Ever looked at a band and thought, "Yeah, I'd ruin that with my presence"? Well, so have we. This week on Beat Motel, Andrew is joined once again by the mighty Oli as they dive headfirst into the chaotic world of bands they wish they'd been in.

From the sleek, suited swagger of Interpol to the beer-soaked riff factories of Gentleman's Pistols, we ramble through a weird and wonderful landscape of musical desires. Expect tales of porn ties, Led Zeppelin’s airborne fireplaces, and discovering why having a drum machine made from bits of a broken toaster is the height of musical cool.

We also reflect on the importance of looking like a band, the magic of weird basslines, and why being in a band is just clinging to your mates while pretending it's not all a colossal waste of time. Plus, we settle the age-old debate: Would you rather play Glastonbury or the Steamboat in Ipswich?

Buckle up. It’s a trip.

### Riffs of the week

#### Oli's Riff

- Faraquet - Cut Self Not

#### Andrew's Riff

- Patristic - Catechesis

### Oli's track choices

1. Young Marble Giants - Eating Noddemix

2. Interpol - Heinrich Manevour

3. Led Zepellin - No Quarter

4. Beach Boys - Little Pad

### Andrew's track choices

1. Axes - Junior

2. Gentlemans Pistols-Comfortably Crazy

3. Prolapse - Headless in a beat motel

4. Blur - Won't do it

Email us - beatmotel@lawsie.com

In this ear-bleeding episode of Beat Motel, Andrew is joined once again by Dan Callis for a deep dive into the heavy, the noisy, and the downright daft corners of modern metal and punk. If you're here for thoughtful analysis, jog on. This is a celebration of volume, riffs, and the bands that make you question your own taste.

Starting off with tech issues and a healthy dollop of despair at podcasting platforms, our lads quickly launch into a barrage of riffs. Callis brings the chaos with the likes of Big Ass Truck (yes, that’s a real band and no, they’re not subtle), while Andrew goes full nostalgic riff nerd with Pelican.

They dish out praise (and some sass) for local legends Dude Smell, debate whether Babymetal is genius or Eurovision in disguise, and unleash rage at the fascist-flirting metalheads of yore. There's a surprise orchestral metal pick from Callis (are we feeling okay?), a hilarious tale involving Lamb of God’s Randy Blythe getting locked out, and general beef with Google, Spotify, and algorithmic inshitification.

Tracks from Teeth, Stray from the Path, The Haunted, and Ironstone also make an appearance in what is possibly the least coherent but most entertaining playlist you’ll encounter this month.

If you like your podcasts raw, sarcastic, and filled with two blokes yelling about blast beats and gig etiquette, you’re in for a treat.

### Riffs of the week

#### Callis's Riff

- Bring me the horizon - Wonderwall

#### Andrew's Riff

- Dudesmell - Fatal Attraction

### Calliss track choices

1. Big Ass Truck - Big Ass Truck

2. Teeth - Blue and cold

3. Ironstone - Forgive me anew

4. Stray from the path - Fuck them all to hell

### Andrew's track choices

1. Pelican - Gulch

2. Sylosis/Heriot - The Path

3. The Haunted - Warhead

4. Purified in blood - Primal pulse thunder

Email us - beatmotel@lawsie.com

This week on Beat Motel, Andrew is joined by the ever-eloquent Dr. Sam to unpack the joys, horrors, and outright weirdness of musicians who make sweet music and even sweeter love together. Things get rolling with a heated debate about whether soup is a drink, a meal, or just a gateway to genital injury. Seriously.

From Tom Waits’ transformation at the hands of Kathleen Brennan to the relentless Yoko Ono bashing that both Andrew and Sam righteously defend, this episode is a heady blend of irreverent insight and musical deep cuts. We also plunge into the murky waters of band names that make you cringe (hello, Mum Jeans), and wax lyrical about the magic - and occasional monstrosity - of musical power couples.

Expect shoutouts to Fleetwood Mac’s inter-band bonking, Linda McCartney's immovable sausages, and some righteous love for Man On Man (yes, Roddy Bottom and Joey Holeman are real names). We also throw in rants about Giraffe (not the animal), bad reggae breakdowns in Bond themes, and a stunningly middle-aged moan about fusion food restaurants.

Riffs of the week

Dr Sam's Riff

Cypress Hill with the London Symphony Orchestra - When The Shit Goes Down (1:30)

Andrew's Riff

Prince Daddy & The Hyena - Thrashville 2/3 (ft. Kississippi) (1:54)

Dr Sam's track choices

Tom Waits - No One Knows When I'm Gone (0:10)

Yoko Ono - Give Me Something (opening)

Man on Man - Showgirls (0:40)

Year of the Knife - Your Control (1:30)

Andrew's track choices

The Kinks - Big Sky (0:56)

Wings - Live and Let Die (0:45)

Sonic Youth - 100% (1:53)

Fleetwood Mac - The Chain (3:02)

Email us - beatmotel@lawsie.com

Welcome to the Beat Motel podcast, where this week Andrew is joined by Dr Sam for a deep-dive into one of music’s most controversial themes: why so many fascinating artists are also colossal bellends.

What starts as a light-hearted waffle about lubricated lips and ear balm (yeah, that happened) quickly takes a sharp swerve into the murky territory of artists who challenge our moral compasses. From Marilyn Manson’s whiny victim lyrics to Jerry Lee Lewis marrying his 13-year-old cousin, no sacred cows are spared. We get philosophical, sociological, and sometimes just downright sweary. But it’s all in the name of exploring the big question: can you separate the art from the arsehole?

Also featuring:

• Suede and the joy of glam simplicity

• Why Lou Reed was a magnificent pain in the neck

• The brilliance and bafflement of Charles Mingus

• Courtney Love finally getting the credit she deserves

• ODB being… well… ODB

• Dinosaur Jr's PR agent’s polite "don’t even bother" energy

And yes, we talk about cancel culture. And yes, we know that’ll annoy someone. Good.

### Riffs of the week

#### Dr Sam's Riff

- Say Sue Me - Vacation (0.15)

#### Andrew's Riff

- Suede - Disintegrate (2:10)

### Dr Sam's track choices

1. Marilyn Manson - User Friendly (opening)

2. Hole - Celebrity Skin (0.31)

3. Jerry Lee Lewis - Help Me Make It Through the Night (1:00)

4. Charles Mingus - Vassarlean (2.56)

### Andrew's track choices

1. Lou Reed - Satellite of love (1:00)

2. ODB - Shimmy shimmy ya (0:44)

3. Dinosaur Jr - Freak Scene (2:18)

4. Inspiral Carpets - I want you - Featuring Mark E Smith (0:29)

Email us - beatmotel@lawsie.com

Who knew an episode about colours could spiral into tales of crusty white-boy dreadlocks, the audio texture of brown, and Robbie bloody Williams dragging Tony Iommi into the Britpop bin fire?

This week, Andrew and Dr Sam dive into the murky, vibrant, and occasionally neon world of music and its connection to colour. We’re not talking about your A-Level synaesthesia essay here. This is a chaotic ramble through records that sound “pink,” bands that are spiritually “brown,” and the kind of drummers who play like malfunctioning clockwork toys (yes, Rage Against the Machine guy, we’re looking at you).

Expect discussions about:

• Why The Fadeaways might be Japan’s answer to garage rock perfection

• Why Wet Leg makes Sam think of lounge-based self-pleasure

• Sharon Osbourne being Sharon Osbourne (which is never a compliment)

• What it means when a song sounds like Primus and why that’s both brilliant and deeply unsettling

• How audience chat at gigs should be punishable by public flogging or at least polite shushing

All this and more, plus Andrew’s eternal quest to have singing lessons… and fail.

Plug in, lie back, and prepare to rethink the rainbow.

### Riffs of the week

#### Dr Sam's Riff

- The Fadeaways - I Don't Care (opening)

#### Andrew's Riff

- Wet Leg - CPR (2:13)

### Dr Sam's track choices

1. Black Sabbath - God is Dead? (0.45)

2. Melt Banana - Chain-Shot to Have Some Fun (1.15)

3. Dan Deacon - Arp III: Far From Shore (1.10)

4. Primus - Shake Hands with Beef (opening)

### Andrew's track choices

1. NoFx - Don't call me white (opening)

2. Red Fang - Throw Up (4:46)

3. Orkestra Obsolete - Blue Monday (2:54)

4. Split Enz - I see red (opening)

Email us - beatmotel@lawsie.com

What happens when you love music but live with people who have ears? This week, Andrew and Dr. Sam dive headfirst into the steaming skip bin of Forbidden Music—those tracks that are so loathed, so divisive, or just so downright baffling that they’ve been banned in their own homes.

From the glitchy chaos of Venetian Snares to the crime against ears that is Nightwish, no genre is safe. We cover everything from folk revolutionaries to jazz breakdowns that sound like a musical nervous breakdown. Dr. Sam gets philosophical about lo-fi wallpaper beats, and Andrew admits to weaponising avant-garde metal to end late-night YouTube sessions.

Expect:

• Punk-pop cheese that could clog your arteries

• Jazz that sounds like someone dropped a saxophone down the stairs

• Finnish metal with the subtlety of Eurovision on steroids

• Why silence might be the ultimate forbidden tune

• Casual academic analysis interrupted by fart stories

Also in this episode:

• The unholy genre of metal for grandmas

• How to destroy dinner parties with free jazz

• Why BBC Radio 6 is for people pretending they still have an edge

• Sparks. Always Sparks.

This one’s about taste, tolerance, and trauma. What’s your forbidden music? Send us your shameful tracks and tell us which song gets you kicked out of your own living room.

### Riffs of the week

#### Dr Sam's Riff

- Peggy Seeger - Lady, What Do You Do All Day? (1.03)

#### Andrew's Riff

- Sparks - A Little Bit Of Light Banter (2:01)

### Dr Sam's track choices

1. No Use for a Name - Chasing Rainbows (0.45)

2. Albert Ayler Trio - Ghosts: Variations 1 (0.30)

3. Nightwish - I Wish I Had an Angel (opening)

4. Defacement - Duality (opening)

### Andrew's track choices

1. Venetian Snares - Hanjal (4:35)

2. Imperial Triumphant - Pleasuredome (feat. Dave Lombardo & Tomas Haake) (3:30)

3. Spiritbox - Circle With Me (2:40)

4. The Velvet Underground - European Son (6:31)

Email us - beatmotel@lawsie.com

This week Andrew is joined by the ever-lovely Dr. Sam to discuss albums that feel like coming home. Naturally, they barely stick to the topic. Expect bowel-related rants, coffee-fuelled enema chat, and Dr. Sam outing himself as the world’s most dangerous urinal misuser.

They dive into the albums that comfort them like a warm blanket (or a familiar loo seat), including Ugly Kid Joe, Black Sheep, The Kinks, and the Charlatans, while getting stuck into the finer points of why Weird Al is the hero we don't deserve, why Led Zeppelin would have been insufferable to drink with, and why toilets in Finland might be the pinnacle of personal hygiene.

There's also a controversial theory connecting Smells Like Teen Spirit to Shangri-La by The Kinks, which is guaranteed to get the comment section frothing.

Expect industrial-grade tangents, as the lads try and fail to stay on musical track but somehow land the plane into the cozy arms of nostalgia—covered in hot sauce and regret.

Stuff we sort of talked about:

Coffee enemas vs garden hoses

Binoculars covered in wee

Funk metal is not dead, it's just pretending to be polite

The joy of albums that teleport you back to awkward teenage years

Why Weird Al might be the gym soundtrack you never knew you needed

Squatting over skatepark-style toilets (yes, really)

If you like your music podcasts barely about music, you're in the right bog.

### Riffs of the week

#### Dr Sam's Riff

- Honningbarna - Schäfer (opening)

#### Andrew's Riff

- BC Camplight - Two Legged Dog ft. Abigail Morris (1:54)

### Dr Sam's track choices

1. Ugly Kid Joe - Everything About You (1.18)

2. Black Sheep - The Choice Is Yours (Revisited) (2.20)

3. Wayne Gibson - See You Later, Alligator (0.57)

4. Weird Al - Bohemian Polka (opening)

### Andrew's track choices

1. The Kinks - Shangri La (2:47)

2. The Charlatans - I never want an easy life if me and he were ever to get there

3. Led Zeppelin - Achilles last stand (4:07)

4. Courdroy - Motorhead (1:32)

Email us - beatmotel@lawsie.com

Hold on to your ethically-sourced coffee and buckle in for a truly chaotic dive into the shallow end of music industry sellouts. This week, Andrew is joined by the ever-cynical Dr Sam, and the pair bravely attempt to answer the big questions: Can Slayer officially sod off? Is ABBA secretly prog disco royalty? Would Paul McCartney say "alright mate" if you bumped into him on the street?

From slagging off Kickstarter walking boots to dissecting the Misfits’ career strategy and cringing at the tragic tale of Slade 2, the duo take you through bands that have clearly replaced artistic ambition with spreadsheets and pension planning. There's love for The Halo Effect, suspicion about The Verve’s reformation, and real shade thrown at Sting for treating The Police like a PLC.

This episode's a riot of riffs, rants, and real talk about what happens when passion turns into product.

Riff of the Week: Monarch Death Judge – "Stoner aggression for people who think Clutch need a kick up the rear."

### Riffs of the week

#### Dr Sam's Riff

- Demonic Death Judge - Goner (0.50)

#### Andrew's Riff

- The Halo Effect - Conspire to deceive (0:09)

### Dr Sam's track choices

1. Slayer - I'm Gonna Be Your God (0.20)

2. ABBA - If It Wasn't for the Nights (1.00)

3. Slade - Hot Luv (0.30)

4. Misfits (feat. Ronnie Spector) - You Belong to Me (1.06)

### Andrew's track choices

1. Oasis - Slide Away (4:37)

2. The Police - Don't stand so close to me (2:44)

3. Verve - Gravity Grave (opening)

4. The Beach Boys - A Day in the Life of a Tree (2:26)

Email us - beatmotel@lawsie.com

**Takeaways**

- Punk rock humor often straddles the line between clever and offensive.

- Consumer products like Tesla can be disappointing in quality despite their hype.

- The quest for quality in products often leads to a trade-off between comfort and durability.

- Punk rock has a history of misogyny that still needs to be addressed today.

- Many punk bands fail to evolve their message over time, leading to stagnation.

- Nostalgia plays a significant role in how we perceive past trends and products.

- Clackers were a nostalgic toy that exemplified a carefree childhood.

- The punk scene has both progressive and regressive elements that reflect societal issues.

- New music often draws from past influences while trying to innovate.

- The podcast aims to explore music and its cultural implications. The transition of bands into business transactions is a significant theme.

- Criticism of iconic bands often stems from their perceived lack of authenticity.

- Celebrity interactions can lead to awkward expectations from fans.

- Musicians are often seen as public figures, losing their personal space.

- The craftsmanship in music production can be overlooked in favor of commercial success.

- ABBA's return highlights the business side of music, despite their artistic contributions.

- The sound quality and production techniques play a crucial role in music appreciation.

- Critiques of musicians often reflect broader cultural sentiments about authenticity.

- Celebrity culture can distort the perception of personal interactions.

- Understanding the artistry behind music can enhance appreciation for the genre. Andrew discusses a book on business theory and creativity.

- The conversation touches on Sting's portrayal in the music industry.

- They reflect on the dynamics of famous bands and their relationships.

- The impact of fame on artists is a recurring theme.

- The commercialisation of music often overshadows artistic integrity.

- They discuss the evolution of bands and their legacy over time.

- The importance of creativity in business is emphasised.

- The conversation highlights the challenges of maintaining artistic vision.

- They explore how artists view their audience in a commercial context.

- The discussion concludes with reflections on the state of the music industry.