some epic adventures and the lessons she learned from them. I loved how she combined the challenges of dating with managing a chronic illness, and simply trying to figure out who she wanted to be. I’m recommending to all my friends.
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3 people found this helpful
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- E.H.
- 12-19-24
Felt like a deep and funny conversation with a friend
My only complaint is that I wish it was longer — I was so sad when it ended that I didn’t get to spend any more time in Micaela’s company! This story is so wonderful and funny and charming that its depth almost sneaks up on you. It’s an incisive critique of the self-help industry but feels just like a phone call from your best friend. A lot of this is due to the author’s wonderful, natural and conversational narration.
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2 people found this helpful
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- ROBIN
- 12-20-24
Maybe the weirdest story I ever loved
If you can get past the first 10 minutes of the P word, this is a fun story with a good message. But the narration and the way the story is told was definitely my favorite part
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1 person found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 12-22-24
Realism
Very honest and very good. Easy to identify with author. Challenging, because it can trigger memories of one’s past.
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1 person found this helpful
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- Justin Ortgies
- 12-14-24
This is about real life.
Micaela writes about real experiences that people can relate to. I live how she talks about over coming her bodily hang ups in the moment. I know the time passes but she meets herself where she is at. I think we could use a little more love of our pussies.
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5 people found this helpful
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- Pedro Consumidor
- 12-13-24
Loved this so much
I almost signed up for the School of the Womanly Arts in 2011, but I was raised in a hippie cult, so I didn’t do it but had friends who did. What a honest, funny, clear eyed take on it figuring out how to love the skin you’re in. Love you very much. Big hugs.
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3 people found this helpful
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- Jennifer Nails
- 12-19-24
ABSOLUTELY a must read!
For anyone who's ever felt like they weren't "enough," anyone who enjoys laughing hysterically, remembering hard times and how you overcame them, for anyone who enjoys remembering you are NOT ALONE! Thank you for this brilliant, brutally honest memoir about loving yourself (no, really figuring out how to do it and being brave about all the pain and ugliness that comes up along the way). READ THIS NOW! You will love it!
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3 people found this helpful
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- Amazon Customer
- 12-21-24
Pu**y Power?
The concept of this book was so far fetched that I had to keep reminding myself that it was a true story!!
It was well written and verbalized so well, and I could relate to the character in so many ways, which made me truly proud of her for what she was able to overcome by changing her mindset.
I only wish that the story was longer and she talked more about when she came to the realization that she wasn’t being her authentic self and how/if she were able to be more authentic and still use her new found power.
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2 people found this helpful
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- Virginia Sager
- 12-21-24
Great life advice
I loved the “plot twist”! It all made sense at the end. I think all of us older women get the gist of this story.
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2 people found this helpful